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Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 108
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 07:52 am: | 
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I have been thinking about this for a while and hopefully can explain it. For the people who are bottoms,or subbies don't you think you are really the one in control. I mean if we don't constant to be spanked than who will our top/dom spank. Yes even if we don't consent they could just grab us and spank away but I would guess that that would only happen once. I don't know about others but I have a safe word which Ican use if the spanking is to hard. I have only used it once in 25 years but it is there so in one sense I do control my top. What do others think and Ihope I expalined it correctly for all to understand. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 799
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 01:42 pm: |
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I view it as a partnership Red, just as in any relationship. Yes, it's true we can stop a spanking at any time (unless it's non-consensual), we can say we dont want to be spanked, we can tell them how and with what we want to be spanked. This is our control in the relationship, because as you said...without our bottom to warm they would have nothing to spank.
Same goes though in reverse. If they refuse to spank, where does that leave us? Whether for fun or discipline, we want a spanking and we usually want the one we love or a close friend to be the one to administer it. And that gives them the control. I believe it is stronger in a Dom/sub relationship where the sub gives up more control and consents to her Dom using what he wishes for a spanking, or doing it whenever or however he decides. But she still always has the option to say no.
How much or how little control you give up depends on your comfort level. But in my opinion the sharing of control should be 50/50. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 301
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 02:36 pm: |
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I don't think it's black and white either.
I'm not a sub, but he controls when I get spanked, because I won't ask for it. He decides what he's spanking me with, although I usually have a pretty good idea of what he's likely to use, since he has his favourites. He decides how long I'll get spanked for. He decides how light or hard the spanking will be. Yes, if he's really brushing my 'orange' limit, he'll stop and rub a bit. I know he's not going to hurt me.
I used to Top from the bottom constantly, but as he's gotten more skilled, I've backed away from that. More fun to let him drive. 
I could stop the spanking at a word, if I was emphatic enough for him to know I wasn't playing. I could refuse one, with the same kind of caveat. He's just as likely to grab and spank, but that's because he knows that I have a need to offer a polite refusal. 
We're both in control, which is just the way I like it. |
Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 201
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 04:37 pm: |
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Pagan & Wolfie I agree 100%. Mr. B controls me, but I control him also. He can read me well and would never spank beyond my wants or my level.
At the same time, I once asked what if I did not want to be spanked anymore. Mr. B's response was "Too late the barn door has already been opened and I'm not going to close it." So I guess that answers the question of who has the control at least part of the time. I have also noticed as you have Pagan, now that Mr. B knows what he is doing, he simply does it and pays little to no attention to anything I may say while I'm OTK. He stops when he is ready and uses what he prefers.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 802
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 05:23 pm: |
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Same here in a way...Steve was the one with the experience, not me. He had to go slow and be careful not to hurt me/scare me and find out what I enjoyed. My levels in the beginning were non-existant, and he carefully brought them up to a point where we both can enjoy the spanking together.
I wouldnt dream of telling him what he can and cant use on me beforehand...if I did he would probably pick that toy first! 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 110
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 05:49 pm: |
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Wolfie,
I am glad that you are feeling better and I hope the little vacation with friends (Beachley and Mr B) and family did you good.
I agree with all of you because all I have to say is it's over but I don't think I will. Bill is very good at setting the tone, strenth and duration of the spanking and can tell if I am really sorry (for punsihment spankings of course ) and if I am really ready to get over the edge so to speak. But you have to admitt the question did get you all thinking just how much power we really have. Now the question is will we ever use that power? HUMMMMMMM |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 804
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 08:13 pm: |
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Thanks Red, the break did do me a world of good, especially my time spent with such good friends. I still have a lot of problems to work through, but I'm sure I'll make it eventually. 
I doubt I would ever use that power, the only time I could think of would be if the relationship was ending.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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