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Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 28
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 12:35 pm: | 
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I have a question for everyone interested in giving me thier opinion. What if you found your true love/soul mate but they are vanilla or worse yet they are thinking of giving up on the lifestyle....would you be able to stay with that person who you are truly in love with and forgo your happiness of the lifestyle?? Or would you have to say no way and be selfish about the matter and break that person's heart? I would love to hear all your answers. Thanks ahead of time. |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 227
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 02:05 pm: |
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Hi, Michelle. From my point of view, I don't see why someone has to give something up, to be in a relationship, because the other doesn't partake of the interest. Would I make him stop playing golf, because I don't enjoy it? No, I wouldn't. 
Spanking is something I enjoy, and will continue to enjoy, even if my vanilla mate is not up for it. (I've dated vanillas, but I always let them in on my interests, although maybe not the full extent of it all. )
I don't see how my enjoying something would break someone's heart, unless I went off and purposely sought out, and fell in love with, another man.
I feel there should be compromise in any relationship. There's also a need to communicate, and to be open and honest about everything.
Truthfully, I'm so tired of hearing from disgruntled men with "vanilla wives"...it's the same story with every single one of them. They gave up a part of themselves, and now...they seek out other women. Is this good for anyone that's involve then?
One of my vanilla ex's came to the club with me, although it wasn't something he would be actively involved with...ever. He knew that I enjoyed it, so he came along. I didn't, nor did I ever push him to participate, and he enjoyed that I enjoyed what I did. BTW, he was in no way submissive, and unfortunately would not be a bottom man ever either.
I don't see it as being "selfish" to enjoy what we enjoy...I think it's far more selfish to expect someone to give up.
K |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1827
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 02:38 pm: |
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I truly believe that in a loving relationship no-one should have to "give up" anything that is a part of their life that is not destructive. I am really bothered by s/o's who proclaim love but expect/demand that their loved one give up friends/hobbies/activities that they enjoy. Eventually resentment is going to set in.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 832
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 05:33 pm: |
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This is a difficult question. I suppose that if I found that absolutely perfect person, fell in love and then realized he would never be willing to spank me or let others, that I might be willing to settle for a vanilla lifestyle again. I would hope he would love me enough to try and accept my kink...he might even find that he liked it.
However, having tasted the delights of my own Dom/sub relationship I would never go back. Being a sub is who I am, it makes me whole. I dont want to lose that.
Michelle, your worried about breaking his heart...but what about mine? 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 113
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 08:15 pm: |
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Very good question. I have a DD relationship for 25 years and I would have to say that if anything happened to W I don't think I would be able to contuine this relationship with someone else, mostly because I think I will be comparing them to W. That being said I don't think I could give up on erotic spankings. I think I am hard wired for that. If I gave that up I don't think I coukd truly be myself and I know that sex wouldn't be the same. |
Celticbratt
Spanko
Username: Celticbratt
Post Number: 102
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 01:30 am: |
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YIKES!!! Talk about a sore subject! I was widowed last January- A very kinky vanilla man- he knew what I was into, and tried it a few times, but it just wasn't something he could do. After he died, when I was ready to start dating again, I made the conscious decision, to go out and look for people ONLY in the lifestyle.Now that I have my Dom, and I have seen the "other side", if you will, I would NEVER go back to vanilla. It adds so much more to the relationship, brings us so much closer...I guess to me, no man could BE the perfect one if he didn't share this with me... |
Katie_spades
New member
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 41
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 02:47 am: |
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ouchie! I wish I could help but I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot pole. This a a difficult subject for so many people... okay maybe I am touching it. I've tried it and it's hard and I think it can work but it can also make for a pretty sticky situation... no pun intended.
Please sir, I don't need a spanking. I'll be good, I promise!
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Celticbratt
Spanko
Username: Celticbratt
Post Number: 107
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 07:57 am: |
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Nope- would NEVER want to go back to vanilla.Never never never. |
Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 31
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 12:19 pm: |
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Hi all...thanks for all your answers and I pretty much figured that the main answer would be just what everyone has said here. My situation is kind of unique in alot of ways, I was raised in a home where my parents practiced D/s and they tried to hide it as much as possible from us kids but the older we got the harder it was for them to hide it from us LOL...so we all soon figured it out and I was attracted to the whole idea as a teen. I married young (age 20)to a guy ten years older than me and he was into the lifestyle pretty heavily...I was very naieve and unfortunatley he took advantage of that and it soon turned into an abusive situation. Now I am out of that situation and I met the current Dom I am with online...we chatted for six years, he helped me to see alot of things in my current marriage and the rest is pretty much history...I love this current man a whole lot ...in fact I am not even sure if I ever loved my husband because I was so young when I married him because what I feel for this current man is so much different in what I felt for my ex...as the old saying goes ...you really don't know what you want until your in your 30's LOL. But now I found out through the grapevine that this man I love dearly is thinking about turning vanilla ...of course I haven't approached him on it yet because I wanted others opinions on this subject first here ...I am not so sure I can give up D/s ...it's been a part of my life all of my life but yet I love this man a whole lot and I don't want to lose him either. Sorry this is a long entry ...kind of got to babbling LOL. Thanks all for your answers!  |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 838
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 03:50 pm: |
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Before anything else Michelle, find out what's going on in his life and head that would make him want to leave the lifestyle. Your basing an awful lot on hearsay. If he loves you as much as you do him and he's happy with you, why would he want to go back to being vanilla?
Never, and I mean NEVER trust the grapevine! Communication with your partner is more important than anything, and if he loves you he will tell you the truth. Until you know what he is really thinking...dont panic. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Celticbratt
Spanko
Username: Celticbratt
Post Number: 110
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 04:52 pm: |
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Gotta say- One of the things that draws me to the lifestyle...Is the fact that you HAVE to communicate..you have to talk...have to tell the other what/where/why you are thinking.If you really love him....then you should be able to flat out ask him about where he is, his mindset, as far as the lifestyle.Give him the benefit of the doubt....... |
Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 208
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 09:39 am: |
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If he has been in this lifestyle a long time also and is a Dom. I very much doubt that he can actually walk away from it. He may tone it down some, but if it is who he is and part of his personality he won't be able to NOT do it.
That would be like me telling Mr. B to not be so dominant. Impossible.
I agree talk with him and find out what he is thinking and let him know how important that type of relationship is to you also.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Poofette
New member
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 34
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 09:54 am: |
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My opinion for what it's worth......no such thing as chucking it all and turning vanilla. If it's in you, it's in you, no matter what you try to do to stop it, the interest, the passion, the attraction stays put. He can try but he won't succeed. D/s, or a spanko's heart, either way I think. How many of us have tried to surpress and hide our interest in spanking? Did it work? Maybe he's in a stage where he thinks that's the "right" thing to do. My advice, like the others who posted, talk it out and if that doesn't work, wait him out.
Poofette |
Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 35
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 11:33 am: |
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Thanks to everyone for your advice on what to do and how to handle this. Last nite I did talk to him on the phone (we seem to communicate much better over the phone than on the computer) and he admitted to me that he could NEVER give up the lifestyle. I really started thinking it was me he didn't want to spank or do the D/s with but in reality I was internalizing way to much and him and I finally talked it out on the phone and I feel much better about it now. In fact he told me that I should know better than listening to anyone through the grapevine LOL ...because he has told me that he would NEVER give up D/s or spanking ...he has been doing it way to long and as others have said here...it's a part of him and he can't throw that away. So I am satisfied with our conversation that we had. Thanks everyone |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 841
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 11:54 am: |
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Your very welcome Michelle, and I hope you get a spanking for listening to gossip instead of going straight to the source.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 209
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 01:42 pm: |
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I second that Michelle - you a need a spanking for causing yourself all this grief over gossip.
I hope he gives you a good one.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Hunny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Hunny
Post Number: 939
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 02:32 pm: |
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I hope everything is going well, Tmichellebrat! |
Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 36
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 - 11:40 pm: |
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wolfie & beachley...yes I third that ...a good spanking will do me a world of good let's just hope he believes that LOL... but yes he says the same thing that I should have gone straight to him (the source) and asked him straight out ...in fact I think he did it to test me and see if I was going to come to him or not and I failed miserably ...well I finally did go to him but it took a day and a half of crying and fretting over it before I finally got the nerve to go to him and ask him about it. He plans on visiting again soon ...(around Christmas)  which I am very happy about because usually he can only vist every four months or so which makes it harder ...so this is a treat getting to see him two months in a row ....and I am hoping for that good spanking then 
hunny ...thanks ..everything is going A ok now thanks to all of you and your wonderful advice here at the Den...I love this place!  |
Hunny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Hunny
Post Number: 949
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 06:24 am: |
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It is good to hear that you got things straightened out, and I hope everything continues to go well! |
Celticbratt
Spanko
Username: Celticbratt
Post Number: 112
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 10:53 am: |
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It's amazing,when you make one of those "breakthroughs". |
Spankynyc
New member
Username: Spankynyc
Post Number: 14
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 11:06 pm: |
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I agree with Wolfie. I have been in vanilla relationships and I prefer not to go back to vanilla partners. As a matter of fact I am patiently trying to find a young lady who enjoys spanking as much as I do. When you have a spanking partner everything is just better. It feels like you have found a true soul mate. When you are in a vanilla relationship you are always wondering and thinking that you are missing out on a really wonderful good time.You feel like a piece is missing. Ofcourse you can live without that piece but you want to be whole badly. |
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