Alex_b
Spanko Username: Alex_b
Post Number: 57 Registered: 04-2005
| Posted on Saturday, July 17, 2010 - 03:40 am: |
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Some have called me a terrible sexist. I disagree. I m most definitely a sexist, but I’m far from terrible at it. Truth be told, I’m a superb sexist. Rather than bore you by chronicling my path toward chauvinism, I offer this cautionary example of what can result from such a distinctly male mindset. Many years ago, I performed as the title character in a college production of “The Importance of Being Earnest ”. During intermission on the final night of the show, I escaped to the back of the theater with a cup of tea while the other actors gathered outside for a smoke and a chance to loosen the lacings of their Victorian garb. Just as I’d placed a slice of cucumber over each eye and sat back to enjoy the quiet of the make up room , Kathryn Stahl, the Lady Bracknell of our production, burst in fuming about Mischa Bloom, who played my stage fiancé, Gwendolyn.” “That little bitch has upstaged me for the last time!” she hissed, tossing her prop spectacles aside and plopping her ample bottom onto the chair next to me. “Well, this being closing night, I suspect that’s true.” I replied nonchalantly, as if still in character. Kathryn snatched a cumber slice from my face and began angrily munching on it. “Oh, we’ll be in other shows together! And I’m done letting Miss Casting Couch steal my thunder!” With that, she pilfered the slice from my other eyelid and poked it into her mouth. “We need those for the sandwiches!” “Improvise!” Kathryn shot back. Realizing that my alone time was done for, I sat up and began retouching my eyebrows. “You know damn well she didn’t sleep with the director. I mean, come on! Frank is gayer than Oscar Wilde!” Unable to argue about that, Kathryn turned and furiously dusted her cheeks with a powder brush. “Be that as it may, she stands in my light, steps on my lines and refuses to put any effort into our scenes unless she‘s speaking!” “I know.” I agreed, sipping at my tea. “Mischa does the same thing to everyone. She’s a selfish prima donna. A good spanking would sort her out.” “Hmm!“ Kathryn harrumphed. “I’m certain you’d miss no opportunity to lavish your attention on her assets! You’re a rake!” I nearly choked on my Darjeeling. “What?!” “Not a garden variety rake. I mean-” “I know the word!“ I said incredulously. “A rakehell, a degenerate… an eat, drink and be merry party animal! More to the point, a womanizer!” “Well, isn’t that how you’d describe you?” “That’s hardly the point! Referring to one’s self as a rascal makes you appear self-deprecating. Being called one, however, simply points out that you are, in fact, a rascal!” “A rascal then.” “But you said ‘rake‘! And that hardly seems necessary. I’d never call you a hoe!“ “I’m not the one with a soiled reputation.” Unable to argue with her about that, I returned to my refurbishing my brow. “Maybe a good spanking would sort you out, as well.” I grumbled. I must have been too irate to notice the silence that followed, because I was somewhat taken aback to find Kathryn standing at my side, a moment later. “And how, exactly, would one go about that?” The evocative tone Kathryn employed put me into some kind of primitive automatic pilot mode. Wordlessly, I dropped the grease pencil, took hold of her arm and drew her across my thighs. Only the faint rustle of taffeta could be heard as I positioned Kathryn so that her backside was angled more advantageously for what was to come. I then encircled her waist with my left arm, lifted my right and brought it down with a loud smack across her round, womanly cheeks. A small gasp followed by a subtle moan was her only reaction. I landed another resounding swat followed by several slightly harder ones. Still, not so much as a whimper from Kathryn. And so I carried on slapping her fanny, adding the occasional pat or squeeze to her voluptuous bottom. As the spanking progressed, I ventured so far as to pause and slide my palm downward until my fingers were pressed between the contours of those shapely thighs. Lady Bracknell’s rather thick, elaborately decorated dress provided little opportunity for my hand to explore, but the way in which Kathryn lifted her head and arched her back combined with several prolonged sighs, made her approval of my ardent attentions quite evident. I had in mind to continue spanking and stroking my impertinent costar until I’d elicited some sort of verbal response. Sadly, the lights dimmed for a moment, which meant the second act was to begin momentarily. After one last sharp smack and a lingering caress of her nether regions, I released Kathryn from her precarious position. To my surprise, the look she gave me as she stood and straightened her costume, was not an expression signifying, “How dare you?!”, but one which suggested, “Who taught you that?!” The lights dimmed once again, leaving scant time for reflective pleasantries, so Kathryn simply stooped to conquer my lips with a brief but memorable kiss before hurrying from the room, her right hand wandering back to stroke a freshly warmed cheek as she exited. As fortune would have it, the cast party was held at Kathryn’s apartment. Possibly under the guise of being a tad tipsy, though she’d only had one glass of wine, Kathryn curled up in my lap as I sat on her crowded couch with a few fellow cast members watching the tape of our performance on a thirteen-inch screen. We all laughed and especially admired the droll manner in which we wielded Wilde’s well-worn witticisms. After the video ended and the others bid her farewell, our hostess casually suggested I stay to help clean up. As consummate thespians, we controlled our giddiness, chatting casually about the play while gathering up the plates and glasses. We then stood, side by side at the sink, teaming up to tackle the washing. “You were wonderful tonight.“ I told her. “As were you.” “Thanks. It was a pleasure. Such a lovely part.” “You handled it beautifully.” Kathryn purred. “Made it your own. I intend on giving you a rave review.” she added, vigorously rubbing a large spoon handle clean. “Yes, well...” I said, trying not to stare. “Thank you.” As I slid the last dried plate into the dish rack, Kathryn pressed her body against mine and whispered a phrase previously unfamiliar to me. “Want to feed my cat a banana?” “What?” I said. “Cats don’t eat… Oh. I get it.” Other things happened that night. And again early the next morning. Then once more, as we showered. She used this apple scented body wash. To this day, I'm apt to become fully aroused by the smell of cider. And that’s how I became comfortable in my role as a shamelessly sexist rake. As for Kathryn, I doubt she even owned a cat. THE END "I'll love you 'til you can't sit down."
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