| Author |
Message |
    
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 552
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 22, 2005 - 07:57 pm: | 
|
Santa's Pickup Lines
10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
6. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
5. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink>
4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.
3. I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
2. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
...................................................
7 Ways To Annoy At Christmas
1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting,
"Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
2. Hang a stocking with your roommate's name on it. Collect coal and sharp
objects in it.
3. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you
never get to join in on the reindeer games.
4. Sing "All I want for Christmas is your two front teeth..."
5. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.
6. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
7. Take some miniature marshmallows and put them in a little baggie. Attach
a note to the bag that has a picture of a snow man and this poem:
'You have been naughty, and here's the scoop
All you get is the snowman's poop!'
....................................................
Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like
10. Hey! There's a gift!
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There
are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like
1. "I really don't deserve this."
..................................................
Cats' Favorite Christmas Carols
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
..................................................
You Might Be Havin' A Redneck Christmas If ...
... the nativity scene you set up in your yard includes two pink
flamingos and the baby Jesus ... lyin' in a painted tire.
................................................
Gifts Your Husband Doesn't Want For Christmas
10. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition with
74 minutes of extra footage
9. Any knick-knack
8. Tickets to the ballet
7. "Another" new tie
6. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket
5. New teddy bear pajamas
4. Vacuum cleaner
3. A weekend seminar on "Getting in Touch With Your Feelings"
2. Pair of fuzzy bunny slippers
1. A nose and ear hair trimmer (OK, well... maybe.)
...................................................
Christmas Greetings from your pets
Meowy Christmas from your loving cat.
Aren't I cute? Now leave me the hell alone.
We, your cats, at Christmas say,
Thanks for caring for us each day.
We love this season, all green and red,
And by the way, the hamster's dead.
As man's best friend, when you're in bed,
I just sit and watch.
For Christmas, so I can hump your leg,
I've put mistletoe on your crotch.
I've always loved the Christmas Feast.
I've heard this year it's ham.
Too bad I've other plans this time.
Love, Your Pot-bellied Pig named Sam.
FROM YOUR PARROT
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells...
I'd like to bark a merry tune,
I'd like to deck the halls.
I'd like to bring the world some joy,
But first, I'll lick my balls.
You feed, pet and house me.
And I love you for that.
But stop calling me your "kid."
I'm just a friggin' cat.
I want to say I love you,
Before anything could spoil it.
So don't look in the living room
That new carpet? I just soiled it.
As watchman-cat, I've done my job,
The house is safe once more.
That shiny stuff that stormed the tree
Is dead now on the floor.
I think that I shall never see
a thing as lovely as a Christmas tree.
You decorated it so nice,
I'm sorry I peed on it -- twice.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 882
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 23, 2005 - 08:02 pm: |
|
  
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
|
Ziggy
Supreme Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 1811
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 10:52 am: |
|
OMG that is so funny, I have every animal but the pot belly pig. I would really kill the parrot if he started to sing Jingle bells. LOL
when caught run faster then him !!
I am a TA junkie !!
hubbie will be home in three weeks, on my birthday,..........WEG
|
Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 194
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 03:21 pm: |
|
To Funny Shylah!! |
Pinkwench
New member
Username: Pinkwench
Post Number: 8
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 28, 2005 - 09:41 pm: |
|
Great stuff Shylah, . I sent the list of your jokes on to my hubby, Jake
 |
|
Everyday Life