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Spankboy80
New member
Username: Spankboy80
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 01:14 am: | 
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I'm new here..and for my first thread, I just wanted you to all know how passionate I am for spanking...it's something I miss very much, it's been too long since my butt has gotten a good spanking. My ex girlfriend used to spank me, but overall I still haven't had much experience in it, as opposed to most people on this board. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions I can use in the future if I find a new spanking partner? My past spankings mostly just consisted of either a bare hand or hairbrush until my butt was red but nothing too complicated in our techniques though...any suggestions are appreciated, I just want my butt to be red and warm again. i'm sure you all know how I feel (:
A red butt is a happy butt !
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 247
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 07:01 am: |
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Spankboy...I think the reason why most of the people on this board seem to have much more experience (and more spankings) is because they are currently in long-term relationships - most have been married for a long time. I can understand your feelings though. I have been married 30 years and only recently got my Hubby interested in DD and spankings. I was curious long before. Open communication, lots of discussion, and play-exploration has done wonders. It is not a lifestyle for everyone - but I am sure that in time you will find that special someone too.  BTW...if and when you do find a new spanking partner, and you want to go beyond a bare-hand or hairbrush - make suggestions about other spanking implements, bring out a belt or wooden spoon, gather pictures and should your partner what you might be interested in trying - It's all about the openness 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 169
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 08:43 am: |
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It's definitely been going on a year and a half since I've had an even moderately smacked bum. >.<. I definitely understand that sort of deprivation. |
Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 83
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 09:29 am: |
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Spankboy,
Pinkcheeks is right, a lot of us have not only been in long term relationships but I am starting to think a lot of us have some years on you
When I finally decided that I was going to make sure my next partner was into spanking, I decided to get a tool box and a lock. I started filling it with things that I thought would make good implements. After I met a disciplinarian that I had a great relationship with, non-sexual, I let him view the tool box. Some of the things I collected are still in there (and I started it 15 years ago) and some proved not to be good things and have been discarded. I have various straps, paddles, hairbrushes, a plant water sprayer bottle (I don't know what they are really called), a couple of hairbrushes, a 5 gallon paint stick (okay, that doesn't really fit into the box), a yardstick (that doesn't fit in the box either) a 1-1/2 inch belt, a few really good wooden spoons (don't buy the ones at the dollar store) and a really good wooden spatula that has holes in it. There are probably a few more things but my brain isn't working this a.m. It takes time, honesty, being open, trust and a lot of communication to really find someone who can meet your needs and for both of you to come to a point wherein you are both comfortable with sessions. Okay, well you will eventually end up UNcomfortable but isn't that the point?  I wish you well and please keep us posted. Welcome to one of the best boards online!
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Pillow_girl
New member
Username: Pillow_girl
Post Number: 20
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 07, 2006 - 10:23 pm: |
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Spankboy.
Hubby and I have been married for 7 years now, I did not meet him until I was 29 and i was looking for a Dom type guy to marry from the time I was about 20, just took 9 years but at the same time I wasn't going to be married to somone who was not a DOM , I understand how you feel and not having smone in your life is not very pleasant, but spanking is just one part of your life she will have to fit the other parts of your life also and yours to her, but don't let it get you down, just remember there is some one out there for you good luck
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Sassyaawaa
Spanko
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 89
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 07, 2006 - 11:41 pm: |
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Spankboy, I agree with with Pillow 100%
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Me_home_here
New member
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 06:56 am: |
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What you are saying is true to a point, I enjoy getting my bottom spanked, like most of you. I do get it very occasionally, but my wife does not really understand my liking for this. So its only when she is in a very good and "loving" mood, that I get turned over her knees for a good bare bottom blistering. we have been together for a very long time and have no secrets from each other. so i think its just that some people are lucky enough to fall in love with a spanko and others don't, So Good luck spankboy |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 08:31 am: |
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I have to agree with that last post. You can't help who you fall in love with and it's a case of finding the middle road if you meet someone who isn't obviously into the same thing as you. If your partner loves you he/she will normally be willing to give it a go, because for sure you will do things for them in return, that's part of the give and take in any relationship. If you fall in love with someone who REALLY REALLY isn't into this, then that is something completely different. What do you give up? Them or it? |
Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 39
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 12:13 am: |
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My hubby WAS NOT a spanko ......untill he playfully smacked my rear ....and knowing what i WANTED ....i responded with favours i knew he wanted ....then he would ONLY get those if i got what i wanted .....(fair trade right)
i THOUGHT this plan was an ok plan ..except ...i never got a disapline one .........
until......i pushed a joke a lil too far (ok for the two weeks he was away from home the WHOLE time on the phone) and when he returned ..he GAVE me what i NEEDED ....darn it...
i believe we are ALL spankos *S* at heart . |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 14
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 04:53 am: |
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Good point. I certainly think that unless it squicks you out from the word go, then gradually most people could get to like this, whether giving or receiving. My husband says he is turned on by knowing that I am so he's more than willing to do the deed. We don't do discipline, but who knows? There may come a time when I upset him with something and instead of us falling into an argument, he may decide to use his new found skills for something other than play. I'm not sure whether that idea appeals or not, I really don't think that I could accept someone controlling all aspects of my life, but if it was a specific occasion where I knew it was in response to something really out of order...well...maybe!
Spankboy, if it's something that you know for sure that MUST be a part of your life with whatever partner you find, then when you do find someone you think is your 'soulmate' I'm sure that the subject will come up of what turns each of you on. And if you get the ball rolling with 'what can I do for you, what fantasy do you have that I can fulfil?' then I'm sure she will return the favour (it's an advantage in this day and age that people are more open about sexual fantasys and are willing to experiment) and you might be lucky enough that she 'confesses' her desire to put someone across her knee and spank them, wherein you can 'accede' to her wishes!!  If you don't have the bad luck (!) to fall for another Bottom then I think that a lot of women would enjoy the idea of spanking a man, of having that temporary 'powertime' over their partner, and if she wants to Bottom as well, you can switch. I sympathise with the frustration you're feeling though. |
Me_home_here
New member
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 25
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 05:04 am: |
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I think that Gypsygirl has summed that up perfectly. A lot of what happens to and for us is due to a certain amount of luck , and if you can speak freely with your partner. things can be easier too. good luck in you search Spankboy |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 731
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 05:59 am: |
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I'm sorry but the idea that most people could get to like spanking is way too optimistic. I've been living this lifestlye for a couple of decades and I can't tell you the number of spankos I've heard complain that their partner wants no part of this. (There's alot of them lurking right now btw.) There are alot of spankos out there, but we're still a small percentage of the population.
Even if you get your partner to participate, it doesn't mean they like spanking; it just means they're willing to do it for their partner. For those people, it may not squick them but it sure won't ever be their own kink.
I've dated men who wanted no part of spanking even though I told them what it meant to me. Needless to say, even though I enjoyed their company, I knew there was no future. Spanking is too much a part of who I am. To me, that's the same as telling me kissing is out of the lineup. There are people out there who have a kissing phobia, I know because I dated one for a while. Baaadddd situation!
Also, a couple of them had kinks that although I tried it for their sake, I knew it'd never be something I could enjoy. I did it for them but I didn't enjoy it. It was a means to an ends, that's all.
Finding the right partner who will jump right in and enjoy your kink with you is a rarity. Dan and I both deal with people every day who wish their partner wanted what they do. You'd be amazed at the number of people married to partners who don't want any kind of sex, much less kinky sex. Sad but true.
I was always very upfront about what I wanted so I knew I'd find someone to settle down with. I eventually got lucky and found Dan on a site like this and even then it was a matter of two people whose kinks matched. Having mismatched spanking desires can happen as well.
I know this sounds disheartening, but I don't mean for it to be. I just want you all to be cautious about making sweeping statements that lead people to make mistakes about their partners or feel disappointed because they couldn't get what they wanted out of their own relationship and feel like it's their fault. You got lucky, great - but be aware of the rest of the people out there who didn't have your luck.
Spankboy, just keep yourself open to the possibility and get active. Try to find a group in your area, stay active on sites like this (that's how I found Dan), and don't be afraid to talk about your kink early in your relationship, it's better not to drop a bombshell like that too far into things. Good luck! |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 15
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 08:21 am: |
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I think a lot of what you say is true and you have more experience than me in this so I will take your word for it. But, I think that a lot of the problems you quote arise in a long standing relationship when one of the partners either suddenly gets into this (if that is possible) or finally admits their kink, first to themselves and then to their partner. That is something totally different because they already would have a settled life with that person and it would be horrible for them to not have their wants/needs fulfilled, I know, I've experienced it. I certainly wouldn't dream of trying to tell people how to deal with it.
Also we have to take into account the age factor. Spankboy looks fairly young and the norm these days is to start a relationship rather than jump straight into marriage and in previous times sexual desires wasn't one of the things discussed prior to marriage whereas these days it is. I also got the feeling that Spankboy is into play rather than lifestyle (maybe I'm mistaken) so I also think that has a big influence on things. Maybe I am naive (or too open minded) but I really don't think that many young people these days would think that spanking is so very weird, it's got to be one the most mainstream kinks around which is proven by the amount of sites that cater to it. I agree with the participation in groups and sites but there exists the possibility that Spankboy meets someone someday and falls for her and my thoughts were geared towards that scenario and how he could explore the possibility of including spanking. I really don't like the thought that something I had said could make a person feel that they are at fault for not getting what they want.
It's true that not everybody finds their special someone but that also happens outside of the kink aspect as well; all of us have our quirks and fancies and you have to be extremely lucky to find someone who coincides. Many don't, not 100% but we have to be realistic about these things and consider how strong the urge is for each individual person. I've read a lot of comments from members who say that they aired the possibility of spankings with their partners and the reactions seem to start out as 'Oh, OK then' and end up as 'Yeah, this I like' and from then on they seem to participate fully. Whether this means that some people have an instinct for falling for 'Spankos incognito' or not I don't know.
One last point. Luck doesn't always show up at first, when I first mentioned this subject with my husband, he refused, said he couldn't do it but I was already in love with him so I couldn't have considered ending with him because of that. Several years later the subject came up again and he was willing to give it a try. Each couple is a different world and there is no 'one way' to do things. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2153
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 09:58 am: |
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I agree with both of you. Yes, people in their 20s today are more experimental, but that doesn't mean that they necesaarily "like" what they are doing. I know more people who are in relationships where one is a spanko and the other vanilla. It does put a strain on the relationship, as one or the other is just going along. It seems to be rather rare today to have a long term relationship unless both people mesh on many levels and are commited to one another. I consider myself very lucky in this area, but I know I am in the minority.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pagan
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 396
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 10:16 am: |
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Well, I think it depends on what spanking means to you, and whether or not you need it to be happy.
I met my hubby when I was 24. The second weekend we spent together, he spanked me (playfully). It wasn't harsh, by any means, but it was a full-fledged spanking. I make some remark to him, he hauled me over his knee, pulled down my pants, and spanked me for a good five minutes with a heavy plastic ruler.
That, in combination with many swats and threats made me CERTAIN that he was a fellow spanko. Just a shy one.
Now...I never said anything to him, never told him that spanking had been part of my previous relationship.
I was wrong. He never spanked me again. A swat now and then? Sure. Lots of patting, rubbing. But he's a confirmed bottom man. He just liked my butt. Didn't make him a spanko.
I should have talked to him about it. I took the normal playfulness of a new relationship and assumed that it meant something it didn't.
I hesitantly asked him to spank me a couple of times when we were fooling around. He would occasionally swat me a couple of times while we were having sex (which I don't particularly care for - one at a time please)...but that was it.
So I said nothing else. For TWELVE YEARS.
Then I found a spanking site. And I hid the fact that I was lurking.
One close male friend (gay, so no, I didn't step out) knew about my desire to be spanked. He and his partner are definitely into the leather scene, so he wasn't remotely shocked. He was, however, stunned that I hadn't told Squire. After a bit, he threatened to tell him himself if I wouldn't. I think I had obsessed to him one too many times.
I got up my nerve one night in bed...and asked again. He said yes, very enthusiastically. And then didn't. I waited a month or so, and did it again. Same thing. 
After the third time, we were enjoying a post-coital cuddle, and I burst into tears. He had no idea what was wrong, of course, and I told him that it had taken me YEARS to work up the nerve to ask him to spank me. That it was incredibly embarrassing...humiliating even...to do so, and for him to say yes and then not do it made it worse.
He was stunned. Absolutely stunned. He looked at me and said, "You were SERIOUS?!" Sigh...men. I thought I had asked him. A few times, early on, and then three times then. He thought I was engaging in pillow talk.
He had some reservations, didn't want to 'hurt' me. I must say, me telling him that I had indulged in my favourite pastime with a former mate helped. As did patting him and saying that it was ok, that I knew he wasn't up for anything like this. 
I can't remember his exact response, but it went something like this.
"You can tell some BOYFRIEND about this when you were just a KID...but not, apparently...YOUR HUSBAND?!" 
Anyway, he spanked me a few days later. Not very hard, or for very long, and just with his hand.
We have to remember that men are conditioned from birth to not hit girls. This is not intuitive for anyone who isn't a spanko himself.
Anyway, three years later, we've gone from a half dozen light swats, to him spanking other women at a meet. He's gone from 'I don't want to hurt you, Sweetheart' to holding me down, and spanking me with a variety of heinous (well, not really, but I have to protest for form's sake) implements.
I'm one of the lucky ones, though. Many, many bottoms can't get their vanilla partners to even come close to this. I never have to ask anymore - he initiates it. We've gone from an occasional spanking before sex to very very occasionally having sex without a spanking first.
He doesn't understand why anyone would drive a partner away over something this harmless. But he'd be the first to tell you that he's a vanilla. He might have a fudge swirl, but this isn't the movie that runs through his head. He does it to please me. And what man doesn't want a woman who's so eager for him that she's ripping his clothes off?
I made SURE that everytime he spanked me that subsequently had a WONDERFUL time. I didn't do that to be manipulative...but to show him how much I appreciated it. I still say 'thank you' every single time he spanks me. Which probably seems ridiculous, under the circumstances.
But if I wanted him to discipline me, he would refuse. We've come this far through a lot of communication, and by me accepting the fact that he has limits of his own.
He's not prepared to spank me harshly (no complaints here), and he's not prepared to do this except for 'fun'.
Now, I have no desire to be disciplined, so that's a relief, frankly. But even if I did...he wouldn't go there. And I would need to respect that. Our partners' needs are not less important than our own.
If I had it to do again...I'd still fish in the vanilla pool, and hope for the best. Although I wouldn't wait 12 years.
But...if I really needed to be submissive...I'd probably go looking in a pool of Doms.
So this whole ramble to say that I think it depends. |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 16
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 10:19 am: |
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That's a good point you have there. Society & peer pressure dictates that we look for 'more' & go one step further and I suppose it's possible to get into something without being totally comfortable with it. If someone is just curious and their partner says 'no thanks', then maybe their curiosity stays just as that and they can carry on together because they have other aspects of their lives that gell together. When it's a case of someone knowing with certainty what they want, and not getting it, is when the problems arise. Spankboy has said that he likes it and misses it so I presume that he wants to make sure that whatever future partner he has is like-minded. I think when the feelings are that strong, the most probable option is to find someone compatable through a group or a site, if not we have to wish him as much luck as we have had. |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 24
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 04:56 pm: |
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I've just realised that my last message got logged on after yours Pagan, but it was in answer to Fanny's point.
I just wanted to say that your story sounds very much like mine. My husband refused, then when he said yes, nothing happened. By the time this happened the third time I was nearly losing it. I was getting snitty and was in a mood for days and when he asked what the matter was, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. I had to in the end because I was on the point of tears all day long at what I viewed as his betrayal at promising something and not delivering. I remember asking him if he could imagine how hard it was for me to ask him to do that and then have it ignored.
We do it now, but not perhaps as much as I would like, but as you mentioned, the sex afterwards is always great and I think that is not a conscious effort on my part, just a natural effect to how turned on I am, which in turn does it for him.
If I had to do it again, I've no idea how I would go about it. |
Otter
New member
Username: Otter
Post Number: 27
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 07:11 pm: |
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As long as we're telling stories about vanillas turning spanko, I've got one for ya.
My husband and I were totally, well, pretty much vanilla, at least in practice for about 9 years. (My husband was bisexual but not in practice, so I guess that doesn't count. He still is, only now he actually acts on it, lol. Anyway,...) Then he tells me he wants to swing. Okay, I think on that, for, well a looooooong time.
It was definitely not my kink, but (as you guys talk about spanking), I couldn't dismiss it without trying it as it was obviously very, VERY important to him on more than just a sexual level. (That is, he wasn't just wanting to get his rocks off with other women, he was also pretty sure it would make our sex life hotter.) So, in an effort to be GGG as Dan Savage says, I tried it. Slowly, but surely, I ended up liking it.
After about 1 1/2 years of that, I could see our relationship was better than it had been but that made what problems we did still have even more obvious. Then I happened upon a site about male led relationships. There is some incidental talk about spanking but it is really a site about a very specific form of lifestyle D/s. There is an article on there called "When Rape Is a Gift" (now I know that any of you that have seen it will know what I am talking about, LOL) and it fascinated me so I read more. I said to my husband, "this is what I want." And he looked at me like he wasn't quite sure I had spoke english, but he says, "okay, hon, if that is what will make you happy." and he did a little reading.
He took to it like a duck to water. Once he actually spanked me and figured out how it would work, he loved it! He had no qualms about hurting me (In fact, the man said that his favorite part is *watching me squirm*). He enjoys punishing me (though it doesn't make him happy that I broke the rules) but he enjoys spanking me just because he can, even more. It is him that started spanking not for punishment.
I am only just now getting around to realizing that I want spanking for more than just a demonstration of his authority and my submission. I also think I am getting physically dependent on the endorphins. (The other day, I didn't even need to orgasm because I had had a spanking!  ) That's fine. I have an addiction prone biochemistry and so I think I have to have an addiction and this is the one I'll keep, thanks. 
Anyway, my point is, you just never know what people will enjoy when they never thought of it before. Also, be careful what you ask for! LOL
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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Spankboy80
New member
Username: Spankboy80
Post Number: 12
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 12:06 pm: |
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Thanks to everyone for all your advice! I've been dating a woman I met a few months ago, we've gone out a few times, and now i'm seriously thinking of bringing up spanking to her. As some of you have said, it's probably better to bring it up early on in the relationship rather than later. We've gone out 5 times and we really seemed to click from the get-go, so maybe I could get lucky here! I'll keep my fingers crossed! I like her and hope that this will not ruin anything, but I think it's best to get this over with soon or else I may never find the courage again.
A red butt is a happy butt !
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Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 43
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 01:36 pm: |
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Good luck. Hope it works out for you. |
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