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Message |
    
Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 11:51 pm: | 
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as the spanker (dom) with my 'same time next yr lover' and as the spankee with the Dom I met 'In a most unusual way'
(sorry to be quoting all these songs)
Guess that's why I call myself changeling.
Umm..uh...err.. how DO you meet each other?
Singles boards are DANGEROUS, I don't do the bar scene and am at that certain age (gonna be a grandmother next week) where it is hard to find a date much less use/feel my toys.
any suggestions helpful.
I really am very shy.
Changeling |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 735
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 01:45 am: |
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Changeling, I can only tell you about my experiences so don't take this as the only way to go.
Before Dan, I would date men who interested me and then as early as possible, I'd give them the "big talk." I'd usually start by mentioning that I was a kinky little monkey so they might ought to be aware of that.
Most of them were open to that because they assumed that kinky just meant I'd be more open to sex. Once they realized I meant I was really kinky and liked to be spanked...for real, then what happened next depended on the man. A few ran as fast as they could. A couple stuck around until they realized I meant real spanking, not just a love tap or two with sex. Then a couple more hung around until I brought out the big guns (implements) and then that was too much for them. One point I learned about that, once you've shown a man your rather extensive toy box, you can't take that one back.
But the few who smiled and said, "You're really kinky? Like seriously kinky and not just because you think it's a cool fad and you like the clothes? Good, so am I." Those guys I had alot of fun with. But I had to get through a few missteps to get to them.
Eventually, I did try Alt.com and a couple of other personal sites, met a friend or two, but nothing ever really came of that. I know other people who have had great luck with that. But there are alot of sleazebags over there just trying to spread their love around. Bleh. You have to be careful!
I've relied heavily on my own social circles. Whether that means my friends in real life or in cyber space, that's who I spent the most time with. I met Dan, my beloved, on a site like this one. We were members on a forum exchanging ideas, playing, teasing, and enjoying each other's company online. Eventually our relationship moved off the board and into emails first, then chat, then long phone calls every night, until we realized we belonged together. I went to meet him (after taking all the right meeting precautions) and we knew as soon as we were together that it was meant to be. So I moved in and that was a little over two years ago.
Whatever you do, keep active. Keep active among real life friends and in this cyber world and make sure everyone knows you're looking for companionship. You'd be surprised how many people think they'd like to set you up with someone but are afraid to mention it to you because they don't think you'd be open to it. Sometimes they think you'd be embarrassed or humiliated if they brought it up.
Good luck and don't be afraid to get out there because the alternative can be just as scary! |
Naughtybynature
Advanced Spanko
Username: Naughtybynature
Post Number: 140
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 02:36 am: |
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Bethie, absolutely wonderful advice. Especially not being afraid of mentioning our love of spanking.
I have to agree with your assessment of Alt.com, it is very difficult in my opinion to weed out the "sleazebags."
Did is a word of achievement, Won't is a word of retreat, Might is a word of bereavement, Can't is a word of defeat, Ought is a word of duty, Try is a word of each hour, Will is a word of beauty, Can is a word of power.
*(Unknown Author)
Don't take life so seriously.....it isn't permanent
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 736
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 04:35 am: |
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Thanks, Nbn!
I exchanged some interesting emails with someone I met at alt.com but nothing developed. But like you said, you've got to be ready to do some weeding.
Also, I forgot to mention that if you sign up for an account at some of those personal sites, be prepared to hear from every Tom, Dick, and Harry, not to mention all the pics of **** they'll send you.  |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1543
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 02:14 pm: |
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I met Steve on the same site as Bethie met Dan, so the guys are out there. We became friends first, then more romantically involved as time passed. Finally I took the big jump and flew to meet him in person.
Im shy too Changeling, and couldnt come right out and tell someone about my kinks until I'd known them a long time. Thats why fishing in the spanko pond works so well...they already know what you like and you can get right down to getting to know each other. Good luck! 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 46
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 02:32 pm: |
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I think it's great that both you, Wolfie, and Bethie were able to meet your partners through a site, you were both very lucky to find a Dom/Top (whatever word you like) that wanted the same thing as you kinkwise and also that you could click with on a personal level. I notice though that a lot of sites are visited mainly by Bottoms/Subs (again, whatever) and I can't help but wonder if there are enough Tops to go round. Do we outnumber them or is it just that the majority of them have already been snagged? 'Share & Care' doesn't seem to be a problem when it comes to play (I can't remember now who wrote it, but someone mentioned that their partner had spanked other women at a party) but I'm sure that most of us would like our own personal Top for a monogamous relationship. |
Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 13
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 06:28 pm: |
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I'm in the Washington DC area..just outside 'the beltway' (no laughing)
I've been exploring a group called 'the black rose'
still black and blue in some odd places after last Saturday and want more. |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 64
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 06:28 pm: |
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Funny enough, I am shy also. I met Gary on Yahoo personals. I had a personals ad in for 5 days and he responded (liked my pic). We flipped emails back in forth for 4 months. We both tried to be very honest and open in the emails. He lived in Mallorca Spain and me in America. He told me of his love for slips and I told him I loved to be spanked. We did not go into too much detail. We talked about beliefs, life and what we wanted in our future. We met in Florida at the airport and it was love at first sight  Dated 1 1/2 years and have been married for 3 yrs now. About a month ago I asked him to take the spanking up a notch. I explained about my DD reading and how I thought it would work for us. Well, to make a long story short. We couldn`t be happier! I know you will find the same, Keep on chattin! 
A woman`s heart is filled with an ocean of secrets!
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1546
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 06:54 pm: |
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The Black Rose is supposed to be a good group of folks. Strangely enough, when I go to Paddles in NYC, there are usually more men than women attending.
Munch's in your area are a good way to meet prospective Dom's/Tops/Mates, their safe and a friendly atmosphere for chatting with very little pressure.
Ladygator, Im so happy for you! 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 14
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 09:49 pm: |
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Wolfie..never heard of Munch's.
I've been toying with the idea of Black Rose for many yrs. Mr. last weekend belongs to it...perhaps I'm just looking for a casual way to meet up with him again. He and I clicked on many levels... of course he was also wearing a Crucible tee shirt when he visited last Saturday but THAT is a bit much for this Lady.
Any other DC'rs out there? |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1550
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 10:04 pm: |
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A munch is a term we bdsm'ers use for a get together, usually in a vanilla setting. Sometimes a restaurant, pub or the like...each group uses them to mingle safely and so that the newbies dont have to go to a club or dungeon to meet others like themselves. Ive been to munches in CT, NJ and GA, and it was nice to meet new friends in a safe environment. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 15
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 11:10 pm: |
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Thanks Wolfie...
How do I FIND a munch??
Still such a virgin at 59 but I've had certain interests all my life and am just now starting to explore them. OK, I'm a slow learner.
What struck me about Mr. Last Weekend ws the MIND thing we had before going any further. I Can't and WON'T do my thing in a vacuum. Someday I'll share what my job is and all will be revealed!
Thanks again |
Gypsygirl
New member
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 50
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 05:49 am: |
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Ooh, mystery and intrigue - how exciting.
What is Crucible by the way? Just to be up to date, you understand? |
Tansy
New member
Username: Tansy
Post Number: 7
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 11:19 am: |
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i think it's a really interesting issue in meeting people, whether you kinda bring up spanking first or fall in love with them and then talk about your little kinks...i'm horribly inexperienced in this, since i've only had 2 boyfriends, but i have been thinking about it recently. with my first boyfriend i didn't know i was into spanking really, i was only 15. so as we got to know each other and started learning how to kiss and so on, i mentioned that i wanted to try it. he loved me and wanted to make me happy, so for 3 years he spanked me when i wanted it, but i don't think he enjoyed it except because i obviously did.
with my current boyfriend we were friends for ages, and flirted a lot before we finally got together. i remember thinking 'what if he totally refuses to spank me??? could i cope?' so i asked him...and he seemed fine with it, and when we did it he became pretty keen and i think he enjoys spanking me almost as much as i enjoy getting spanked.
oh, sorry for such a waffly rant...i guess what i'm wondering is whether you would limit your romantic interest to those you already knew were cool with spanking, or whether you'd just bring it up later and hope....could anyone here imagine a life with a partner who just wouldn't spank them? i imagine if i fell in love with someone who wouldn't spank me it would be really hard...would you think it ok to go to some other disciplinarian? for me, spankings are so sexy, i think it would feel like a betrayal if i was in a serious relationship...
ok, i'll shut up now! ^_^
but please do tell me what you all think! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1554
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 02:32 pm: |
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Tansy, its a great question. I think that I would limit myself to guys who were already into spanking...after hiding my kink for so many years and having numerous unsuccessful vanilla relationships, I dont want to go back there again. Ever! Of course, if I met a really great guy not in the bdsm world and we really hit it off...I would get up the nerve to explain my needs at an early stage in the relationship, and see what happened. Waffly enough for ya? 
Changeling, To find a Munch just type in "MUNCH and --- ){your city or state} into Google...you should find a bunch of groups in your area and most of them hold munches. Or check Yahoo's adult groups, Ive joined groups from New Jersey and Atlanta thru them, and gone to munches with both. Good luck!
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 69
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 03:04 pm: |
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It seems to me that most people in spanking relationships are very passionate people. I have had three very passionate men in my lifetime, all were vanilla men but as I mentioned my desires that were quick to learn to be a top! My first two loves both erotic spankings and my wonderful husband now into dd, erotic and punishment ones. I believe when two people are in love they should help each other fulfill their innermost desires. To have a relationship with a man who would refuse to spank me would be a total let down. ie,,, not a keeper...
A woman`s heart is filled with an ocean of secrets!
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1559
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 03:56 pm: |
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I couldnt agree more. Ive seen several vanilla men step up to the plate when their s/o's finally told them about their spanking needs. Watching these men learn how to please their ladies was a beautiful thing to see...as was watching these same ladies glow with happiness.
Of course Ive also seen men who couldnt bring themselves to spank their loved one, whether because they didnt believe in "hitting" women, thought it was a sick fetish or just didnt want to. These women are left feeling sad, unfulfilled or as though their perverts because of their desires...and my heart breaks for them.
Spanking is such a loving thing to do for your partner...I wish everyone could see it that way. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 16
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 05:25 pm: |
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Thanks Wolfie...
Munch DC led me to a bdsm board with all kinds of calenders on it including munchs.
(gulp) joined Black Rose. I'm 59 (don't look it) and am SO afraid of entering the 'dating' scene much less any other! Oh well..'Life is an experiment without a control group' and I'm sure as heck not getting any younger. I wear a gold Moebius bracelet a lot ( please gogle moebius strip..I'm too inept to explain ) which explains the 'both sides now'
I wasn't vanilla from my first pubescent fantasies
and I'm NOT about to repress anymore. Just cautious,
I am in the medical profession and deal with the consequences of 'casual sex' at work all day |
Gypsygirl
Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 56
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 07:16 am: |
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"Ive seen several vanilla men step up to the plate when their s/o's finally told them about their spanking needs. Watching these men learn how to please their ladies was a beautiful thing to see"
This is what basically has happened to me and I know that I have been lucky. Not at first, because when we had been together not very long I asked him to spank me and he refused so I put my feelings and wants to one side. They surfaced again years later and our relationship was solid enough by then for him to consider it without feeling 'ridiculous'.
I don't know that if I wasn't with my husband I would look for someone only within the Spanko world, - it is important to me but it isn't the be all and end all of my world - I wouldn't like to think that my 'soulmate' was out there un-noticed because I was purposely looking in another direction. I think it best to keep all avenues open and look in both worlds.
Obviously if someone knows for sure that they couldn't live with a non-spanko, then the obvious option is to look there first. |
Tansy
New member
Username: Tansy
Post Number: 10
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 04:21 pm: |
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i feel the same as you gypsygirl, about not wanting to limit yourself to people who already know they like spanking....like wolfie said, i think a lot of vanilla men could willingly be turned into enthusiastic spankers, with a bit of encouragement. having said that, i haven't experienced the hurt of finding someone you loved couldnt spank you for some reason, and i think if i had i might be keen to get the spanking sorted out first!
it is strange, because i think spanking is easier to accept for vanilla people than some other sexual preferences...i mean, i totally accept everyone's right to do what they want in a consensual way, but imagine if someone you loved suddenly told you they wanted to pee on you or wanted you to pretend they were your dad during sex, or wanted to cut you...it might be harder than accepting spanking, cos i see spanking as...very normal (and essential!) and i sometimes forget others might feel differently.
i think i'm trying to ask whether you would do stuff way outside your sexual comfort zone if it was really important to your partner? |
Gypsygirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 219
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 05:18 pm: |
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Yes, I would, and I do. He has his fetish the same as I have mine. In actual fact, it was me agreeing to his that allowed me to refloat what I wanted. We discussed what he wanted to do and I purposely brought the conversation round to 'we all have our secret desires', when he asked what mine was, I told him and he said, OK, I can go with that if you want it. I remember saying to him, - But when I asked you 12 years ago, you said no - he didn't even remember the conversation back then, so there was me all this time thinking he was against it and he didn't even know I was thinking about it. Well, not seriously thinking about it, we had done the occasional smack while 'at it' and he knew that I liked that, but he had no idea of how far I wanted to go.
As to the phrase you use 'way outside your sexual comfort zone', well it started off that way, but the same as he has come to like spanking, I have come to appreciate his kink. Obviously it DOES depend on the kink, as they say, a feather is OK, but not the chicken! I actually get turned on knowing how much he likes what I do for him, and he is very appreciative, the same as I am when he spanks me. It almost becomes a battle to see who can do more for the other one.
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Tansy
New member
Username: Tansy
Post Number: 12
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 05:46 pm: |
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^_^ oh i'm so happy for you...it sounds like an amazing relationship! |
Gypsygirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 222
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 06:27 pm: |
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Thank you. It has it's ups and down as does any relationship but we suit each other quite well, which I know doesn't sound earth shattering, but it's a lot more than some people ever get, so I'm happy.
I forsee spankings........LOTS of spankings
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Victoria_wood
New member
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 36
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 11:10 pm: |
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Hi Changeling and others,
I'm a DC-er too. I think you should go to Black Rose meetings. When I was single, I met a couple on alt.com who are in BR and they are really nice. The guy took me to a party at the Crucible, the BDSM club in town. Everyone was really friendly.
I'd like to go, but my partner's ex is a member, so that is out for us. Oh well. I'm in a different DC women's bdsm group.
Having been in vanilla relationships for most of my adult life, I would never do it again. I tried to get my ex into it, and she seemed to be coming along, but as soon as we moved in together, she shut down on me. That killed our sex life and we didn't have sex for 5 years. Spanking is so central to my sexulaity, that when we broke up and I was despairing of finding a lesbian Top, I even thought about switching to men! That is how important it is to me.
Luckily I met M on an internet dating site. I was very upfront in my ad. She was NOT into "leather," b/c of a bad experience with aforementioned ex, but for some reason she contacted me and I responded. Thank goodness. She has learned to enjoy spanking me, although she is not a spanko herself, just a sadist. *WEG*
Cheers,
Victoria
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 21
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 05:33 pm: |
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Interesting thread I started (she says humbly)..
Waiting for my Black Rose membership card, yup alt.com
is attracting all kinds of sleaze balls tho I was VERY specific about an intellectual/head/loving relationship coming first. Glad there is a delete key! Perhaps it's too soon for a relationship...only sep from ex for 1 yr and divorced for 5 mo. after a LONG time of zero/zip/nada. I'm getting ballsy with 'same time next yr.'...told him I WILL see him in November and want to be across his knee quickly before I reciprocate. In the mean time...some motivational reading and toys. Now if I could only get one of the cats to wield my crop!
You guys are great.
Thanks for being here.
changeling |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 77
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 07:03 pm: |
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Hi Changeling, I don`t think 1.5 yrs since leaving your x is too long to meet another. I guess it is what you feel in your heart. Having left a 23 yr marriage/soul mate, I was anxious to fill the hole/void. I dated a few loosers, 6 months after leaving the x and then came Gary, 1 1/2 yrs after leaving the x and in to process of a divorce but not completed. We dated for 1 1/2 yrs then married. It is 3 1/2 yrs now of blisfully happy married life ! Good luck to you, someday your prince will come.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 22
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 07:20 pm: |
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as far as 'princes' go.. I'm reminded of a recent e-mail from a friend
(I will paraphrase)
A princess meets a frog, he says 'kiss me I will turn into a handsome prince..you will have my wealth, my castle and wait upon me and my mother..you will want for nothing,"
That night the princess smiled as she ate frogs legs.
Life may not be the party we hoped for
but while we are here we might as well dance
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Me_home_here
Advanced Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 264
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 07:26 pm: |
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of course, I for one can understand that, absolutly deliceous 
All depends on how you feel and if your right or left handed
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 23
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 07:48 pm: |
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They ARE good, as are snails (she smiles)
Life may not be the party we hoped for
but while we are here we might as well dance
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Me_home_here
Advanced Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 265
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 07:57 pm: |
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the only common point between snails and frogslegs, is that they both have parsley butter. I'm english and I love them both
All depends on how you feel and if your right or left handed
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 24
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 08:02 pm: |
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Point well taken... tho you're talking to a lady whose only trip across the pond was to Scotland and ate Haggis at every opportunity and loved it,
with a good Islay single malt whisky and cranachan for dessert!
Life may not be the party we hoped for
but while we are here we might as well dance
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Fireman_chris
Spanko
Username: Fireman_chris
Post Number: 95
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 08:19 pm: |
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I can definitely agree with the Islay whisky (I'm partial to Laphroig and Lagavulin myself), and I've always wanted to try cranachan. Haggis, on the other hand...
(Message edited by fireman_chris on April 28, 2006)
As you slide down the banisters of life
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Old Irish Proverb
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 25
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 08:40 pm: |
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You MUST try Bruichladdach (sp) Don't rule out haggis till you've tried the real stuff in Scotland
slainte
oops..perhaps this belongs on the 'general' board.
Life may not be the party we hoped for
but while we are here we might as well dance
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1607
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 08:59 pm: |
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ICK!!! 
And your right, please dont 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Fireman_chris
Spanko
Username: Fireman_chris
Post Number: 96
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 09:12 pm: |
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Hmmmm, can one hijack one's own thread? 
As you slide down the banisters of life
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Old Irish Proverb
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Changeling
New member
Username: Changeling
Post Number: 30
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 28, 2006 - 11:46 pm: |
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Mea maxima culpa
Life may not be the party we hoped for
but while we are here we might as well dance
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1611
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 29, 2006 - 10:21 am: |
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Just start a new thread under everday life if you want to discuss food or single malts...discussions should be for spanking/bdsm questions and discussions only please. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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