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Hunnybunny
New member
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 18
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 02:16 pm: | 
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I recently lost my sister that I was very close to. She died in a car accident on August 12th. I'm feeling very bad about it because she was comming to visit me when the accident happened. My sister was killed instantly, but her 6 year old daughter ,Olivia, survived. Her daughter is living at my house for now until her dad can recover from the loss. This morning Olivia said to me "Auntie Torie when is mommy comming?" I just broke down crying. Worst part is that the crush wasn't even my sister's fault. The guy in the other car blew a red light light and hit my sister's car. And to add to that The guy died too, so now he can't be charged for my sister's death. My whole family is now grieving and we are all a complete mess. For the first time ever I saw my older brother cry. It tour me apart. I'm really hurting now!
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1188
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 02:27 pm: |
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Hunny....After a trauma of this nature, you need more help than I believe we can provide. Please seek it.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
"..I hear your music and it's driving me wild!" JPM
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Wild1
Spanko
Username: Wild1
Post Number: 58
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 02:30 pm: |
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My heart goes out to you...to lose a sibling is difficult to begin with but when it happens so quickly and senselessly it is horrible. I lost my youngest brother last year and it still hurts even now...if you ever need to just talk, I am here for you. Give your niece a great big hug and kiss for me.
wild1 ;)
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Reader_girl
New member
Username: Reader_girl
Post Number: 34
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 03:48 pm: |
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Oh, Hunnybunny, how terrible. I am so sorry.
Please make sure that you seek out help, not only for yourself but especially for your niece. It's going to be extra complex for her. There are many professionals out there who can help her understand what has happened and help her sort through her feelings. Your local department of Social Services is a good place to start.
I don't mean to lecture, but it is pretty important.
Reader Girl
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Rocco
Supreme Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 523
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 06:02 pm: |
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Hunnybunny, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Deepest sympathies.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 380
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 09:15 pm: |
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Im so sorry Hunny, I wish a hug would take the pain away. I recently lost loved ones too, so I know how hard this is.
I know it sounds trite, but time does help. And remember to take care of you, especially now when so many need you.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
WHY ISN'T IT OCTOBER YET? *stamp*
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Vulcano
New member
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 20
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 02:05 am: |
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What else to say to what was already said... soooo sorry to hear of such a loss. Take care. |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 112
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 08:32 am: |
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I am really sorry for your lost,my prayers and thoughts go with you and your family. I lite a candle for you and your sister. |
Kimbers
Spanko
Username: Kimbers
Post Number: 82
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 01:42 pm: |
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Hunny, I am going to say exactly the same thing as Fanny and the others have....please, and I do mean PLEASE look at finding a counselor to help work through all of this with you and your family. Your brother-in-law and niece would certainly benefit also. Take care of yourself and make sure you give us updates as to how you are doing if you feel up to it. Hugs, Kimbers
"When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before"
- Mae West
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Hunnybunny
New member
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 29
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 03:25 pm: |
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My sister's birthday was the 16th so that was a very hard day for my whole family. My sister's friends all stopped by to day to talk to me and Olivia. Olivia keeps asking where her Mom is and why I cry so much. My brother-in-law and I are trying to figure out how to break it to Olivia that Bridget ,my sister, isn't coming back. She is so little and we are scared about the effect it will have on her. Olivia starts kindergarten on the 31st. That was all Bridget used to talk about. She was so proud that her daughter was going into kidergarted. That was one of the best things aboutt my sister. She was always bubbley and proud that she had a loving husband, an adorable daughter, a lot of friends, and a caring family. When we were little my sister and I each wrote a little letters to each other. We promised that we wouldn't read the other's letter until the day they died. And when Rob and I were going through some old thing together yesterday we found her letter, and the whole letter was about how I was such a good little sister and how much she loved me. It was so sad. I went to see a counceler today. She was really nice and just let me talk to her and was really comforting, but she wasn't sure how Rob and I should break the news to Olivia. We are thinking about telling her that her Mommy went on a vacation to Heaven. Things are starting to get back to normal, but I really stressed now that Olivia is living with me. Rob and I are currently looking for a councelor of Olivia, but have had no luck so far. Rob refuses to see a councelor, but I know he really hurts inside. So that's it what has been going on lately.
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 387
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 04:27 pm: |
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Hunnybunny I know this is difficult, but if its any consolation you are doing the right things for you and Olivia. Have you tried calling the school that Olivia would be attending and asking their advice? Perhaps they have an on site counselor, or can recommend one? She really needs to be told...but in the right way. I'm not sure a vacation is a good idea, because people always return from vacations. But her mommy wont.
I know its hard to see right now, but that letter from your sister is a wonderful gift. Dont let it make you sad but instead realize it is an affirmation of how much she loved you. Not everyone is as lucky to have tangible proof of a family members love.
Hang in there kiddo, healing takes time. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
WHY ISN'T IT OCTOBER YET? *stamp*
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Hunnybunny
New member
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 32
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 04:43 pm: |
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Her dad called the school twice. The first time no one answered, and the second time the secretary recomended a well known councler that we didn't even think of. But when we called to doctor they said that the only spot they have open is in December. Rob decided that was too long to wait, so he said that he didn't want the apointment.
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Biggirl
Spanko
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 68
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 10:56 pm: |
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Hunnybunny:
Is your niece covered by health ins? If so there should be a phone# on the back of the ID card. They will be able to provide you the names & phone #'s of therapists (preferrally one who has experience with treating childhood grief) They can at the same time do an initial intake review which in these circumstances would be either yourself or her father if he is emotionally capable.
I have been coordinating ins reimbursemnt, specially managed care, for 12 years. I am experienced in obtaining authorizations for treatments which if she is covered under a managed care policy would be required.
If I can be of any assistance to you & your brother in-law in that way I am more then willing to talk you thru the process.
If she is not covered by health ins many states have programs available to help children deal with grief. In my city there is one.
I don't mean to sound cold. I hope that didn't come across as cold.
On a more personal note.....I 100% agree with Wolfie. Mommy going on vacation to heaven is not a good idea. I don't want that to sound judgemental at all I don't mean it that way. If the school isn't being of much help in this area then maybe a leader within your spiritual community could offer advice.
Her seeing you & her dad sad is healthy. It is healthy for her to see you cry. She knows by seeing your grief that your are feeling things that are like things she is feeling. And that is the most healthy thing there is. Unfortunately it hurts like hell when she asks her questions & nothing can help that but time. I think what she needs right now is an enormous about of affection, lots of "I Love You's" & the truth.
There is no way to tell her that won't break her little heart. And at her age you will have to re-tell her the same thing over & over each time she asks. And that will be painful for you & her father. Was your sister buried? I did just think of something....just popped in my head this second....Maria Shriver wrote a book for children about explaining death. She was on Oprah. It was a couple of years ago. I am sure you could find something on the internet where you could order it.
You are in my thoughts,BigGirl |
Hunnybunny
New member
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 37
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Friday, August 19, 2005 - 03:20 am: |
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I don't think you are being cold at all BigGirl. I understand that you are just giving some advice. Thanks to everyone for the advice and kind gestures.
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 324
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 01:30 am: |
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I would've responded to this sooner but we're still traveling. Everyone here has given you good advice already and I'm glad you're seeking counseling for you and your neice. You're a wonderful aunt for looking out for her. Just remember to take care of yourself, too. |
Kiwi_man
Advanced Spanko
Username: Kiwi_man
Post Number: 119
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 24, 2005 - 07:16 am: |
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God bless you and yours Hunnybunny, throughout this time.Please be kind to yourself. |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 281
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 24, 2005 - 08:36 am: |
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Hunnybunny I lite another candle for you and your sister. Time will heal sweetie, ok, take care and feel better. |
Hunnybunny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 261
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 30, 2005 - 09:13 pm: |
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Olivia is now living with her father again and things are pretty much coming together again. I know Bridget wouldn't have wanted us to be sad about this. She would have wanted us to look back and smile at all the good times we have had together. In a wierd sort of way this horrible accident has brought my family so much closer together. I now talk to my siblings atleast twice a week and we stop by eachother's houses much more often. Rob took Olivia's situation into his own hands now. That has been the past month of dealing with my sister Bridget's death.
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 522
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, October 01, 2005 - 11:45 am: |
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I'm happy to see your healing Hunny, and I dont think it's weird at all that your family has become closer thru this tragedy. The best families always pull together thru adversity.
Take care sweetie, and give yourself time.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
IT'S OCTOBER!!!
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 382
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 02, 2005 - 04:52 pm: |
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Thank you for the update, Hunnybunny. I know you're still hurting but it's wonderful that your family's pulled together the way it has.
Take care and keep us updated. |
Zippo
Advanced Spanko
Username: Zippo
Post Number: 193
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 03, 2005 - 03:55 am: |
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My thoughts and prayers are with you Hunnybunny as you mourn Bridgets loss. I'm glad you have such a supportive family as they will be a great source of comfort to you in the days ahead.
Take care..and may you find an inner peace.
Changing brats attitudes...one smack at a time
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Hunnybunny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Hunnybunny
Post Number: 403
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 03, 2005 - 09:24 pm: |
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Well Rob just updated me that he found Olivia a therapist and that she is doing great! He told her that mommy wasn't coming back and that she would understand when she got older. I visit her grave every weekend to put new flowers there and just remember the past. I don't cry as much anymore, but I read that letter every night and it makes a single tear come to my eye. The letter helps me remember the good times.
The best way to behave is not to
-Abercrombie & Fitch
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Shylah
New member
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 28
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 11:39 am: |
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Bless you Hunny, I too have had a recent loss. I can't find words to describe the grief inside. I lost a sister too years ago and I still miss her.
*Sends you a big HUG*
I DIDN'T DO IT!! I'm innocent I tell ya!! INNOCENT!! TRUST ME!!!
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Make_me
New member
Username: Make_me
Post Number: 4
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 11:52 am: |
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Awww God hun, i am so sorry for your loss. I cant even imagine how your feeling, but i know my sis is my best friend and the thought of losing her i dont even want to think about.
I wish for you the strength to cope with your grief. I was 3 when i lost my mum (im the youngest of 8)i honestly dont remember her now, but the stories my Dad and brothers and sister told me about her are always with me.Your neice will be fine. You and your brother in law will never let the spirit or memory of your sister die, so there for she will always be with you all.
Sending my best wishes to you all x x |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1519
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 12:11 pm: |
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I really didn't want to bring it up due to the recent death of my mother, but my sister is very near the end of her life loosing her battle with brain cancer. Actually we have already lost her in the fact that she is merely a shell of herself now. Completely bedridden and no response to anyone. At the beginning of September the drs gave her 4-6 weeks, but she is somehow still hanging on. I can't decide if this is for the better or not.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Shadowrose45
New member
Username: Shadowrose45
Post Number: 2
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 12:44 pm: |
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HI
I just found these boards, so I apologize for the late response.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom was killed when I was three by a drunk driver on Haloween. I still remember wondering where she was.
Even at that age, I understood "Mommy was in a very bad accident and has gone to heaven, and she is still watching over you now, but you can't see her."
A 6 yo can grasp and understand that. I'd suggest letting her talk and ask all the questions she wants.
And Fanny, I'm sorry your sister and you are both so ill. You are all in my prayers. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1529
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 12:48 pm: |
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Thank you rose, I am a firm believer in prayers.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 664
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 01:03 pm: |
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Unfortunately there has been a lot of grief on this board in the last few months. I lost my mother, and uncle and my dog all in a space of 2 weeks time. Lets support each other the best we can, and remember that this is a good and loving place where we can be ourselves and enjoy each others company.
Blessed be 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
HAPPY SAMHAIN!
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1537
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 01:15 pm: |
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Wolfie you are correct, life can be full of grief at times. All the more reason to celebrate each day to it's fullest. Next event you have, remember me. 
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Hunny
New member
Username: Hunny
Post Number: 8
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 02:14 pm: |
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Thank you everyone.
"I wonder why my mommy got taken away everyday. I wish she would come home real bad. Daddy says she isn't coming back. I want her to though. I pray to Jesus to give her back."
Olivia said that to her therapist and Rob told me. I was about to break out in tears right there! 
She also said to me one night:
"I'm not sad because Mommy is watching me! I can feel it!"
My heart goes out to everyone that has lost somebody. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1541
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 03:00 pm: |
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The loss of a loved one is hard on everyone and there is no-one here that has not been touched. Thank goodness for a place like this to escape the real world for awhile and play, laugh, tease and torment.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Hunny
New member
Username: Hunny
Post Number: 12
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 03:11 pm: |
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I agree Fanny! Thank God for the den! |
Sdhrts
New member
Username: Sdhrts
Post Number: 44
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, November 07, 2005 - 02:05 pm: |
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You and family are in my prayers. I experienced a similar tragedy years ago. My Niece grew up without her dad, who was my brother in-law. I can truly identify with your situation. Message me anytime. Here or private!
God Bless
Is IT Better To Give Than To Recieve?
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Hunny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Hunny
Post Number: 506
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 08, 2005 - 10:08 pm: |
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I can hardly look at my niece sometimes because she looks so much like her mommy! I try really hard, but as soon as I look into Olivia's eyes I see my sister again and I can feel the tears coming. She gets more and more like Bridget every day! She has the same strength and power in such a small body that my sister had. She presents herself just like her too. She acts just like Bridget did when she was that age with a few minor differences. I loved Bridget and I love Olivia so much! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 755
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 08, 2005 - 10:36 pm: |
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Hunny, I know it's difficult...but think of the great gift Olivia is to you. You have her, the spitting image of her mother, to comfort you every day. When you look at Olivia dont think "Ive lost her mother"...instead think "her mother is still with me in her beautiful daughter".
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Everyday Life