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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1044
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 01:00 pm: | 
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I'm not sure if this is going to make sense or not. Ive noticed a lot of changes in myself lately, and I'm worried that they signal a decrease in interest in spanking and bdsm.
For 45 years I hid my love of spanking; writing hidden stories and searching for spankings in romance novels. Once I joined a spanking website and "came out", it seemed I couldnt get enough of writing for others, reading their stories, posting discussions and playing on the cyber threads. I had an insatiable need to learn everything I could about this new world that had opened up to me.
Even after finally meeting Steve and beginning our life together, I would get excited about any mention of spanking. I constantly pestered him for answers to my questions, and wanted to learn everything I could about being a sub. Once I felt comfortable with that, there were other aspects of bdsm I wanted to know about. The lifestyle fascinated me and being the perfect sub was something I worried about all the time.
Now it's hard for me to find a reason to even go online, except to chat with friends. I havent written anything in ages and dont make the time to read other people's. I dont care if I talk with Steve or others about spanking, and dont think about it myself when Im alone. Its not as if I dont want to be spanked anymore, I cant wait until next month when we're together again and can play to our hearts content. But I miss the excitement, the curiosity, the "tingle" that went with being new to the spanko world.
Have any others felt the same way, and if so, how did you handle it? Did any of those feelings come back? Was there something you did to re-new the excitement and fun you got from spanking? Or is this a natural part of getting comfortable in this new world I've joined?
I miss these feelings and wish I could get them back again. It makes me very sad to think I'll never again feel that rush of arousal that I associate with spanking....or the feeling of being whole that comes with my submission. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1948
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 03:02 pm: |
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Wolfie, I could have written this myself and as you know I did write something similiar in another thread. I believe we are near the same age and have been through similiar recent traumas. I have lost interest in so many of the things I used to enjoy and it really is discouraging. All I can say is that I am trying to ride this one out and not give it any more thought than necessary. I try not to push myself into any situation that I am not 100% comfortable with and am making no attempts to put on the "happy face" for others benefit. Whether it is a change in lifestyle or just a temporary set-back, I can not guess, nor do I try. I suggest you just let it go for awhile and see where life takes you. Be confident that if you follow your heart, it will lead you to the place that is best for you. And keep in mind that there are very few things in life that are permanent.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 625
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 03:46 pm: |
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Wolfie, I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you and lessen your worry.
Do you think maybe it's the allure of the forbidden that's gone? I know that happens to some after they've settled into this. (This'll age me, but it's been so long since I entered this lifestyle that I can't remember what it was like.) I wonder if it's just a phase you're going through. At the risk of being growled at, do you think it could be hormonal?
I've had my interests in the different aspects of spanking change. I'm not the same spanko I was when I was in my twenties. I was kinda scary back then btw. I've changed and so have my spanko tastes.
I'm sure this is just a phase though. I can't imagine wanting something for 45 years and then having it suddenly go away.
I wish I could offer you more.  |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 356
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 03:48 pm: |
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Wolfie, I think a lot of it is due to realizing a fantasy. When you get to realize something you've only "thought" about for so many years, it's quite exciting. And then it becomes the norm. It's lost some excitement.
I'd say your situation is not unlike what I went through. I used to write stories when I first got online. I stopped writing...I actually DO what I used to write about.
I also think it's not unlike a drug. When you get your first fix...nothing else matches that. Kinda like: Be careful what you ask for!
I've pulled away...I can't count how many times. Mostly I was disenchanted with things, real life, but mostly within the scene. But it all cycles for me.
If you truly want in your life, and if it's a part of you...it'll come back.
I actually appreciate it more, when I stay away for a bit.
K |
Reader_girl
New member
Username: Reader_girl
Post Number: 38
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 05:15 pm: |
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It might be just a normal phase. I would worry if you got to the point where you lost interest in playing with Steve. It seems like you guys have a very strong relationship.
You might want to take a look at other interests in your life, though, and see if they seem to be waning as well. Loss of interest in things that used to really make you happy, excited, or motivated can be an early signal of depression - which is sometimes just a chemical response to changes in your body. I went through this type of thing about 7 years ago, and my SSRI medication has really given me myself back.
On the other hand, it could just be a phase.
Reader Girl
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Pinkwench
New member
Username: Pinkwench
Post Number: 43
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 07:39 pm: |
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I know how you're feeling Wolfie, I have felt the same way for years. Reading those historical fictions looking for any hint of spanking, and I have to say I did not experiment, nor tell anyone that I was interested in that sort of 'play' ever. Until my husband, and I was 36 when I met him. It took several years for him to pull information out of me, let alone even trying something that was a hint of BDSM/spanking play.
So, in 2004, I really got bold, for me, and said, “You know I think I'd like you to spank me.” Well, Hazel bar the door, he did. Then he did it again, and with something other than his hand, and it just grew exponentially. Now when you look at our toy box, I am totally amazed, like "we really have that much stuff".
But, and here's my point. This past year has been an awful year for us, my hubby lost his job, and is still un-employed, our daughter is in college in another state, and is barely making ends meet, and on top of that I was in danger of losing my job. The consequence to all this turmoil was regardless if the desire was spanking or vanilla, either kind of desire just went out the window.
I didn't write, read or even think about anything spanking/sex related. Too many other stressors. The weird thing was that several months afterwards, I started thinking about it again, then wanting it, to finally saying "Hey look, do ya think you could spank me again".
I really think it is stress and hormones that link up, and kill the fun/sexual feelings. I was so wound up thinking constantly about lack of money, and what are we going to do, that I had no room in my life for fun. It's not that I lost the desire for Jake; just the spirit went away for awhile.
I think it is just one of the normal phases in our lives, there are always ebbs and flows, and I would be more worried if you were losing your interest in Steve. Then I would say there were other dynamics involved.
Hugs,
Pink |
Kennysspankee
Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 92
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 07:46 pm: |
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Maybe you're tired or bored with your life right now. Does Steve do the verbal thing with you, get into your head, cause the feeling of apprehension, or do you do the same thing just about all the time and there's no surprise anymore, it's just routine? You could be a little depressed and not realize it too, you'll feel kinda tired, not interested in doing things you usually enjoy doing, feel tired. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1052
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 08:40 pm: |
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Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your input.
Fanny, our feelings are almost identical, except I still want Steve desperately and I want him to spank me. Somedays I need it so badly it eats at my insides as though I'm starving. 
Bethie, is it a phase? I dont know. Is it hormonal? Possibly, I am pre-menopausal. I just dont know...but I too hope that the allure isnt gone after waiting so long to come out.
For those who dont know, its been a rough year for me. I was my mothers full time caregiver, and I lost her in June. 10 hours later my uncle died, and I had to put my dog to sleep 2 weeks later. I will have to sell our family home and move someplace else. Its been very difficult, although no more so than so many others deal with here at the Den. 
Pink, I'm glad Im not alone in this. And yes Kennysspankee, Steve does the "head thing with me all the time. It does help, but unfortunately doesnt last much past our phone calls...where it used to last for days. *sigh*
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 310
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 09:55 pm: |
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I think the thrill of newness wears off, Wolfie.
I still come online, and I still write. But I find much of what's discussed to be repetitive. Now, before anyone bites my head off, there's nothing wrong with that. New people join in all the time, and we all need to ask questions as we learn and grow.
But almost three years later...it's just not as compelling to read about it again.
I've been to two conferences, and really doubt that I'd go to another. It may be weird...but I just have no desire to.
At first, just the 's' word would get me going. Now I'm used to it. But I've already told my hubby, I've already 'come out' to him about a site, we've already met some others in the community...
And you know what? It's just reinforced that this is something private between us. Not interested in playing with others. Not my thing.
I've made a few friends, and do keep up with them. But I don't feel the need to spend the time online that I used to - and I'm glad about that. 
I kinda feel that the deed is done. I obsessed, I read...and I came out. Great. I'm out. It's now a normal part of my life...not a forbidden thrill.
I really enjoy writing, so I still do that. And will likely continue to. But I join in discussions far less frequently, and don't do play threads.
Maybe it's not lack of interest. But more focused interest? |
Eod
New member
Username: Eod
Post Number: 13
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 15, 2006 - 10:10 pm: |
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Very interesting initial post.
For me it comes and goes (going for longer than when I was younger, coming for less).
I used to read about it, and watch the odd video. Now I never do, with the exception of this site. And this is more of a curiosity than a sense of excitement. I'm interested in a quite detached way about what other people think/are aroused by etc. And then as I've visited the site more frequently, I've begun to sort out who's who, and being a people person, that's interesting. But frankly nothing here is exciting - not meant in any way as a putdown of the site, which is excellent.
The spanking part of my life is quite stable - I'm long-term married, with a partner who participates willingly. It's sexual play, not disciplinary in any form. I find as we've been at it for years, we've refined it more and more, and got to understand each other better and better. But we do it less. And understanding is such a key in this area. Misundersanding leads to huge problems.
So in general, it's better and better, more and more seldom. And the thought of spanking is not all that exciting any more. However the reality is more so. |
Darwins
Spanko
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 110
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 06:05 am: |
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Mmmmmm it’s nice to know I’m still wanted! (smile)
Serious head on for a moment.
When I came back to the scene after many years of absence I posted everywhere and l wrote stories and opinions quite prolifically. Over time my attention has become quite focused to the needs and wants of my partner here. That is not to say my pleasure in spanking has diminished, but it has changed that is to be sure. Now my thoughts are more specific, less generalised, for example instead of wondering, “what would this be like to use” I find myself thinking, “I wonder if she would like this”.
The business pressures of everyday life have been quite heavy this last year, and that too has taken it’s toll on the time that is available to spend on sites writing, posting and reading. It’s a fact that life and its pressures does get in the way and will always colour how we feel, and sometimes it’s hard to get excited about anything!!
Over time though, spanking and your view of it, does change, there was a time when I was asking everyone “how do you do this, what happens if this happens” etc etc and l probably drove them as mad as Wolfie drives me on occasions LOL (xxx). But then l found that it was me answering the questions for others, me offering the advice and in some cases even demonstrating, getting satisfaction from preventing them making the mistakes that l had made. The satisfaction of knowing that l was helping to keep someone safe.
So yes spanking for me has changed, or rather it has evolved.
But despite all that, l know that in a quiet room with a bare Wolfie across my lap, the heart races, chest gets tight and I get that tingle in certain places and everything is just....right.
I'm a king bee baby Buzzing round your hive
we can make honey baby if you let me come inside
Come on babe lets buzzzzz a while.
(Rolling Stones)
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1053
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 10:01 am: |
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As always my love, you know how to calm me down and put things into perspective for me.
I do enjoy being the one who newbies come to for help and information. It's a joy to be able to help them, to see a relationship blossom as a couple enters into spanking or D&D. To counsel fellow subs when they dont understand why their Doms/Masters ask certain things of them.
Its almost as much fun as being that newbie myself, insatiably curious and full of nerves and wonder....never knowing what new adventure her Master has in store for her. 
For now I will try and be satisfied with the challenges each new day here at the Den brings, and wait for the moment when our eyes meet, our lips touch and I get that electric tingle as your hand connects with my naked bottom over and over again. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 210
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 16, 2006 - 08:04 pm: |
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God Wolfie, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way but hte best thing that I can say to you is that I hope hat it will get better for you. Everyone has their ups and downs; believe me I'm sure as hell going through mine right now.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Pinkwench
Spanko
Username: Pinkwench
Post Number: 57
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 18, 2006 - 11:50 pm: |
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I love the gif of the bottom with the pink cheeks Wolfie
Pink
"Pink is my signature color, best expressed when it is the color of my spanked ass"  |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1084
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 12:26 am: |
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Me too Pinky, go ahead and borrow it.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 259
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 08:14 pm: |
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Hugs Wolfie and Steve - you both realize that it was you two that started Mr. B and I off into the spanking world. Guided and taught what you knew, listened to me at least endlessly trying to figure things out and then me trying to explain things to Mr. B. It was Steve's fault I got my first spanking from Mr. B.  So keep on doing, you too, what you do best.
Now on to your question Wolfie. I think we all over time outgrow that newbie status and the tingle that just the word, thought, story creates. It's not necessarily that we have lost our wanting of the spanking, it simply is that it is no longer the mystery and that we know what to expect and are more comfortable with the notion.
I am positive that when Steve comes after you for whatever reason HE may dream up, because we all know you would never do anything to warrant a spanking  , that those feelings of butterflies all of a sudden leap. They are just more focused now and you want those feeling from Steve that only he can seem to produce and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1094
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 11:11 pm: |
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Your right Ann, I never do anything to warrant a spanking. 
But there are those times when Steve threatens me with discipline for some made up reason, and I feel that familiar tingle, my heart races and I catch my breath in anticipation. I cant wait until we're together again! 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 252
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 03:59 am: |
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Wolfie - I am on aanti-anxiety pills, because of school and everything else I have going on in my life so I'm not sure if that has a lot to do with my "swings" but I go though phases - like sometimes I am sooo into it and sometimes I just want to get on and chat with my online friends - thank god for you guys. hope this helps and hope you get out of your funk soon!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1115
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 09:57 am: |
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Thanks Katie, I hope so too.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 264
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 12:33 am: |
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I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 265
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 12:33 am: |
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Wolfie it may take some time - it took me awhile but I eventually got through it. I wish I could tell you it would be over tomorow but I can't - it just tkes time and that's what sucks. Just know that there are a lot of people here that care for you and will be here for you in whatever way they can.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1134
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 11:07 am: |
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Thank you Katie, the support of the folks here at the Den is something I have always been grateful for, and appreciate. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 274
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 09:34 pm: |
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Me too!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 13
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 01:53 am: |
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WoW!This post was like looking in the mirror.I was a hidden spanko too for 47 years,till I found a web site,chat room,took off from there.Wrote stories,drew pictures,on and on.Now going on four years in a real life spanko situation,Dom and sub.I have tried everything,printed pictures,framed them for the bedroom,wrote pledges,tried to add the spice back,and nothing works? I lost weight 117 to 103,thought maybe that was what was wrong,my partner is about 270. I thought maybe I was trying to top,and didn't realize it? I have left a bouple of times to see my family,a little better when I came back,for a little while.My divorse,seriously ill parents, money problems,his diabetis,maybe all has taken it's toll? I haven't written in a year now! My partner is real big on fantasy,maybe this is just too real,not like a phone spanking? Comfort in that I'm not alone.I tried talking and it ends up in hurt feelings? I will never return to a non-spanking relationship, I know that.Trouble is my heart is involved,I might be alone though. |
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