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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 9
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 04:36 pm: | 
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UPDATE:
If you've read my posts you know that I'm trying to "kick it up a notch" with gf, regarding spanking. Day before yesterday I gave her some info to read (threads from this site). Yesterday she sends me an email with a subject line of "Confused", saying she doesn't like the idea of punishment spankings. Overall, the tone was "I don't like this at all and I hope you won't insist on it".
Now, we've had ample opportunities for her to bring it up (lulls in the conversation in the car, etc.) but she hasn't yet. From the 6 years we've been together, I know that usually means she's trying to figure out how and when to tell me no.
The ball is in her court now. I'm not going to bring it up, have it turn into a fight and give her an excuse to not do it. I'm also not going to beg her for it.
Robin 
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 381
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 05:57 pm: |
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Robin: That really is the best way to handle this. You don't want to turn her off to spanking all together. Perhaps in time it will become more and perhaps with different implements it will be come more intense.
Good luck to you and gf.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Double_trouble
New member
Username: Double_trouble
Post Number: 7
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 06:18 pm: |
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Robin--
If I might be so presumptious to make an observation. You and your GF seem like me and my wife. My wife told me long ago that I can spank her (erotically) any time I please. She has no interest in a punishment spanking, though she never said those words specifically. She isn't the type of emotionally analytical individual that would connect the sex and the sensations of an erotic spanking with submission beyond the bedroom. I satisfy my need to spank her (for real offenses in my head) by telling her I'm spanking her for this or that...but this has to be in the context of the bedroom. In my experience, someone has to desire a punishment spanking. |
Cheekychipmunk
Advanced Spanko
Username: Cheekychipmunk
Post Number: 102
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 06:37 pm: |
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Robin,
Sometimes it just takes a little time to get someone to try something new.
I'm one that doesn't like certain things to change and when an idea is mentioned to me to change something it just takes a little time for me to work it out for myself.
Just give it time.
"Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence."
Sloan Wilson
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Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 147
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 06:54 pm: |
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When I first asked "g" to take it up a notch the look on his face was confusion but he decided to give it a try. He made me wait about a week or so and the first punishment spanking was mild so I asked for me and he accomodated, thus it went on for two days as he was a bit reluctant and new at it (so was I).
To quote you:"Yesterday she sends me an email with a subject line of "Confused", saying she doesn't like the idea of punishment spankings. Overall, the tone was "I don't like this at all and I hope you won't insist on it".
IMHO she meant she is confused and just that. Although she might not have made the decision as of yet to give you your punishment, she could within time! She might just have to adjust to the fact that this is not a normal society acceptance, ie spanking of men and or adults. I am willing to guess that in time her love for you will help her make the right decision and give you exactly what you so need and want.... and then... OMG... hold on to your britches cause you will probably not believe her strength. YOu are right to not bring it up right now. Give her plenty of time, perhaps even a month or so. If she doesn`t step up to the plate by then, you might want to mention that you have been fantasizing about it. Hope this helps,
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 634
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 07:18 pm: |
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Robin....
What Cheeky said is true...I have to think new things over...I don't do well with change either. Maybe your partner just needs time to think things over. Give it some time and see what happens. |
Naughtyboy50s
New member
Username: Naughtyboy50s
Post Number: 24
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 07:21 pm: |
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Ladygator,
You are definately an optomist! If someone doesn't have any spankophile chemistry, it just won't happen. However, even the hint of the desires that we have can maybe make it happen! So your advice is excellent-Give it a try and don't quit too soon. |
Butterfly84
Spanko
Username: Butterfly84
Post Number: 63
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 09:57 pm: |
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My ex was really into playful/erotic spanking but balked at first when I brought up punishment spankings. Eventually he came around, but unfortunately we broke up for other reasons before he really got into it...
~*butterfly*~
Nobody suspects the butterfly...
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 10
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 10:00 pm: |
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Here's a cut&paste of exactly what she wrote:
*begin quote*
"okay, I'm a bit confused about this spanking thing. From what I've read, most of the people want to be spanked or want to spank for punishment. I don't like this idea. Is this why you want it or want to do it to me?"
*end quote*
I explained to her that I wasn't thinking of spanking her for punishment unless she wants me to (which I know she doesn't, lol). I told her about the emotional release, too. She gave a non-committal answer: "Hmm. Interesting." (I bet she comes back and tells me I need therapy. You may think I'm joking but I'm serious.)
The sad part is, she knows I want something new. I've brought other ideas to her, which she also didn't like. At the same time, she hasn't brought any new ideas of her own.
Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. Keep 'em coming! You'll be reading more about this as events unfold.
Robin 
P.S. I didn't make a big deal out of it when I introduced myself, but for any that missed it, this Robin is FEMALE.
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Subbie
Spanko
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 51
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 06:59 am: |
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Robin,
I'm into erotic play spankings with some bodage thrown in from time to time and every so often I need a good one but never for punishment. after bring the spanking thing up to my hubby he went along with it and talked about DD but that is not for me. I like what I have just the way it is. and that brings up the hard part of any releationship when one person says no, it's no. you can work on your gf about what you want but she has the power to say say no just as you have to power to say no to something you would not like like to do.
I think you are handling it right, the ball is in her court and slow and easy works a lot better than too much to soon. you said you would like to try new things but so far nothing has happened. maybe your gf likes the releationship just the way it is. I hope it all works out for you and wish you both lots of luck.
my name says it all
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Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 151
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 01:56 pm: |
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Robin, my response to this: From what I've read, most of the people want to be spanked or want to spank for punishment. I don't like this idea.
Although it is called a punishment spanking I see it in a different light. I see it more as a behavior modification technique. For example, If we both decide that I really want to lose weight and I overeat then I get a spanking, a big one! It isn`t so much that I deserve to be punished because everone is human and makes mistakes, It is more that G and I know that I want to lose weight and I need a behavior modification plan in place and Spanking is the key  I have read many posts that ppl use it to quit smoking, etc.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 11
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 04:00 pm: |
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Lady, it's funny you should mention that. I mentioned something like that to her regarding my need to get all the junk cleared out of my house and get it together so I can sell it next summer. That was the point where she said "Hmmm. Interesting." I forgot to call it behavior modification but I did say that the possibility of a spanking would help me get going on the project, which she's been bugging me about doing anyway. If she agrees to it, that would be the reason.
Thanks for the reminder!
Still hoping,
Robin
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 153
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 04:45 pm: |
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Well, I am glad I could help. I had a similiar situation with G understnding and when I broke it down to laymens terms he was SO willing to oblige me!
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Naughtylele
New member
Username: Naughtylele
Post Number: 17
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 06:05 pm: |
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I'm pretty new at this as well, but what I'm wondering is if maybe your gf doesn't want to change the dynamic of the relationship? The whole punisher/punishee thing, if that makes any sense.
What I'd do, since you said that she hasn't brought any ideas of her own, is ask her directly (without mentioning spanking) if there's anything she'd like to try.
I hope everything works out for you, and I agree that the course you're currently on sounds like a good plan. |
Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 169
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 08:18 pm: |
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IMO, it's probably better to talk to her about it, rather than sending her emails that she won't understand. Tell her how YOU feel from your heart.
I also think it's unrealistic to expect a vanilla to submit to spankings. You may be able to get her to spank you but not vice versa.
Honestly, you two may need couples counseling. In a previous relationship, I took the approach that you did. It's her turn and I'm going to wait until she initiates. I waited for years and she never did. Then we broke up. Couples counseling might have saved us.
Spanking seems weird to people who don't get it and showing a vanilla person something off the web is probably going to creep her out. So again I'd talk to her about your needs and desires. She may be able to deal if it's about YOU, rather than some script she thinks you're trying to impose on her.
Just my 2 cents based on my past experiences.
(Message edited by victoria_wood on June 03, 2006)
Cheers,
Victoria
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Blistering_blonde
Advanced Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 164
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 09:55 pm: |
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Spanking an adult involves consent ..and it sounds to me like there is none and none will be given ..sounds like it scares her ..or even turns her off ...try erotic ..I mean you may never get the real ..or ever be allowed to giv it either ..but erotic ..on your rear ..heck with a brush ..may help ?
A HOT RED butt is the sign of LOVE and trust
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 12
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 12:49 am: |
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Blonde,
You are absolutely right. We talked about it this afternoon and there is no consent and none will be given. Anyway, she's just not into it, so it won't be happening.
Robin
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Blistering_blonde
Advanced Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 168
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 01:01 am: |
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I am sorry to hear that ....I hope that she would be willing to at leaste give you erotic spanks ... knowing that you love them ..and it is a part of you that needs satisfying ..weither you learn to like self spanks ...or she gives the lil spanks ..my hubby was like that too, at first. I could not even get a love tap
Now I wear the marks of his love alot
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 13
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 01:14 am: |
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I think she would continue to do the erotic kind. Other than that, I'll just have to see if she changes her mind later. Hopefully she'll get with the program eventually, like your hubby did...
Thanks for your insight,
Robin
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Blistering_blonde
Advanced Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 170
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 01:15 am: |
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I still say get a mason brush for her to use ..convince her it will save her hand pain ..but trust me your butt will feel it
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 173
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 09:11 am: |
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Robin,
Good luck. I hope you have more luck with her than I had with my former GF.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 14
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 - 11:10 am: |
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Thanks, Victoria. I hope to eventually reach a meeting of the minds where we can find a form of kink we can both enjoy.
Robin
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never knew pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 489
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 - 08:02 pm: |
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Robin,
Good luck. Although I can't speak from experience as I have never had to bring it up, the guy did, and then I was really psyched because it was what I wanted, I couldn't agree with Victoria more: the best way is to talk. I wouldn't just let the subject rest, nor would I hound her with it. I think it is important for her to know exactly why you desire this and perhaps should her this site or some blogs or something, and find out why she is so hesitant. Perhaps embarassment or something else. Good communication with anything is the key to finding a resolution. Good luck!
The Princess of Spanking
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Robinredtail
New member
Username: Robinredtail
Post Number: 15
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 04:43 am: |
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Never thought I'd be posting this happy news... notice the color change from sad blue to happy green. GF and I have struck a deal in which she'll give spankings a try and I'll try something else of her own choosing. (I know what it is but I don't think you need to know. If you simply must know, PM me.)
She admitted that she had been against it because she was afraid she would get carried away and hurt me. I told her it's supposed to be intense, so as long as she doesn't lose control and start punching me or something, it's all good.
Robin
"Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt pleasure and pain like this..."
-Darren Hayes
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