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Vulcano
New member
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 42
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 04:21 am: | 
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Well, a problem... how to get what you wish and need (a spanking or even a right way of spanking that you need at the very moment) without telling your top what to do??  I mean, the top doesn't want to be told and the bottom, of course, likes the feeling that the spanking is not in her\his hands (literally  ). But on the other hand, the bottom wants to enjoy it too... not just the top, am I not right??  |
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 322
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 04:41 am: |
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I know what you mean. I have the same problem. Sometimes I think he's lost interest in the spanking and in me too. I've done everything from sitting down to talk to him about it..leaving notes and letters for him to read and even close spanko friends have talked to him on my behalf...but...he just doesn't seem to get into it anymore.
I would like the opinions of others as well so anyone out there with any ideas for Vulcano and me???
I am the Queen of the F***** Universe!!! Any questions???
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 203
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 10:09 am: |
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Honestly...I Top from the bottom.
I know many don't like that, but it works for us.
I don't do it all the time, and once he's gotten something (no longer wrapping a strap around my hip, for instance), I don't do it.
I did it constantly last weekend, when we were playing in public.
He learned a lot though, and I haven't done it at all since we got home. He's given me two fabulous spankings.
In fact, on Thursday night, when I curled up beside him in bed, he slipped his hands down the back of my pajamas and said, "I need to give you a good spanking. You haven't been spanked since Saturday."
I laughed and said, "What? You're keeping track now? I'll do that."
He said, "No, I'm your husband. Keeping track is MY job. You know you need to be spanked regularly."
My jaw dropped. This man is a VANILLA. But he was absolutely right. And we both knew it.
We've been at this about 2 1/2 years. He's definitely gotten better at it. He's even figured out that I like him being a bit Toppy in bed...but not out of it.
It's all communication. I don't know what to tell you, Shylah, except that sometimes you don't see the response you're seeking, but it's because they're processing.
With Squire, I have to plant a seed, and give it time to take root. Also, while I Top from the bottom, I've never tried to really control when and how. I've tried to take it on his terms, and let him know what I liked, and how much I appreciated his efforts.
This is, after all, a dance. And although it's not true for the rest of my life (and is frankly a little hard for me to admit)...it's one I prefer him to lead. Even if it doesn't always match the movie in my head.
Sometimes he takes me somewhere I wouldn't have gone if I was driving. And that's the best part. 
And yes...I know I'm gushing like a schoolgirl. But I have to say...I just REALLY love my husband. |
Vulcano
New member
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 43
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 10:21 am: |
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Hmm, Shylah, how familiar your words sound to me  . Me too, I've done everything, talking to him, writing sms to him... but it seems like the more I tried to push my way forth, the less he was willing to go for it. But sometimes, I really felt like, hell, is it only him who should enjoy it the way he likes it?? Or is it only me who should wait and wait? I pray he can sometimes just feel for me and do it (with pleasure and because he wants, not just to please me) when I need it and the way I need it, because, I think, I cannot demand from him anything like that. Well, not that he sometimes doesn't, but it's sooo rarely and at times I feel more like being the one who's giving over too much not getting back as much as I need... I guess, I have the disadvatage to be the one who's always ready to get spanked and I suffer by this fact... but if I were the opposite, I guess, I'd suffer by refusing him  . Hmm, God knows whether I just ask too much or whether I'm not getting what I should get... The funny thing is that naturally, I'm not the one to feel like seducing him to spank me... can't help feeling that one should try to avoid the spanking and not ask for it  . WHat a situation... Any ideas??? |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 657
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, October 30, 2005 - 11:12 am: |
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Its so nice to see the many ladies on this site so in love with their partners. It's great to know I'm not alone in the feelings I have for the man I've chosen. 
I tend to be very shy about communicating my needs and wants to Steve, so he has had me write him stories or fantasies to explain what turns me on or what fulfills me. It makes things easier for me. I know we all want the partner who can read our minds, but it isnt going to happen. Once they understand you better, it stops feeling "staged"...so keep the lines of communication open any way you can.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
I'm back!!!
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Shadowrose45
New member
Username: Shadowrose45
Post Number: 15
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 31, 2005 - 08:48 pm: |
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Topping from the bottom is pretty common for brats, hehe. Some Doms don't mind at all, others do.
But in a serious relationship, if you're not getting what you need, you have to just have a serious discussion.
Doms that DO NOT like it will refuse to spank as a 'punishment'.
As far as telling a top limits, etc- I don't see that as topping from the bottom. |
Angelbabe
Supreme Spanko
Username: Angelbabe
Post Number: 878
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 31, 2005 - 09:00 pm: |
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With my Dom He doesn't let me top from the bottom when he catches me doing it which if i can help it is never not saying i don't do it because i do just im better at it now I get spanked for it not a good thing in our house hold topping from the bottom i mean
I should be good, i should be good but being bad is so much Better
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Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 17
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 31, 2005 - 09:22 pm: |
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I am very much guilty of topping from the bottom with my Dom. He really doesn't say he does not like it but on the other hand it doesn't work either. I never get spanked for it...and I think that is the worst punishment of all for me...so I would have to agree with Shawdowrose45...Doms who don't like topping from the bottom refuse to spank as punishment. |
Lash_le_roux
New member
Username: Lash_le_roux
Post Number: 26
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 04:00 am: |
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As long as it's done with respect, I have no problem with it. The bulk of my enjoyment is derived from watching the lady I'm spanking enjoy herself. Most importantly, the day that I'm no longer willing or able to learn something new is the day they can plant me.
Lash Le Roux 
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. — Dr. Seuss
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1610
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 09:49 am: |
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I think most of us have topped from the bottom, at least pre-spanking anyway. It is all part of the "show". Lash is correct, if there is enjoyment and reactions, it would loose appeal to a lot of us.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 108
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 01:20 pm: |
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I'm someone that doesn't always mind "topping from the bottom." I enjoy a mutually satisfying time, and that means we BOTH get what we want/enjoy. I don't like being told what to do, but there are ways to get what you want.
To be sexist in my thinking...I do think us women are much better at this, than men.
K |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 681
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 02:03 pm: |
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I prefer to talk with him about what I liked, or didnt enjoy that much about a spanking I have received. It's getting easier for me to communicate my wants and needs, although I still turn beet red while doing so. And I try to always remember to thank him for a spanking or other yummy thing he has done for me.
The only difference of course would be discipline. I have no choice about how that is handled, so no comments are neccesary except for "Ouch! Please Sir, I wont do it again! Ow!" 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Theschoolmarm
New member
Username: Theschoolmarm
Post Number: 7
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 03:59 pm: |
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 I agree that this is all a lovely, complicated dance which we must learn as we go. My DH loves me and I love him, and he, though a definite vanilla, has tried to accept and even enjoy a bit of my need for the discipline only he can give me. He jokes around a lot with wooden spoons, spatulas, just about anything he can get his hands on, telling me that he needs to spank my bottom, etc. I too, as mentioned by another, am quite surprised and pleased that he has embraced this and made it part of our life, though not something he would have chosen. I have made that choice in various things he likes, too. As we said - a beautiful dance - give and take - thrust and parry - push and...oh, you get the idea! }
Stupid people make my brain sad...
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Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 375
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 04:28 pm: |
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Sometimes I think communication just gets all jumbled up
Once I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 166
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 06:03 pm: |
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I top from the bottom all the time, but most of the time Mr. B simply ignores me. Now why would he do that? 
Maybe because he knows what I really want even if I'm complaining about it at the same time.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 385
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 06:29 pm: |
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It just seems to take the fun out of it if you have to "remind" them to spank you, ask, beg, scream, leave notes...etc. I get tired and discouraged at having to talk to him about it to get the attention. It's like he never thinks of it until I say something and most of the time that doesn't even help. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Once I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken
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Vulcano
Spanko
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 54
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 02, 2005 - 04:44 am: |
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Just an idea... have you tried to let go of reminding him for some time... let's say at least a month or so? Just to try and see what will happen? Maybe he's the kind that looses interest the moment he's reminded. Maybe he once had some reason to stop and now, he doesn't have the space to come back himself. Maybe he most wishes to surprise you . I know it's very difficult sometimes, one keeps on telling to herself "Gosh, doesn't he care a bit about me? WHy on earth doesn't just do what I wish, what I tell him I desperatly need? I myself would do anything for him, so why do I have to feel left behind?" - you know that I'm experiencing the same problem, though I must say that I'm trying as much as I can to step back a bit and don't push at him so much, trying to see what will happen. At least, I'm not that desperate now as I used to be .I'm telling to myself, well, he's a spanko, he'd come one day and spank me again, he cannot be without it. But I'm afraid, I will never be spanked as often as I used to be at the beginning of our relationship... I think that he was simply so entranced than, he himself was soooo surprised that he feels like making love to me (which for him almost always means also spank me) actually every day. I think that our relationship got to the phase where we enjoy each other, it's rather like enjoying the delicious meal than being entranced by the gift and trying to try as many plates as quickly as if afraid they will dissapear the next moment... and he got back to his normal ways and doesn't feel that much urge to make love as at the beginning. He told me before that he's not into making love very often, especially when working, stress gets him a lot and unfortunatelly, sex is not a release for him. I knew that I love sex more often than him, I entered in knowing it, got ensnared by his unexpected eagerness for spanking and sex, got used to it, but it was not the normal him and I knew it, so I guess I have to respect this part of him. I don't feel he's doing it out of disrespect for me or that he wouldn't like to make my wishes true. And it would be unfair for me to say that he never tries to fulfill my dreams too... it's just that sometimes I get so desperate and need it badly and see I'm not getting it... on the other hand, do I have to have everything I demand? Do I really need it?? I think, a lot was also coused by my telling him how I want it and pushing him to spank me in a way that was not that acceptable for him. But I had to try, it didn't work so I hope now that things will get better. But your situation is probably different. But it might help you to try and see what happened, why did he stop and what about him can make you hope you'll get what you need too. |
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