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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 262
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 06:53 am: | 
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I have a question for those who practice DD - *and it just might go along with the thread on stages of spanking too...
Yesterday I was very disrespectful to "R" and I knew it even as I was mouthing-off. He was getting ready to go for a walk, and before he left he said in a very calm voice: "When I get back, I am going spank you good for your tone of voice with me"
Well, his walk lasts about an hour, and I must say I was pacing the floor. When he got back, he said to go and get his leather paddle.
To make a long story short, I don't think he spanked me long and hard enough. 
It was starting to sting, and I was fidgeting all over his lap, but then he said, "I think you had enough, your bottom is all red".
I slid off and said..."that's it?" To which he yanked me back over his knee and gave me a few more paddles.
Now, at this point I was saying..."ok! ok! I'm sorry!....But here is what I am thinking: I was saying that BECAUSE it was stinging and I wanted it to stop - not because He wanted to.
We have been practicing DD for about 2 years, and have only been brought to tears once. I don't want to cry every time he spanks me, I am just wondering how I can tell him that sometimes he just needs to KEEP spanking until he hears true remorse in my voice. I love this man to death and he has come such a long way in adopting this lifestyle for us (I was the one who was interested in it first and discussed it him).
Any suggestions? **thanks**
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2105
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 12:01 pm: |
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Pink, there are a couple threads on this issue. It is sometimes difficult to get this message to your spanker. You might suggest he read the Sept. 2005 thread "When is enough.......enough?"
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 264
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 01:12 pm: |
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Fanny...a good suggestion  , and I did read thru the thread myself. It seems to be based, though, on Doms/Tops that already KNOW, or who have been into DD or D/s for a long time. I am wondering how a wife/sub/so deals with something like this. How can I, as his wife, tell him that I think the discipline spankings should be longer or firmer? Or is this something that just takes time, trial, and error? 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2106
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 03:01 pm: |
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I think it takes a lot of trial and even more discussion. I know it is a delicate subject to bring up. If you can get him to read the thread, it may be a good opportunity for open discussion.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 718
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 03:59 pm: |
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Pinkcheeks, let me start by saying Dan and I don't really do DD in the normal sense. The spanking part of our relationship can include discipline if I were to go off the deep end and do something outrageous, but it's not a key component.
That said, I have experienced discipline in other relationships so I know a little of what you're talking about. I like being spanked and can take quite a bit of spanking so a spanking in itself isn't going to take me into that punishment mindset that's needed for discipline to work for me.
My spanker has to take me there with words, attitude, and the spanking is just the finishing touch. I also have to be willing to give my spanker the power of having authority with me. It's an act of submission that has to be accomplished before any type of discipline will work. It's the act of "owning" my bad behavior and having the desire to be punished for it.
When I get to that point in my head, even if the spanking isn't severe, I still feel the discipline that's behind it and that's what's important to me. I've been able to take a whole lot more spanking during a play session than I'd ever want to take in a discipline one. I also know the feeling that I deserved more, but I learned that was something my spanker had to determine for himself.
My spankers were always spankos though so I'm sure it's different for you since you're the one introducing this aspect of your relationship. He might think he's doing a fine job of spanking you but you might have a higher threshold than he's prepared for. Which is probably what happened. But you also have to get behind the idea (literally) that if you want to be held accountable by him by certain things, you'll have to accept what he's willing to dole out.
In time as he becomes more comfortable with his role and sees how much you can take, you might encourage him to spank harder or longer. But remember to have these conversations away from that moment. It's better for both of you when you can discuss these things when neither of you are worked up.
Just my thoughts on this subject. Hope it helps! |
Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 97
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 04:11 pm: |
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Hi Pinkcheeks, There is some very valuable information posted here already but I thought I would tell you how I "encourage" my Hubby to continue. You stated that when he let you up the first time, that you responded with "that's it?" and he took you back over his knee again. I know it must be hard for him to continue when he is looking at your red bottom but you need to find a way to explain to him that we, as women, can get red pretty darn quick sometimes and not so quick other times. Sorry, back to how I "encourage" my Hubby to continue. I actually wrote him an email a long time ago and told him that I thought he was a wonderful and fair disciplinarian but there were times when the punishment for the "crime" did not relieve me of my own feelings of "guilt"; he responded with "Well if you think we are reaching the end of a session and yet you are not at that place where you need to be, then just give me a hard time or say something "Sassy" and I will continue BUT I warn you I will start all over again from the beginning (meaning that he will have my bottom recovered and start from there) You may ask why the advantage of that is. Well the advantage is when your bottom is covered the sting isn't so bad but the soreness continues to go beyond the skin. Trust me, by the time he gets to my bare bottom again, I truly am ready to get back up. I hope you find a way to work this out.  |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 266
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 04:31 pm: |
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Beth and Sassy...wonderful advice!!! thank you sooooooo much  I have to say that "R" and I are not truly DD in the normal sense either - and the both of you are right about discussing this "away from the moment". We did talk about it hours later. **and I love the idea of writing an email (or letter)........
You guys are the best  I feels so much better~~
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 105
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 10:22 pm: |
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Excellent Pink I am VERY happy for you and "R"
Vunderbar!! WTG!! Kudos!! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1519
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 07:01 pm: |
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I have a difficult time explaining my feelings to Steve concerning submission/discipline. I'm not sure why, just that it is. When this happens I always write him a letter. Sometimes it's a regular letter where I explain my feelings, or sometimes it's a story or fantasy. Either way, he figures out what I'm trying to tell him.
Pink, explain to "R" that you need to be disciplined to the point where you are only let up when your truly contrite...not just because your bottoms red. If your still quiet, fighting, back talking, etc, he's not done. And he needs to get into your head more, that's the best form of discipline and will make it matter more to you. When I am punished I am almost in tears before we start...just thinking about the spanking to come and how upset we both will be gets me there. The actual spanking is just a small part of it.
Good luck sweetie!
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 275
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 07:49 pm: |
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Thanks Wolfie....you guys are the BEST!! Since we are leaving on vacation tomorrow, I think we will have lots of time to sit and talk quietly about all of this..........I love doing that
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tammynx
Advanced Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 359
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 07:58 pm: |
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That was an Excellent discussion and I just got loads of wonderful informantion!! Thanks everyone!!!! |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 277
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 08:01 pm: |
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Aren't we all just the greatest Tammy?
I love how I can come here, ask a question, and get lots of good information!
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 107
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 11:28 pm: |
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Yes everyone here is great and I, for one, love to come here to read and learn. Thanks everyone for being such a GREAT group. |
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