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Ma_vie_en_rose
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 256
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 01:21 pm: | 
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I kind of distilled this thread from a discussion amongst some of our newer male members in the "Men do you cry when spanked?" thread. An argument came up describing taking spankings as assuming a more "feminine" role and how crying might highlight this?
This I guess open to everyone but is there something innately feminine or masculine in spanking or being spanked for you guys?
I was wondering if it's like this for other people? Is spanking a way of amplifying some part of your personality, gender expression, and sexuality? Do they have anything to do anything with one another?
Does that make sense?
(Message edited by ma_vie_en_rose on October 07, 2006) |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2795
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 01:33 pm: |
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Yes, it makes complete sense, Rose, and I am glad you brought the subject up. I believe it is a social issue that makes us believe that men can't cry and fortunately that is changing, although slowly.
Also, we are still living in a male dominated world, so I imagine it can be somewhat difficult for a man to admit to enjoy being submissive.
The spanking world is made up of all types of society, including hetero, homo, bi-, tras- etc. so we can't stereotype anyone. People live different lifestyles in private as opposed to public/business.
I am anxious to read what the members here have to say about their feelings on this topic.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Tedflo
New member
Username: Tedflo
Post Number: 5
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 03:24 pm: |
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Although i ocassionally spank my partner,most of the time i am the one who gets spanked.I see nothing feminine about being submissive to the women you love.I've endured some very severe spankings and strappings,including a few switchings which are very painful and still haven't cried.Not because i don't want to cry but because it just doesn't happen.Maybe some day it will.My reason for submitting to this women is a great sexual turn on to the both of us,and a hard spanking or whipping or both resulys in the greatest sex i've ever had.Just had to get that off my chest. |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 257
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, October 07, 2006 - 04:05 pm: |
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By all means Ted, that's sort of the thing I was asking.
I know I've been a bit removed from the realm of receiving spankings for longer than I'd really care to admit, but I do recall perhaps feeling very feminine, girly, secure after receiving spankings.
But then, I'm also the sort of girl who can pull off a fake cock and drag and still feel entirely like a confident female sex symbol. I'd say there's something deeply female in my submission, but there's something just as womanly in my dominance. My feminine wiles, as they were, are subsumed and a largely defining part of my sexual identity; so for a spanking to make me feel feminine wouldn't be odd as going to the grocery store is enough to affirm this same aspect of myself so it's a little hard to differentiate.
However, that being said, I think I would have an easier time being either dominant or switching with a more feminine partner whereas I don't so much see myself topping a more masculine partner. Whether that implies something, who knows.
I do approach this topic a little hesitantly, Fanny, but when I refer to "masculine" and "feminine" it is in the sort of socially defined form of their usage. But I too am incredibly curious and eager to see other' thoughts on the matter.  but there's my two cents. |
Naughtyboy50s
New member
Username: Naughtyboy50s
Post Number: 44
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 08, 2006 - 11:39 am: |
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This is getting way too complicated for me.
Edited by Admin |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 198
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 08, 2006 - 03:06 pm: |
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Maybe Naughtyboy but it,s damn interesting.
And Rose have you ever been spanked by a man and you ever spanked a man? |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 259
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 08, 2006 - 07:07 pm: |
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I feel the same way, it's a bit complex, but certainly interesting! Plus I'm a nosy little prat at times. ;)
Buenaventura, I was engaged to a dominant man until about 2 years ago, several factors leading to the end of that relationship, sexuality inclusive. So actually a great portion of my kinky experience has been with men. I've been spanked by a man, but not spanked one--apart from those rebellious steal the implement and attack sorts. |
Nicenick06
Advanced Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 157
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 09:40 am: |
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Ma vie en rose
Do you feel you want to try?
Nick |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 268
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 04:59 pm: |
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Nick, No. I do not wish to try.
Can we get back on topic?
(Message edited by ma_vie_en_rose on October 15, 2006) |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 216
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 06:36 pm: |
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Well Rose I,ve thought about it quite a lot and I,d be willing to let a dominant female spank me just to see if there was anything there.I doubt it but it would be an interesting experiment.Had a tough enough time finding a spankee it,s probably almost impossible to find a female spanker down here.But I would try it. |
Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 277
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 07:26 pm: |
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It seems to me that if a woman can release emotions/ stress through a spanking why not a man? I know of a few men I would love to have over my knee... as long as at times we could switch what fun to let go of responsibilities,and or/ stress, first you and them him and then you again!
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Nicenick06
Advanced Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 161
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 02:22 pm: |
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I agree with Ladygator.
Nick |
Weasel
Advanced Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 170
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 01:49 pm: |
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The duality of spanking. Interesting topic. I don't think it's about male/female. I think it's about dominant/submissive. The submissive personality will be that in all they do unless pushed over to the alpha side. A submissive female will attack an alpha male knowing she will die to protect her young - this is a given in most mammals. An Alpha personality will dominate those personalities around it until a more Alpha personality comes along. In the absence of an alpha, a beta can usually assume alpha duties & responsibilities.
The dominant personality is less apt to display tears, weakness, or fear no matter what. The submissive personality gets along in it's world by displaying those weaker traits, such as tears, fear, and surrender.
Yin/yang male/female/ alpha/beta. It's what makes the world go round!
I have truly felt "beta" before when in the presence of a very angry alpha personality. I displayed tears, trembling & fear just so. On the other hand, I faced off against a guy with a gun one night simply because I could see his fear - which brought my alpha personality out. Told him he better shoot to kill because I was calling the cops on him. He backed down and RAN - and HE had the GUN.
Is crying when spanked about male or female traits & tendencies? I think it's a dynamic that will change depending on the company one keeps and the situation one finds oneself in. I think we are all capable of both.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 223
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 04:59 pm: |
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I agree with you mostly Weasel.You could have made the list longer-day and night,positive negative,good and evil.Usually can,t have one without the other.BUT be careful with guns honey people who use them are usually afraid and that,s why they pull the trigger.I,m pretty much alpha I guess trying to develop my beta when I can.Though modern thought is for us guys to develop our feminine side. |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 179
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:08 am: |
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I'm a guy in a loving marriage who can be quite stubborn.I do what I want when I want though I always make sure my wife is happy,looked after,etc,but I do not ask for permission.So I guess I'm the more dominant one yet I love and want my wife to spank me.Why because I get turned-on by it and she enjoys spanking me too.
I haven't cried yet,why? Don't really know.Maybe men do suppress their emotions more than women(not all of them).When growing up and up until recently guys crying was seen as weak and still is by many.
Maybe it's the way each gender thinks? Women,in general,are able to let go of their emotions alot more and don't see this as a problem,but men generally don't think like that.
Thinking about it myself if I was to spank a girl and boy(aged 18 upwards)my first reaction is that the girl crying would give me satisfaction in a job well done and that she was able to let herself go,but my first thought for a guy crying was wimp,why is that?
The thought of a women,who I thought was hot,putting me over her knee and spanking my bare bottom really gets me excited and vice versa,but I find nothing feminine or masculine about this.I don't feel feminine or masculine when getting a spanking just hot,horny and sore,lol. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 228
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 06:25 am: |
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That,s all very well atomic but is it genetic or social conditioning. |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 182
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 06:46 am: |
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can you elaborate a little? Genetic or social conditioning on what,my thoughts,the spankings,life,all of the above? |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 229
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 09:53 am: |
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Sorry Atomic I meant re your comment "maybe it,s the way each gender thinks"In other words is it the way we,re born or are we taught from birth to act that way. |
Slipperings
New member
Username: Slipperings
Post Number: 4
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, November 04, 2006 - 03:34 am: |
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For what its worth, I have cryed...cryed many times but not from a spanking just from deep inner pain for things that have gone so wrong in my life. And I do this out of sight of anyone, as being a man you must not cry...its like a sign of weakness to show that you have feelings and that you can be hurt and hurt deeply. So there is it. However I would...I think...do not know, would have trust someone not to laugh or make fun of me or some such thing, but I think I would like to have a good heart felt bawling my eyes out cry from a spanking just once. I do not know why, I just feel like I almost need it...but can not have it. |
Nd2bspankd
New member
Username: Nd2bspankd
Post Number: 20
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, November 04, 2006 - 01:30 pm: |
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I think not crying for men and not releasing emotions is learned in society. Think of children. When they are hurt physically, emotionally, or are over tired, they cry, male or female, without hesitation. Yet as they age, is it not the sensitive boys who are teased mercilessly? Tormented? Growing up girls tend to want the macho boyfriend, the pillar of strength, the hero, the protector. We assign them those roles so early on. No one usually asks females why we cry. It's assumed we are being emotional and need to "let it out". Well, of course, that's why we cry! Sad that a man can't do the same. Why must they be tough and not show how they feel? I can't imagine how that must be. To not be able to just break down for the sake of a good cry now and then. (Sorry for rambling.)
Pink Bottom wishes.
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 274
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 08:53 am: |
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I think it comes down to public or private a lot of times.In todays world when women are also out there fighting to get ahead I know a lot of women who don,t easily cry It shows the chinks in their armor and can be taken advantage of.Hell you ought to see me at an emotional movie. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1446
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 04:22 pm: |
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I don't see what gender has to do with it all.
People either cry easily or they don't. I've known men that cried at movies and women who never cry.
Its just who you are....gender....I don't think that has much to do with it. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 275
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 05:27 pm: |
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Tammy I respectfully disagree.i think it has a lot to do with the way you,re raised and it can be repressed by circumstances.Both in men and women.Looking at the other side I think that the people who can cry go though an emotional catharsis that leaves them less frustrated than those who can,t. |
Slipperings
New member
Username: Slipperings
Post Number: 16
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 07:35 pm: |
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It is a from the way you are brought up, guys are tough and must never cry only babies and whimp cry. Ever heard those words before, how about...what are you a mommies boy or a sissy boy...Or how about when you are hurt and the tears are about to start...and you get told be tough..such it up. Ever recall hearing those. I DO...!
In fact my own father said..boys do not need love they are tough and cold as ice and need no love. That was told to be when I was like 5 years old and I still remember it as if it was told to me just yesterday. That yesterday was some 40+ years ago. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1450
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 09:55 pm: |
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Well Buenaventura thats what I'm saying....its not gender that makes you cry or not cry its who you are..how you are brought up helps make you who you are.
What I was saying is that ANYONE can cry or not cry I don't think gender defines that. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 276
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 05, 2006 - 10:01 pm: |
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Right it depends on how you,re raised! |
Slipperings
New member
Username: Slipperings
Post Number: 19
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Monday, November 06, 2006 - 06:02 am: |
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Here is a perfect example of men not crying when spanked. Look at any spanking movie, I have seem my fair share thank you. And everytime a female is getting it she has tears or ever openly crying or yelping or all of the above and then some... WHEN...have you ever seen a spanking movie of a guy getting it and those movies I saw of females giving it to guy, they want at it so hard with staps and so on that any female that would be getting that would be screaming bloody murder. But the guy getting it does not say a word..maybe a grunt here or there...NO tears...NO crying...NO begging...NO pleading...NOTHING...just some leg kicking and even that is very little. So you show me...just one spanking movie of a guy crying...I have never seen on...and have yet to see anything even remotely close.
Face it if guy would cry then you females would look down on him as being weak and a whimp and so on...so we guys just hold it all in and suffer in silance. One other case in point...there are tons for places for females to call and go to when in a abusive relationship...where do we guy go...where can we turn to...NOWHERE...! |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 282
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Monday, November 06, 2006 - 12:45 pm: |
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There does seem to be a certain stoicism in the few videos involving men that I've seen, though they have cried out. But I don't know if the adult video industry is always the best representation of how people or relationships really are. Though for stereotyping's sake they might work.
While I'm hardly one to say that women don't enjoy pornography (I know I enjoy certain types), many women do find it exploitative , offensive, or just unappealing. The main demographic for most pornography, fetish included, is men.
I've noticed men cry more often in erotica which I would think has a more split readership just based on gender distribution of the authors.
I don't think it's fair to say that men don't cry because women would look down on them, especially in a medium which is targeted primarily at men. Especially when it sounds like much of the experience which you have had reinforcing the "boys don't cry" mentality has come from men (whether your father or mates) and not women. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1442
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 07, 2006 - 06:09 am: |
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I've never cried during a spanking. Mostly because our spanking is for fun and foreplay. My hubby says to spank someone till they cry is going too far.
But then...he's a softie. And that is what I love about him.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Blushingbride
New member
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 18
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 12, 2006 - 12:08 pm: |
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I find that I do feel more feminine when (and after) being spanked. I don't know that it is the fact that I am spanked that makes me feel that way, but more of a situation where I am being more myself, without the daily masks and societal norms placed on me. I am female, therefore I feel feminine, but I am only sure that this applies to me, but for others it may be different. And I am not a crier, but have had tears brought to my eyes on occasion. |
Straddlinnpaddlin
New member
Username: Straddlinnpaddlin
Post Number: 8
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Monday, November 13, 2006 - 02:15 am: |
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Gotta jump in here and "bare" my soul. Never spanked a woman in my life, but that will likely change soon. I am a compassionate guy, not an instinctive mean streak and definitely not one who would purposefully inflict pain. There-in lies the rub here right? If the pain is felt as "pleasure" and/or stimulates the spankee then give her/him what they desire,, particularly if you love your partner and you put their pleasure above your own!
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 311
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, November 13, 2006 - 08:42 am: |
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Stranddlinn you might find once you,ve done it that you like just fine.It,s important to understand that you,re not hitting a woman you,re spanking her.And even more important she wants you to and recieves satisfaaction from it.We,ve been taught all our lifes that a real man doesn,t hit a woman and it,s true but spanking is different and gets into domination and submission and other fields.All of this you can eventually discuss here if you want. |
Straddlinnpaddlin
New member
Username: Straddlinnpaddlin
Post Number: 11
Registered: 11-2006
| | Posted on Monday, November 13, 2006 - 08:59 am: |
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That's why I am here Buena, to get info about why, how, when, etc. Thanks. |
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