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Message |
    
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 115
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 04:51 pm: | 
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My heart is racing, palms sweaty as our visit comes to that dreaded time to punish me for my misdeeds. I know I need this but the question is do you know I need this? Or are you just doing it to please me? I look into your eyes and try to read them as best as I can...those loving blue eyes that always look back at me in love.
I struggle with guilt ...I feel guilty for breaking rules that you have set for me, guilty for making you take the position to punish me, guilty for pressuring you and guilty for pushing you to the edge. You want me to be honest yet I feel your not being completley honest with me!
I am ashamed ...ashamed that I need this ...ashamed that I need to feel punished...ashamed that I have forced your hand by acting like such a brat. It's time for you to spank me but yet I feel as if you don't want to do this...you don't have to say a word because it shows in your actions.
I stand in the corner awaiting on the dreaded punishment. You tell me to think about what I have done and you are going to have me choose from all the misdeeds from the past three months. I stand there trembling ...my body is full of nerves and my thoughts are going in all directions. I can feel the tears that want to come but I stop them ...I can't appear weak in front of you and tears are a sign of weakness. It takes all that I have to stop from crying right there while standing in the corner. It seems like I am standing there forever ...hands to my sides...legs shaky, hands fidgety and butterflies swimming in my stomach.
You finally ask what have I chosen ...I choose lying ...the guilt that has built up for weeks because of some awful lies I have told you...I need them to be resolved so I can get rid of the guilt and feel that you have forgiven me. To me things have not been the same between us since I confessed the awful lies some 10 weeks before...I feel as though you have not forgiven me, and worse I feel as though things have changed between us.
You order me to take my pants and panties off and lay face down on the bed. I get real nervous at this point but I obey without hesitation ...I know I deserve whatever you hand out...I know you don't tolerate lying and I know I was wrong and I know I will feel much better once I have been punished and forgiven. Naked from the waist down, lying face down on the bed make me feel vulnerable and I hate feeling vulnerable...things are out of my control and if I was not aware of that before I am aware of it now.
You start spanking me ...I am not aware of what implements you are using ...it stings though. But it's not even the sting that is on my mind ...it's what you think of me that is more on my mind. I know that your not physically attracted to me so what are your thoughts of me in this state? Tears start stinging my eyes ...I can't hold them back any longer ...the humiliation alone is enough to make me cry rivers.
The spanking ends ...you ask me to stand back in the corner, arms out ...it's over...I turn around and you hug me and all is well with the world because I feel you have forgiven me and that is what is important to me. The need was met ...and that is the need of feeling accepted and loved by you. |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 2603
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 09:00 am: |
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what a really touching story, great job I loved it, and thank you for it. 
when caught run faster then him !!
I am a TA junkie !!
Hubbie is due back home in march.................pout stomp !!!
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Laurence
New member
Username: Laurence
Post Number: 4
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 03:44 pm: |
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Oh, yes! That first paragraph .............
I have been on both sides of this one. Your story touches a chord of truth; it is very emotional;
I like it. |
Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 281
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 05:43 pm: |
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A very true account of what every spankee and spanko goes thru including those of us who have been doing thsi for years.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Tigerman
New member
Username: Tigerman
Post Number: 49
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 - 11:24 am: |
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Well done...great story |
Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 145
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 - 12:38 pm: |
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what a touching account of real feelings and emotions!
What made me sad was the line..."I know your not physcially attracted to me so what are your thoughts of me in this state?" I am hoping that you mean He is not attracted to you "sexually" at this point because this is a BG spanking...am I right?
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 116
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 02, 2006 - 01:14 pm: |
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Thanks for all the compliments on my story ....I am not the best writer but I try to get out my emotions and feelings as best as I can on paper...or computer LOL.
Pinkcheeks- the answer to your question about that line that made you sad ..."I know your not physically attracted to me so what are your thoughts of me in this state?" The Dom I am with is the love of my life but I know he is not physically attracted to me because him and I have had discussions about it ...I have a weight problem and it all stems from there with him....his explanation is he is attracted to my spirt, personality ect. ect....it hurt at first  and I am still trying to deal with it ...and it has caused some issues in our D/s relationship as well but we are working on it. In fact he just came for a visit with me and we had some issues about spanking ...I felt rejected and it all leads back to the physical attraction issue...so it's hard but I believe our love for each other will get us through it. |
Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 150
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 02, 2006 - 01:31 pm: |
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aawww.. T ...I now understand how you could be hurt by this, but I will keep my fingers crossed that the both of you work thru this. And don't underestimate yourself - you write with emotion and depth - thats a wonderful thing. Oh, and in regards to the weight thing - remember that YOU are what is most important. You have to feel good about YOU ~~ hang in there, girl - You sound like a peach 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 118
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 02, 2006 - 01:37 pm: |
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Thanks Pinkcheeks...I appreciate your kind words and also your advice. I am trying to get through it all ...and I will but it's a rough road. And your right ...I do have to feel good about me ...and I am slowly getting there. I am starting to love myself again and that is a big step for me because before I couldn't even do that...so I am moving forward and not back anymore. Thanks again.... |
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