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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 03:49 pm: | 
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hi just registered here today. Sounds exciting so far. I have never been spanked as an adult. hubby just not interested...............
(Message edited by fanny on April 13, 2007) |
Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 15
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 05:52 pm: |
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Welcome Baby Cakes, the site is insightful(no pun intended)so Im sure you will find some well intentioned advice here - Personally I dont think you are alone in your situation as I am sure there are plenty out there who have also not been able to live out their spanking desires due to their partner "not being interested" Perhaps if you were to explain to the group just why he is not interested or what you have tried to do to convey your feelings to him re your desires (be it straight talk, hints etc) they may well (collectively) provide either answers or insight. |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 2
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 06:08 pm: |
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ok i can try to do that with this group. ive done so much reading lately to try to understand my craving to be spanked, especially by my husband. weve been marrried 25 years and i dearly love him. but he's a prude in some things. not trying to be mean by saying prude just stating a fact. but the rejection is killing me thus i am here. |
D94579
New member
Username: D94579
Post Number: 2
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 06:57 pm: |
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}{moon} |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 3
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 07:19 pm: |
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So D, whats that?? |
Pinkcheeks
Prime Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1124
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 07:42 am: |
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Hi Baby - I have been married going on 32 years (wow....now that's a biggy ha?!  and I was the one who developed an interest in spanking before my hubby did. I kept it a secret for a long time - just researching and reading as much as I could about the lifestyle.
One day I decided that it was time for me to tell this wonderful man exactly what I wanted. It was VERY hard! My husband is want is called a
"vanilla" and the thought of "striking" a woman would NEVER enter his mind. He is a total gentleman. I got some interesting info off the internet, brought it to his attention, and we had LOTS of discussions about it. At first I thought he would think I had lost my mind, but gradually he came to understand exactly what spanking did for me (its great foreplay 
I understand the frustration you must be going thru, but I think the best thing would be to discuss with your hubby the subject of spanking. You can also search thru the den's other threads for discussions about this very topic. Don't feel you are alone...........
And if you ever want to chat or ask questions, by all means, we are here for ya!! Good luck and keep us posted!
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 6
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 02:45 pm: |
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I appreciate all your comments...............but i know what i know. Haven't had sex in very long time either. So Im not gonna beg anymore. The hurts too deep to matter anymore.......but you have all been knid |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 592
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 07:03 am: |
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Hmmmm no spanking no sex!!Do you two talk about this at all??Is he a prude about sex too?? |
Pinkcheeks
Prime Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1126
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 01:12 pm: |
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I have to side with Buena here....Have you two talked about what is happening in this marriage? There must be a reason for not having sex in a "very long time". And maybe spanking might not be such a good idea at this point (only my opinion). A woman should not have to beg for sex - so I am assuming there is a lot going on here.
Please know that we are a great group of folks who care about each other and are willing to help if we can - even if its only to lend an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on.
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 05:03 pm: |
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thanks...just cant handle the lack of intimacy. its deeply painful, and what causes my cravings. ive figured that much so far. its tough...thanks for listening |
Weasel
Advanced Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 251
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 10:49 am: |
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Hi Babycakes, welcome to the den. Lack of intimacy is extremely painful to the soul. We're here to listen whenever you feel like voicing your feelings. It matters, what you feel, and you deserve to "dump the bricks" if you need to.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 18
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 05:10 pm: |
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Cant help but wonder whether your desire to be spanked is a guilt thing as a result of the lack of intimacy in your relationship- in other words you somehow blame yourself for the breakdown of intimacy and feel you need to be punished - (?)
Only you can truthfully answer that - whichever - but if you think you are to blame- dont take the guilt trip on your own! Remember it takes two to tango |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 13
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 05:48 pm: |
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Wow your kind and insightful words are extremely touching to me
ive read and reread them all. Its so interesting to see how careful everyone is being on a very delicate subject.
ive concidered it all. first i dont feel guilty at all. ive tried endlessly to help him get help. its killing me but i think i should sacrifice for him to an extent. i dont want to hurt but i cant leave him like this. which brings me full circle back. i think i will write my feelings and needs down on paper for mee to review and him too see. maybe in writing he will see the hurt not just hear it from me. ive also made him a doctors appt to rule out anything medical. hopefully this is a good start. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3171
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 09:52 pm: |
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Runinae, Please take care not to generalize and make some of the quieter ones start to believe that the desire to be spanked may have to do with guilt and a need to be punished.
I can't speak for everyone, but my guess is that the vast majority of us are not into spanking for that reason.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 14
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 10:48 pm: |
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thanks fanny. what i have learned is that this craving has to do with my desire to be wanted and loved and be accepted in intimacy. thats what i"m directing him too. intimacy in any form ill take it. |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 248
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 11:20 pm: |
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Babycakes, Good luck!
I think you are incredibly brave for pursuing this, and trying to communicate with him. It's the right thing to do, but I know a lot of people who would just retract. Stay strong!
Also, I think the doctor's appointment is a great idea. Even if there is nothing medically wrong, he may feel more comfortable talking to someone outside your relationship about this. |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 15
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 02:21 am: |
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well i did say for better or worse. i still love him....but i dont have much to give.....need filled up soon. my cravings are unbelievable, |
Bottombandit
New member
Username: Bottombandit
Post Number: 45
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 10:09 am: |
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You mentioned being married for 25 years. Just a thought but its possible the lack of sex and interest in your spanking desires is not a lack of attraction to you or that he is not interested. It may be a performance issue for health reasons. As we age, for some of us, things do not happen like when we were young studs. It can be mortifing and can be difficult to discuss. This may make him not want to even try for fear of failure, and then the circle completes because you feel unwanted.
Just a suggestion. |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 17
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 10:34 am: |
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i thought about that and have made a doctor appt for him already..so we will see |
Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 20
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 06:50 pm: |
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Fanny I really must take issue with you here - I dont believe I used a generalisation at all - I was merely posing some questions that Babycakes could mull over that may or may not help her in HER own particular situation - at no stage did I mention or refer to any individual nor (more importantly)a group - which could in any way be construed as generalisation.
Also not sure how the "quieter ones" could be made to believe in a "generalisation"(?)
Frankly, I believe you may have generalised regarding the quieter ones - they may choose not to have a voice but Im sure they have a mind that they can make up of their own free will and according to their own wishes/standards/lifestyle et al that need not necessarily be swayed by others thinking.
Personally, I have my own methodology that I employ when someone asks me for advice - I pose questions for them to answer (I dont need nor necessarily want to know the answers) By answering the questions themselves they can often find resolution as to what the problem is and from then on can work on a solution. A case in point (and more pertinent to this thread) could be Babycakes post on 16 April at 10-48pm "what i have learned is..."
Anyhow, Babycakes- regardless of the above I hope you have gleaned some insight from all the different (but not dissimilar)commentary from the site and I hope that you will be able to find a successful and happy resolution. |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 600
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 08:40 am: |
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You weren,t posing some questions Ruinae8."can,t help but wonder if yor desire to be spanked is a guilt thing"isn,t really a question. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1916
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 11:52 am: |
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Ruinae8
I don't think you needed to take issue with Fanny at all. You DID make it sound like people were into spanking over some kind of guilt.
I too have to disagree with that.
Please carefully read the posts, and then take equal care when you respond.
Thanks |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3174
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 01:04 pm: |
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Ruinae, I will not respond to you in this manner on this matter. 1)"Fanny, I must take issue with you" is a direct attack and not allowed. 2)The original question was not asking YOU for advice, it is an open topic.
Back on topic please, as you have highjacked this thread.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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