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Sundance
New member
Username: Sundance
Post Number: 3
Registered: 06-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 - 05:07 am: | 
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Does anyone have any ideas on how to get a more severe whipping from my better half? I have tried to talk to her about this but,she says that she don't want to hurt me as much as I want to be hurt.Punishment whippings,weather for fun or reason,hurt.I am looking for advice to get her to punish me severe for her pleasure as well as mine.Also,I would love a no save word punishment from her but,how to go about getting one? |
Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 57
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 - 02:13 pm: |
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Sundance, you haven't said whether or not your wife is a spanko herself, or a vanilla.
While I am primarily a bottom, I switched for several years with a former partner. While he certainly enjoyed being spanked harder than I did, it couldn't have been considered 'severe'.
This is probably not what you want to hear...but if he had wanted a severe whipping from me, not only would he not have gotten it...but it would have made it harder for me to top him again.
Now, I'm not really a Top or Domme - just a bottom who's willing to switch. But I'm just not capable of delivering a severe spanking/whipping. There would be absolutely no pleasure for me in doing that for/to someone.
My husband, who is a vanilla, would feel the same way. He certainly uses more force (because of the introduction of implements) than he used to...but if I asked him to really lay into me, he would refuse.
The sad truth is you may not be able to. If she's gone as far as she feels comfortable with...you may be out of luck. 
Good luck! |
Fanny
Supreme Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 841
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 - 02:36 pm: |
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I wasn't comfortable answering first, so I am glad Pagan stepped forward. I'm afraid I agree. People have their set limits of comfort and forcing them to go passed that point would probably not be a good idea in the long run.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Rocco
Advanced Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 370
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 02:25 pm: |
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They speak the truth Sundance. I myself am a switch and my GF is a vanilla. While she is very accomodating with both letting me spank her, and spanking me she has had a hard time getting over the feelings of hurting me. In the very beginning it wouldn't take long before she would stop a spanking because she thought she might hurt me. Now with the impliments we use, she is able to give me a much harder spanking but it's tough for her. She does not want to hurt me. She knows I like it and she's turned on by how turned on I get from it, but there are limits to how far she'll go.
The best thing I can share with you is to be very encouraging everytime she spanks you. Lt her know how much you enjoyed it and how good she is getting at it. During the spanking gently encourage her to spank harder, make it hot and inviting. Later you can use this a the start to a conversation about where you'd like it to go. But becareful not to push too hard. You don't want to make her uncomfortable.
That's my two cents.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Sundance
New member
Username: Sundance
Post Number: 4
Registered: 06-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 06:47 pm: |
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Thanks Pagan,Fanny and Rocco.You all seem to agree on the not pushing issue so I will heed the advice and not push her any more.She is a vanilla Pagan and I should be happy with what she gives me. Thanks again for the advice |
Fanny
Supreme Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 856
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 06:53 pm: |
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Of course, you can do all the pushing you want around here. We're a pretty resillant group.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 59
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 09:13 pm: |
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I don't mean to be insensitive, Sundance. I know that when my husband started spanking me, it was (to my mind) ridiculously light. A half dozen taps if I was lucky.
I was very careful not to either yell "HARDER, DAMMIT" or mutter under my breath.  Two years later...we've come a long way.
I know it can be frustrating to be SO close to getting what you really want...and yet so far.
But I do think we have to remember how far our partners have come, and how lucky we are to have partners who are willing to play at all.  My husband is happy to spank me - but he wouldn't be happy to mark me heavily. Sometimes they just need more time to get used to the fact that what would hurt them is pleasurable to us. And be reassured that we're not hurt. While Squire worried early on that a very light handspanking would hurt, he is now telling me that I "sure can't take much" with a rubber strap. Well, no kidding, Sherlock.  I don't know how long you two have been playing...but she might get more comfortable using a little more force as time goes on. It might still not be exactly what you want, but hopefully it will be closer.
If you can't get her to use more force, is there anything you can do to make it feel harder? I am always more sensitive after a hot bath. You can also apply baby oil beforehand. I don't know what implements you're using, but wetting either your skin or the implement might help too.
There are also others who swear by applying Heet, Tabasco (don't let it into mucous membranes!), and other hot sauces. I don't know whether it really makes a difference.
Good luck, but I do agree that it's a mistake to push too much. You might turn willingness to play into an aversion. |
Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 60
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 09:20 pm: |
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Oh, another thought...have you tried rubber? I have a rubber strap, and let me tell you, it has an absolutely incredible sting.
I can easily take a full force handspanking from my partner without so much as flinching. But I can only take a light flick of the wrist with the rubber strap, and even then it's like a lick of fire.
If he ever really walloped me with that, it would be excrutiating. No pleasure. No way. I can barely take a few light taps.
It sounds like your levels are way past mine...but maybe you're a candidate for rubber. Most people I've spoken to hate it - it DEFINITELY has the potential to be vicious. But hey - different strokes for different folks.
This is ours:
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Sundance
New member
Username: Sundance
Post Number: 5
Registered: 06-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 07:35 am: |
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Yes Pagan,I have a rubber cord attached to a handle but,she don't seem to hit hard enough.I am a pain slut and love to be welted and marked for weeks.
I have tried using after shave on my butt before a whipping but,it dries out to fast.We have used water,bengay and things like that.
We use wooden paddles,bullwhip,canes and rubber whip.We have only been playing for two years and when we started she bearly spanked me at all.She has come so very far and I am hopeing that she will get to the point where she will give me the whipping that I crave.
Thanks for all the advice. |
Sundance
New member
Username: Sundance
Post Number: 6
Registered: 06-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 07:37 am: |
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Thanks Fanny. |
Biggirl
New member
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 49
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 10:00 pm: |
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Sundance:
I read on a Website (don't know if I should mention the name????) about using "muscle rub" before or even after a spanking. It was under a section titled "How to make a spanking more memorable" Anyway....that is something that is recommended but made sure to say not to use something that is liquid because of possible dripping. I have never tried it after a spanking. But I use an oitment for my neck that is more of a "salve" texture. It is called Extra
Strength Tiger Balm. I bought it at Whole Foods.
It works great on my neck after I use my massager. The heat of it lasts much longer & goes much deeper then the other muscle rubs I have used on my neck & shoulders.
Just a suggestion. In your last post you said that after shave hadn't worked so I thought that might be used to increase the "stinging" feeling of the whipping/spanking. Maybe this would work a bit better for you.
Brightest Blessings,BigGirl |
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