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Tplayer
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tplayer
Post Number: 196
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 08:46 pm: | 
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Have you ever been mad about being spanked, and held a grudge? Maybe a submission problem?
It's all a matter of perspective
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3056
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 10:20 pm: |
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tricky question without a lot of details. I do go through a "how dare you" phase of spanking and the spanking can not be stopped until I pass through it. Otherwise I believe there are times when a spanking can be given unjustly and has to be cleared up. If there is a submission problem, then I don't think the spankee really wants to submit.
That was a quick wrap up in a nutshell, as I said, not enough details to give any further advice.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1241
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 11:34 pm: |
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I don't think this is a submission problem as much as it is a communication problem. If you're mad about being spanked, something didn't go right and you really need to discuss this with your partner.
Since I don't know how spankings work in your relationship, I'm going to answer this as if it's a disciplinary situation. If this doesn't apply, please let me know!
Consent is vital in all spanking relationships. In disciplinary relationships, the spankee gives prior consent to being spanked when entering that type of relationship but there should always be room for discussion. The terms are up to the people involved, but negotiations about spankings before and throughout the relationship are necessary for the relationship to work succesfully for both partners. People change, circumstances change, there's always new developments and you need to take those things into account and sometimes adjust. That's life, even in spankoland.
If you're mad and holding a grudge, then something is wrong and you need to discuss this with your partner. You're not being fickle; you've just missed a step with your partner and you need to stop, discuss, and maybe even renegotiate a bit.
Also, if you truly feel like a spanking is unjustified, you should have the ability to discuss your objections before the spanking even starts and the trust between you gets damaged. Besides, it seems like a waste of time to spank someone when they're not getting the point. Spanking is not a cure all and it's only one part of that type of relationship; you both need the right mindset for it to work.
You also have to be prepared that the discussion may not go your way and you may even see that you might have been wrong and really do deserve to be spanked, but it's better to be clear about these things before you get spanked. That's the thing about spanking, you can't take it back once it's delivered.
Good luck! |
Tplayer
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tplayer
Post Number: 197
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 11:50 pm: |
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This was more of a topic discussion than an issue with me. My life is very vanilla right now, So my only grudge right now might be kink lacking!!!
It's all a matter of perspective
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1253
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 04, 2007 - 09:32 pm: |
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Sorry, Tplayer, we thought you were asking for advice for a personal situation. But my opinion is still the same on this subject, just not directed at you, I guess.  |
Mwbfs
New member
Username: Mwbfs
Post Number: 3
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Monday, February 05, 2007 - 07:25 am: |
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TPlayer, perhaps your question would have been better if instead you had asked; have you ever been mad about NOT being spanked, and held a grudge? Maybe a dominance problem?? He he..
I am personally aroused by both the giving and the receiving of a good spanking, yep, another fickle female here. It took me a long time not to become angered when my DH just would not partake in any type of spanking(s), I felt as if it were a sign he did not truly love me; or that he did not care for my wants and needs at all.
There is a solution to every conflict, through communication; our solution was for me to find this joy outside of our relationship, with others. And, he was the one whom suggested it; the release it gave to us both has been incredible, it has increased the friendship and trust between us.
No two solutions may be the same when there is a disagreement; but when one communicates honestly with their partner, the choices will become evident, and many.
I am open and honest with all of my play-partners, and my DH; although, I do have a wish that someday my DH will find my desires erotic, I understand this may never happen, and I am ok with it too, now.
Hi, I am a Married White Bi-sexual Female Switch; & u?
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Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 3
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 13, 2007 - 02:23 pm: |
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Usually when I feel the way you've described it *really means* that due to whatever circumstances (life, work, etc.)my husband may not have been as consistent as I needed or that the spankings/punishment I had been getting wasn't severe enough (Lord I hope he doesn't see this or I'll be .
Something I have learned from my husband over time is that Spankers cannot read minds. My husband usually knows what I need but sometimes we need to ask. Sometimes they quite enjoy us to ask.  }
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
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