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Ftopinmichigan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 516
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 08:51 am: | 
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A question for those that participate in the DD type relationship, with only one being held to the rules.
I've been reading more and more about one person being punished within the DD relationship. The punishments have run the realm from being very major, to very minor, offenses.
How do you handle the vast variation in the level of misdeeds? A spanking for drunk driving, and safety concerns is one thing, but not washing socks, or the laundry, or cleaning a room, with the same punishment doled out seems a bit over the top, to me.
Does the punishment fit the crime? Should it?
If you're punished for a minor offense or omissions, with a full fledged spanking session, and sore bottom for days....what's the punishment to a major offense?
Is there no difference to the offenses, versus the type of punishment to be administered? Does the spanking as punishment, some how take away from the traditional goal behind the spanking for serious spankable offenses?
Is using the drastic punishment of spanking, for ALL offenses, making it too easy to punish, for the sake of just spanking?
So, has it become an issue of really practicing a DD relationship and it truly being a spanking for a truly punishable offense, or has it just become an excuse to enjoying spanking, for spankings sake?
Also along the lines of this topic, when you practice DD and have a safety or major issue, where the sub/bottom gets punished with a spanking for the offense...I'm curious to know...what happens when the dominant partner commits the exact same offense. How is that handled? Do you address it, or just ignore it?
K |
Carly
New member
Username: Carly
Post Number: 27
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 10:01 am: |
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K,
For us we don't have alot of issues, about drunk driving, or seatbelts and stuff like that. We have a big family of 6 kids, I don't ever drink and drive. I was in a very serious car accident in my teen years and wearing a seat belt has never been a issue since then for me.
Disrespect, Getting lazy about the house chores, and laundry,spending money that isn't there to be spent, or more the issues that we deal with.
Now laundry doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but now you have six kids, and wait til not one person has a clean anything, and can't walk into the laundry room, before even thinking about doing it.. Well that is me! So it is kind of an issue in our house. I just hate laundry, it's really that simple. There is no drive to just do it.( even tho I have found some these days)
Now if he does the vary samething that will get me put otk. We talk about it. He is not about to let me spank him nor do I want to. Just how it works here.
The most serious health issue here is that I smoke and he absoutly hates it. I am not allowed to smoke in the house, and as long as I keep a smoke free home, I can take my habit outside. He knows that I have to want to quit smoking, and that is just not something I am ready for yet.
Now if a serious offense comes up, I guess I will find out how it will be handled. We talk alot, even when DD has to take a backseat because of life.
Carly |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1380
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 11:10 am: |
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Discipline spankings for us are very different from play or erotic ones, so I am never confused about why Im getting my butt toasted.
Steve seperates our disciplinary spankings into "chastisements" and "punishments". Chastisements are for minor offenses...like breaking curfew, tone of voice (mine), procrastination and such. We keep a book of my misdeeds and I am awarded a certain number of swats for each one. It's serious, but nothing like a punishment spanking would be. Those are only given for things like endangering my health or well-being and doing something that could damage our relationship. These spankings are dealt with by my punishment paddle "Sting", and are lessons I avoid repeating any way possible. I have only needed 2 punishments so far in almost 3 years...you can see how seriously I take this aspect of discipline.
As for my being spanked and him not....it doesnt bother me. He received enough corporal punishment as a child, and being spanked for misdeeds is something I want. I dont expect him to need discipline by me; but if he does do something I dont approve of, he hears about it believe me! Steve doesnt enjoy disappointing/upsetting me any more than I do him, and that works well enough to satisfy me. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2026
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 11:29 am: |
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I believe in all people being held acccountable for their actions. People respond differently to various consequences. I happen to respond well to spankings, while my husband would not, therefore we have a system that works for us. The same way you wouldn't except the same punishment for speeding as murder, our disciplinary actions fit the "crime". Mostly things are discussed in advance, but over many years time, things pretty much fall into place. My husband is quite willing to make up for his misdeeds in ways that I request. He has only truly spanked me in a disciplinary way a few times and I have never repeated the offense. Of course we do "play discipline" usually in a role play manner, and sometimes in a teasing manner, but the difference is quite clear. He would never discipline me over trival things and would not criticize the way I run my life, unless I asked for his help.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkcheeks
Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 169
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 06:04 pm: |
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We have been practicing DD for almost 2 years now, and minor offenses do not warrent a spanking - oh, I might be lectured, or given that "look", but the BG spankings are the ones where I have been blantantly rude or disrespectful (especially if it is in front of people), dishonest about something important, or disobedient. If I don't do laundry - thats not a big deal, and I would never think to spank him - it would not work for us either. Like Fanny, there is always discussion....We don't sweat the trivial things - only the important matters
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 318
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 08:47 pm: |
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The only discipline that I have ever been spanked for is in regards to things that may hurt our relationship in the long run.
If I don't get the laundry done, Mr. B will. If I cook the dinner Mr. B cleans up. If the dishwasher needs emptying one of use will do it. Those things are not even an issue in our life. We are partners and we work together.
But if I get some squirrely idea in my head in regards to our relationship that is not necessarily for the best. Then it will turn into a discipline issue.
If my mouth runs rampant that tends to get me into trouble by saying something that it would have been best to keep to myself, then I'll get a BG, not too servere just enough to let me know he's noticed. Or Mr. B will get my collar. As Mr. B says the collar is:
1. as a reminder to think before I speak and act and to behave myself.
2. because he loves me and cares.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Hexo
New member
Username: Hexo
Post Number: 13
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 11:44 am: |
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Hello Ftopinmichigan,
It seems like the issue your are raising is about the definition of DD.
What does it really mean? one person is a top and one is the bottom in most cases, beyond that I think it might just be the context of the relationship i.e. living together in a domestic setting.
Even those who are in "lifestyle" relationships do so only by consent, no?
Most of us on this forum (i think) like to regard spanking and punishment spanking as behavior modification tools that we use to reduce behaviors that we would like to see less of.
However spanking is also used by us as a reward when things are going well.
Also, I am guessing that most adults who get spanked for real life transgressions also have a hand in defining that transgression beforehand. In fact I am sure this is true of all adults due to their implicit consent.
If there is any aspect of DD lifestyle that is not subjective and paradoxical I would like to know about it. Im not being sarcastic here, I have wracked my brain for an independently existing truth to DD or life in general and I havent found it.
Everything we do is consentual. We have created an elaborate game of rewards and punishments. There are as many variations of rules transgressions as it takes for us to get what we want out of this game.
To me this question of why we do what we do is a discussion I would like to see happen. What are these diverse motivators to be a top or a bottom in long term or short term relationships. Who knows.
I chose the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
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Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 152
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 01:45 pm: |
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It seems that a lot of people here have expressed that they can be or have been punished for "things that might damage the relationship" What exactly does that define as?
I know in on my one DD relationship, One of the few (Perhaps the only official) disciplinary spankings which I recieved from him was for trying to leave him. In that regards, I almost feel, in retrospect, as if that was a spanking which crossed the line as abusive.
If you've done something which "might damage the relationship," there's probably a very good underlying reason and I don't know if it's something which a spanking can really remedy so much as the need for talking to happen. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1391
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 02:12 pm: |
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In my case I had the bad habit of acting immaturely at times, picking fights, sulking, holding grudges, etc in past relationships. A part of this was because I was unhappy with the lack of structure in the relationship, wanting the dominance and spanking in my life without knowing how to ask for it. I constantly pushed my s/o's around, trying to get them to supply me with what I wanted and confusing the heck out of them in the process.
Now that I am in a D/s relationship and am receiving structure and discipline, the old habits still remain. It doesnt take much stress in my life before I revert to the old ways, badgering, pouting, and trying to manipulate my love into doing things my way. Most of the time he nips the brattiness in the bud so to speak, but if he didnt realize what I was doing it could end up with us arguing and bad feelings on both sides. Knowing that I will be punished for this behavior has kept me from endangering our relationship and made life more peaceful for us both. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2031
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 02:17 pm: |
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I am not sure what is meant by ruining the relationnship either. If I truly wanted out, I surely would not want to be forced to stay.
I can understand when discipline is used when there is self neglect, or irresponsible behavior that may end up in very dire consequences.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Carly
New member
Username: Carly
Post Number: 29
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 04:14 pm: |
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Wolfie,
You could be my twin! I am and did the exact samethings in past realtionships, and including this one before we started living a DD lifestyle. I actually found myself loathing the men that let me get away with it. There were many time where I was confused to who was the man in the realtionship so to speak.
Now that we have found this new method of life, we are much happier. I use to think I was just pushing away everyone who came close to me, to later figure out I wanted someone to be so close to me, that they wouldn't stand for any of my crap, if that makes any sense.
Carly |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2034
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 04:29 pm: |
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NOW I get it, thanks for the explanation, ladies.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Carly
New member
Username: Carly
Post Number: 31
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 04:48 pm: |
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Your welcome Fanny!! |
Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 319
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 04:55 pm: |
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In my case with Mr. B, hurting the relationship could have happened in two separate instances, but he took care of them both.
1. I listened to someone else telling me to do something and then acted on it, when Mr. B had said the same thing and I told him not to worry about it, I knew what I was doing. He was not happy that I would listen to someone outside our relationship over listening to his advise. On reflection he was right.
2. Mr. B was traveling with his business for a while A LOT. Everytime he left he sort of just took a piece of me with him. Until I reached the point that he would have to be gone sooooo much, I felt it would be better for me if I just sort of distanced myself from the relationship. Then when he had to leave on business perhaps it would not hurt as much to see him leave even though I knew he would be back as soon as he could. His leaving was taking a toll on me. He was not impressed with my idea. Thankfully the traveling stopped not long after that.
So in my experience, hurting a relationship does not necessarily mean leaving a relationship or even wanting to. I'd never leave Mr. B in a 1000 years. But things you do or don't do can put a stress on a relationship and when the Dom exercises a little discipline, it can bring everything back into focus, plus re-emphasizes the fact that he cares.
At least that is in my experience.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Kryssi
New member
Username: Kryssi
Post Number: 24
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 08:09 pm: |
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I had a really wierd fantasy/idea about the topic "Punishment fitting the crime" but I would rather not explain it here..
For us, there isn't really a difference between bg/discipline.. (at least I don't see one) but then again I'm not disciplined or spanked nearly as much as I probably should be.. ya know ??
Anyway.. yeah.. that's my 2 cents.
"I'm so tired of being here... supressed by all my childish fears"
Evanescence ~ My Immortal
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Jasmine_1958
Spanko
Username: Jasmine_1958
Post Number: 55
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 08:40 pm: |
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My punishments definitely fit the crime. My worst, and rightly so, was the drunk driving. When dealing with bitchiness, he's been sending me to bed whenever it starts. Just a smack on the butt to get my attention for getting smart mouthed. We share all the household duties, so no one really has to get punished. (Our kids are gone, so household duties are minimal.)
Ftop, I have a very hard time with getting spanked for an offense, that he can get away with. I give him the "look" he gives me, but let it go. It's not worth causing a problem. HOWEVER, if he's done it first, then I get a spanking for the same thing, I tend to pout. I tried and tried, but I can't help it. I get spanked always before bed, so by morning I'm over it, but it's hard! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1395
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 08:51 pm: |
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Yes Carly, that's it exactly! Crazy, isnt it? 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Carly
New member
Username: Carly
Post Number: 37
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 11:09 pm: |
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Yes Wolfie!! Crazy Indeed! What is crazier is that I figured it out!!..lol
Carly |
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