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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 254
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 05:55 pm: | 
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This is just my opinion, but I would like to have other opinions.
Why do so many think that a punishment spanking has to leave marks? Is it that the bottom wants to see them and know the bottom/sub was punished or that the Top/Dom thinks that marks are required for it to be a real effective punishment?
I know Tops/Doms that can give quite effective punishment spankings without leaving a mark. That is not to say that the recipient may have a very red, red bottom that seems to be swollen 20 times it's normal size, but there are still no marks.
I would think that the badge, so to speak, of an experienced Top/Dom/Master would be to give a very effective punishment spanking that the bottom/sub feels without a doubt, but that leaves no marks.
I have had a couple of punishment spankings and I certainly knew they were punishment. I knew they hurt, but I did not have any marks.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 595
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 06:06 pm: |
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My fella says that leaving marks or bruising is going too far. He's been in the scene for over 30 years. He says that going so far as to leave marks is abuse. He can spank so hard I think my butt is gona fall off but then, it's just red and no marks or bruising. That is experience.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1954
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 06:07 pm: |
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I totally agree Beachley, I can be soundly spanked and left with nothing but a red hot, throbbing bottom. I think spanking is really a learned art and leaving bruises is not necessary. I know some people bruise easier than others, as I am one of them, but I have been sore for a couple days from a spanking with no marks. Granted my husband has practiced a lot over the years, but he does know exactly what he is doing. A more inexperienced top may think that leaving his mark is a sign of success, but I think it is the opposite.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Smartnnaughty
Advanced Spanko
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 317
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 06:40 pm: |
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When I first started getting spanked, I loved the marks. I still do to some extent. Now that my butt has been worn in, I don't bruise as easily as I used to.
My last spanking lasted 20 minutes and the only thing left was a light brown mark by my sit spot. I was spanked with medium force but it was very effective. I was in tears about halfway through. I would have to say it was the best spanking I have ever gotten.
I am still in the process of convincing My Guy that punishment spankings don't have to be at full force. After this last one, I think he sees the effectiveness and realizes it doesn't take so much out of him either.
So I hope we can continue spankings that are virtually mark-free!
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 216
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 07:56 pm: |
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My husband has many years of experience too. He very seldom leaves marks. I think after this many years..I don't bruise easily anymore. I don't think it is ever his intention to leave a mark...he knows how to give a good hard spanking with no marks.
I for one don't need a mark to know that I've been spanked!!  |
Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 209
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 08:01 pm: |
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I don't think that marks are necessary for the punishment to be accomplished; sometimes they do happen of course, but they are not a necessity.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 218
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 08:10 pm: |
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yep I agree with you Katie |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1066
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 11:09 pm: |
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Ive got to agree that it bothers me when I hear that someone was punished with 100's of swats with multiple implements and left with plenty of marks. I have to wonder if this is done for the benefit of the bottom....who they feel wont learn without this, or for the Top....who actually enjoys punishing his partner. We're adults, so why is this neccesary?
I'm very grateful that Steve subscribes to the theory that punishments should be short and to the point. Most of my punishment always takes place in my head, through conversations, lectures and the simple knowledge that I have disappointed my love with my behavior. Steve hates to punish...he would be happy if he never had to give a punishment spanking ever again. And after the last one he gave me, I hope he never has to either.
It was a total of 6 swats with our special punishment paddle "sting", but each one hurt more than the spank before. My head was where it had to be to be punished, so I was in tears by the time he finished. But it was the pain in his voice as he begged me not to make him have to do something like that ever again that really got to me. We clung to each other desperately, and I resolved then to hopefully never put him in that position again.
I have been left with a few marks of the cane or bruises from implements, but only during play. Since I dont get to see my Dom regularly, we tend to play a lot when I visit. I think its normal to bruise a bit every 4 months or so. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 364
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 05:59 am: |
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I am a huge proponent of NO marks, although red RED if just fine! If my potential partner enjoys them then he must go somewhere else to find them. I will admit that I have left an occasional bruise behind [pun intended], but it was "never" deliberate. Even the welts I've bestowed on bottoms tend to leave within an hour, although some pain remains for longer.
As for a punishment spanking, while it's not my preference to engage in that type of activity, I have given a few. I don't feel it's the results of what the implements can do, or the marks on the skin that will leave the lasting impression on the recipient. It's the fact that they did something that warranted the punishment in the first place. That they either disappointed me and/or themselves by their actions. Any mark on their behind will leave with time, but the impression to make is to correct a bad behavior or offer them the release of emotions through getting spanked. It's not the goal to "hurt" them, or mark them.
I agree with Steve's theory on punishment....short and to the point.
I think some people really just thrive on the idea of "punishment" and their only concept, related to spanking, is to make it overly harsh. To them, "marking" is required. I know a few men and one woman that can't seem to understand that others have differing views on what constitutes punishment/spanking. They do seem to ONLY have the goal of marking the bottom (and this is when it's spanking for punishment OR fun). Like marking is the goal, and spanking is just the means. I also find that they don't express this desire to mark, and far too many people have found out the hard way, after the fact, that their interests are not matched.
Another good reason why it's sooooo important to know your parnter well.
K |
Spankingcouple
Spanko
Username: Spankingcouple
Post Number: 55
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 08:25 am: |
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good morning,
i have to agree with you on the markings. my bottom was marked up pretty good after andy caned me a few days ago. the marks are almost gone and my bottom feels 100% better then it did. i got a little mad at andy and said "how would you like it if i caned you like that?" he looked at me and said " i can take whatever you dish out". i'm not so sure he could. i am a "bottom" by nature but if push became shove i think i could do it. i wouldn't deliberly go out and hurt him but maybe just teach him a lesson. i don't know..i have never spanked andy only a couple of times a few years ago when we were playing around.
have a good day,
trish |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 370
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 08:51 am: |
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Trish, I think his attitude about this is indicative of your need to reassess his "punishing" you. It doesn't sound, to me, like a good turn to your relationship.
Of course I'm only judging based on what you've offered about the situation, but it sounds like he's not having the concern for you that he should have. Just to flippant about it all, without thinking of the real consequences (and I'm not talking about him taking a caning either).
Perhaps it's become his "real" intent to hurt you. We've all had the discussion about 50 strokes with the cane, the first time you posted about it.
I for one, am concerned.
K |
Spankingcouple
Spanko
Username: Spankingcouple
Post Number: 56
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 09:11 am: |
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thank you K,
we have talked about it a lot and we need to talk about it a lot more. i can take a very hard spanking but the cane is someting i've never had before and i'm not sure if i want it anymore. maybe 20 strokes but 50 is way too much for me. andy is very loving but when it comes to punishment spankings he goes a little over board. Ok alot over board. and that is someting we need to talk about. i am tempted to give him a hard spanking just to show him spankings can hurt if you don't do it right. i believe i could do it. it's not that i don't know how to spank. i spank almost every week.
have a good day and thanks,
trish |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1071
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 10:34 am: |
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Trish, I dont think showing him how much a caning hurts will change things if he doesnt care about how your feeling post-spanking. I think the best thing you could do would be to stop all disciplinary spankings until you work things out together.
If his playful spankings begin getting harder and harder to compensate for lack of disciplinary ones, then you know he cares more about hard spanking than about what you want.
Did you read him what a lot of us said about the severe caning? If so, what was his reaction? If he wont take this seriously, then I would never let him use a cane on me again. A video wont correct him when he isnt using it right...and do you really want to be his guinea pig? There's a fine line between respect for an implement, and outright fear.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 212
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 11:37 am: |
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I agree Wolfie - if the post spanking feelings aren't cared for, then what will be? Well said!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Spankingcouple
Spanko
Username: Spankingcouple
Post Number: 57
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 01:22 pm: |
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yes i did and he said he'll not use the cane for a while and get back to the way he used to spank me. i was delighted to hear that. i put the cane in a safe place where only i know where it is. i don't mind the wooden paddle at all. i will cry from it and it turns my bottom a deep shade of red but hardly leaves marks. i like that much better. i have never used a cane but was using it on a pillow this morning in our bedroom. i really think if i practiced enough i would feel ok with using it on andy's butt if he still thinks i'm just being a big baby about all this. a year or so ago my sister told me about the Spencer Spanking Plan where both man and wife are subject to spankings if they mess up. maybe i should mention that to andy to see what he says. i know how to turn a butt red but i have never spanked andy only the time when we were playing around some time ago.
thanks for chatting about this with me. it's really helping.
trish |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1077
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 04:19 pm: |
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I'm glad we could help Trish, thats what this site is all about. 
As far as you spanking him...think long and hard about it before you decide to do anything. You may not like the reaction you get. Yes, if his attitude is one of "dont be such a wuss, it doesnt hurt that bad!"...he needs a dose of reality! But I doubt you will hurt him as much as he did you, we women just cant hurt our loved ones that way.
The part that worries me more is strictly psychological. My submissive streak is brought out by the dominance of the man I love. It makes me feel secure and reassures me of my place in our relationship. It allows me to lean on him whenever I need to, to trust and respect him as Ive never done with anyone else before. If I were to spank Steve or try and discipline him...it would destroy our relationship. First, because he is too dominant to allow that and secondly, because I would never be able to look at him in the same way again. I NEED him to be the strong one, the steady rock I can depend upon, and if I took that away from him by usurping his control, I doubt I could ever get it back.
If you have a regular marriage, this may not be a problem for you. But if being Dom and sub is a big part of your relationship, spanking him could damage it beyond repair. Just my opinion of course, and I hope everything works out for the best for you both.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 256
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 17, 2006 - 07:29 pm: |
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I agree with Wolfie but then it all depends on what type of relationship each couple are involed in.
I could never spank Mr. B. First he would never let me other than the the swat or two I can get in while passing which usually gets me many more swats in return. But other than that, to seriously think about spanking Mr. B I could not even get my head around that concept. I need him to be the the Top/Dom in my life. I most certainly do not want to.
That is just my situation. I know many people out there are switches which is fine and it apparently works for them.
I would think if you want to show him how the cane feels and he is willing and wants to know then do so, but don't go into it with the intention of leaving marks on him as he did with you. Perhaps if nothing else, you can show him how it should be done as you stated that you spank others yourself. Just an idea.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 225
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 18, 2006 - 10:48 pm: |
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Trish I do not think it is cool at all that he thinks you are a baby - the cane really hurts! Not only do I cry out but I'm in tears. BTW, what exactly is the Spencer Spanking Plan and where can I learn mroe about it?
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 223
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 10:24 am: |
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Katie I have that book...it's really old..if you want to read it...I can send you my copy. Just e-mail me. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1091
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 10:41 am: |
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Just think carefully before spanking your partner Katie...it really changes the dynamics of a relationship, and can damage one in which you need the spanker to be dominant and the spankee submissive.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 235
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 06:42 pm: |
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Wolfie - I couldn't agree with you more which is why Jake and I talk all the time - communication is key. Thanks for the advice!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Poofette
New member
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 43
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 12:44 am: |
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http://www.angelfire.com/ok5/discipline/plan.html
Have to admit to my own curiousity about the Spencer Spanking Plan. Got the better of me and I had to go look for it. Easily found. Don't you love the web?
Poofette |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1099
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 10:02 am: |
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Good for you Katie, that's what I love to hear! 
Poofette, you couldnt have said anything truer. Without the web I would never have found Steve...or been spanked...or have met any of the wonderful people here. I adore the web!!! 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Smartnnaughty
Advanced Spanko
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 321
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 01:07 pm: |
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Wolfie--
DITTO! The web is a great place! I met My Guy here too and am now a happily spanked woman.
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Spankingcouple
Spanko
Username: Spankingcouple
Post Number: 60
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 12:01 am: |
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thank you very much for all your good advice. if andy would have taken the time to practice with the cane before using it on me maybe i wouldn't be so scared of the darn thing. i hid the cane but have been practicing with it on a pillow. i plan to show andy that a canning is not to be taken lightly. maybe after he feels the bite of the cane he won't think i'm such a big BABY. it botheres me that he thinks i'm over reacting about all this. this weekend i'll show him. not to hurt him but show him it really hurts. i like the idea of him laying on the bed is a great idea. this will make his butt a better target. when i asked andy "are you ready to feel the cane"? he says "anytime babe". he is so flip about it which makes me angery.
again thanks so much for the advive,
trish |
Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 248
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 03:46 am: |
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Wolfie - thank you so much! That made my day along with a couple of other compliments! Thank you but you shouldn't be thanking me - that is what a relationship should be about. We are both very lucky. And Poulette thanks for the informatio - I'm going to check it out tomorrow when I get back from the gym. Thanks guys for always making my night.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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