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Tahitigirl
New member
Username: Tahitigirl
Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 07:32 pm: | 
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My husband and I have enjoyed spanking a few times to spice up sex. Nothing hard, because he doesn't want to be cruel or hurt me. I found myself needing to be spanked... really spanked. Hard spankings so my bottom was red. How do I let him know I really want him to dominate, to fully grasp this lifestyle? A few months ago, after we had been at a party and got REALLY drunk, he spanked 'my front bum' and I found it widly erotic. I just don't know how to talk to him about it, to help him to grasp this side and really get into it. When he spanked my front bum, he REALLY got into it. It's just hard for him to cross that barrier to feel free to do it, you know? I'd appreciate any advice. |
Firmhandmike
New member
Username: Firmhandmike
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 08:18 pm: |
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Tahitigirl
Tell him how you feel and show him this post.
Let's me know how it works out. Let him know that it is not cruel, it's fun! |
Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 349
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 09:27 pm: |
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Be honest and open with him. This is what I did. I even started our conversation with something like, I know you are going to think this is really weird, but...........
Once I opened the door I gave him articles that others had written to show him that spanking is not a taboo and that many many people have an interest in spanking.
But then I also let him go at his own pace to where he felt comfortable.
Now a days Mr. B is much more comfortable with it. He has gone to a couple spanking parties and to our first munch, but still sometimes he does not get it quite right. But he tries and that is where you need to get your husband to. The point that he realizes it is ok and all he has to do is try and he won't always get it right, but that's OK
So talk with him about it, give him articles to read and show him the numbers on the site of people that come here and have an interest.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Tahitigirl
New member
Username: Tahitigirl
Post Number: 2
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 09:54 pm: |
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Thank you for this. After reading these posts, I mentioned to him that I would like to be subissive to him. He said he didn't know what to do or how to start. He is willing.. but said he didn't know if he could do anything that would leave a mark, and he wouldn't know what to use or how to start. Help? |
Tom6789ca
New member
Username: Tom6789ca
Post Number: 3
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 12:31 am: |
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I understand your husband's reluctance to spank you hard. I've struggled with this myself over the years as a spanker, and I think maybe it's a more common inhibition than we like to admit in the spanking world. I think it happens because many men were brought up as children being taught never to hit girls, and that to do so is unmanly. We were taught that if we did something to make a girl (or, heaven forbid, our mother!) cry then we'd done something really bad. After getting that message all through your childhood, it's hard as an adult to accept that some women -- especially someone you love -- actually want you to hit them (ie, spank them) and sometimes hard enough to make them cry. No matter how clear we hear the consent from our adult spanking partner, it's sometimes hard to accept that she REALLY wants you to hurt her.
As usual, the best way to deal with these kinds of difficulties is by talking about them. But that's sometimes easier said than done.
I'm interested to hear what others think of this, and how they have dealt with it, from the top and the botttom. |
Firmhandmike
New member
Username: Firmhandmike
Post Number: 11
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:56 am: |
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Tahitigirl
Take a minute and explain to your Husband that you have a "safe word" Like yellow when you are getting close to the edge and "Red" when he needs to stop. That should help him, Also have him check between your legs often during your spanking to see how wet you have become and he can tell quickly if he is doing it right,
As to your question to leaving marks on your butt, so what if you have a few marks I hope no one else is looking at it but you and him. And to tell you the truth you will be looking at them more than him and each time you sit down you will think about the spanking and get wet all over again. |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 61
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 07:02 pm: |
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Tahitigirl,
I wasn`t sure how I was going to ask my husband either. I kind of started by letting him talk about his sexual desires. I then lightly told him how "hot" I got when I read about a spanking, He was a bit slow getting to where I wanted him and he said, "I won`t get an erection" by it. but.... lol .. last weekend, during a punishment spanking he got incredibly hard and we both had to laugh. As far as letting him know what to use, I browsed the net and found a wonderful site for punishment toys, then I ordered what I thought I would like for a strong "punishment" spanking. Oh my goodness, was I right  The strap really got the job done, Now, Gary proudly hangs it on the bedroom wall and lets me know how he has no problem using it on my bottom <g>. Good luck to you, email me if you need/ want the site address.
A woman`s heart is filled with an ocean of secrets!
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 289
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 09:20 am: |
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Tahitigirl,
I could not agree more with the advice you have gotten so far with this thread. Like Lady, I was not sure how to introduce my husband to my interest. But once I started talking about it, and saw that he was interested as well....things just evolved from there. It is SO important to be open and honest. This is a great site to ask questions - we are here to help
PS....Lady, I know what you mean! My husband was not sure how his body would react when he started to spank me - but  .....!! I was the one to purchase a variety of implements to use, but now he has become the master of spanking devices! Damn, that man can find anything to spank me with! **haha**
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tahitigirl
New member
Username: Tahitigirl
Post Number: 3
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:50 pm: |
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Thanks for your advice. My husband and I have had several open discussions about this. He gets home tomorrow... and have decided tomorrow is the day.
I am so glad I found this forum. For so long I felt that I was somehow 'weird' for these feelings. I'm glad that this is a safe place where I can ask questions and not feel that any questions are 'weird or wrong.'
I do have another question... that is a bit delicate. I understand about punishment spankings. I understand about erotic spankings. But, is it weird to want 'other' parts spanked during erotic spankings? He has lightly spanked my clit during sex (when I've asked) and I found it wildly erotic.. made my orgasm so much more intense. Is there physical reasons for this, or is it just in my head? If that makes sense.
Thanks again. |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 290
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:37 pm: |
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I don't think it is weird at all to want other parts of your body spanked...as long as you are comfortable with it, and your partner is aware of your feelings before, during, and after.
The physical reason for the sensations you are feeling are produced by endorphins, neurotransmitters in the brain that makes us feel that "sexy", erotic, euphoric feeling........so.......enjoy 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2150
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:42 pm: |
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Everyone has their own "hot spots" and they can vary, but the one you mention is a common one. There is also the physical stimualtion that results from an area being "touched" and the additional blood flow to that area.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 12
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 01:47 am: |
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What a good post!If a Top is old fashioned at all,and raised during the time where it was stressed,"you don't hit girls"and now put a church background on the list too,it seems to make a constant delima with in themselves,even if they are a true spanko,and love it as much or more than you do,it makes it real stressfull,and I have no answers...? |
Victoria_wood
New member
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 39
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 08:14 am: |
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Tahitigirl,
That is not weird at all!! It's all about sensations. I like to bang my clit down on my partner's pubic bone repeatedly -- :D -- so how is that any different from spanking the clit?
And that is another thing you might tell him. Pain is just another sensation and also a lot of spankos process the pain differently than other people. So what feels bad to him might feel good to you.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Fireman_chris
Spanko
Username: Fireman_chris
Post Number: 88
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 01:19 pm: |
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I've spanked my wife on her breasts/nipples, inner thighs and labia. Obviously, its done a lot more lightly than when I spank her bottom and it usually with my hand, though I have used some implements lightly on her breasts. Its not something we do ALL the time, but she does enjoy it under the right circumstances.
As you slide down the banisters of life
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Old Irish Proverb
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Otter
Spanko
Username: Otter
Post Number: 54
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 01:59 pm: |
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My husband whips my clit and labia all the time, either from behind through my legs or after he makes me roll over. Sometimes the flogger will catch my clit just right and that is the worst/best thing ever! E-VER!
He enjoys it so he does it and sometimes I enjoy it too. It's never too much so I don't worry about it. I think he does it to make me wiggle or because that is one of the things that will get me pissed and I shoot my mouth and then he can spank me more. Can I protest on the grounds of entrapment? 
I also like to bang my clit on my partner's pubic bone like Victoria talked about. It's one of the only reliable ways I can orgasm from intercourse.
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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