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Otter
New member
Username: Otter
Post Number: 19
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 01:57 am: | 
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So I was coming to the realization that I really need spanking. I mean, if I don't get it, I get really out of sorts, the same as if I eat the wrong food or if I were to go smoke a cigarette. Now this addiction (if one were to call it that) is much nicer than any others since my husband and I both enjoy it very much, but it is a bit peeving when I need it and I don't get it and then I end up really deserving and getting a bad one! 
I started thinking that maybe it would be nice if I didn't need it. I mean, I am glad that it's fun for me and my husband but I kind of wish sometimes that I didn't *need* it, like it could just be fun and we could do it when we want to and when we don't or we don't get to it, it wouldn't matter. I also wish that once I got to the point where I really needed one, it didn't have to hurt so much to get the job done. (My husband ended up spanking another woman that we swing with and she got bruises and I didn't. When I said I was jealous, he said he didn't hit her a quarter as hard as he hit me. We didn't think they were ready to see a "real" spanking between us. Oh, the high tolerance level of a spanko-pain-whore! LOL)
Don't get me wrong, I love the end results of spanking and I do enjoy the dominance of my husband I just wish I could have it when I want it and only how I want it, you know? Rather than needing to be pushed to the limits of my pain tolerance or needing it to be punishment and therefore totally on his terms  , if you know what I mean.
I don't even know if I am making any sense, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has these kinds of mixed feelings over the whole thing. I am relatively new to this DD/Ds/spanking/HOH thing, as we have only been doing it a year and a half, so this may be standard growing pains. Anyone else have them or do I just think too much...(wouldn't be the first time I was told that, LOL)?
PS Yes, I am thinking about this right now because I was totally at this point and now I am waiting to get a really good/bad spanking for doing something really stupid at a really stupid time which I definitely know better than to do (he has asked me a number of times if I know better, so I know that is a big factor). Add into it that one of the reasons I did it was a form of trying to get attention and you have one very pissy HOH.  (But don't tell him I said "pissy" because he would probably find that a bit disrespectful... )
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 724
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 03:30 am: |
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Otter, have you two considered incorporating "maintenenance" spankings into your relationship? Maintenance spankings aren't given as discipline or play and the intensity falls somewhere between those two usually.
They're given as a way to keep the dynamic of your relationship in place and keep issues like the ones you've mentioned from becoming a problem. You want to be spanked and when you don't get a spanking, you act out which results in a discipline spanking, and no one is happy about that result.
It may be something you two need to discuss. You might explain that you would benefit from these spankings because they would serve as a regular reminder to behave properly. You can schedule them to happen at a certain time, say on a certain day every week, until you get used to having it as a regular part of your routine. Some tops like to decide when and how often it happens but having it scheduled in the beginning can help you both as you start out with this type of spanking.
As for the need for spanking that you're talking about, I think we've all been there at one time or another. But wanting it on your terms and not his is sometimes referred to as "topping from the bottom" and if your husband is truly dominant, you probably won't have a whole lot of succes doing it that way. 
Let me quote my beloved Dan from a post he made on Spanking Blog about getting the spanking in a relationship just right.
"Carried to its logical conclusion and applied to every tiny disruption of my lazy male utopia, it would relegate Bethie to a rather slavish state, which is not what either one of us wants. Domestic discipline (which is not really what we do around here anyway, most days) is a tricky-to-get-it-right process for giving a woman the discipline she wants and needs."
It's not easy to get this right so it may be time for a talk and maybe a little renegotiation about the spanking part of your relationship. That's not a bad thing, it's just part of any growing relationship. Good luck! |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 57
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 17, 2006 - 09:42 am: |
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Thanks for sharing Otter and thanks for the advice Bethie. I like the idea of maintenance spankings it would work wonderfully for Gary and I.
A woman`s heart is filled with an ocean of secrets!
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Otter
New member
Username: Otter
Post Number: 22
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 01:03 pm: |
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Thanks for the advice, Bethie. We actually have tried maintenance spanking and schedules don't work too well for us. What seems to be working is just telling him that I really need it for more than just discipline and then giving him playful reminders of that.
I think I just need to get used to the idea that if I overstep the bounds of playfulness into real disrespect that it's not going to break us and he isn't going to fall apart. It's not going to mean unforgivable betrayal, just that I get a more serious spanking, rather than a more fun type spanking, LOL. I don't think he would complain about that, I think he likes punishing me...
I think the thing I was having trouble wrapping my mind around was that I actually *need* spanking. I was kind of used to the idea of being one of these women that gets punished because it's good for our relationship, clears the air, gives him a real concrete action to take when he's frustrated with me.
But I don't *like* it!
I might like the domination that he expresses through spanking me. I might like the aftermath. I certainly like the attention that he is paying me when he's doing it.
But I certainly don't like the *spanking itself*. I'm certainly NOT a spanko! I mean, really!
But maybe I am...
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2151
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 02:44 pm: |
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Just keep us guessing, Otter. I am a bit like you in this respect. I have a love/hate relationship with being spanked.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 2
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 01:49 am: |
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It was nice to read otter's feelings on spanking,now I know Iam not alone in those feelings.I need the whole package, the lecture,corner,punishment spanking.If I go too long without any spanking at all, it feels like withdrawl of sorts.I think the big part of it is the dominance over me.In a strange way I find a sence of security in it. I don't do well going long periods without sub space on some level, not flying all the time, but just enough to know I'm locked into our lifestyle with my real life Dom.Maybe it's the attention,or just the need to feel connected with him. My Dom says," I always want more,more is always better",acording to his outlook on how Iam with everything.I wish I could be a little fairy,who would sit on his sholder,and tell him exactly when to spank and when not to spank,but as his suby,that just wouldn't work,somehow.I would however like to experience getting spanked with jeans on, just once to see what that feels like....? |
Otter
New member
Username: Otter
Post Number: 34
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 06:47 pm: |
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It is a strange thing to want, isn't it, Sissy? It's really odd to think about wanting the man you love to hurt you physically, even to the point of crying and then to feel more loved by that action. It's odd to me that the idea of this man owning me and reveling in that ownership is such a turn on. I think it's totally about the connection for me. I mean, how can I be more connected to him than to be possessed by him, to trust him enough to tell him he can do what he will with me, to know to the very core of my soul that he would never take advantage of that or abuse it.
I know what you mean about always wanting more, too. I always crave more. More intensity, more connection, more, more, more, push the limits, see how far we can go. I might be crying from the pain of spanking one minute but thirty seconds after he stops I'm wishing he would throw in a few licks while I've got him in my mouth. (sorry to get graphic there, lol! well, okay, I'm not but in case I do offend anyone, I do like to mind my manners!)
I have been spanked with the wooden spatula over jeans. It stings like a bastard while it's going on but the pain doesn't seem to linger much. That's my experience anyway.
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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Victoria_wood
New member
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 09:39 am: |
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For me spanking is inextricably linked to my sexuality, so I need it just like I need sex. The more I get, the more I want. I've been through long periods of time without either (5 years), but I hope that never happens again.
I'm a masochist, so I do enjoy the actual pain. I like that I can take more and more spanking over time.
I don't cry from spanking in general. I've only gotten wet eyes twice, and both times it was b/c I didn't think I could take it. The first time I had to take 80 cane strokes. But since then I've taken 600, so 80 doesn't upset me anymore. The second time I actually did cry. It was when I had my first session with the heavy wooden school paddle and I didn't think I could take it. Now I have taken it regularly and so I don't cry anymore.
I'm not as much into the lecturing/cornertime thing, but we do have our own rituals.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Louiseoc
New member
Username: Louiseoc
Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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My husband had been spanking me for many years, and in the distant past other men had spanked me too, but I never found it wholly satisfying, it was never as good as the fantasies I had about being spanked. It wasn't until we started trying to have a relationship where he had real authority, and where he could and did actually spank me for 'real' discipline, that I found it really satisfying. "This is the real thing" I found myself thinking.
I don't know why I have the need for it to be 'real' punishment, but I find this kind of spanking far more satisfying, emotionally and physically, than the kind I used to get when it was just for 'fun'. I also feel that my husband is more interested in spanking me than he used to be, and that he gets more satisfaction from it himself, especially when he's really annoyed with me about something and gets, as he puts it "to take it out on your bottom".
Feeling that he is really in charge of the production, and that he is doing it for his own satisfaction as well as mine, gives it an intensity and excitement that it never had in the past. I want it to be real. I want it to hurt (and it does). Why I need this I don't know, but I just do. |
Me_home_here
Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 114
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 07:06 pm: |
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Hey louiseoc, dont ask why you like it. just bend over and enjoy it.
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
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