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Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 250
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 01:46 am: | 
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Alright, here's a new one for you guys. This is my first ever that I'm sharing so bare with me. Opinions are welcome! I know it's not as good as Pagan's or anything like that, but critiques are definitly welcomed. Enjoy! 
She sat at the table staring at the clock, then the window, then the clock again.
Where was he? Her husband, Ray, was supposed to be home by six. No call, no nothing, and it was now edging closer to seven PM.
"Where are you Ray?" she said to herself impatiently.
Just as she was about to give into her temptation to call his work he came bursting in through the door. He looked extremely stressed, with a face that was not to be trifled with. But Annie dismissed his pointed social ques in her own fit of rage. She was upset herself, and was ready to let him have it.
"Where have you been?!" she immediately began to rebuke him
"Work Annie, work......I've been busting my butt all day! This is all you have to say to me!?" he defended
"I was worried about you! You're supposed to call when something like this happens!"
"Since when do you tell me what to do Annie? When?" he was uncomfortably close to Annie facing her directly for the first time since his return home.
The fight continued for what seemed to be hours. The yelling, the stressing, the tiresome arguing......but it's length came to an abrupt hault.
"ANNIE!!" he stopped her in mid-sentence "THAT'S ENOUGH!" He was absolutly furious at this point. "get in the corner"
She opened her mouth to protest.
"NOW!" he stormed into their bedroom slamming the door behind him.
She stood in the corner with nervous anticipation. He almost never put her in the corner unless he was extremely upset and didn't trust himself to spank her. She was worried about what would happen. It seemed like hours that she was there although it was closer to half an hour. Shortly the door to their bedroom flung open, and there he was. He strode over to the couch and seated himself gracefully.
"C'mere Annie" he motioned for her
Instantly her whole body tensed up and she glowed with the white hot feeling of anticipation. She approached him slowly, her feet moving as though they contained 80 pound weights in each. She stopped in front of him, finally lifting her eyes to meet his. She knew she was in trouble. She knew she'd made a huge mistake when she decided to disrespect him, yelling and carrying on the way she did.
"Annie" he warned very sternly "Do NOT make me lose my paitence! You KNOW that if I have to come collect you NEITHER of us will be happy, least of all you!"
Carefully, she layed herself in his lap.
"Now tell me why you are here." he commanded
she took a deep breath. "My disrespect, sir" she stated almost questioning rather than answering.
"Yes, and?"
She swallowed. "and because I argued with you sir"
"and?"
She swallowed again fighting tears. "and because I raised my voice to you sir"
Her body still tense, she felt warm all over and began to sweat with the punishment so near. Without another word, he slid her pants down and off her legs. He gently slid his fingers under the waistband of her panties and slid them down to her knees. He rubbed her bottom slowly, which tightened instantly by the touch of his hand.
Then, without a moments notice it began. Slowly at first, he paused in between each smack allowing her to feel the white hot sting in between each smack. She groaned with pain and he almost smiled at the assurance that he was achieving the desired affect. Slowly but surely the spanking increased by both speed and force. Her poor naughty bum slowly began to redden. She moaned and wailed and squirmed and wiggled. Tears streamed down her face as she cried remorsfully. She reached her hands towards her bum in a vain attempt to stop the pain.
"NO!' he corrected, spanking her just below the cheek.
She yelped with pain. It was enough to deter her from repeating that mistake.
Then finally he stopped. Her poor bottom felt as though it was on fire, but she soon realized where this welcomed break had come from. As she felt her husband removing his belt. She heard the dreaded jingling of his buckle and her tears streamed like a raging river.
"No! Please sir! I can't take any more! Please sir!" she begged and pleaded.
"You will recieve five strokes with the belt and you will count each for me. If you fail to count or if your hands return to where they don't belong, we will start over. Do you understand?"
she sobbed and wailed but somewhere in between she managed to stutter out: "y-y-y-yes s-sir"
He again placed his left hand firmly in the small of her back. She was already racking with sobs. His arm rose with the belt in hand and descended with a loud CRACK! She wailed and nearly screamed as she cried out in pain. Ray waited for a moment, anticipating her count. He put the belt down for a moment. He gently stroked her head comfortingly.
"It's alright honey, there there. I know it hurts sweetheart but you need to follow my instructions and we will be done soon. Can you do that for me love?"
She nodded. "w-w-w-w-w- wun sir" she mumbled between her tears.
CRACK!!
"t-t-t-two sir"
CRACK!
"t-t-t-three sir"
CRACK!
"fou-four sir"
CRACK!
"f-f-five sir"
he rubbed her reddened flaming bum tenderly, shooshing her and comforting her.
"there there darling" he whispered to her.
He gently pulled up her panties and pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly and rocking her in his arms.
"there there sweetheart, it's alright, shhhhhhh, everything is alright"
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head in his chest. She cried silently into his chest as he rocked her, tenderly stroking her hair and comforting her as he whispered in her ear. She looked up at him gazing into his reddened swollen eyes. Instantly she realized that this was as hard on him as it was for her. She buried her face in his chest listening to his heart beat. In the gentle rocking she lulled to sleep by his slow and steady heart beat in the comfort of his loving arms.
my life is a like an Iraqi box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get, and even if you did...how the hell could you read the Arabic written on the map inside the damn box?
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Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 242
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 09:49 am: |
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Very nice, Neo.
And don't be running your writing down. If this is really a first attempt, it's a great one. You set the scene, let us know why she overreacted, let us see that he cared enough to call down, described her feelings during the spanking, and then showed his. And it's a fairly short story. You obviously put some time and thought into this. Good for you. 
Just a question - Now, what's with the 'if you reach back we start all over bit'? I see that in countless stories, so it must be a common Top thing. Eek! |
Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 255
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 11:40 am: |
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thanks pagan! That's a real great comment coming from a writer like you. I'm flattered to be honest. I'm glad you liked it though. Yes, I guess it is a common top thing though. I'm really not sure, as I don't have a top of my own just yet. But it was a common thing in my family. A "rule" you could say. Myself I never tried it because well, that's what I new would happen, that and a sharp corrective smack in the upper thighs YEWOTCH!! So you can say I've gone of my own experience to some extent.
my life is a like an Iraqi box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get, and even if you did...how the hell could you read the Arabic written on the map inside the damn box?
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Shadowrose45
New member
Username: Shadowrose45
Post Number: 37
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 12:12 pm: |
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Great story! Is this really a first one? You're a natural.
LOL, don't ya know why they don't want hands back?
Want me to write a story about it?
Nevermind, I will.
Great story. Hehehehe, he should have sent her to the corner sooner. |
Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 263
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 12:44 pm: |
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Thanks shadow.....I try, I love to write. I think I'm better when my stories are along the same lines as Blu's. Most of my stories are like that of Cory Anderson's. But for the most part, yea this is a first, I've never written a spanko story to this extent. I'm working on one that involves a teenager and her antics with her unusual living situation....well, you'll find out sooner or later. Anywayz thanks for the complement, it was well recieved.
my life is a like an Iraqi box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get, and even if you did...how the hell could you read the Arabic written on the map inside the damn box?
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Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 249
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 01:14 pm: |
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Neo, I'm not a writer. But I love to read, and so many stories out there focus mainly on discipline, and that just isn't my thing.
So I just started trying to write something that would be closer to what I'd want.
You'll find your own niche, if you haven't yet. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 703
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 03:19 pm: |
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Excellent story Neo, I enjoyed this a lot.
It is very much a Top/Dom thing to make the bottom keep their hands in front of them, maybe clasped. Reaching back always brings retribution, whether harder smacks, or on the thighs...or I've even had it across my hand when I didnt move fast enough. Evil man! 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
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Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 863
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 06:59 pm: |
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very very good Neo.  |
Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 265
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 07:51 pm: |
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Thanks guys, it took a lot for me to finally post, I don't normally share my stories but I'm so glad that it was well recieved. And to answer your question, I think I may have already found mu niche Pagan. I'm still in the beginning stages of being a spanko, because well, I did only just come out of the closet a month ago. But you guys have all been so great, I couldn't have asked for a more supportive group.
my life is a like an Iraqi box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get, and even if you did...how the hell could you read the Arabic written on the map inside the damn box?
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Redhinney
New member
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 44
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 08:16 pm: |
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You did a great job Let's hear more about Ann and Ray |
Blulizrdboots
New member
Username: Blulizrdboots
Post Number: 43
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, November 03, 2005 - 10:06 pm: |
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This was very good, neo. Keep it up. |
Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 266
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, November 04, 2005 - 01:31 am: |
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soon guys, I've gotta work this weekend as most of you know already so i wont be around to play that much.  What I'll probably end up doing while I'm away from my compy is take my notebook with me. I have something closer along the lines of a Cory story.  not necessarily a take off of yours Blu, so don't be offended if it seems similar in a few ways, but that's mostly the type of spanko stories I've written, either that, or I'll see if something else comes to me about Ray and Annie. Love you guys  see you Sunday! Duty Calls!
my life is a like an Iraqi box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get, and even if you did...how the hell could you read the Arabic written on the map inside the damn box?
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Redhinney
New member
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 50
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, November 04, 2005 - 08:59 pm: |
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good story. Funny W always says don't make me come for you" He never had to because after he says it with his policman voice OK I'm moving. I wonder what would happen if he came to get me I am aready catching it so what can he do- but I am not ready yet to find out. |
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