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Gypsygirl
Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 196
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 26, 2006 - 05:11 pm: | 
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Have any of you ever had a past deed haunt you that you haven't been able to get over and for which you do recognise that you should have been punished, but it happened either before you were in a spanking relationship or before your current partner and therefore not really his/her business. What do you do? If the point of the relationship is to provide balance between two people and to clear the air when things go wrong, what happens with those things that we all have lurking in our past? Would you ask your partner to punish you for something that he/she knows nothing about and can't possibly be affected by?
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Otter
New member
Username: Otter
Post Number: 44
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 26, 2006 - 05:25 pm: |
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I would definitely do that. For me, spanking also works to get my mind out of that blaming/guilt/self hatred loop. I could tell my husband about something that I did before I ever met him and he would probably frame it as wanting to make sure I don't ever think to do that again and that he doesn't want me to be the kind of person who does that. The worst punishment I ever got so far was for something that happened about 1 1/2 years before we started our DD relationship.
"It was something magic out of something frightening. That's how I live my life, I take it as it comes. In my mind I see the rocking horse inside the tree." -Sara Evans
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1585
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 26, 2006 - 07:46 pm: |
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I'm like Otter, I cant forgive myself until I feel I've paid for the offense. I would tell Steve I had something serious that I'd done in the past, and I wanted to be punished for it. If I wasnt comfortable telling him face to face about what had happened, I would write him a letter explaining things.
Knowing my Dom he would set the scene, give me a lecture and then spank me until he felt I was properly remorseful for what had happened in my past. There would be lots of hugs and cuddles for forgiveness, and I would find my mind and heart cleared of the guilt I'd been carrying so long.
If you have the same kind of mind-set Gypsy, I'd highly recommend something like this to heal an old hurt. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 318
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 06:40 am: |
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Without going into specifics, this happened to me recently......and since "R" and I are married, I had no choice but to tell him face to face. It was difficult, but I got through it. And the spanking was a type of healing for me....
good question Gypsygirl 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Gypsygirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 218
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 04:10 pm: |
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Good input. It's interesting to hear how other people cope with their problems. There IS something in my past that I'm not particularly proud of, I could have caused a lot of hurt to a dear friend by my actions. She has no idea and I would never tell her just to clear my conscience, it wouldn't make me feel better about making her hurt just so that I could get it off my chest. I never even knew my husband then and if I told him about it I would be afraid that he would realise how much of a 'not nice' person I was back then. But I do think about it every so often and think 'God, what a bitch you were'. I think this is one of those times when the consequences are that I have to live with my actions. For somethings there is no atonement although I admit that I deserved to have not got away with it.
P.S. I haven't murdered anyone or anything like that, it's not quite that bad.
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2198
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 04:23 pm: |
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Gypsy, we all have things from our "immature" past that we aren't proud of. I hurt a good friend's feelings and 20 yrs later I did contact him and apologize. He was gracious enough to tell me he chose only to remember the good times we had. I felt a lot better. Since your friend has no idea what you could have done, I suggest you find some way to clear your own conscience. I think you might find a way to do a little something for her (maybe anonymously) or do something that helps someone else out, expecting nothing in return. It is a good thing that you can think BACK and remember the times you weren't proud of what you did, it is a great reminder to watch what we say and do now. So, yes there can be atonement, but I think it is something you must DO to make yourself feel better about you. You don't need punishment as much as to prove to yourself that you are a good person.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Gypsygirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 223
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 06:45 pm: |
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Thanks for your kind words. I actually do consider myself to be a good person, I always have been, (and that's not me being vain, all my friends tell me that I am the one that they turn to and rely on when things are bad) but I went through a moment of madness (not literally) when I was younger and I was a cow. I feel more ashamed for how I acted back then than in need of punishment and my friend and I are extremely close and she knows that I am always there for her and vice versa. We both put ourselves out for each other even when it is sometimes inconvenient, but to me, that is what friendship is all about. I think I knew that there isn't an easy solution to this situation, but I was very interested to hear how other people coped with things from the past and whether they used their present relationship to help them through it. Punishments take on different forms, the worst punishment I could ever receive for this would be for my friend to find out and for me to lose her friendship.
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2202
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 07:48 pm: |
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I think you need to let it go, Gypsy, unless you are looking for an excuse to be punished.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Gypsygirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 224
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 08:05 pm: |
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No, I'm not looking for that. I don't think it would solve anything for me, it's not in my nature to need that level of external 'interference' for sorting my life out. It wouldn't stop me remembering what I had done, so there would be no point in it and I have sorted it out in a way by making a promise to myself to never get in that sort of situation again. I just wondered how other people dealt with things.
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Louiseoc
New member
Username: Louiseoc
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 01:20 am: |
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No, I can't imagine doing that. My spanking relationship with my husband is a very personal thing. I know he derives satisfaction from spanking me when he's exaperated with me about something, and spanking me in cold blood as it were about something that happened in the past would not work for me. I mean, he'd probably do it if I asked him to, but it would feel meaningless to me. For me, what makes being spanked more meaningful now is that I feel my husband gets satisfaction out of it too, and I can't imagine him really caring about something I'd done in the distant past. When he is really annoyed with me he enjoys "taking it out on your bottom" as he puts it, and that element would be missing. His spanking me for something I'd done to someone else wouldn't be the same at all. |
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