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Message |
    
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 5
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 02:35 pm: | 
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i was wondering if anyone has any good ideas for me on how to get a man who is not familiar with spanking,interested in it.please?how do i introduse it?make him understand what it is i want?cause i can't bring myself to simply tell him.i've tried,but the words refuses to come out.i'really lost now.i've tried misbehaving,been a real brat actually,but he doesn't even raise a brow.in a heated discussion earlier today i told him to go somewhere really warm and NOTHING.because appearently,the "grown-up"-thing to do is ignore me when i act like that.am i fighting a lost cause?does anyone have any ideas,anything?i'd really appreciate it. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1269
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 03:52 pm: |
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I'm going to let someone else answer this one, Maria, but if he has no idea which way you are pointed, he is never going to get it.
Get some ideas from some of the brats here, otherwise you will be labeled as something else other than a brat with your b/f.
Personally, I would be quite frank about what you want, possibly in a sexual scenario. Either he goes for it, or you know that it is outside of his comfort zone. Don't expect he is going to guess what you are looking for.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
"..I hear your music and it's driving me wild!" JPM
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Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 172
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 04:40 pm: |
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I would like that same answer to maria , my hubbie thinks I am nuts mabe I am, not sure |
Smartnnaughty
Advanced Spanko
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 233
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 04:51 pm: |
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I wouldn't know from experience Ziggy, but many women have said they print out spanking articles and leave them for their husbands to read.
Have you tried that? |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 175
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 05:03 pm: |
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no I haven't, but that is a good idea SNN, I hope it works thank you very much |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 6
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 05:16 pm: |
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thanks,i'll try that.i'm getting real frustrated here. |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 179
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 05:25 pm: |
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I know how you feel, but we keep trying huh maria, we will do what it takes to get the job done. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1274
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 05:33 pm: |
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Have you ever tried the line "What are you going to do? Spank me?"
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
"..I hear your music and it's driving me wild!" JPM
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Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 181
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 05:35 pm: |
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no I haven't tryed that yet either, boy you guys are real helpful, thanks a bunch |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 7
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 06:16 pm: |
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haven't tried that,but i did get up in his face and told him to be a MAN.he kissed my forehead.what the hell is that?i think maybe i'll throw something at him. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1280
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 06:31 pm: |
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No, just tell him, he apparently has no idea. You are looking for real trouble by doing something immature like throwing things.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 124
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 08:58 pm: |
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Eventually you are both going to have to open up and talk.
I finally told my hubby Mr. B that I wanted to try something new and it was spanking. Yes, he thought I was nuts but I printed some stories out for him and I even wrote a couple of my own and asked him to read them. They don't have to be perfect or even good stories. The purpose is to simply get your point across of what you want by using some fiction.
I'd try those ideas and see what happens. I am going to post one of my stories that I wrote which included me, Wolfie, Mr. B my hubby and Darwins. Perhaps that will help with some ideas.
It is rather long but it is written in 3 Chapters although I posted it all together. It may actually apeal to some men as it has some adventure and action in it too along with spanking of course..
Ann
(Message edited by beachley on August 20, 2005)
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 194
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 12:06 am: |
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thank you very much I will let him read it, |
Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 80
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 07:37 am: |
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Maria, I don't believe that misbehaving in order to get him to spank you is going to be helpful at all.
I'm not sure if you're looking for DD or erotic spanking...but I don't think this is the way to get it.
Being deliberately 'bratty' is not likely to prompt a non-spanko male to spank you...but it could certainly drive him away. Who wants to be with a woman who continually behaves like that?
Most men are conditioned to not hit women. Even if it flashes through his mind that you deserve a good spanking...he'll likely never act on it.
IMO, you're just going to have to buckle down and TELL HIM.
I know it's hard...it took me years to tell my husband. And for no good reason, it turns out.
I would wait for a calm, relaxed moment (I brought it up in bed)...and mention that you've been fantasizing about being spanked a lot...and ask him if he would be willing to try.
Give him time to process the request...and don't push.
It took my husband a little time to act on the request (once I made it seriously - hinting and teasing didn't work). It took him even longer to get past the fear that he was hurting me, and be willing to deliver more than a half dozen token lovetaps. I was also careful to never be critical of his efforts, but point out what I liked. I also made sure that each and every time he spanked me...that he subsequently had a fabulous time. 
He now has a toybag with a selection of leather and wooden toys, and has no qualms about pinning me down when I try to seriously squirm away.
If this is really what you want...then you need to be honest with him...and be patient.  |
Spankin4me
New member
Username: Spankin4me
Post Number: 3
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 10:05 am: |
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Hi Maria,
I have a few possible suggestions. Why don't you find a mainstream movie with a spanking scene in it? I've seen lists of them on the net so you should be able to find one without a lot of trouble. Watch it together and when the spanking scene comes along say something like "I bet you'd like to do that to me sometimes, wouldn't you?" It should open up the discussion.
It sounds to me like the idea has never occurred to him but that doesn't mean he wouldn't go for it. In a sexual setting, most men want to do whatever will please their partners (and if he doesn't, I suggest a trade up!) so next time you're in a sexual situation, try turning your butt his way as often as possible. I think the natural reaction would be for him to swat it. Just make sure he gets a very favorable reaction when he does...even say "Mmmmmmm, do that again!"
Here's one other idea that maybe isn't quite as honest as you might like to be, but you could also pretend that it's a new thing and the two of you could kind of "discover" it together...For example, if you did get a movie with a spanking scene, later say to him "I don't know why, but when so-and-so got spanked in that movie, it kind of turned me on. Do you think that's weird? Maybe I like tough guys...Wanna spank me tough guy?" I think it might be a little less threatening to him if you bring it up as if it just occured to you and not like you've been trying for years to get him to do it. Chances are you won't get exactly what you're looking for right away but if he's openminded and willing to experiment, the two of you will work it out together.
Good luck...keep us posted on your progress so we can offer more ideas if needed... |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 9
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 01:03 pm: |
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okay,i'll try all of that.thank you all so much!!
i'm not gonna see him for a couple of days now,so i should have time to find a movie with a spanking scene.i'll let you know how it goes.and thanks again.it's so great to meet other people like me.i thought i was a freak for a long time |
Biggirl
Spanko
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 70
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 10:54 pm: |
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Spankin4me:
What movie/s would you suggest? I am interested as well.
Brightest Blessings,BigGirl |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 16
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 22, 2005 - 02:27 pm: |
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you wanted to know how it went.well,he come over today to say bye in person before going on his trip and i thought that was sweet and it meant he had to really care.wich i stupid as i am believed all along.suddenly determined to be open with him,i let him read one of the stories.after what seemed like an eternity he asked if i were into "this shit" and if that was why i'd behaved so strange lately.the way he looked at me,i was devastated,i could only nod my head.then he said i was sick and he was gone.i didn't try to stop him or explain,i just stood there,feeling more like a freak than ever.he got in his car and drove away,without looking at me once.i stood there by the window for the longest time,hoping to see him come back,but i knew he wouldn't.he's never coming back,is he?that's retorical,i know the answer  |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1327
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 22, 2005 - 02:44 pm: |
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Give him time to think it over, maybe the idea will appeal to him. If not, then it looks as if you have some decisions to make.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Spankin4me
New member
Username: Spankin4me
Post Number: 4
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 22, 2005 - 10:52 pm: |
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Maria, Fanny's right, give him a chance to think it over before you get too disappointed.
If he doesn't come back, don't be too upset...he obviously isn't very open-minded or he would have discussed it with you at the very least, probably even tried it. You deserve better than that, trust me. Now that you've acknowledged your desires to yourself, you have an opportunity to learn more and explore them. Stick around this site and talk to people until you know what would be ideal for you. I'm sure you'll realize that even within the spanking world there are many degrees and nuances. Read and chat until you know what you need to satisfy you, then begin looking for the person who meets those needs. I'm kind of new to this site so I'm not sure if there's a personal section, but there are a few sites that are only for spanking personals. You will find the right person for you...and until then, the looking is fun!! I've been dating and playing in the "spanking world" for a few years now and if you're careful it can be a great experience. If you need some advice on safety or red flags to watch for, just ask!
Biggirl: I've seen lists on the net somewhere. I don't know off hand where they are but if I encounter them again I'll let you know. I know there are some of the John Wayne movies and also old I Love Lucy episodes. I'm not sure what else but maybe someone else here has some favorites. |
Vulcano
New member
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 22
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 01:40 am: |
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Maria, I don't know what was your relationship with him like... sometimes such expressions are just a way people talk sometimes... but frankly, I must say that such strong expressions like "shit" and "sick" from a person who is supposed to care and love seems to me over too much. Yes, might be that he just needs to think things over, some things are hard to accept... hey, even for me it was difficult to accept that I like to be spanked and thought myself "sick"  . Maybe he needs to see himself that there're a lot of people like us and that it's nothing that weird or perverse, it's just that sort of stupid assumption of the world we are too quick to take as THE truth. Well, and if he doesn't, then it's sad but remember that now, after you admitted to yourself who you are and what you like, you're free to enjoy YOUR SELF much better and be much happier... with him or without him if neccessary... |
Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 92
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 04:39 pm: |
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Maria, I just saw this.
I'm very sorry that he reacted this way. That must have been very hurtful.
I do think it's better that you know, though. This need is not likely to go away. It's best that you know where you stand with him, rather than hoping and trying to goad him, and being disappointed time and again.
It is his right to choose not to participate - but he had no right to criticize you for having needs different than his. Don't let his response make you feel badly about yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting this.
Life's too short to deny our true selves. |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 17
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 05:27 pm: |
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Thanks,all of you. I wish I had friends like you in RL.
No offence,but I can't help to feel like the freak he thinks I am. I still feel the same,still want the same,but I can't see myself telling an other man ever again.
But hey,I'm not gonna sit here and feel sorry for myself. Like my 3year-old son said, (he did not see this,but could tell I was sad when he came home,like children always can)
He hugged me tight and repeated what i say to him when he asks for his dad:
"You and me,mommy,I'm here and I love you."
That's certainly better than anything a man can say! Brought back the sun for me anyway. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1344
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 05:31 pm: |
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Maria, there are a lot of good men out there. Don't dispair, you are very young and still have a lot of experimenting to do.
And if you are a freak, join the very large group of us. The more the merrier!!!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Biggirl
Spanko
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 71
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 11:44 pm: |
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Maria:
You are going to get thru this. The first man I told, my ex (for other reasons entirely) called me a freak & was negative about it.
I felt awful for years afterward. It took me over 2 years to tell my current partner. I am still struggling with being able to communicate.
There are many people in this world who enjoy spanking. (If you have HBO catch CatHouse episode 8----they gave a class) When you are ready to meet someone new (if indeed this man does not return) why not talk to some off the people on this site about......personal ads for people who enjoy a spanking lifestyle....there may be a few people who sould offer advice. I know that if I was single I would.
I am sorry your feelings were hurt in the way they were.
Brightest Blessings,BigGirl |
Faistygirl
New member
Username: Faistygirl
Post Number: 3
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 24, 2005 - 12:42 am: |
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Oh Maria that just sucks! But you will find the right guy. I brought it up once to my last bf and he reacted in a similar way. He didn't leave but he did say it was too wierd for him. Guess what? I left and couldn't be happier with the recently converted vanilla man of my dreams.
I also agree that the desires you have are not likely to go away. It has taken me a long time to figure out how I want this particular fantasy to play out in my life. Do take some time to be sad and eat ice cream but don't sit on the bench too long. Life is too short! |
Chuck
New member
Username: Chuck
Post Number: 8
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 08:19 am: |
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Introducing spanking into a relationship
There are more people out there who are at least semi into spanking than you would believe.There are some who consider it perverse or sick and they can be quickly identified and eliminated. How do you find and cultivate the rest. I have and let's be clear my exploits were before I married my wonderful wife. I have spanked a number of school teachers, house wives without their husbands knowledge, California liberals, Alabama conservatives and Texas wild and crazies. Remember that the spanking thing knows not politics, income, religion, education or station in life.
Find somebody you like, that you enjoy being around. The person should have character, a high degree of personal self discipline, be moral and have a good sense of what is right and what is wrong. No male or frmale is perfect but what I am trying to contrast is don't find a jerk who is willing to whip your ass and more than likely get loaded and slap you around.too.
How do you introduce spanking into a budding relationship. Try this.
Pick a person about your age you both know who has done something improper, get the guys full attention and say,
" Can you believe what Nancy did? She needs a good spanking....pause...I know she is a grown woman but her husband should be man enough to turn her over his knee and ware her out."
See if this starts a conversation about adult spanking.
Pick sombody from the news like the " Run Away Bride" and while discussing the story say.
" You know, that woman dones't need to go to jail for making up that story. He fiance should have put her over his knee, pulled her pants down and blistered her bottom............
Possible examples Britney Spears, Courtney Love, or Jane Fonda...
You can make it more personal. You can comment in a retorical way.
"If I had done something like that I would go and cut a switch to use on me myself."
or
"If I had done something like that I would march myself to the woodshed myself"
DON'T BE TOO COY.
You will at some point have to make it clear what you really want. Tell the man what you need and what you can take.
A discipline spanking, a play spanking or just a hot. red butt is OK. Be sure to reward the man properly for his efforts.
Chuck |
Spankin4me
New member
Username: Spankin4me
Post Number: 8
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 08:44 am: |
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What great ideas Chuck!
Maria, how are things going these days? Have you heard any more from him? And if not, how are your spirits? I really hope you're doing well! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1380
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 10:33 am: |
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I think that is the most important thing to keep in mind, Chuck. People have a tendency to stereotype everyone. A lot more goes on in privacy than anyone will admit. Spankos(like anyone else) transend every area of life. Most are just afraid to say it out loud. Anything between two consenting adults is all good. That is what makes forums like this very helpful, it releases the inhibitions, and makes it fun and exciting. I am in a happy marriage, but by being able to play here and express my thoughts, it liberates me and makes real life play all the more enticing.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Chuck
New member
Username: Chuck
Post Number: 10
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 02:08 pm: |
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Fanny,
I think you understand. Many woman from all walks of life have surpressed the spanking desires. I have found all it takes is a man they are comfortable with to put her OTK, tell her to be still and proceed to warm the seat of her pants or skirt. This has worked with the 50 something girls and well as the 20 year olds (from old menory only).
Chuck |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1390
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 11:20 pm: |
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Oh yes, I understand completely. And I am one of those girls between the age of 20 and 50!!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Speccotter
New member
Username: Speccotter
Post Number: 11
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 29, 2005 - 04:04 am: |
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Three John Wayne movies that have spanking scenes are The Quiet Man, McLintock and Donavon's Reef. Each are delivered differently for differant reasons. Tidbit; In autobiography- Wayne never faked a spanking all were real life and co-stars reported having bruises for days . Speccotter |
Maria
New member
Username: Maria
Post Number: 19
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 29, 2005 - 07:40 am: |
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Hi,spankin4me. and the rest of you,of course.
I haven't heard from him.Not a word.I'm all right,though.I've spent the weekend out with my friends,dancing and drinking way to much,and it helped.I had fun.Now I'm off to get-to-know-eachother-week at school.Guess who's gonna get drunk again  Thanks for asking,but like I said,I'm allright.Have fun,I'll be back on wednesday,and then I'll have more time on my hands.Gotta run now. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1392
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 29, 2005 - 09:51 am: |
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His loss Maria, but better for you to know now. Onwards and upwards!!!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bigfoot1408
Spanko
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 74
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 29, 2005 - 10:29 am: |
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maria... two things come to mind immediately, 1.as another poster said, men are conditioned to not hit women... ever,,,,any how........so. you have to let him know that it is ok,, but you must tell him, if he starts out hitting you before you let him know that you want a spanking he is going to keep on hitting and not just spanking.....
2. he can not read your mind..... he will not act on an idea that he is not sure of..
you told your b/f that you wanted spanked,, he reacted in a negative way,,, better to know now than after the trip down the isle.... you are fortunate.
i am new to spanking ladies... not how i was raised here in the deep south.
my g/f was being bratty and i told her that i thought she needed a spanking,,, her reply was, "threat or promise".
it has taken her a year to convince me that i am not hurting her,, this is not a fast process, it takes a long time to build the confidence on both our sides to relax and enjoy the spankings.
in any new relationship you must tell him what and how you want it... if he runs away,,, better for you.. that leaves you free to look for a better partner...
at a birthday party in a karaoke bar two weeks ago a friend told me i was not big enough to give her birthday spanking... i am 6'4" tall and 204 pounds.... so in the middle of the bar she got her swats over my lap...
there are many ways to tell a partner... but tell him you must.....
getting hit or spanked before you request it is abuse not love........any man who cares for you will not do that......
if you want me to ,i will ,tell him for you.... |
Sdhrts
New member
Username: Sdhrts
Post Number: 31
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, November 05, 2005 - 08:47 am: |
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Maria, sounds like only a sit down, heart to heart discussion, is the only chance for getting what you need. Have you asked him to slap your bottom during sex? Next time try it, and be on top. Non spanco's are oblivious to hints,from my experience. Example, I was having missionarry sex with a steady girlfriend years ago when all of a sudden she started yelling that she'd had sex with all my friends,orall ect.(first I thought I needed to contact an exorcist...lol) Se hadn't met anyone of them yet.I Knew in a couple of seconds what was up and reddened her bottom good and hard till her eyes rolled back.I"ve found the spanko was right there with me all the time more than once.I'd be happy to answer any questions you have. Email me if you want.
Is IT Better To Give Than To Recieve?
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 724
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, November 05, 2005 - 11:28 am: |
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How to introduce spanking?
Hello, Maria's butt...meet Mr. Hand, Mr. Hand, meet Maria's butt.
Sorry, feeling silly this morning. LOL
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Darwins
Spanko
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 88
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, November 05, 2005 - 06:08 pm: |
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Thats not being very helpful young lady. You on the other hand need no inducements to have your bottom warmed which I shall do for your very Facetious remarks.
I'm a king bee baby Buzzing round your hive
we can make honey baby if you let me come inside
Come on babe lets buzzzzz a while.
(Rolling Stones)
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 727
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, November 05, 2005 - 10:34 pm: |
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Promises, promises! *giggle* 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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