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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 425
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 10:36 am: | 
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Not complaining, but it seems that all of the women posting are sub/bottoms, or sometime switches.
Are there ANY other female top/Dommes out there?
K |
Hexo
New member
Username: Hexo
Post Number: 1
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 10:50 am: |
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Not a female top but a male bottom. I have also noticed relatively few female tops posting!
That aint right! |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 428
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 10:59 am: |
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Welcome, Hexo. Good to see you come out and post! Hope to see more of you!  (no pun intended)
K |
Ma_vie_en_rose
New member
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 26
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 10:59 am: |
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I'm not sure as I haven't entered into one with a female, but I'm pretty I could top if she wanted me to, I'm probably more a switch, so can't really count as a Top. Helas.
This board does seem very heavily striated in the two camps of "male dominant" "female submissive" but I suppose that something as arbitrary as gender shouldn't really be an issue when discussing spanking. |
Hexo
New member
Username: Hexo
Post Number: 3
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 11:06 am: |
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Thanks Ftop =) |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1213
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 11:09 am: |
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We would like it to not be an issue. Everyone is welcome here, no matter their gender, or spanking affiliation. I belong to another site as well as this one, and that one is also heavily male Dom/female sub. I think it may be that the female Dommes and male bottoms prefer being with their own, and have sites they go to regularly.
I hope no one ever feels unwanted here or that they are the "odd man out" here at the Den. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 278
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 11:23 am: |
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Sorry K!! I just don't have it in me to be a Top.
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 430
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 12:44 pm: |
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Wolfie, it's not that FemTops and male bottoms "want" to go to other sites...they "have" to, as people of the majority (which is M/F) are...well, they are the majority.
Male bottoms are not accepted well by many in the BDSM community in general (this is no secret), and when they come to a group that is dominated (no pun intended) by female bottom/submissives and a few male Tops (many discriminating - not pointing at the men in this group, speaking in general terms), it's not always a good fit for them. Many male doms aren't able to understand the male sub/bottom, just as I am not able to view things from the sub female view.
Many threads, in many groups, that start with the perspective of male bottoms, either switch to the female point of view, or are slowly closed by no one posting at all. If male bottoms and FemTops go elsewhere...it's because they are forced to find a venue that is more conducive to accept them.
I can't count the number of bottom men that I've seen post in the Intro area...yet almost none of them actively post.
As an example, the original Detroit spanking group was advertised originally as open to all too. As time went on, it was more than evident that male bottoms were not accepted. Finally the group advertised their true orientation choice, and by being "forced, I started another group. The new group is primarily male bottoms...by default of being refused entry, and acceptance from the other group. It's how most groups work.
This website if VERY friendly, but most others PUSH the F/M genre either to a back room, or off their site completely. Groups for male bottoms HAVE to pop up, out of necessity, as they are not accepted in many other genres.
Gender is arbitrary? Gender does come into play when discussing spanking, and evidenced in the examples above. The "act" itself...no, it's not an issue, but the specific feelings, and all issues related to relationships IS related to gender, whether female/male, or even same sex...it's an issue.
How many heterosexual men here will spank a man...just cause they like spanking "someone?" I bet very few. I don't spank women. The pleasure for many comes for the "gender" of the recipient, and the reactions brought about by them being the opposite sex. Same sex couples are looking for the same reactions too, and they probably wouldn't BE same sex couples, except for the fact that same "gender" definitely plays a role in their own pleasures (or if not, they wouldn't be same sex, right?).
I don't see exclusion here, but I don't see equality or equal time for all orientations. I'm wondering if it's because members aren't here...or they all just prefer to remain in the shadows.
Sometimes, I feel it's because the predominate subject is M/F. They can't relate...so they don't post.
Hard to figure here...'cause the group is so friendly to begin with.
K |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 668
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 01:31 pm: |
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I really wish those male bottoms and female tops who aren't posting would jump into our conversations. I know that most questions seem like they're leaning toward the male top and female bottom perspective, but I think it's that way because it's the prevalent coupling here. It doesn't mean that the other perspectives aren't welcome. In fact, they'd be appreciated. It's always good to hear from all sides.
If they're worried they might get a negative reaction, that won't be allowed to happen here. We won't let it!
As I stated in the Site Protocols, we want this to be a safe and comfortable place that's open to the different aspects of adult spanking. We're kink friendly and we'll do our best to keep it that way.
So if you're here lurking in the shadows afraid to venture out, don't be. We've got your back...so to speak.  |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1215
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 03:33 pm: |
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Do you have any ideas K what we could do to be more kink friendly than we already are? Because I dont have a clue.
As Bethie said, we want to invite everyone...but we cant help it that your the only female Domme here regularly. How do we get them to show up? What more can we do? 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 435
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 05:17 pm: |
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I think you've gotten the wrong impression from my initial post...I did preface, in that post, that I was not "complaining" about this site.
I was just curious if any other female tops were "here," or lurking. I really just asked for them to give a shout out, and it wasn't my intent to suggest anything otherwise.
My long post, thereafter, was in response to what was posted regarding the orientation of F/M.
"If you build it, they will come"...eventually! 
K |
Ma_vie_en_rose
New member
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 30
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 05:49 pm: |
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I didn't mean gender was arbitrary anymore than I meant that the important thing was not "I'm a man who spanks men" but it's more "i'm a person, and I like to spank people." or "I am a person, and I like to be spanked." The experience of a man who spanks shouldn't be vastly different, I would imagine, from that of a woman who spanks. nor would recieving be all that different.
From the point of view of hooking up it's more difficult, and, I will admit, personally, I no desire to be spanked by a man except for David Bowie...THAT man could do whatever he wanted to me *-*, but I have been spanked by a man, and I don't really see how it's fundamentally different from being spanked by a woman except for the parts you can kiss afterwards, the way you fit together, but the spanking's the same.
It effects the writing section, and the cyber play one, but a discussion of spanking shouldn't be so focussed on "spanking happens. The guy spanks the girl." that someone who isn't exactly in one of those roles can't fit in whether a domme, a male bottom, or a member of a same-sex couple.
In the few days I've been active on this site, I have felt a bit odd by the abundance of M/F discussion, basically on the two boards I mentioned, but a lot of the conversation isn't focussed on gender. It's focussed on spanking, implements, anecdotes, issue that arise. On a level of personal attraction, it matters, but I don't think it neccessarily does for a community discussion.
That's what I meant about gender being arbitrary.
It's nice to have a community. But even if you're not an M/F relationship, at least for me, the very fact that this is a community of people who are just as obsessed with spanking as I am, is wonderful in itself, even if just that facet is met.
To Bethie and Wolfie: I know you've probably already thought of it, but perhaps if you got F/M blogs to kind of mention you, you could increase membership in male subs/female dommes? Just a thought. |
Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 436
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 05:56 pm: |
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I actually think...they'RE HEEEERE!
Really...I think they are just lurking! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1220
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 06:15 pm: |
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I know you werent complaining K, Im just frustrated at not being able to help with this. I feel like jumping up and down while waving a flag, shouting "Here we are, and we want and accept you!"
Thank you Rose, great suggestion. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Widgets
New member
Username: Widgets
Post Number: 1
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 09:40 am: |
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We are a couple with her as top and him as bottom. I was taught to be a top and until being reassured by other tops (professionals) never would thought of doing this or trying it. The problem is in the way we girls are brought up and either we have to think out of the box or be re-educated. Otherwise like the boys we are dumbed down by the establishment. |
Jasmine_1958
New member
Username: Jasmine_1958
Post Number: 26
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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I could definitely be a top if someone desired, Ftop. I feel like I am one all during the day at work, then get home and have to switch. I don't care which gender either. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1340
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 10:45 am: |
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Welcome Widgets, we're glad your here! 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Kennysspankee
Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 154
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 06:50 pm: |
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I could Top in a playful situation as long as he wanted to play. I'd love snapping that strap across a bum. One year for Christmas when our kids were little we bought our youngest son one of those Castle Greyskull's. Well we opened all the pieces and I came across a little teeny whip and right away I started whipping the men characters we'd unpacked. Everyone started laughing histaricly, I didn't even think about what I was doing, it was just an automatic reaction. All the kids friends laughed about it and told their parents about 'their friends' Mom'. We had many a smile with the neighbors over that incident. So yeah, I'd like to play! |
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