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Tmichellebrat
Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 70
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 04:27 am: | 
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I have a situation and I need some advice. I lied to my Dom about a series of things for quite awhile and I finally couldn't take it anymore and I confessed to him the other nite...right before Christmas in fact. He was very angry ....so angry that he just couldn't talk to me online anymore that nite and just slammed out on me ...which I did deserve but it still hurt. Now that I have confessed and everything is out in the open I am still feeling the GUILT ...I just feel horrible still and I feel like things have changed between us. He did forgive me and told me to never lie to him again ever ...which I won't because this taught me that honesty is the best policy no matter what....but how do I get rid of the guilt I still feel? Any advice would be appreciated. |
Neoserenity87
Advanced Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 295
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 05:07 am: |
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....sounds like a sticky situation Tmichelle...I wish I could help. I know all about tellin fibs unfortunatly as I've had a history of it in the past so I know all about both confessing and getting caught in your own lies. Unfortunatly all you can really do is give it time and if he's willing to talk it over that's definitly a start. The communciation that goes on the better. As for getting rid of the guilt? It's entirely up to you really. How long do you feel you should be guilty about it? So really the only thing I can say is that when you're ready to allow yourself the space to move on you will. Hope this helps and good luck. -rudy
.....dang, back to Iraq again.......oh well, watch out Iraqis! Here comes Rudy!!!!
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 892
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 12:47 pm: |
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Michelle, will you be seeing him anytime soon? I dont think you will be able to let go of your guilt just by apologizing and hearing that he forgives you. If your anything like me, you need to feel punished for what you have done. Only then can you feel forgiven...and forgive yourself.
I believe this is the thing that confuses a lot of spankos about disciplinary spankings. They dont understand how someone who loves being spanked can get anything out of being punished in that way. But its not the pain of the spanking that works to fix things...its knowing he cares enough to discipline you for things like lying, it reassures that he is paying attention to what you do. And it allows you to let go of the guilt at last and be at peace again.
This is how it works for me. Its not for everyone, and as Neo said...time may be all you need. I hope you find what works for you, living with guilt is not much fun. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 273
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 01:57 pm: |
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I believe, as an adult, you knew exactly what you were doing, and "why" you were lying. If you came clean with your Dom, and "he" has accepted your apology, then all is forgiven (as you suggested he said).
I might work internally to figure the point of lying to someone you say you love. Figure out what you got out of lying to him (or to anyone), and either correct it, or work to make sure it won't happen again, if you don't want it to. Seems from the little you offered that the lies were quite deliberate, so it was done purposefully, for a specific reason. There must've been some sort of "gain" from it, and if that hasn't changed, don't you think the lying will continue?
If he has in fact forgiven you...the best you could do for you, and him, is to let it go. Guilt serves no purpose. Correcting the lies, and preventing untruths from popping up again will do you both better, IMO.
K |
Tmichellebrat
Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 71
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 02:53 pm: |
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Neo..thanks for your advice, time is what I may need and I may just have to let time pass and see how I feel.
Wolfie...I won't be seeing him again for at least two months (I thought it was going to be sooner because on his last visit here in Nov. he got stuck here an extra day because of overbooking of the airplane because of the Thanksgiving holiday so he got a free ticket ...but now he is sick with pnemonia  ....then his job and money reasons)
But I am like you in the sense that I have to feel punished for what I do wrong ....and usually being punished will allow me to release the guilt. I do truly feel horrible for lying to him...and I was raised better than this so I am really having a hard time with this. He did say he forgives me and I believe that he has but not sure why he hasn't said anything about punishing me for it ...he hasn't said a word so not sure if he even plans on it. 
Ftop...yes your right I knew exactly what I was doing and there were reasons to why I was lying to him but it doesn't make right what I did and I do know this. And yes the lies were deliberate and for reasons ....I hurt him bad and I just feel awful because this is someone who I love and care about very much. It was the type of situation where one lie led to another and then trying to get out of it was a no win win situation and that is why I finally couldn't take the guilt no more and I confessed to him and I thought that would of taken care of the "guilt" part but it hasn't....this man has been nothing but good to me and he didn't deserve what I did. He says all is forgiven but to never lie to him again ...which it won't ever happen again because he almost walked out of my life due to all of this (which if he did walk out I can't say I wouldn't have deserved that)And yes I am working on myself internally to figure out why I did this to the eleborate stage that I lied because as I said I was raised better than this and I hate liars and lies so I am upset with myself for this as well.
Thanks for your advice and answers everyone...it helps. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 894
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 07:01 pm: |
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If it's any consolation Michelle, I have had to wait 2 months or longer to be punished for something I did....you can hang on until then if you know it will be dealt with.
I would go to him and tell him how your feeling, perhaps he feels that your fears of losing him was punishment enough. Perhaps he doesnt want to make you feel worse than you already do. But he needs to know that your carrying this guilt about hurting him, and that you'd like his help with letting it go. The best part of having a Dom/me is in being able to take your troubles, fears and worries to them. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
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Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 556
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 07:53 pm: |
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I know someone that deals with issues when a spanking isn't possible using one of those coconut door mats. They sit on it bare bottomed after a self spanking with a paddle. It's effective they say.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 896
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 09:05 pm: |
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Oooooooo....ouchie! 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
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