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Wyatt
Advanced Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 331
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 01:47 pm: | 
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With all the discussion on parties and clubs, I thought I might start this thread.
Might I first share our experiences. I've attended three Shadow Lane parties. The first was right after I had just met that girl who would become my wife. At the end of our first date,
I told her I was going on vacation to L.A. and would call her when I got back. She thought I was blowing her off and she'd never see me again. Well, the second party we BOTH attended a year later, on our honeymoon. That was at Palm Springs. And the last one we attended was back at L.A. These parties have been some time ago... Hey! Our Tenth Anniversary's coming up... Anyway.. We have played with other couples privately and I have allowed a few gentlemen to spank my wife at parties. That was because we had either met them before or they had taken the time to meet us and speak with us to become acquainted. They were polite and respectful and only then did they ask for the privilege to spank. Most always my wife consented and with my permission she received a spanking that was enjoyed by all.
It is my feeling this is proper party ettiquette.
But it seems that no matter where you go there are always one or two people that...well... 'spoil the show' so to speak. You could call them those ' icky' types, as Katie puts it. And she's right. Most ALL Tops would not run up to a lady on the street, whom they did not know, and blurt out....
"Hey WOW! I wanna SPANK ya! Can I? Huh? Can I?"
I can almost gaurantee this tactic won't work at a party either! Neither will following a single lady or couple around like a hungry dog looking for the chance to pounce.
Indeed, be polite and respectful to everyone, just as you would anywhere else. Just because it's a spanking party, club, or private gathering does NOT mean the rules of good ettiquette just went right out the window. We didn't stop being people that deserve respect, we just decided to attend a function with like minded people!
I think Tony and Eve do everything possible to host a safe and fun party. And for the most part, I believe we all look out for each other.
Now if we can just teach the ' ickys' some proper ettiquette....
The "Master of Menace"
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 307
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 01:55 pm: |
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I've never been to a formal party, but I have been to two spanking 'conferences' - small groups of people who know each other from another board.
Personally, I chose not to be spanked by any men other than my husband. I didn't decide that until I got there.
I do not like being swatted by someone just because I happen to be female and a bottom. Hands off, unless you're invited, and would also like to play.
My criteria is a lot higher than being male and possessing a palm. 
I'm not sure that I will ever choose to be spanked by another man. But I don't think being at a party makes me fair game. Or it shouldn't, IMO. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1004
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 02:28 pm: |
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Absolutely Pagan and Wyatt, etiquette is essential for all involved. 
At my first otk night at the club I was made very nervous by the "sharks", men constantly circling the floor looking for someone/anyone who would play with them. I always averted my eyes, and they didnt bother me....but you should be able to look at someone without them taking it as a signal your interested.
There was one guy who followed Sinny and I around like a lost soul, constantly trying to insert himself into our conversations. He was quite annoying, and I almost went to Michael (owner) to ask him to intervene. Why cant men understand that if they smile, ask your name and carry on a conversation for a bit, you might feel comfortable enough to play? I would never go off with a man I didnt know who just walked up and said "Can I spank you?" 
On the other hand, I have seen some atrocious behavior by brats/bottoms/subs as well. There was one woman at a meet who got really drunk and kept harrassing a Top and almost throwing herself over his lap. I thought his wife was very sporting about the whole thing...I would have decked her if he'd been my husband! Bratty behavior can be fun in small doses, but its way too easy to go overboard.
I love parties, clubs, meets and get togethers with spanko friends, and try and behave in a friendly, polite manner with everyone. I would like it if they would return the favor. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 170
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 03:08 pm: |
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Wolfie - you couldn't be so right. Like Jake was spanking me and this guy came up to him and asked him if he could, "take a swat." First of all both of us were horrified, but me even more so, because like if you want to spank me, ask me, not my fiance. this is not to say I am going to let you but ask me, not someone else, you know? Furthermore, that is so not the way to get interest... lol...
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wyatt
Advanced Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 333
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 03:21 pm: |
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I've never attended a spanking club, I'd like to visit one sometime. I heard there was a 'Paddles' club in Florida at one time.
Although, from your description Wolfie, it sounds like that old 'Disco' thing relived, and makes me happy I'm married. I better fix the clothes dryer tonight!
The "Master of Menace"
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 334
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:18 pm: |
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Pagan, it's amazing that some just take liberties...and being a spankee or spanker doesn't even matter...they have some powerful wishful thinking, in that ALL women are there for them.  There really IS one at every party, but the good guys outweigh them.
I've been smacked twice myself, and BOTH men knew very well that I was a spanker. It's harder to figure what their thinking is....but I suppose that's it...they weren't thinking. The wrong head was working perhaps.
K |
Wyatt
Advanced Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 335
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:23 pm: |
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Some folks just don't get it, I guess.
And Ftop, may I say I find your posts most insightful. My compliments!
The "Master of Menace"
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 335
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:25 pm: |
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Regarding the subject header...I don't think any special etiquette has to be followed really.
For some reason, at some spanking parties, some people lose their sense ("common" and or otherwise). Perhaps it's the excitement of actually being out in real life, amongst other Spankos, or just really poor manners. Either way, the best policy is to just treat people as you'd like to be treated. Because someone is in attendance, at a spanking party, doesn't make them an available target for rudeness...OR implements.
K
PS And while many of the stories are usually about what happens to women (as the majority in attendance at most parties are of M/F orientations)...it does happen to men sometimes too. Both sexes are vulnerable to idiots...unfortunately. |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 336
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:29 pm: |
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Thanks for the complimment, Wyatt!
K |
Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 177
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:59 pm: |
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Your comment about people at spanking parties not being targets for rudeness was so spot on... well done! If only there could be some way to put these thoughts into the minds who think otherwise, LOL!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1009
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 06:26 pm: |
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quote: I better fix the clothes dryer tonight!
Oh Wyatt! 
Katie, a lot of people think that everyone does the Dom/sub thing...that explains why they asked Jake and not you. Even so, its kind of an unspoken rule that you should never bother people who are doing a scene. Guess this guy was really desperate, eh? 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 182
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 09:30 pm: |
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I wou;ld never ask anyone let alone people playing - it kindof disturbed me. Jake and I had no idea that there was an unspoken rule - now that I know I can only wonder how lame that guy's life is, LOL...
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1015
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 10:56 pm: |
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Well, they do get kind of desperate. I suppose if I were a spanko without a partner, if I waited all month for otk night and then didnt get the opportunity to play, if I had paid $35 just to be there that night, that I might try and get in on the action somehow. It doesnt make what he did right....but I try and look at it from their viewpoint as well.
It's been very good for my self esteem that I am sought after as a play partner when I go to the club. I love that my size, age or looks dont seem to matter to the men there...they like me and want to spank me. Im sure that if no one wanted to play with me I would feel much differently.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Eod
New member
Username: Eod
Post Number: 9
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 12:28 am: |
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A somewhat contrarian view beginning with a disclaimer. I've never been to one, nor would I go. I'm married long term, our spanking relationship is well-established, and it's private to us. And equally it's meaningful to us. It has concepts, storylines, inside communication, progression over time, some really fun times, with the occasional result that could almost be described as spiritual. It's a coat of many colours.
How could anybody new to me at a party match up - they are more or less perfect strangers? There's no history, none of the comfortable patterns of a long-shared existence, no context to place anything in. For me, now, this would be a waste of time, even more than the Canadian election campaign we are currently enduring. More again if I actually spanked somebody. Why would I be motivated? Watching would be ok I guess, but only up to a point.
Now, if you're a spanko and lonely that's different. Then I might go. But again I'd be looking for nice people - I wouldn't especially be interested in spanking them right away. And I'd be horrified to make a social miscue.
As far as the misfits for that party go, i have sympathy, not contempt for them. They are socially inexperienced in a minefield of a situation. They blunder - they act agressively from desperation and testosterone and lack of knowledge of social niceties - although there is some level of cut off to the niceties and a desire to get down to business. Learning the hidden rules would, for me, be such an effort. I'd just go and be nice and try to escape having met someone interesting to talk to. Pushier ones clearly get written off. The non-violators I'm sure think - "well I have a kink, but at least I'm not such a loser". That would get communicated and the poor shmuck is further setback. But the men are supposed to be doms, so they think they have to act that way. Personally I think this is setup for failure.
Vast gulfs of power separate people and intimidate those on the wrong end of this. Women subs much be in huge demand, male tops less so - awkward/pushy/in a hurry male tops are clearly the bottom feeders (no pun). Old - even worse?
I know people go and I don't. Their opinion is obvioulsy more valid. This would not work for me, and my would think I had returned from some alien planet if I suggested it.
These are attempts to mainstream a behaviour which deep down many of us believe is a character failure. Our heads tell us it isn't, our bodies sure encourage us, but in our hearts where we are ruled, most of us have a feeling that really we're doing sometime rather dubious. We have been reduced to our deepest needs, and to a greater or lesser degree controlled by them. This, is disconcerting for all of us at some level. We subscribe to the air-brushed Hollywood missionary position love encounter. We go to church, where sex as good thing is a pretty novel concept. We have a kink. A "kink" (mentioned, by the way, in the questionnaire when you join, indicates you are in some way "bent". Bent is not necessariy a way people like to define ourselves. Although I notice lots of defiance in posts. |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 338
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 07:23 am: |
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Eod, I think your idea of spanking parties would be clearer, if you actually attended a party or group function.
The point of attending is not to upend someone immediately, and most people in attendance enjoy the social aspect of meeting others that share their interest. It's not unlike the people that join this group, except some enjoy some play there too. I'd say more than three quarters of the people in attendance don't even spank (or get spanked) in the party room, as it is personal and intimate to them also. Most attend for the social interaction, from what I've seen, and I've attended organized group parties since '98, and private parties since '97.
I have met many, MANY life long friends through my affiliations with the organized spanking party/groups. In comparison, I have only encountered a few idiots.
People that attend parties are not all the "lonely" type that you suggest. In fact, for the most part, I believe the real lonely folks are usually the ones that only remain online, and never get out to enjoy real people, but that's my own opinion. People at parties/clubs are mostly interested in meeting others that share their interest. It's a place where people can talk or act on their interest without judgement, and with the hopes of just having a good time. (sounds like the Den, doesn't it? )
Also, regarding your last paragraph....I also would ask that when you make your own judgements or comments, to the way "you" feel, that you might refrain from making statements for the whole group, or to the "we" of it. "We" all don't feel as you do.
"We" are all different, and pleasantly so. 
K |
Wyatt
Advanced Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 339
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 01:54 pm: |
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Wolfie, you may be proud of me to know, not only did I fix the clothes dryer, I also fixed a friends toilet, for her. Why her husband couldn't do it, is beyond me.
Now if the parts for the chopper would come in, I'd be happy!
The "Master of Menace"
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 342
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 03:33 pm: |
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Wyatt....why would her husband fix it if he knew you would? 
As a woman, I can get away with that too...my dad really hates it, when he has to come over to my house to fix something. He asks me, "Why don't you fix it yourself?" I say, "because you will!" (even though I'm quite handy with tools...and more than just the implement kind , why would I fix something, if someone else'll do it?  )
"I am not a dumb woman!" Forresta Gump |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1021
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 05:07 pm: |
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Hehehehehehehe good one K!
Dont you men know you were put here on earth to cater to our every whim, kill bugs and take out the garbage? Sheesh!
Good boy Wyatt. Sit, stay...have a cookie. Or better yet, a chopper part.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Wyatt
Advanced Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 341
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 06:21 pm: |
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WooF!!
*Wyatt sit's smiling, as dogs somehow do, and wags his tail.*
The "Master of Menace"
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 184
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 06:59 pm: |
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Wolfie, I couldn't have said it better myself!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1027
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 08:30 pm: |
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wolfie pats Wyatt on the head and leers appreciatively at the wagging "tail"... 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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