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Lostwng
New member
Username: Lostwng
Post Number: 2
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, March 03, 2006 - 04:58 am: | 
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i have been trying to get my gf to spank me but shes just wont can someone give me some advice |
Pinkcheeks
Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 153
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 03, 2006 - 08:22 am: |
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There are some very good past posts about this exact topic, Lost - You might want to check them out. Also, explore the web and research reputable websites about adult spanking. Then maybe you can print out articles and have her read them  . The most important thing is talking - talking - talking ....good luck!
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tmichellebrat
Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 119
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 03, 2006 - 02:36 pm: |
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I agree with Pinkcheeks about the communicating ...talk, talk, and more talk is the most important part to a spanking relationship. Really sit down and talk to your gf about why she doesn't want to spank you....she might have some fears and feelings that your not aware of. Good luck and keep us posted. |
Apatheticdream
New member
Username: Apatheticdream
Post Number: 5
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 04:26 am: |
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I will third the aforementioned. In order to get my gf to spank me, it required a sit down, serious, "Hey, this is how I am wired...this is a need for me" discussion. As long as the relationship is strong enough to handle what I refer to as "cards on the table" discussions, you should be fine.
The only way I can see it not working out is if she was somehow abused in a spanking or disciplinary matter, in which case the decision must be made do you care enough to set this aside due to that history, or is it so hard wired its a must have. With proper support, if abuse was present, it may be possible to seperate her spanking you from the negative associations that potentially exist.
Good luck, it takes alot of balls to do this, I've been there and was a nervous wreck, even though I shouldnt have been. Its a part of you, and its you that she loves - plain and simple.
N.
...I catch a brief reflection of what (I) could and might have been...
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 350
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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I agree with N.
Here's the thing tho - she has needs and wants of her own. And sometimes, you just can't get there from here.
My first spanking partner was a switch. While I am a bottom, I was happy to spank him for his pleasure.
I'm sure I spanked him several hundred times. But it didn't change my wiring. Spanking him didn't make me a Top. I just topped him in play. I would compare spanking him to giving him a bj. Don't mind doing it, I can see that he loves it...but it doesn't do much for me. 
I could no more stop being a bottom than stop breathing. I have craved this as long as I could remember. Long before I recognized the feelings as sexual ones. So I understand the need. I do.
And I agree that this is a part of you. She loves you, and this was there, although she doesn't know.
HOWEVER...while I think she needs to respect this desire...nothing says she has to go there with you. I do not believe that our needs are more important than our partners.
I have been with my husband for 16 years now (hard to believe, but true). When we first met, he playfully spanked me, swatted me all the time, and made many threats. I thought I had found myself a spanko mate.
Not so. Just a playful one, who was very fond of my ass. 
It took me 12 YEARS to gather the courage to ask him for this in a serious way. That was about three years ago. It took time for us to get going, but he has certainly become a proficient spanker.
While he is a vanilla, he understands how much pleasure this brings me. Now, what man DOESN'T want a woman who gets from 0 to 60 in half the time, and is eager to rip his clothes off?
So remember...there has to be something in it for her. Each and every time my husband spanked me...I made SURE he had a SPECTACULAR time. I never fail to thank him for spanking me. I do NOT take it for granted. Vanilla yes, but he loves me enough to do this for me.
Despite years of 'don't hit girls' conditioning. Despite his own reservations about 'hurting' me. At first, he would give me a few tentative pats and say, "I don't want to hurt you, Sweetheart."
When I reminded him of that last night, he just gripped me tighter and said, "Shut up and take it." Naturally, I did.
He has told me that he cannot understand why someone would drive a partner away over such a harmless desire.
But I have ALWAYS respected his limits as well as my own. He now has a toy collection to rival many Doms, but he's never HURT me. Certainly never made me cry. His only goal is to bring me pleasure.
If I asked him to discipline me, he would refuse. Without question. In fact, when I told him that some get spanked 'for real', he didn't believe me.
Now, I don't want discipline, so that's fine. But even if I did...he wouldn't go there with me. And that's both fair and reasonable.
Life's too short to not be true to ourselves. To not take simple pleasures while we can. But we don't get to hurt other people to do it.
Only your gf can decide if she wants to go there with you. If she really can't or won't...then you need to decide whether or not that's a showstopper.
Good luck to you. Sorry for the long ramble. |
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