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Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 23
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 03:14 pm: | 
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Hello! I am new to the spanking life style. I always loved the thought of being spanked, but had never had anyone take me in hand. I realized quite by accident how much I wanted it. I have been with my fiance' for 5 years, and I have kinda sprung this on him all of a sudden. At first he was completely against it, then he started swatting me playfully during intimate moments, and now the swats are starting to get a little more intense.
I am 14 years younger than my fiance and he has a problem with taking me in hand for punishment reasons saying, "I didn't take you to raise." He threatens to do it, but then tells me that he isn't going to spank me, because that would be something I like for punishment, which wouldn't make any sense.
Any suggestions on how to get him to spank me for real?
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 30
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 03:23 pm: |
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W/we have a friend who introduced her Hubby to the joys of spanking during a fight quite by accident. He was yelling at her about her attitude and how He couldn't stand the way she was behaving. She grabbed her hairbrush off the counter and yelled "well, why don't you SHOW me how much you don't like my attitude!" He obliged. Almost six years later...He is quite the avid disciplinarian. 
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
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Petergrimm
New member
Username: Petergrimm
Post Number: 26
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 09:33 pm: |
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I am a little confused as to YOUR reasons for wanting your fiance' to spank you. What you need from your fiance' is vastly different depending on those reasons.
example You may really want a D/s relationship where spanking is a manifestation of his control, and your submission. Here, where there is power exchange going on, you actually do "need" him to take responsibility for you.
You may be happy with a more "scene" sort of thing where the reasons for the spanking may well be role playing or a contrived situation just to get the physical and emotional release a good spanking can bring. Here you "only" need him to be willing to role-play and get his head around physically hurting you.
Or maybe you are a bit masochistic and a good spanking gets you hot and bothered and is erotic. Here you need it to get him hot and bothered too - or at least participate at the intensity you seek until you get to the part he does enjoy 
Or you have some mixture of these and more! And it may depend on the day and the position of the stars....
You want to bring him on board where this is taking you. Either you know where that is and need to convince him to come along, or you need him to explore with you as you find out where you want to go.
In either case you need to sort things out as much as possible in your head, then talk through your feelings with him. Expect him to have some baggage about hitting and hurting, and maybe some preceptions about what these "needs" say about you. These have to come out in the open and be addressed.
You are getting some "swats" in an erotic context - make sure he is getting positive feedback (and reward - this will encourage him to ratchet up the intensity to the level you need. If you want him to be more Dominant, then also try getting him to explore other things where your submission is clearly evident (such as bondage, service, delayed orgasm) as well as spanking.
If what you really want though, is non-erotic disciplinary spanking, I don't think there is an easy way to evolve from love pats to a good caning.
Regards,
Peter Grimm |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 25
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 11:26 pm: |
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Thanks Peter, We have a good erotic spanking relationship going, so far. He enjoys what the swats do to me, and of course that gives him enjoyment in return.
I have a very stressful career, as a cop, and need a release. I have to be very dominant in my job, so the last thing I want to be when I am out of uniform is dominant. I want to be completely submissive. And I know that I am a hard headed woman who needs a good motivating, punishment to get me to do things I have a tendancy to not do when I should. (i.e. balance the check book, quit smoking, etc.) So, I think I need a bit of all three.
I think there is hope, at first, he wouldn't spank me at all. Now, he puts the burn on, during those erotic moments, so I hope, that he will evolve to the other 2. I would be happy with the stress relief spanking though, if thats as far as it goes, as long as he did it at least once a week. 
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Petergrimm
New member
Username: Petergrimm
Post Number: 27
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 04:50 pm: |
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Ok, at the risk of over-simplifying, you do want some D/s elements. Have you tried any type of bondage scene - the bondage renders you powerless so the pressure to perform, achieve, whatever, is curtailed. Plus things are done TO you, rather than you DOING, so many people can let go of inhibitions and other baggage while bound. It is an easy way to ease into dominant/submissive roles. It is likely your fiancé will have issues with control if you ask him straight out to “Dominate” you, but you may get some relief if you can let go in a bondage scene which can be “sold” as a primarily erotic experience. My thoughts are that you need a way to lead gently to where you want to go, since this is a bit sudden after five years....
As far as motivating punishments to help you do what you know you should.... This one is outside my experiences, and I am not too sure how workable or successful this would be.... Help anyone who is into this sort of DD? I do think it is going to be a big step to get him to wallop your ass because you – obviously a strong smart lady, are not doing things you know you should...
Now don’t flame me guys, I said this is outside of my experience, but it appears to me that many of the “disciplinary” spanking stories on here are based on a scenario where the spanking is “earned” by the failure of the bottom to perform in a situation where failure is pretty much guaranteed – the point being little more than to generate a reason for the spanking which fulfils needs of the Top and bottom that are not really related to the “reason” for the spanking. I do know many here engage in non-erotic spankings for no other reason than they need to be spanked – no contrived set-up required. Others do enjoy the role playing and recognize it is role-play explicitly with the end point being a desired spanking.
It might be easier to get him to spank you just because you want it than to get him to spank you for not doing something a strong grown woman should.... I would suggest you maybe feel him out on role play with spanking, again as an offshoot of your erotic play, the idea being to get the sort of disciplinary spankings you desire, without tripping the “I didn’t take you to raise” response.
I figure the more spanking becomes part of your sex life, the more acceptable it will be to modify it to fulfill your other needs. For many non-spankers it is a big issue to get past the hitting/ hurting their partner thing – it is ONLY acceptable to any of us because it is what the spankee truly wants, and that will take some convincing I am sure.
Regards,
Peter Grimm |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1579
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 05:42 pm: |
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Peter, I see your point about the disciplinary spanking stories and I think I have a bit of insight into that one. (My perspective is, as always, from the bottom's point of view.) For so many of us, the act of being disciplined is seen as a show of love and caring from someone we want to feel submissive to. Whether it's done as role-play or as discipline, the desire to give yourself over to someone like that is the driving force.
Also, there are the spankos who have a discipline fetish. They crave discipline. It's not about trying to avoid discipline when that's the case. They feel loved when they're punished so they occasionally break the "rules" so they'll be disciplined. It happens a lot when they're feeling the need to be taken back in hand. They have their counterparts in some spanko tops so it works great once their needs are made clear.
Spanking_deserved, what type of discipline are you looking for? Your fiance says he didn't take you to raise, so you need to figure out how to express your needs to him without making him feel like you're pushing his limits.
Since you say you'd be happy with stress relief spankings, have you talked to him about this? Maybe if you explain how a scheduled time for maintenance spankings would take care of all your pent up stress and make you feel motivated to curb your bad behaviors on your own, he might be more on board with the project.
Since he's concerned with rewarding you by spanking you for bad behaviors, you can explain how spanking you regularly will motivate you to stay on the straight and narrow. Instead of a punishment, having a tender bottom keeps you feeling satisfied and cared for which will make you less likely to engage in negative behavior. You might even ask if it'd be okay with him if you could ask for a spanking when you felt like you were worried about slipping up. Use spanking as a motivation, not a deterrent.
Will that work for you though? It actually works great for me, so that's why I suggest it. For example: Dan doesn't like spanking me for misbehaving when we go shopping so instead, he spanks me before we go. We both enjoy spanking so it works as a great motivator and we're both in a great mood when we go out. He even spanks me when I'm about to go out on my own if he feels like I need it. It sure makes grocery shopping less of a chore!
Sometimes, you just have to dig deep and look hard at your motivations. |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 29
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Friday, June 15, 2007 - 09:45 pm: |
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You guys have been so helpful. I went to a website an emailed him an article on maintenance spanking. When he didn't check his email, I told him he needed to read it, and I told him a bit about it. He seemed pretty receptive to it, so lets all cross our fingers!!
I have actually found myself a bit nervous about that first spanking... I am starting to wonder if he will be able to get me to the point that I do release all of the stress. I talked to him about spanking me anytime I started getting stressed, mouthy, or before we go on a trip, since we have a tendancy to argue everytime we leave the house for a day. (he really liked the idea of curbing that little trend!)
As for the bondage thing, we have played around with that a bit, mostly him holding me down, or using handcuffs. He knows I really enjoy it, alot, and we have been doing that for several years. I think his problem is the smacking part itself. He is also a police officer, and the thought of being abusive in anyway, turns him off. We have seen so many cases of domestic violence. So, I think if I can ease him into this, he will realize the big difference.
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 37
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 20, 2007 - 08:23 pm: |
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Well, here is the update!
Last night, my man threatened to spank me for my smart mouth, so I called him on it, thinking I was going to get a playful spanking, like always.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!! OUCH!!!
It started off playful...for a second. Then my arm was held in the small of my back, and it intensified!! He said something, and of course, I smarted off again. OOPS! SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!!! OOOOUUUCHHH!!
Needless to say, I have not smarted off since. And I slept like a baby last night. 
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 438
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 12:13 am: |
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Yay!!!
Good for you SD. I am glad you got what you deserved! (That can be taken both ways!) |
Lilgirl
New member
Username: Lilgirl
Post Number: 9
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:49 pm: |
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(Message edited by lilgirl on June 21, 2007)
I Love You MY Sexy Sire
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Lilgirl
New member
Username: Lilgirl
Post Number: 10
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:53 pm: |
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I Love You MY Sexy Sire
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Rose
New member
Username: Rose
Post Number: 3
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 06:15 am: |
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That's great! Have you talked to him since about how he felt about it? My husband still has the concern that he is abusing me creep up on him from time to time, so I make sure that I check up on him from time to time on how he is feeling. |
Blushingbride
Advanced Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 112
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 08:21 pm: |
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That's a great point, Rose, about checking in with your spanker, especially if you are the one that initiated spankings into the relationship, or if he was reluctant. I have donet his several times with my hubby and low and behold he went from spanking me because I asked to now because he enjoys it. |
Spanking_deserved
Spanko
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 54
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 11:42 am: |
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I have made sure to thank him each time he spanks me, in one form or another. When we talked about it, he said that he is getting over the thoughts that he was being abusive. We have talked about it and agreed that since it is completely consentual and we use a safe word, it is not abuse.
It has worked for us, I have the red bottom to prove it!
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Rose
New member
Username: Rose
Post Number: 6
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, July 01, 2007 - 08:54 am: |
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That's wonderful, SD! Given the career you both have, I can see how communication will be especially important in your relationship. Since abuse is something that you both regularly see, it may continue to creep up from time to time. I'm glad that things are going so well for the two of you. And I'm glad you got what you deserved. ;)
Maybe I'm just being silly, but sometimes reading threads like this make me realize how lucky I am to have my husband. He is a spanko too, so I didn't have the initial issue of explaining my spanking desires and such, but he still sometimes has the "why do I want to hit my wife?" guilt. I completely understand this, because I don't think I could handle spanking another person, even if they really wanted me to. But he continues to do it, and to talk with me about it, not just because he wants it, but because I want it and he wants me to be happy. I particularly think that otherwise vanilla partners who spank in order to please their significant others deserve a lot of kudos for being so open-minded and loving that they'd step up and do something like this to please them. It can't be easy, and for those of us who have them, we should make sure they know how much we love them for it!
Geez, I'm getting all misty-eyed. I must be hormonal. |
Spanking_deserved
Spanko
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 62
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 08:45 pm: |
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It is update time again!!
I received my wonderful prize from Bethie a few weeks ago. Now, I had never been "paddled" before. We were laying in bed, and I was being bratty, ignoring him, kinda. He grabbed ahold of that ball paddle, and started swatting my backside lightly but rapidly. OUCH! I was very surprised about the sting! As much as I wanted to love it, I hated it.
I noticed the other day that many of you were saying that a warm up hand spanking helped. Boy, were you all helpful! He decided to give me a spanking again last night. And gave me the warm up and then used the paddle much harder than before, and to our surprise,... I could handle the paddle!!! yeah!!! AND I LOVED IT!!!I went to sleep last night with a heated backside, and a large smile on my face!
Thank you to Bethie and all of you for your great advice and shared experiences! (and lets not forget for the prize from the contest!)
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 3
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 09:00 am: |
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Hi,
My partner ( no pun imtended ) is also a police officer.
Reading your posting has me excited and motivated. She also enjoys spankings. However, I haven't been exposed to the lifestyle and the concept is completely outside what I believed it to be.
All the responses and updates you recieved have motivated me even more to be the man she needs me to be. I have no experience and any websites, videos, advise as well as your updates are helpful and very much appreciated.
CONGRATS! On your wonderful growing relationship. I can't wait to join you in feeling the same rewards in mine. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1644
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 03:26 pm: |
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S_d, I'm glad it's working out for you! And I'm really glad you're enjoying your new paddle.
Cherrybrewer, I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice here, but I have to caution that I don't allow the addresses of commercial sites posted on this forum. We have some advertisers here and it's not fair to them to promote other sites for free. It's in the Site Protocols thread in the Site Info area if you have any questions about that. |
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