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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1087
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 03:36 pm: | 
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Retrosexual Males
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "
The Code:
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little woosie,
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your truck or bike.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge of Allegience properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the O`Canada and God Save the Queen.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the Retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
A Retrosexual man will go to a BARBER, not a Hair Salon, to get his hair cut. Preferably a barber who is a Vet with blue tattoos on his forearm.
A Retrosexual does not drive around town with a cell phone glued to his ear. A cell phone is not even a neccessity. Phone converstions are limited to less than 2 minutes. Less than 30 seconds for friends who know what you're talking about.
A Retrosexual drinks COFFEE, not a double __mocha lowfat latte with whip cream and sprinkles.
A Retrosexual owns more work,play,hunting or motorcycle shoes/boots, than he does dress shoes
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 669
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 03:56 pm: |
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When you rant....you REALLY rant!!!!
For the record.....I agree.... I like REAL men too!! |
Cheekychipmunk
Advanced Spanko
Username: Cheekychipmunk
Post Number: 111
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 04:39 pm: |
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Good ranting. Shylah.
My hubby has more hunting boots, clothes, and accessory items than he actually needs!
In our 16 years of marriage I have only seen him once in dress shoes. Rest of the time he wears some type of boots.
I love a real man, one that isn't afraid to get dirty, and I know that if something happens then like you said HE DEALS WITH IT!!!!!!!!
"Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence."
Sloan Wilson
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Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 189
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 05:00 pm: |
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Shylah,
Did you write that yourself? Very clever.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 510
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 06:01 pm: |
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 BRAVO!!
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Butterfly84
Spanko
Username: Butterfly84
Post Number: 74
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 11:05 pm: |
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Shylah,
Yes, yes, yes. A Million times, YES! I want a RETRO sexual man!!!
(May I borrow this for my blog?)
~*butterfly*~
Nobody suspects the butterfly...
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Subbie
Spanko
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 58
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 05:12 am: |
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that was great, and so true i hate these girly/boy types, men are men and woman are woman. one other REAL guy thing is he takes me on his Harley right after he has just tanned my butt!!! talk about a ride,..i love it
my name says it all
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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1089
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 07:00 am: |
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Glad everyone enjoyed this post.
I didn't write it myself, it was sent to me in an email from a friend. Wish I did tho. It says everything I think!
Butterfly, I think it's fine for you to put in your blog since the author is unknown and it's been distributed around the web.
Let's all spread the word!! REAL men! Come out and show yourselves!!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 192
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 08:10 am: |
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"Real" men are fine, if that is what you are into, but let's not tip over too far into ridiculing men who are less macho, effeminate, or gay (and many gay men are very macho). They have a right to be who they are too. You don't have to date or marry them, though, if you prefer the "retrosexual." 
Cheers,
Victoria
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Subbie
Spanko
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 60
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 09:00 am: |
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Victoria, woman are not complaning about gay males, it is how men in general are protrayed on tv the news etc. mascline men are not in the picture as far as the media goes, they are not political correct. what we need is a balance not just one side being shown, JMO
my name says it all
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Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 193
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 09:54 am: |
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Hmm. What about Jack Bauer (no one is more macho than he) and a lot of characters on the cop shows? And in the news President Bush, Tom DeLay, and a lot of the Republicans? I think that the addition of more effeminate men actually created more balance. There appear to me to be plenty of aggressive males out there. But perhaps I'm missing something.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1091
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 10:13 am: |
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I think the introductin to men finding their "femine side" has made the "macho" man fade away.
I know lots of gay men and women and I have absolutely no problem with them at all. They are good people and their sexuality does not mean they are any less intelligent or caring or a danger to society.
I just find a man that is effeminate a turn off.
I'm all woman and I like men.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 197
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 10:26 am: |
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I don't find the "sensitive ponytail man" or the dreaded "feminist man" hot either. LOL But some people do, of course.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Mistydawn
Spanko
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 77
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 02:17 pm: |
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Right how not to win friends and influence people but here goes anyway.
I know the initial post was intended somewhat light heartedly but.....
It depends what you mean by macho. I have always seen macho as a very derogatory term; synonymous with neanderthal!
If your bag is someone who drags you back to the cave with your hair, grunts a lot whilst ripping apart his 'kill' then fine.
Give me a real man who is understanding and supportive and will do anything for his family.
One who is strong and educated and lives in the 21st centuary. A man who is big enough to admit his failings and to be comfortable in his own masculinity and sexuality with out having to prove he is a man by the wounds and trophies he posseses. Also a real man can embrace others different to himself and not feel threatened.
I am very submissive to my husband because I feel he is a real man . I would find it impossible to submit to a 'Real Man'as termed above.
As they say each to their own and what a boring(and competitive) place this would be if we all liked the same.
Tho' he does fart more than any man EVER be they retro, effeminate or anywhere in between..
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MistyDawn
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Learning to love and loving to learn
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