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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 665
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 03:51 pm: | 
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I've had a bad week with the flu and still feel miserable although it's getting better.
My fella has been a saint. Bringing me soup, bringing me my bottles of water, bringing me popcicles...generally waiting on me hand and foot. This is new to me cos I've never really had this kind of pampering in my first marriage.
I have a good friend who's husband is a spanko but she is vanilla. She is fully aware of his spanking lifestyle and of ours even tho she does not share the enjoyment of it. She tried it...didn't like it...fair enough. But she has become my bestest friend. She's always doing things without ever wanting anything in return. Has a heart bigger than all outdoors. She brought me stuff tonight for my flu...medicine...a magazine to read in bed...balsam tissues for my sore nose and other things. She's like a soulmate and I'm very lucky to have her as a friend.
How many of you have a good friend other than your S/O?
I'd like to find a way to let her know how much I appreciate and love her but she's the type that don't go for the mushy stuff. Any ideas?
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1331
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 04:49 pm: |
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I have several good and close friends; their my sanity, my saviors, my confidantes and best buddies. I dont know what I'd do without them.
Shylah, does she have a hobby? Maybe a gift of something she loves to do would be nice. Or a session at a spa or salon is always nice. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 111
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 05:23 am: |
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I have a several good friends like that too Shylah (and all vanilla - lol). How about a fruit basket? candy basket? pasta basket? bagel basket? There are some really nice ones out there. One of my friends gave me a gift certificate for a spa pedicure...mmmm...can't wait to use that! Or maybe a movie gift pass?
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 669
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 01:23 pm: |
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Good Ideas there. She is diabetic so I would have to be very careful of what kind of goodie basket I would pick. I'm thinking of treating her to a night at bingo. We love going together and have great fun. The guys like not having to go with us...lol.
OK...another question:
I'm DEHYDRATED!!! BAD!!! My skin is scales and more scales. I gathered up strength for a shower today, poured on gallons of lotion but skin is still scaly. I've been drinking gallons of water till I think I'll float. I don't have the strength for climbing in and out of a tub for a good soak.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 118
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 01:48 pm: |
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Hi shylah...be careful with long soaks in the tub - they can dehydrate the skin! How about sports drinks that contain electrolytes (instead of water)? that might help...and about the lotions - have you tried baby oil or jojoba oil?
Ohhh..and the bingo sounds like fun!!
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Reader_girl
Junior Spanko
Username: Reader_girl
Post Number: 73
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 05:12 pm: |
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At night out at bingo is a great idea! A friend who is that good to you probably does it because she enjoys spending time with you. Getting to see you when you're well will be a great treat for her.
You might also want to try running a humidifier. Cold winter air can be very drying.
Reader Girl
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 462
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 09:39 am: |
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Hi, Shylah. I'm sorry you were feeling ill and hope you're feeling better now.
I have a dear friend, that I met through our local BDSM community. Without realizing it, our life experiences are quite parallel and is what brought us together in the first place. I saw a lot of my young self in her (I think she's about 8 yrs younger than me). We share much, and if I had a sister, I'd hope it would be her.
We too are not for the mushy stuff, and I have forced myself to tell her how I feel, as I feel it's important to let those, that are dear to us know.
My own mother and I seemed like best friends, but with thinking back over time, and the many things between us, we had a troubled life together. Since her death (ten years ago next month), I found out some things about her, that I didn't like at all. I found out I didn't know her really, and it angered me. I also found many tokens and mementos of my brothers, but none of my own among her treasures (although I might be able to chaulk this up to taking those closest to you for granted - I was in her life daily, and my brothers were never really there). It caused me to wonder about her feelings for me, yet we talked every day, and I cared for her, when she was ill. When she died, I wondered if she loved me...ever. A child, no matter what age, should never have to wonder that about their parent.
I thought about many things that effect how I relate to people in general, and one is that I'm not big on showing how I feel about them, as I was not taught to share that at all.
In being able to look at how I was brought up, and how I turned out, and how I react toward others, I found I had to take responsibility for showing that I care, in the way that I can.
For my friend, I've told her. I prefaced that I understood that she, like me, was not into "mushy" (your word) sentiments, but that I felt it important to express the connection I felt.
We actually joke about if we were the opposite sex, we'd marry each other, or if we choose to go lesbian that we'd be on each other's dance card first. 
Sometimes, mushy is the only way to say it. I try to work by actions too, and when she needed me to listen a few times, I was there, without her asking. She has brought this up a few times to me, that I was there, and that when I reached over, just to touch her hand once, that that tiny little gesture was enough to calm her, and that words weren't necessary then. (Of which I was glad...cause I didn't know what to say then. )
Anyway, sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just tell them. May be hard for the words to come out, and it might be hard for them to hear, but if you never say them....you might regret it, and they may never know how you really feel.
K
(Message edited by ftopinmichigan on February 17, 2006) |
Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 670
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 03:22 pm: |
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Well she is on her weekend shift as a care giver in a home so I won't be able to talk to her again until Sunday. She does the all nighter shift and sleeps the weekend days. I fully plan on something.
I'm also going to do something special for my fella. He's been a saint. He says I would do the same for him if it had been him sick. True but I'm just not used to being so pampered.
And FYI...I'm feeling better today. Feel very weak and listless but otherwise, feeling better. Thanks everyone for your kind words.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1353
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 08:39 am: |
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K, I can really relate to a lot of what you said.
I feel affection and love very strongly for my friends and family, but find showing it a very difficult thing. Once my brother and I ceased to be "babies" the physical displays of affection by my parents stopped. Kissing and hugging were rarely seen between my family, although I know we loved each other dearly. The grandmother who did believe in hugs and kisses died when I was 10. So I find hugging others uncomfortable, even as I enjoy it when someone else initiates that hug themselves.
My inability to say how I feel out loud drives me crazy. The words clog my throat and sit in my heart unsaid. I can put on paper how I feel, which is why I send a lot of cards...but I wish it were easier for me to be spontaneous and initiate that close warm hug. I dont know if its fear of rejection or something else that keeps me from being the person I wish I could be.
On a different note...my mom and I were very close my whole life, the best of friends. But after my father died and I became her caregiver, I noticed that things changed between us. She was afraid I would leave her, although I promised time and again that I never would. She kept me tied to her by paying me just enough to barely cover my bills, knowing I had no other way of getting money. My brother rarely called and visits were few and far between...but when he did make contact he was treated like the prodigal son, while I was sniped at, griped at and put down. I took care of her on a daily basis, doing whatever it took to keep her healthy and happy...but was very rarely thanked.
I know it was the disease and her fears of the future that caused her to behave the way she did. I have no doubts about her love for me. Its a shame that I have some of these unhappy memories to carry with me, and I try to remember instead my youth and all the wonderful times we had together.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 674
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 12:15 pm: |
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Wolfie and K...
It's hard for me to show affection physically to others. I didn't have the best of childhoods and my first marriage was hell on earth. I tried to let my offspring know how much I love them. I'm not sure I did a good job of it.
My relationship with my mother was not good. She resented having another female around to take attention away from her. She wanted all the males attention and made damn sure she got it. I learned when I was very small how to make myself invisible and kept out of the way. When I left home, I didn't look back.
When I got with Bob, it began to be easy to show affection. He is so open with his love. He gives the most WONDERFUL hugs. So much that you feel wrapped up in a blanket of love with those arms around you. My favorite thing is to curl up beside him on the sofa and just cuddle up to him. He's always willing to put an arm around me and let me lay my head on his shoulder and just lie there for hours.
Since being with him these past 5 years, I have been able to find it easier to give and receive hugs from others. I still think I'm a bit stiff but it's not as bad as it used to be.
When I left my first husband, it was literally with the clothes I had on my back. I didn't tell anyone I was going except for a spanko friend that took me where I was going in another town and the spanko friends I stayed with until I got the plane to come and meet Bob. Because of the way I left, my daughters took his side and I've been cast aside. Everything I accumulated in all those years was either sold, given away or divided up between the girls. I came to accept the loss, but it's not been easy to accept the loss of my daughters. I want to ask them, WHO was it that stood between you and him when things got bad and took the brunt? WHO was it that was there when you had bad times and took care of your kids, gave you money when you needed it (and was never repaid), WHO made sure you were never homeless? They don't think about that. Only that I left their "poor" dad all alone.
Trust is hard for me these days. That is the main reason I have such a deep love for Bob. I can trust his love. And my good friend who is always there for me. I know I can trust her. In my heart, I know she would never betray me.
It's not an easy task to put aside years of betrayal, abuse and hurt. It's a long process to put it all behind you and look ahead with a smile on your face. I just tell myself that what is in the past is gone, nothing can be done about it. What I can do is look to my future knowing it will never be that way again and I can smile.
(Message edited by shylah on February 19, 2006)
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 469
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, February 20, 2006 - 04:33 am: |
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Thanks for sharing your feelings on this.
Trust is an issue for me too, and I read a book last year that really gave me insight into where it all came from (my lack of trusting), and also into some of my behaviors and reactions to things. It really helped me understand myself. Although, truth be told it hasn't helped my giving trust to strangers , although I have learned not to overreact without cause.
The trust and love goes hand in hand with close relationships. Funny how those breaks in trust can hold down our ability to show, or even sometimes "feel" love.
Ahhhh...the mysteries of life! |
Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 676
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, February 20, 2006 - 04:34 pm: |
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I read a book called "Co-Dependant No More" that made me realize alot of things about myself. I would recommend it. After reading that book, I came to realize that not everything was a crisis. I began to step back and not try to control everything around me. It helped me "seperate" myself from the basket case I was to the calmer person I am now. Keeping a journal is also helpful. Writing down my feelings helps me to identify them more clearly. I can choose to act on them or turn around and ignore them. It's a good book for people like me that needed to find themselves within.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 679
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 05:00 am: |
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OK...it is now Tuesday noon and....
I'm feeling SOOOOOOOO much better!!!!
I might even get dressed today. Laundry is screaming at me. I'm scared to see what condition my kitchen is in.
I'm just so glad to be feeling almost normal now...
Did I say normal?
Ha! Who am I kidding?
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1359
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 07:26 am: |
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 Glad your feeling more yourself.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 439
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:27 pm: |
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Me too!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Tammynx
Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 311
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 02:06 pm: |
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Glad your feeling better Shylah...and NO you aren't NORMAL!! |
Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 684
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 05:08 pm: |
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Oh thank heavens!!! For a few min there, I thought I was going over to the dark side.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 449
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 24, 2006 - 12:34 am: |
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Oh thank heavens!!! For a few min there, I thought I was going over to the dark side.
okayn so that was pretty f-i funny, LOL 
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 688
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, February 27, 2006 - 08:13 am: |
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I was planning on taking my friend out to bingo tonight but she's come down with the same thing I had!! And NO she didn't get it from me!!! LOL She is saying she may go anyway cos we both are suffering from cabin fever. We'll just grab a big box of tissues and our markers. 
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Everyday Life