| Author |
Message |
    
Kryssi
New member
Username: Kryssi
Post Number: 31
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 12:42 am: | 
|
The title isn't exactly the best, but... I thought I would pass this along to all the women out there..
> >A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what
they
> >look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :
> >
> >1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They
> >are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other
> >hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a
> >woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
> >
> >2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women
> >who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors
> >around specifically to cut clothing.
> >
> >3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their
> >purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard
> >and can be easily overpowered.
> >
> >4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between
> >5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m.
> >
> >5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store
> >parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is
> >public restrooms.
> >
> >6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and
> >quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about
> >getting caught.
> >
> >7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because r ape carries a 3-5 year
> >sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
> >
> >8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because
> >it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you
> >isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
> >
> >9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or
other
> >similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
> >
> >Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the
> >attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys
> >you're not worth it.
> >
> >10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following
> >behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or
> >stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time
is
> >it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here",
> >"we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could
identify
> >them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.
> >
> >11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you
> >and yell STOP or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said
> >they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be
> >afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
> >
> >12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it
> >and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and
> >holding it out will be a deterrent.
> >
> >13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can
by
> >outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch
> >the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in
the
> >upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught
told
> >him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her
> >and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands -
> >the guy needed stitches.
> >
> >Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it
> >hurts.
> >
> >14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a
> >particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is
> >extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him
> >want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is
> >that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing
> >trouble, and he's out of there.
> >
> >15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and
> >bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on
> >them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much
pressure,
> >and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
> >
> >16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of
> >your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any
odd
> >behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!
> >
> >You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the
> >guy really was trouble.
"I'm so tired of being here... supressed by all my childish fears"
Evanescence ~ My Immortal
|
Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 64
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 07:33 am: |
|
Wow, Kryssi ~ GREAT info, thank you for sharing.  |
Chrissiebrat
New member
Username: Chrissiebrat
Post Number: 7
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 07:52 am: |
|
A strange title arousing curiosity and a whole lot of very interesting information. Thanks. |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 233
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 08:12 am: |
|
Excellent information on a very scary topic...thanks Kryssi 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
|
Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 159
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 08:43 pm: |
|
From Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues.
MY SHORT SKIRT
My short skirt is not an invitation
a provocation an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.
My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me or pull it down.
My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up in the new court.
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.
My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided or a malleable little girl.
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.
My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground.
I am here. I am hot.
My short skirt is a liberation
flag in the women’s army
I declare these streets, any streets
my vagina’s country.
My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival in the starry dark
a bird calling a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath a tango dip
my short skirt is
initiation appreciation
excitation.
But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine. |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 160
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 03, 2006 - 08:53 pm: |
|
I'm sick of the notion that a woman is responsible for preventing rape. It's not her job to live in fear. "I can't wear my hair in a ponytail, someone might rape me." "Oh, a public restroom is a perfect place for a rapist to hide, I'll hold it." "I look great in this top, maybe I shouldn't buy it, I don't want to provoke someone"
That is not a way to live. In fear. On edge. For their sake.
I realise that awareness is key, and one does need to be careful. But hiding and fearing. Can't solve anything. And the rapists win even if they haven't started.
I much prefer this meme
quote:A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.
Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her. If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her. If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her. If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her. If a woman is jogging in a park at 5AM, don't rape her. If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her. If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her. If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her. If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her. If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her. If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her. If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her. If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her. If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend. If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police. If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape. Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x, y, or z. Don't imply that it's in any way her fault. Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl. Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can too help yourself. Rape is not about sex, it's about control and power, and what kind of power comes from taking advantage of others? No power anyone should ever desire.
} |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1511
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 12:16 am: |
|
Rose, I understand where your coming from, I do. I understand your anger at being made to feel like you dont have a right to be a free woman who can do as she pleases. Like you have to be afraid or ashamed of your gender, and that we're to blame for the men who cant control themselves.
But Ive been raped, and I feel that anything that spares another girl/woman from what I went thru is a good thing. Yes, we should be raising young men that respect women...but its unrealistic to believe that all men feel that way. So protecting ourselves is the next best thing. I dont think anyone wants us all going around scared out of our shoes at every shadow that moves, but if god forbid the unthinkable happens...better to be prepared.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
|
Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 162
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 01:24 am: |
|
I'm sorry to hear that Wolfie.  . It's one of those things that happens far far too often.
I wanted to offer a slightly more woman-positive argument though as well as this for a variety of reasons.
There's a difference between being prepared and living in fear. Even more than that, it's the underlying message of this piece which gets to me. Yes, you can protect yourself, but these things do happen.
I dislike this list because it seems to say that if you do go around not doing simple, harmless things, like having your hair like you like it, or parking your car in a grocery store, talking on your cell phone, that if you get raped, it's your fault. That it's something you control.
Yes, you should watch your drink at a party and not walk alone at night wearing a diamond tiara and nothing else on a tour of the alleyways downtown; even if you do, that doesn't mean you want to be, or deserve to be hurt. But what about when someone you trust betrays you?
They think it's something the woman can entirely prevent? It's like saying that a woman wouldn't have been raped if she didn't want it. And I hate that argument.
No woman is asking for it, looking for it, wanting to be raped.
It gives good tips nearer to the end, but its initial assumptions seem to say that 'if you follow these behaviors, you'll be okay, if not, learn self-defense."
But if you don't live in fear--even if you do--it's something that you should have prevented, but didn't. And the woman becomes instigator, participant, not victim.
It's why so many rapes don't get reported and so many that do get reported get thrown out, dismissed. And it's that sort of attitude, not my ponytail that need to go.
I don't like that list for that reason. I guess, that's what I was trying to get across juxtaposing it with the Vagina monologue and the "don't rape her" meme. |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 235
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 06:49 am: |
|
Please dont jump on me for this....
I don't think that when Kryssi posted this she meant anything BUT making women aware of their surroundings and situations. I still think that rape is a scary thing - I certainly do not LIVE in fear, I merely see the action as fearful (as I am sure Wolfie can atest to).
I saw this list as it was intented....a list from a group of rapists and date rapists in prison. It was THEIR view (certainly not from the view of women). Your woman-positive argument is a good one Rose, with lots of examples to back up your statements. We need to educate both genders about rape ---self-defense included.
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
|
Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 163
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 08:38 am: |
|
I know Kryssi was not intending anything but to help. I certainly don't and did not have the intention of causing drama. ^_^; I'm sorry if I have. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1512
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 10:32 am: |
|
There's no drama and no need to apologize. Its the ability to discuss topics like this that makes the Den such a wonderful place to be.
We are sisters who only want to protect each other and see that we're happy. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
|
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 236
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 02:20 pm: |
|
No apologies needed Rose We are here to discuss all kinds of topics. Besides, think how DULL it would be if every one of us were of the same opinion!
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
|
Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 165
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 10:24 pm: |
|
I completely agree! It would be dull if we all agreed all the time. 
(case in point! :3 ) |
Me_home_here
Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 68
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 05:55 pm: |
|
I was not sure about if I should contribute here, I know you may say ok he's a man, what does he know about this? My daughter was raped four years ago. I held my crying daughter in my arms while a cop who did'nt really care was questioning her and wishing that he could be having his sunday lunch instead of having to hear all this. This was a date rape so we all knew who the guy was. They listened to the guy in another room and the decided that it was her fault for going out on a saturdy night and having a couple of drinks. So, she was'nt drunk. The whole thing stopped there for the "justice". The guy went home happy and we had to try to mend a broken life. She had some councelling which has helped her. I still can't get over what happened. For me it was a serious aggresion. I can't go and do justice myself because its me that would go to prison. I know that rape is first and formost a traumatic experience for the person raped. I say person, because apparently there are more and more men being raped in all countries.But, Who cares about the familly of the victims? we suffer too!
Its like work. the harder its done the better it is!!!!!!!
|
Redhinney
Advanced Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 406
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 10:59 am: |
|
Never being a rape victim and I hope never to be on that list my heart bleeds heaavy for those of us who have been rape Wolfie I am so sorry this happened to you. But rape is not about sex it's about power abd the power that we as females allow men to have. The one thing I would add to the list is to yell Fire. The raason I saythat is people are so use to alrams going off and people yelling help that many just keep on walking but yelling fire and everyone runs to help you. This was told to me by a women police officer who is in charge of the crimes against women divison of the police department that Bill retired from.
As for the families yes you suffer to because you want to make everything ok again. Me as a aprnet I know this must have been the hardest thing int he world for you. Again I'm sorry as sallow as these words can be I do mean them.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
|
Me_home_here
Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 80
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 11:11 am: |
|
There will always be victims of rape. As long as the "Justice" of whichever country you live in, still does not treat the victims with real compasion and are far from severe enough with the rapists. I witnessed the police telling the victim, that it was mostly her fault. What sort of world are we living in? four years after and I'm still angry!
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
|
Sarahsbrat
New member
Username: Sarahsbrat
Post Number: 5
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 09:03 am: |
|
I was raped. I lived alone at the time and had forgotten to lock the back door on my new house. I really thought I had double checked them all, sadly this was not the case.
I was tied up, repeatedly assaulted, the end finally came when I was being violated in a most inhumane way and screamed. (so they tell me). A neighbor heard and rang the police. There was blood everywhere, among other things. He had done this before, we found out after the fact.
I went into counselling and even now, ten years later am still not over it all. My therapist said there could be two steps forward, five back and she was correct.
Men frighten me, I cannot be alone with any of them yet and if he reminds of that time in my dark past I have nightmares for weeks.
No one asks for rape. No one should have to wear certain clothes to deter it. We are not to blame for the deviant behaviours of sick minded men and should not have to pay that high a price.
He not only violated my body, he violated my soul and for this I cannot forgive easily, maybe someday. But not yet.
Then comes the *don't stay a victim* crap. Well sorry, I am a victim. I try my best to live each day as though there are no bad men out there, praying on other innocent women, but who am I kidding. Nope I won't apologise for it, he took my innocense and buried it.
For the longest time I could not even change a baby boys diaper I would shake so hard. Could not be in the same room with my own brothers, but at least the police involved with this were understanding and I did not have see him ever again.
I spent three days in ICU, my family wondering if I was even going to pull through.
My heart bleeds for any woman who has gone through a similar experience, I only hope that you will one day find your peace with it all...and me too.
Not just any naughty brat...Sarahsbrat
|
|
Everyday Life