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Message |
    
Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 1
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 07:37 pm: | 
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I need some help, desperate help. I'm involved with a spanker, We've been spanking partners for about 4 years. Just friends, nothing else. But lately I've become very jealous if I see ads on other sites from him looking for spanking partners. (I think this is the only site he isn't apart of) I even try to avoid the sites just in case I see an ad from him so I wouldn't have this jealous feeling. I do not have feelings for him, I think he's a great guy, but nothing other than that. Where is this jealousy coming from?? How do I get over it? |
Katie_spades
Supreme Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 702
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 07:43 pm: |
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Garet,
My only advice to you would be talk to him about it and perhaps you might come to some conclusion. Plus you will work through things hearing them out loud.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing with this... btw, welcome to the board and happy spankings!
Kate
The Princess of Spanking™
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 859
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 08:32 pm: |
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Jealousy can be a rough thing, Garet. Since the two of you are only friends, and you don't have feelings for him, then this should not bother you right?
Well, I think that if it DOES bother you (and obviously it does since you are asking for help), then you might just have some feelings for this guy. Its hard to think of him with another woman (and in such an intimate situation like spanking). You may not want to admit to yourself that you feel something MORE for this man then just a friendship. Four years is a long time - especially if you have been exclusive.
I agree with Katie - it might help to talk to him about it.
Hope it works out for you, hon ~~~ keep us posted. 
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 2
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 09:14 pm: |
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Thanks Kate and Pinkcheeks for the replies and for the welcome. I'm afraid if I talk to him about then it might scare him away, and I do not want to lose him as a friend. We have never mixed spanking with anything else, so it's basically been for discipline or fun (role play), I've never looked at it as an intimate situation, but that's exactly what it is. It's never been an exclusive relationship, but it's just now starting to bother me. I will try to work up the courage to talk to him about it, I will keep you posted for sure. Thank you again.
Garet |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2728
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 09:33 pm: |
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Garet, I think it is only natural for some people to have mixed emotions like this. You have come to rely on this man for over 4 years time and you probably have concerns about loosing him as a friend. Maybe it is time for you to widen your base of friends and activities as well. It can seem a bit daunting to think about him moving on with his life without you in it, even if it is not an exclusive relationship.
Since this situation is not new, I don't agree that talking with him will improve things, especially if he starts to view you as clingy. It is the same as any other type of relationship, you start to rely on someone and it is scarey to think about them not being a part of your life anymore. The more you engage with others, I think the more secure you will start to feel about him being with other people.
(Message edited by fanny on September 22, 2006)
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 38
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 01:26 am: |
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Once you have expierenced,exchange of power,you are connected!You don't have to sleep with him to get that.If he is looking,your going to get hurt.You have gone beyond,sex,you have an inner connection that goes beyond sex.It's not you, he is one that will always look,you two just happened to connect,and did very well!It's soooo hard,I know.Wish I could make you feel better,I don't know how to make me feel better,with it? When you want you want,mind body and soul. |
Katie_spades
Supreme Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 711
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 03:06 am: |
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You're very welcome Garet and please let us know how it goes. Pink is right - you might not want to admit or realize in your conscious what is actually going on in your sub-conscious. And Fanny and Sissy are spot on in that with these type of relationships, emotions can mix, etc...
Stay in touch and let us know what you decide to to and how you are feeling.
Kate
The Princess of Spanking™
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1216
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 10:29 am: |
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Before I met my husband I chatted a lot on-line with a spanker. That was all we never even met but when I found out how many other people he chatted with and offered to meet...I was jelous..no reason for it really.. I guess I don't like sharing I wanted something that was just mine alone.
Even with me not having feelings for him...it bothered me.
Is that maybe what your feeling Garet?? |
Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 3
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 11:11 am: |
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Hi Fanny, thank you for responding. I agree with what you are saying, I need to expand my interest and engage more with others. I am a bit on the shy side so sometimes that is difficult. It’s a very scary thought of} losing him as a friend, I talk to him about almost everything. It’s even to the point on where I become depressed if I do not see him on line. Being more involved with other things and with other people will help a good bit. I do not want to come across being clingy, so I try to remove myself from the IMs for a week, and that helps somewhat. I hate having the feeling of desperation, so if I remove myself from the computer then I feel that I am in control of it, and that helps a good bit. Thanks for the advice.
Hi Sissy, I wish that connection wasn’t so strong. We do not meet very often, everytime that we meet it seems that afterwards I become sad, I’m a student so I am learning that I can’t meet him very often because I have to stay focused on classes and not on him. I’ve never really talked about this to anyone, and this is helping a lot. I appreciate of the comments and help.
Kate, I will definitely stay in touch, I believe it’s just going to take some time. Hopefully the saying is right…time heals.
Tammy, thanks for sharing your experience. That’s how I am feeling. I think we all want to feel special, you know, and that means not sharing. I know that he chats with a lot of people and meets other people, I just wish I didn’t know about it, I would rather be in denial.
Thank you all again. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2736
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 10:39 pm: |
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Garet, Don't be too hard on yourself. I am also the type of person who gets emotionally involved with EVERYONE in my life. Some of us are just built that way.
You didn't mention how much age difference there is between the two of you. I'm sure that he is also a mentor, more than just a friend. Even then most of us have a hard time letting go, even for just a little while.
Time and experiences help us to mature and grow, and I think you will look back at this one day as a really positive experience.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Cpchevi
New member
Username: Cpchevi
Post Number: 11
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, September 24, 2006 - 02:38 am: |
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Hi and welcome
I just want to touch on your fear of talking to him.
As a dominate I can say that I have always had the utmost respect for any one who has submitted to me, and I feel that respect, aside from the pain and emotion is one of the most important things that both side must have in any dominate submissive repationship, from the gorean lifestyle to bedroom fun.
I guess what I am trying to say is that if this guy has been spanking you for four years and he is a really good friend then you shouldn’t have any thing to worry about. I am more than sure that he trusts you enough to come to him with you concerns...
And if not let me know and I will beat him up 
You seem like a very intelligent woman and I am sure that you will make the right decision |
Weasel
Advanced Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 165
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, September 24, 2006 - 11:12 am: |
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Handful of sand theory:
The harder you try to hold on to a fistful of sand, the faster it will sift away. By grasping and clinging, you force it through your fist.
You will hold the most sand the longest time if you simply hold your hand out flat and open, palm up.
If it blows away, then it was time for it to go.
This relationship sounds like it's worked well both ways for a while, but now, the wind is blowing. The harder you try to hang on, the faster it will sift away. Let it be what it is.
You've described a casual dating situation. You're not really attached, but you have developed a relationship that has worked for both of you up until now. Your anxiety over things now show that it's just NOT working (for you) anymore, and it's time (for you) to change.
Look at it as an opportunity to spread your wings and find someone who WILL go to that next level with you. That's what you want, you want the next level. You want to be intimate and adore your man and be his totally and him yours totally. But this guy, may not be THAT guy. Don't stay trapped, fearful of what you may lose. Set yourself free, and joyfully anticipate what life will bring you next. That way, he will be free to remain your friend and continue to pursue his casual affairs as he pleases without fearing hurting you.
This could be the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you just don't know it yet.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 861
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, September 24, 2006 - 02:13 pm: |
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You have a lot of good advice here Fanny is right in terms of getting out and meeting others, and if you are a student, then you have more of an opportunity Although I still think its important to talk and communicate. Sometimes this is an easy thing to do with friends. Since you said you can talk to him about everything, then this won't be too difficult. You might even want to tell him about your idea to "expand your horizons" to meet new friends and participate in other activities.
Emotions can be very powerful~~ Weasel said it best: "Set yourself free, and joyfully anticipate what life will bring you next."
Good luck!
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 172
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, September 25, 2006 - 08:54 am: |
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Great advice Weasel and Pink.Look Garet exclusivity is something that,s always agreed on.It,s not just something that you can expect without talking about.My feeling is that you,re hiding deeper feelings for this guy and don,t want to admit it either to yourself or him.You,re young stay open for new relationships there,s plenty of time to develop a permanent exclusive relationship. |
Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 6
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 08:48 pm: |
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(Message edited by garet on September 30, 2006) |
Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 7
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 09:07 pm: |
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Thanks for advice everyone, I feel much better. I am very lucky to have found a such a great forum. Sometimes this spanking stuff gets complicated and it's great to know that there is a place to come to when it does.
Garet |
Mhw3rd
New member
Username: Mhw3rd
Post Number: 12
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, October 05, 2006 - 07:38 pm: |
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Why does someone assume that if you are jelous that you have emotional feeling for this guy??
People become jelous for many reasons, nicer car, bigger house, job promotion, etc, etc.
I think you are concerned you will lose you spanking buddy. Now how hard will that be to replace, extreamly difficult!!!
Maybe that's why you feel that way? You fear he will be taking something from you that you cherrish, his particapation.
I would suggest that you ask him about it, maybe he just wants some variety and maybe all three or more of you can play, maybe it is a good think for you. If he is looking for your replacement, knowing now is better then worrying and finding out later anyway. |
Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 270
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, October 05, 2006 - 07:49 pm: |
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Not sure how much this will help Garet but I was in a similar situation from 1968-1972. I was of the age of 19-22. My friend and I had incredible sex together. No kisses, just sex. Unfortunately, about two yrs into the friendship, I fell deeply in love with him. Also, unfortunately, 4 yrs into the relationship he dumped me for his former high school sweetie and is married to her 34+ yrs now. I survived ok but the pain was not much fun. It is always wise to delve deep within your heart and soul and be careful how you play. Mostly, protect your heart and be open and honest! IMHO opinion, you are not jealous, you are in love. 
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 271
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, October 05, 2006 - 07:53 pm: |
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Not sure how much this will help Garet but I was in a similar situation from 1968-1972. I was of the age of 19-22. My friend and I had incredible sex together. No kisses, just sex. Unfortunately, about two yrs into the friendship, I fell deeply in love with him. Also, unfortunately, 4 yrs into the relationship he dumped me for his former high school sweetie and is married to her 34+ yrs now. I survived ok but the pain was not much fun. It is always wise to delve deep within your heart and soul and be careful how you play. Mostly, protect your heart and be open and honest! IMHO opinion, you are not jealous, you are in love.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Garet
New member
Username: Garet
Post Number: 10
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, October 05, 2006 - 11:19 pm: |
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Mhw3rd, I have really tried to self explore the possiblity of having feelings for him, I believe that I do not. It's like what Fanny said, some people become emotionally involved with everyone in there lives, and I am one of those people. When I step back and take a breather then things become clear again.
It's extremely difficult to find someone that you trust enough to become a spanking partner with them. At this point in my life, I need the accountability, I've come a long way in the past couple of years and I know it has something to do with having the accountability.
Hi ladygator, thanks for sharing your experience. I think being open and honest is a part of the answer. |
Mhw3rd
New member
Username: Mhw3rd
Post Number: 18
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 11:45 am: |
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Garet,
I had a girlfriend edit that needed accountability to get better marks. She was a bright girl who was barely passing. I spanked her once for a bad test score and she got much better marks after that day. Not all that much fun for me as I never had a reason to spank her again. She did tell me that she just needed to know that someone cared.
(Message edited by bethie on October 07, 2006) |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2791
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 12:46 pm: |
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Mhw, thanks for sharing that story, but it is changing the theme of the thread which is about Garet's situation. If you want to talk about spanking experiences, please feel free to start another thread.
(Message edited by fanny on October 07, 2006)
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Nicenick06
Advanced Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 158
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 09:44 am: |
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Garet - my sympathies.
Nick |
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