| Author |
Message |
    
Apatheticdream
New member
Username: Apatheticdream
Post Number: 3
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 07:40 pm: | 
|
I recently posted my hello in the meet and greet forum, explaining I had converted/awakened/insertpreferredtermhere my previously vanilla girlfriend to my spanking proclivities. Fanny commented that others may be interested, so I figured I would take a whack at dissecting how this occured.
J and I have been together for 12 years this April. We are not married (a result of my life as a musician, time spent on the road, etc). We began dating in high school, and myself being catholic (insert potential cause for punishment psychological need here), it took several years for me to finally decide to engage in a sexual relationship with her.
Years went by with me involved in a very vanilla sex life with my fantasies all lying in wait...my desires to spank and be spanked suppressed. Fast forward 4 years, after some serious thought and reflection, I sat her down and confided in her that I had this desire that I felt "funny" about. Thank god, she didnt outright laugh in my face or look at me like I had 3 heads. She simply said ok, and some small experimentation began.
Initial attempts at me spanking her were non-successful, as they are today. She doesnt possess the kink gene that makes you want to be spanked. So, next natural progression was for her to spank me, as I have always considered myself a switch (came to this conclusion one day as I was checking out some random coed decked out in a business suit and heels. BLAMMO! All I could think of was a session involving me across her lap). This is where she blossomed.
I hate to say it, but to dissect it into psychological terms, what occurred was classical conditioning. She spanked me, and the sex was better than when she didnt. This led to me opening up more and more as she would bring up putting me over her lap. This in and of itself was a major accomplishment for us as a couple. However, it is still a work in progress. The created association is that of spanking as foreplay, and strictly that.
I have explained to her that spanking is stress relief for me, and she picked up on that immediately. Due to our current roommate situation, I havent had a good spanking in some time, but we are planning a weekend soon to take care of that.
On this same weekend, I plan on having another fairly serious discussion with her. Over the past few years, as she and I have developed together with this, I have made the discovery I am much much more submissive than I am dominant (perhaps out of necessity, but I will take a pragmatic approach...it works...maybe some classical conditioning at work on me). The next step for me is explaining to her not only do I want foreplay spankings I NEED punishment spankings. I need the ritual, the absolute loss of control, the dominance from her. So herein there is another hurdle to mount. The loss of control, penance/release, is something that for me is beyond a desire. Its the way I am wired. For any interested I will let you know how it goes.
Anyway, it wasnt any kind of miracle. It took someone who knew me well, was willing to listen to me, and a tiny bit of good sex as a direct reult of my butt being warmed. The first two are qualities any solid relationship should have. Theres my 2 cents worth.
If any of you have good ways or have had success with introducing BG spankings after GG spankings have already been introduced, I am all ears. (I use bg/gg in reference to nomenclature here on the board)
So there it is...
N.
...I catch a brief reflection of what (I) could and might have been...
|
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 699
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 08:07 pm: |
|
Ok Dream...and I stress...DREAM...for starters...you are GORGEOUS. (pardon me a moment while I get a bib) I switch from time to time, not with my partner...he is ALL Dom...and the thought of you across my knee brings out the DOMME in me!! Ever fancy a trip to the UK??
(insert WEG and giggles here)
Seriously tho, it sounds to me that you and your lady have taken the first and most important step...communication. Good luck and happy spankings, hon!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Apatheticdream
New member
Username: Apatheticdream
Post Number: 4
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 08:22 pm: |
|
Lol. Thank you very much. Bear in mind universal records paid some stylist wayyyyy to much money to make all of us in the band look like that. Only thing you really dont see in the pic tho is my philosophers marks (a few scant smile creases and a few lines under the eyes from sleepless nights digesting musashi, tzu, and my fave russian, dostoevsky). Ok, so maybe playing in smoky bars doesnt help either.
I cannot thank you enough though, it helps a fragile ego. 
N.
...I catch a brief reflection of what (I) could and might have been...
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2005
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 01:44 pm: |
|
Thank you for starting this thread, Noel. It is sure to open up discussion from both "ends". I have been involved with the lifestyle since I was 17. I was a vanilla in the manner that I had never thought of spanking as being erotic. A boyfriend at the time was took it upon himself to initiate me and the rest is history. I seem to attract men who like to spank, who knew?
My husband and I started disciplinary spankings after many years of erotic spankings. We gave it a 6 month trial period and have stuck with it. It turns out to be a great stress reducer and it avoids many arguements. I am not a submissive woman by personality, I am a real take charge of person in my career both inside and outside the home. There is a part of me though, that enjoys relinquishing at times and it helps to recenter my psyche. We both enjoy the fun of erotic and disciplinary spankings, and I appreciate having some place that I can openly discuss it.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Poofette
Spanko
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 63
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 01:23 am: |
|
You have no need of a fragile ego. Although way too young for me, you are certainly NOT hard on the eyes!! Why is it some good looking men don't think they are while some horrendously, atrociously, bad looking men think they're God's gift to all of woman kind and make a point of telling them so???? I don't get it.....
Poofette |
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 701
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 02:15 pm: |
|
Poofette, it's the fact that a persons attitude about themselves is what makes them attractive. If you think you are "God's gift" and make sure everyone knows it, you become unattractive. It's the humble ones that are attractive and beautiful.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Apatheticdream
New member
Username: Apatheticdream
Post Number: 6
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 03:12 pm: |
|
The fragile ego is a direct result of never seeing where I am, only seeing where I want to be and what I need to work on. For being a philosophy nut I'm sure not very close to any zen mindset. One of these aeons I will figure out how to live in the moment, in the true sense of the phrase.
Either way, thank you again shylah and poofette, the compliments make me feel good.
Fanny, the control outside of the home sounds very close to my situation. I control so much of my life, that the giving over of control of the spanking allows me to "reset" without running screaming through the streets with a colander on my head and a mop as my transportation.  On top of that, when I allow myself to cry and let all the guards down it purges alot of bad emotions.
N.
...I catch a brief reflection of what (I) could and might have been...
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2013
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 03:29 pm: |
|
Now Mr. Philosopher, when you have this all worked out in your head, please share. I'm sure you can make a ton of $$ by cluing us in to the secrets of inner peace. We are all just trying to get by in a crazy world that doesn't seem to accept anything out of the realm of "normal". In conclusion, I would guess most of us would admit to a fragile ego.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 704
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:03 pm: |
|
Oh I dunno.
Running thru the streets with a colander and a mop sounds good to me.
But then I don't have any room to jest. I once wore a Raggedy Ann costume to a spanking party and won first prize...a spanking by my hubby in front of the whole gathering.
Gawd that was embarressing. Not bare tho, I do have my limits. Besides, it's not nice to spank a bare Raggedy Ann.
Or is it?
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Apatheticdream
New member
Username: Apatheticdream
Post Number: 9
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:07 pm: |
|
I dunno, a bare bottomed raggedy ann would hit on a bunch of different kinks...just gotta make the behind match the hair
N.
...I catch a brief reflection of what (I) could and might have been...
|
Shylah
Advanced Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 709
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:25 pm: |
|
AHEM!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
|
Spanking Discussion Area