| Author |
Message |
    
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 108
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 09:56 pm: | 
|
So, it came up in one of the other threads, but I thought it was a good topic, so here is an informal poll:
1) Do you have a safe word?
2) What is it?
3) Any funny related stories?
I look forward to people's answers.... |
Blushingbride
Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 68
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 10:47 pm: |
|
Yes we have a safe word - "lemon" just because it was something that we could both remember and that wouldn't be mistaken for anything else, and wouldn't normally come up in conversation. |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 533
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 10:59 pm: |
|
When we started our relationship we had both safe words yellow and red.She had 4 spankers before me and she was my first spankee so I thought I might not make the grade.I tried hard to get her to use a safe word the first session and got worried when it wasn,t forthcoming.Eventually we,ve come to the point where we don,t need one.The level of communication we have is enough and I always know when to ease off.I think in a couple who are just starting it,s important to have one but if you,ve been in your relationship for a while and still need one you might have a communication problem. |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 112
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 11:17 pm: |
|
On behalf of people with safe words everywhere (of which, if you read the other thread you know, I am not one) I think that's a little judgmental. People can have excellent communication and be into more hardcore stuff, or just want the security of a word -- even if they never use it.
Oops.... apparently that riled me.  |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1308
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 12:16 am: |
|
We've been together for over three years, have excellent communication, and we definitely have a safe word. It has nothing to do with how well you communicate or relate to each other; it's about always playing safely.
All the normal words one would use to tell your partner that something is wrong may be words or phrases you normally use during a spanking. You know: stop, wait, don't, quit, no, hey, I mean it, etc. A word that is distinctive so there is no question that play must stop immediately is something I encourage everyone to have.
As time goes on, you'll get to know each other and maybe you'll feel like the yellow and green safe words aren't necessary, but never give up the stop play safe word. Things happen and sometimes you need to stop and have no way to do that without a definite safe word you both recognize.
I remember once that I slipped and bit my tongue so badly I was stunned for a moment by the pain. When I finally was able to say something I was happy to have a safe word so he knew immediately that something was wrong and I needed assistance. This is real life here and as much as we'd like to think all our spankings will go fantasy perfect, sometimes shit happens. Been there, done that, and was very glad to have had that safe word.
To answer the original question, I have both a safe word (red) and a safe phrase (I'm serious). I haven't used them in a while but I'm glad to have them just in case.
Funny stories? The bitten tongue wasn't funny I'm afraid. But the time I got my hand stuck in the framework of the pull-out couch I was bent over was. (This happened with a previous dom, not Dan btw.) I had no idea it was a pull-out couch until my hand got stuck when I was flailing around. Suddenly something had my hand and wasn't letting go and I forgot all about my bottom being on fire. I started making a lot of noise and kicking like crazy but he just thought he was doing a good job. I thought my hand was about to get pulled off and was just about to freak out when I remembered to use my safe word. Luckily it wasn't a hand-eating couch so we worked my hand loose, made sure I didn't damage myself, and got back to business.  |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 114
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 10:54 am: |
|
LOL -- that's a great story Bethie! Thanks for sharing it.
But even more so, thanks for making the point I was trying to make. And without throwing a tantrum either. But your examples are perfect: an experienced couple with good communication skills, and still in need of a little clarity... |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1310
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 01:13 pm: |
|
Thanks, Badgirl!
There's a lot going on during a spanking and if you need to stop immediately, having a definite safe word can save time and avoid any resentment (or anything else) that might occur if it takes too long to get your point across. |
Blushingbride
Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 69
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 04:30 pm: |
|
Thanks Bethie. I wasn't sure how to respond to that without being overly defensive. I will just add that we have found that having a safe word increases our trust of each other.
I trust that if I say it he will stop. Hubby trusts that I will say it if something is wrong, but will not say it just because something was a bit more than I bargained for, but well within my limits. |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 127
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 05:03 pm: |
|
See BV!  You came very close to insulting all three of us, and probably numerous other people out there. You should probably start grovelling now.  Or else, somebody (else) may have to discipline you....
And now that the question of necessity has been resolved, anybody else want to pitch in on the questions? |
Oftenred
New member
Username: Oftenred
Post Number: 15
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 10:32 pm: |
|
We have safewords, red for stop, yellow for slow down, green for more. But have never used them. I agree that good communication is the key, and being well "tuned" into each other works well for us. But is is nice to know that safe words are there to stop if necessary. |
Prissietl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Prissietl
Post Number: 143
Registered: 07-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, March 10, 2007 - 09:41 am: |
|
we have a safe word but have never used it. i really think hes kinda scared to spank me hard enough to use it. But i do belive a safe word is a good idea.
PS.............
Give him heck badgirl!! Sometimes i think what BV needs the most is a good spanking........and i would love to do it!!
But........ since my family and i are going to visit BV in Guatemala this summer i guess better be good. ..........ME....... be good,........... yeah right
******and this is not a thread highjack i gave my two cents on safe words******
Once a princess always a princess
|
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 143
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 12:14 am: |
|
Agreed, Prissie! Not a thread hijack...
Would it be totally wrong for you to give BV one good swat for me, while you're there? |
Aka
New member
Username: Aka
Post Number: 16
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 02:29 pm: |
|
This discussion reminded me of some thing I read on a different board a few years back. A woman that just did role playing spanking (No DD) said she only used her safe word one time, she tried so hard not use it out of pride, but her husband just absolutely blistered her raw til she did. After she used it he said, "I wanted to see if I could make you use your safe word, what took you so long!". lol. She was not amused and both booty and ego were badly bruised.
As for me, first my long term DD relationships had a safe term "I will be good", meaning submission, it was not a preplanned agreement, I would always just say unless you think you can be good I have too teach you a lesson. When she would reach tears I would give her the out, "Do you think you can be good?". Best I could ever get out of her was one "Maybe", all the rest of the time it was "NO!", my cue to turn up the heat. Those preacher's kids are some thing else! =) She had a good sized ego and never said it. One time when she was really asking for it I decided she would be paddled until she said it, she took 40 with a 3/8" pine paddle (Good stinger, but fairly light). Cried a good bit but never gave in, so I let her off the hook at that point. Afterwards we talked about it (We rarely did that) and she said I am too stubborn to ever ask you to stop. Funny thing is when I was over at her house, her mother was telling how stubborn she was and that when she was a little girl she would spanker until her hand hurt too much to spank any more and the girl would never give up and do the same thing as soon as she stopped spanking her! lol. I started to say "Tell me about it!". |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 541
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 02:30 pm: |
|
I discussed this with my spankee this morning at breakfast and the thing is that when I,m spankling her I,m so tuned in to where her hands are where her feet are what condition her unmetionables are in at any given moment how far she is along to climax that in 5 months of intensive spanking onlyone time when she twisted her knee that she had to mention it.She doesn,t have to say a color cause we,retalking all the time and are communicating on different levels constantly.And green makes me laugh (as if I need someone to tell me to keep going ha ha)red is all that counts and don,t expect to hear it at all.I,ll know before the word comes out of her mouth that something is wrong.As for yellow when she said yellow a couple of months ago I said I don,t accept yellow say red go ahead say red taunting her.She didn,t say it.Probably if one of you girls was my spankee I,d have to use code words but I have the ideal spankee! |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 542
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 02:51 pm: |
|
And as for you Prissi we,ve discussed this already and if I do spank you you have already accepted my rules !And I might say I don,think you,ll be disappointed! |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 148
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 03:18 pm: |
|
Every man thinks he has the ideal spankee... er woman.
Prissi, if I were you, I would be very, very careful.
 |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1313
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 11:48 pm: |
|
BV, it doesn't matter how well you and your spankee know each other or how well you communicate, the time may come when you may need that safe word. And like you say, your relationship has only been going on for five months. You say you had to stop once for a twisted knee and she communicated that to you. That's great, but it may be just because of the way she reacts during a spanking that she was able to communicate that to you.
Some of us spankees make a lot of noise, kick, struggle, and look to be very much in distress during our spankings. It's not always easy to tell when one is in normal distress due to the spanking and when one is in real distress due to something else. That's the basic reason you need a safe word in a spanking relationship.
Dan and I are in love, have been in a solid relationship for over 3 years, are together day in and day out, are completely in tune with each other, and play at an intense level which means constant communication is a must, but we'd never think we were above having a safe word. It's there for emergencies, somewhat like having a smoke detector in your home. You may never need it, but despite all precautions and all odds, should the day come that you ever need it, you'll be glad it's there.
Having a safe word doesn't mean your relationship is lacking in some aspect or that your communication with your partner isn't what it should be. It means you care enough about the person you're with that you have all the safeguards in place.
I'd never tell anyone that having a safe word or phrase is a failing of some kind. I have a safe word and as you know, this isn't my first rodeo.
I'm used to being with doms who would rather cut off their own arm than make a mistake where my safety is concerned. It makes me feel even more cherished because not only did we have a safe word in the beginning, but it's still there in case I ever need it. It's just another way he takes care of me and Dan never leaves any room for mistakes in that department. He always seems to know what I need, but he'd also never forgive himself if he missed a cue or misunderstood something I was trying to tell him. He's the top and he's in charge so taking care of me is his responsibility, and he takes that very seriously.
Dan pays attention, talks to me constantly to make sure I'm okay, and he knows my condition at all times, but having that safe word is just another level of security for both of us. We haven't even talked about it since the very beginning but we know it's there.
Dan and I discussed this and he says our ability to communicate verbally and physically has nothing to do with whether or not a safe word should be in place. It's a given in this lifestyle.
Having a safe word isn't just about having reached a limit or paying attention to your spankee, it's about respecting your partner enough to have all the safety precautions in place. You'd never let her ride in your car without her seatbelt and having a safe word is just another way of ensuring her safety; even if they never actually have to be used, it's smart to have them in place.
As for those subs too stubborn to use their safe words or tops who push them to use it, I don't even know what to think about that. I don't know what I'd think of a spanker who told me he'd tried to push me to use my safe word. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't trust him though after a confession like that. I'd probably feel like he was trying to "break" me and that's not the type of dynamic I want to have with my partner. Also, that's a dangerous game to play if the spankee has gone into sub space. When I'm in sub space, it's up to Dan to know when my bottom has had enough because I'm not really there. |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 159
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 11:59 pm: |
|
Again, Bethie, thanks.
And BV, FOR SHAME!!!!!
With that, I guess I officially declare this thread hijacked. New topic: Why safewords are important. Any stories demonstrating their importance would be valued. And BV, if I were you, I would keep out of it for a bit.
Unless of course you realize the error of your ways and want to grovel, and apologize.... |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 551
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 03:02 pm: |
|
Sure sweetie that,s just what I want to do.I think I made it apparent that I agree with red(didn,t i??)and that I don,t understand green.Soo what I,ve discussed is yelllow and stick to my guns as far as yellow with anybody I,ve been spanking for a while.If it,s the start of a relationship then I agree on any color the spankee want,s or needs.If after the relationship has developed she still needs it then I,ll think I have a communication problem with her.(and probably change partners) |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 163
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 10:11 pm: |
|
Buena!
You are not helping. I appreciate that you have an opinion on the matter, but your opinion may not be true for everyone.
Furthermore, some people may find it hurtful and insulting.
Many people keep safety words DECADES into happy relationships. It's another form of communicating. Don't diss it!
Bethie, a little help here?
As for you Sir Donahue, I know exactly what you want to do.... (Grease reference) |
Blushingbride
Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 71
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 10:34 pm: |
|
While my Hubby and I are still new to spanking (a year now!  ) and use a safe word, we are not a new couple and communicate quite well. We've known each other almost 15 years and have been a couple for 13 of them. Talking isn't the issue. The issue is safety, and trust. We don't need it all the time. But it can be pretty reassuring to know that it's there if we need it.
Other than the one time we agreed that he should spank me until I used it to explore limits, I've used it a couple times. I have had a bad back injury in the past, and twice my squirming has led to my back going into spasms. I was able to gasp out "lemon" faster than I would have been able to say "stop my back is in spasms". He also uses it to check in with me at times when I am really struggling/squirming by asking if I remember my safeword. If I said no - he'd stop to investigate more, if yes, then he knows I am fine, just finding things intense.  And I find it doesn't disrupt the scene as much as asking if I'm feeling okay.
It is all about communication, and this is one tool we use. Along with face to face talking, notes and e-mails, body language, voice tone, eye contact, etc.
Ultimately everyone needs a way to communicate to thier partners that something is wrong. It may not come up often, but the odd time it does, it's extremely important.
I can see that if someone has been in a stable relationship for a while, and never set it up, adding it in after several years together may seem silly. But that doesn't mean that they don't have one. It just means they didn't formally establish it. It may be a combo of "stop" or "enough" in a paticular voice tone. Or it may be "do that again and I'll call the cops." It may never be needed. But if something goes realy wrong, then there needs to be a way to get that across to the person on the other end of the paddle who can not generally read minds.
(Message edited by Blushingbride on March 12, 2007) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1323
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 01:42 am: |
|
Buena, I'm sure you'll agree that respecting our fellow kinksters is important and something that we all must practice at all times. When you keep making statements that imply that the people using safe words must have a communication problem, that is disrespectful.
We all have our individual ways of participating in this lifestyle and for some people, using safe words are part of the comfort zone for them. You are practicing spanking with a very enthusiastic partner who is also a spanko. Not everyone in this lifestyle has the same situation.
For example, some of the people here have partners who are vanillas who are very new to all of this or just not sure of how to proceed in a kink that isn't their own and they have no inner connection to. I applaud those non-spanko partners who care enough about their spanko partner to engage in any spanking activity and I would never make them feel deficient in any way by suggesting that using those safe words mean their relationship is lacking. As far as I'm concerned, those people deserve all the respect and support I can give them and if using safe words makes this lifestyle easier for them to participate in, then all the more power to them for using them.
There are lots of other reasons to use safe words that have nothing to do with how well you communicate with your partner. Some people in this lifestyle are shy about their spankings and that never changes. It's easier for them to say colors than ask directly for what they want. That's more about personality than what kind of relationship they have or how well their partner can read them.
There are lots of reasons for people to keep their safe words and putting them down for it is irresponsible and disrespectful. I'm glad your relationship is going so well, but you're only speaking from your own experience and being judgemental about using safe words isn't fair to the others in this lifestyle who are in their own unique relationships. Maybe you don't mean to sound judgemental, but that's how you're coming across. That's why you've gotten so many people up in arms about this.
Remember, just because someone isn't doing it your way, it doesn't mean they're not doing it "right" - they're just doing it their way. There really is no "right" way in any of these relationships because we're all individuals with our own unique histories and preferences. How would you like it if someone started passing judgement on your spanking relationship? You wouldn't and, besides that, I wouldn't allow it on the forum.
|
Weasel
Advanced Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 214
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 01:46 pm: |
|
I agree that a safeword is a good idea. I can see from the testimony here that many of you also agree, and have found occasion to use those safe words, and been glad of having them.
BV is entitled to his opinion, even if it's not what you guys all think is the right opinion. If he and his partner are good with what they are doing, and it works for them, good deal. If they don't need to be yelling "yellow, green, purple, and pastel stripes", that's fine.
I read what BV said to mean that a couple who is in a ltr, has practiced the lifestyle for a while, and they are on the same page as far as limits doesn't need the rainbow of safe words, one word to stop all activity immediately is enough. He doesn't see a need (in his current relationship) for more than just the one that they have already used, and were by his own testimony glad of having. If the time comes she yells it and he doesn't relent, then there IS a communication problem and he should find another partner.
In review, I see where he amended his statement from "I think in a couple who are just starting it,s important to have one but if you,ve been in your relationship for a while and still need one you might have a communication problem." to "If after the relationship has developed she still needs it then I,ll think I have a communication problem with her.(and probably change partners)" switching from "YOU" to "I".
I think it was that "YOU" that upset everyone. He's amended it, let it go. Like Bethie said, there really is no "right" way. Do we all have to keep passing judgement on BV's way?
My opinion on BV's current attitude is that if someone here is considering letting BV spank them they better be clear on the rules first or an assault charge may be pending after their session.
Heck, I don't even have a partner anymore. Meybe my opinion isn't valid.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
|
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1327
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 03:42 pm: |
|
Weasel, when BV said he didn't understand the continued use of green, I was trying to explain why someone would still use that one as well as any of their other safe words. (Green being the sample safe word.) Also, this is a general discussion on safe words and when someone repeatedly says that they consider continued use of them a reflection on communication, it bears discussion. Here, even when you say it's your opinion, those of use with opposing opinions get to have our say; that's why it's a discussion board.
You have to understand, if I were to say that I believed safe words were unimportant because I communicate so well with my partner that I've never used them, it will make certain people feel like their relationship is lacking communication-wise. That would be irresponsible of me and if no one challenged that, it would be seen as a reasonable statement. We need to examine all aspects of this and present all sides so no one will think that one person's opinion is the only one.
As admin and an experienced lifestyler, it is often my responsibility to present those other views. This is a discussion forum and anyone's statements are open for debate once it's presented on the forum. That's what we do here.
Besides, you said "I read what BV said to mean that a couple who is in a ltr, has practiced the lifestyle for a while, and they are on the same page as far as limits doesn't need the rainbow of safe words, one word to stop all activity immediately is enough." That is the opinion that I've taken issue with. Sometimes even those in a ltr, who have practiced this lifestyle for a while, and are on the same page may still want to use those safe words, and that is their choice as it's their relationship and no one should pass judgement on that aspect of it.
Example: Some bottoms are silent and stiff during their spankings and it's hard to tell how they are doing and for whatever reason, they've decided the color system is what works for them. That is their way of communicating and no one should knock them for it.
We have many many different personality types in this lifestyle and all of those different personalities are entitled to do this their way. That's why I keep coming back to clarify why some people want to use all their safe words and that it has nothing to do with how well they communicate.
(Message edited by bethie on March 13, 2007) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1328
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 04:14 pm: |
|
I almost forgot something!
Weasel, it doesn't matter if you have a partner or not, you still have an opinion and that's what's important so keep right on posting. We reserve the right to counter with our own opinions though.  |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 554
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 09:27 pm: |
|
Hmmmmm well if I have to be the heavy to get such varied opinions outhat,s fine.Can,thelp feeling a tad misunderstood but as a gringo in latinamerica I,mkinda used to that.At the obvious risk of being jumped on there,s something else I,ve reflected on during this discussion.From what I understand part of the enjoyment for a spankee is the giving up of control and the minute that she says yellow(not red mind you)she,s effectively taken control back.I,ve never really dicussed any other color but yellow and if it a matter of "giving up control"then in a long term relationship where is the giving up of control when yellow can be used willy-nilly.AGAIN I,m not talking about shy people or vanillas or starting relationships or ANY of those other variations that have been mentioned.Red is an imperative for anything that gets past the spankers Attention.When I said my spankee had twisted her knee she didn,t have to say a color she said in a very serious voice WAIT A MINUTE!!And that was enough to stop the spanking.And for anybody warning Prissi she knows me pretty well and knows how careful I am. |
Blushingbride
Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 72
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 09:54 pm: |
|
As I said before, as far as the spankee using "yellow" willy-nilly and taking back control, that really comes down to a matter of trust. You as the top has to trust that she won't misuse it, just as she would haveto trust that you will respect it if she says it. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1331
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 10:01 pm: |
|
Giving up control might be part of some of the fun for some spankees, but it's not what all of us are after. That's where the phrase "topping from the bottom" comes from after all!
You say, "AGAIN I,m not talking about shy people or vanillas or starting relationships or ANY of those other variations that have been mentioned." Why aren't these people part of the equation? These people make up much of the spanking community so I see no reason to leave any of them out of this discussion. I don't think you realize just how large our community is or how varied. It's actually quite amazing!
Also, your spankee getting your attention that way worked fine and I understand that, that sort of thing has happened during more than a few spankings for us (and I have my safe word just in case), but that doesn't mean our communication skills are better than the people who choose to primarily use the safe word system, they're just different. Different being the key word; not better. |
Snowtop
New member
Username: Snowtop
Post Number: 1
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 11:05 pm: |
|
Although my WIFE has spanked me a few times she does not seem to enjoy it and stops before I reach a limit. NO, we do not use a safeword. I have been unable to get her to read any books or even anything on the computor about spanking. She has told me a couple of times that I deserve a spanking but does not always deliver.I am a new member and I live in Idaho. |
Midnytedreams
New member
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 36
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 06:40 am: |
|
We use both safe words and safety signals if she is gagged so that she can say when enough through actions and words. I believe it allows her the knowledge that the punishment is controled and she will never be abused, it allows her the security so she can push her own limits mentally and physically. The first time she was gagged she freaked out until she realized that as soon as the ball left her hand. everything stops
immediately which gives her that well being. It was very hard for her to trust as her last Dom abused that trust but with this knowledge she is able to grow and trust and now can truely experience what she desired all along. I am proud to say that it has been over a year since the ball has dropped or she has said the safe word. |
Midnytedreams
New member
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 37
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 06:46 am: |
|
oops sorry the funny story we were in walmart and shopping and talking and laughing. she said her safe word
cantalope as she wanted to buy some. I stopped dead in my tracks with the cart. she looked over and she smiled and said sorry you can continue. |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 26
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 08:46 am: |
|
Our safe word is "Nike." I don't know why other than it is a word that would never come up in a intimate moment. Anyway, I had got my hair wrapped around the bed post, and not realizing it, my partner kept doing what it was he was doing, so I ended up yelling, "Nike, Nike, Nike!" A moment later, I hear my roomate, on the other side of the door, "Ann for the last time, keep track of your shoes! They are by the front door!!"
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
|
Midnytedreams
New member
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 38
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 09:13 am: |
|
LMAO its a good thing you use Nike instead of cantalope she might have brought you a fruit tray
Spanking |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 27
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 10:28 am: |
|
No doubt! I am glad I don't have a roomate any longer. Now I can scream as loud as I wish, and no one is bringing me my shoes when I don't need them!
Cantelope would not have worked for me, I would have been hungry, everytime I got my hair caught in the bed post!! Which is quite often.
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
|
Petergrimm
New member
Username: Petergrimm
Post Number: 28
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 06:05 pm: |
|
Years ago, my wife and I started down this road without safe words not knowing what they were. In the early days play was pretty light and plain ol' English worked fine. But as we got into play heavy enough to alter rational thought - subspace being the term now understood, we developed a signal - she held an object in her hand and if that dropped, that was full stop. Later, back in the 90's, after I had found the community on the early internet and learned much, we chose safe words - green yellow red (hey! simple is good).
So we are playing this one day about five years ago, she is semi-suspended with rope from the chains in the workshop ceiling, and I am happily employing the suede flogger, which is like a massage at worst. Suddenly she is squirming and wiggling- obviously something was wrong. BV is not all wrong guys, there is squirming and then there is "something is wrong" squirming. Anyhow she starts yelling "Safeword, What the Hell is the SAFEWORD?" Ok, so she is talking, breathing and has a good colour but is in obvious pain of some sort, so I say "Green?" at the same time I start to get her down in a controlled fashion (as compared to cutting my rope and dropping her to the ground). At which point she remembers her safeword is "red" which she proceeded to use as a SWEAR word as she hopped about trailing ropes and massaging her cramped calf.
So the moral of the story is by all means have safewords, but just don't rely on them solely - deep subspace or a real crisis can put them right out of your bottom's head. The top has to pay attention and continually read the bottom. Pay strict attention to breathing, colour, conscious state, responsivenes to stimuli. Rapid change in any of these, particularly if the bottom has become uncommunicative needs to be heeded immediately.
Every year, people die playing BDSM games, many more are injured, particularly pulled and torn muscles. Even a OTK spanking can develop into a crisis (eg she wiggles off your knee and drops that little distance to the floor while you are holding her hand up behind her back. You do not let go fast enough, she has an instant torn muscle and even a safeword won't prevent this.)
But Safewords do make what is risky a little safer at minimal cost. For certain, what we do does have risk so let's minimize it. |
Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 37
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Friday, June 15, 2007 - 05:43 pm: |
|
My Husband and I used a safe word when we were seriously dating and for most of O/our engagement. We were not 'new to spanking' (or D/s, BDSM for that matter either) but we were new to each other and therefore we took things step by step. A safe word was a must in the beginning. For us there came a time (before we got married) when we both decided to eliminate the use of a safe word (not that we ever used it anyway. I always accepted His Dominance despite how intense it was) and we haven't had a safe word in three years. It was a strong commitment we made along with our marriage vows. This takes an immense amount of trust in my Husband and I never even mention our lack of safe word to friends who are just starting out. I recommend one highly to them. With no safe word my Husband has to be very vigilant during any type of 'session' in regards to my body language, pain tolerance, attitude, physical & mental well-being etc. but He has proven His ability to 'read me' and takes great care in all areas. The level of submission I can reach is far greater and powerful feeling w/out a safe word.
'To each their own' is all I can say...
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
|
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 670
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 15, 2007 - 11:15 pm: |
|
Very eloquent Pixie!Peter if and when I ever get into the things you guys do I,m sure a lot of my habits will change.The other day (my being as opinionated as I am )we agreed that whenever I was being to strong with some opinion she should say red and then give me whatever.Since then it,s worked out pretty well cause I get to use it too.(Can,t see yellow there either but what the hell) |
Midnytedreams
New member
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 43
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Friday, June 15, 2007 - 11:32 pm: |
|
Hey BV thats what we are here for to stir the pot so to speak if we didnt these women would just be exchanging pics and recipes but then this wont be the spanking den but the naked men covered in choclate den. Also if we agreed with them all the time wont that make us the bottoms. |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 409
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 16, 2007 - 11:00 pm: |
|
Now, now... there's nothing wrong with agreeing with us on occasion.
But tops becoming bottoms? Now that would be a travesty! |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2153
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 17, 2007 - 09:41 am: |
|
I have to agree with you badgirl 100%!!! |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 673
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 17, 2007 - 11:40 am: |
|
Hear Hear Midnyte!!!It,s a tough job but somebody,s gotta\clipart do it. |
Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 39
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 18, 2007 - 05:16 pm: |
|
Thanks BV, You made me blush. 
I agree BadGirl!
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
|
Petergrimm
New member
Username: Petergrimm
Post Number: 32
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 19, 2007 - 05:10 pm: |
|
And just what is wrong with being a naked Top covered in chocolate???? One just needs someone willing to clean it all off....
Second thought, What was that Safeword again?
Which brings us back on topic, sort of - for those of us who are doing this for fun, and even those who want a good spanking for release of stress vs a punishment - how do you signal you have had enough if it is not to use your safeword? I understand that such options may be removed in a D/s or punishment situation but much of the spanking here discussed has the bottom retaining control or at least drawing the line of "consentual"
For myself, we rarely end a scene with a safeword, but sitting here I am at a bit of a loss to say how we (I) know enough is enough and to wind things up -- true be told it is more a matter of stamina (mine) at our age |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3265
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 12:02 am: |
|
I want to bring up a different use of a safe word. Yes, I am in a long term relationships (decades) and he can read my signals of knowing when enough is enough. That said, there are times when he may feel like playing and I do not, or times when my mood may suggest I am looking for a spanking when it is the furthest thing from my mind. A safe word lets him know that it is not a good time for him to even begin. Signals can and are easily misread and neither of us want the hassle of a spanking that is not appreciated at that moment.
NO ONE is that good of a mind reader.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 457
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 09:00 pm: |
|
Fanny you make the best point sometimes!
At risk of hijacking a thread I started, (ok I am competely hijacking, and I am aware of it), your post made me think. A couple of times when I really didn't want to be spanked I went along with it because I wanted to encourage him to do so more often. This probably wasn't the best decision I've ever made, and a safeword wouldn't have helped since I wouldn't have used it. But it's nice to know that there are times when it's not wanted -- for everyone. |
Kendra
Advanced Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 382
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 03, 2007 - 11:07 am: |
|
I'm just now, after almost a year starting to get back into the spanking scene. but we haven't ever gone far enough to need a safe word yet.. although I'm not sure what it's going to be.. we'll have to figure that out. He's only spanked me once and that was in pure fun, so I was giggling the whole time.. I'm sure if it gets serious enough to need one then we will think of one, because after my last relationship I definatly want one.
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
|
Ladygator2904
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 312
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 08, 2007 - 08:00 pm: |
|
safe word "peanut" ... used it a few times, I am a coward.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
|
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 687
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 09, 2007 - 04:11 pm: |
|
Is that the same as red Ladygator? |
|
Spanking With A Twist Discussions