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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 267
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 12:50 pm: | 
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Two people I know were talking about a discipline spanking, and he said that the way it ended was just as important (if not more so) than how it began. This got me to thinking...how do you know when it's time to end a discipline spanking? Do you go by the color of her backside? Her wails of contrition and assurances that she'll never make the same mistake again? Do you bring her to tears? Or go past that? Do you promise a certain amount of spanks, and never deviate...no matter what?
I am very curious how a Top/Dom/me knows when the punishment has been achieved and would appreciate any "inside" information. 
And if you dont do/never have done a discipline spanking...if your spanking a newbie, how do you know when a first-time spanking is enough? How can you tell when a first timer will be satisfied and not just plain sore?
Thanks for any and all input. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Bendover
Junior Spanko
Username: Bendover
Post Number: 57
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 10:46 pm: |
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Wolfie, I think this is one of the most important questions one could ask.
I don't think there is any particular 'sign' that says that the point has been reached. If there were such a sign, the sub would just try to display it to try to manipulate her Dom into stopping.
The not-so-easy answer is, the right time to stop is when your Top decides that it is right. Sorry if that's too simple.
Maybe if I'm feeling really generous I'll share some more...
Down with pink panties!
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 880
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 08:27 am: |
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Exactly how does one make you feel generous, Ben?
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 268
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 01:00 pm: |
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This is a serious question Ben, and I would like a serious answer. It's true that there is no one answer that is right for everyone, some ladies color more quickly than others, some start crying right away. But I would like to know if the disciplinarian is inflexible, wont deviate from the set amount he has pre-determined, or judges as he goes along what is called for.
As a sub I understand that my punishments are finished when my Dom says so...I'm just curious how he knows when that is. I also know that when a punishment is deemed needed that no amount of tears, pleading, etc. will make a difference.
I dont beg for answers though, so your out of luck.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 882
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 01:38 pm: |
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Wolfie, I will and see if I can get R to give us an answer to this question. Now I am rather curious myself.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 883
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 03:22 pm: |
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wolfie: I asked R to give his thoughts and here is what he wrote, maybe it will help.
The big issue that you need to keep in mind are the phases that the "spankee" goes through during the spanking. The phase that needs to be watched for very carefuly is the anger phase. This is the phase right before the contrition and assurances phase you mentioned.
It is very important that the spankee is NEVER left in this phase. Sometimes it is hard to judge when this phase has passed. Sometimes it is the tone of voice. Other times it is the stiffness of her body. Sometimes you just have to guess. Sometimes you can tell when you get her to change positions (in order to get complete coverage).
Setting up a predetermined number of swats is fine for play, but a real spanking can not be prearranged. A real spanking is emotional for both parties and the top must be past his emotional anger prior to the spanking occuring and must "feel" that she has truly paid for her spanking.
One of the things to keep in mind is who is in charge. If the spankee asks for it to be over and just claims she is sorry then you can not stop at that time. The spanking must be completed when the top feels he is done, not when she asks for it.
When it comes down to it I know when the time has come when my own emotion/disapointment/displeasure for the wrongful act is gone from my heart.
I know this sounds difficult to explain and it is. The important thing is that this is all done in love.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 391
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 05:06 pm: |
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I think Fanny's hubby hit right on the head. Thses types of spankings are emotional for both sides. And it's when the emotional release point is reached that a spanking can come to an end. By that I mean past the anger phase as R said. Discipline spanking were part of the relationship with a past girlfriend, and I could always tell she had gotten past the anger phase and hit her emotional release point by her body language. It was when she had gone limp over my knees I knew she was there. Everyone is different, and i think what it comes down to is the connection between the two people that make discipline spankings possible and actually work.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 269
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 06:24 pm: |
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Thank you Fanny and Rocco, I certainly agree with you about needing to watch the body language. And I believe disciplining someone can be the most loving gift you can give.
However, I dont have an anger phase to go thru during a punishment spanking. I am told I will be punished for a certain behavior, and since we are in a l/d relationship I always have to wait until we are together to "pay up". I know what to expect and do not fight Him over being punished. I do go thru a gamut of emotions, but anger isnt one of them. Perhaps this would be different if I was being punished immediately for an offense...but I have never disagreed with His reasons for punishing me so have no basis for being angry.
Yes, they can be very emotional for both people in the relationship. Steve hates to punish me as much as I dislike being punished...and we can hardly wait to get into each others arms when he's done, for some much needed reassurance on both sides.
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Beachley
Junior Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 89
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 08:10 pm: |
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Maybe due to the fact that Steve is able to explain so well why the punishment is necessary and he does not punish in anger, that may be why you do not respond in an angry fashion either. You are in the frame of mind to accept the punishment as it makes sense to you from his explanation. Just a thought.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Darwins
Junior Spanko
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 75
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 09:30 pm: |
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QUOTE:
I am very curious how a Top/Dom/me knows when the punishment has been achieved and would appreciate any "inside" information.
And if you dont do/never have done a discipline spanking...if your spanking a newbie, how do you know when a first-time spanking is enough? How can you tell when a first timer will be satisfied and not just plain sore?
_____________________________________________
As some of you may know I do do disciplinary spankings, and I have done a good few of them over the years and hated every one.
I think a truthful answer to Wolfies question is that until you have finished the punishment you are never sure what the final outcome is going to be. And……..no matter how experienced you are in this thing we do, no one can categorically say with certainty that they know exactly how things are going to turn out.
All you can reasonably do is judge your partner – both in the physical and mental state, and make your punishment decision based on your gut instinct and perhaps experience of what will be sufficient to get the job done.
In my opinion the punishment is NOT in the infliction of the physical pain, but in the mental anguish of knowing that this is a sad occasion, in the visual display of the disappointment and heartache that has been caused by your actions. If we care for some one, to have caused that wrenches at our deep emotions and no one will punish us more than we punish ourselves.
The actual physical punishment is more seen to be an act of closure rather than retribution for the sin.
As Wolfie already knows and Seri has commented, true punishments greatly affect a persons state of mind, and in this state of mind the pain thresholds plummet. There is never in my experience any need as the Dom, to concern yourself with handing out the hardest thrashing you have ever given to make the punishment real. A spanking that is usually far less in its intensity than you would give if you were simply playing for fun, has always for me been more than adequate to get the job done.
Wolfie will tell you that in the punishments she has had, I spanked her harder than I have ever spanked her (or at least that is how it felt to her), but I know that in reality the spankings were not much harder than our play warm ups. Such was the depth into her head that I managed to get.
I let my eyes, voice, words and body language do the punishing, I will never rely on the physical force alone to do the job because I do not believe that it ever will.
To summarise if I can. I don’t KNOW at the outset whether the punishment I have awarded is the absolute correct amount, neither do I KNOW at the end what the reaction is going to be. All I can ever do is make a judgement based on what I know of my partner – to award too much will be a disaster, but to award too little is almost insulting, and will not be satisfying enough to the partner that a closure has in deed been reached.
I judge what I think is necessary, and physically it will always be far less in its intensity than I know my partner can stand, and I will rely on her mental state to ratchet that intensity upwards and allow her to in fact do my job for me. Having set a number of strokes that we have agreed upon before we begin, I always carry them out to the end, even if there is a need to pause for recovery. (as Wolfie will attest, this has never been required). I do not moderate them or terminate them, nor do I believe in large numbers that prolong the episode. The objective is to reinforce the point and close the episode so that we can cuddle, put it behind us, and move on.
I don’t know if that answers your question my love or not, as it is hard to put into words, what for me at least, is simply my judgement of what is the right thing to do at the time.
I'm a king bee baby Buzzing round your hive
we can make honey baby if you let me come inside
Come on babe lets buzzzzz a while.
(Rolling Stones)
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Bigfoot1408
Junior Spanko
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 60
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 02:49 am: |
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i can't improve on what has been said,so i won't try.... as for me,and mine... as it was with my children.. i love and care about the one over my knee,so i will watch them and i will know when enough is enough..
your question was an excellent one,, but i don't think there is one definitive answer to it. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 270
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 04:24 pm: |
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No, I'm sure your right Bigfoot but I appreciate any and all input.
Thanks everyone for your responses. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 314
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 30, 2005 - 01:56 pm: |
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If you thought there were more posts here, don't worry, you're not going crazy. I moved Kendra and Beachley's posts from this thread and started a new one - "Different Implements for Different Offenses?"
Y'all can carry on with this thread now. |
Nky13
New member
Username: Nky13
Post Number: 5
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 31, 2005 - 04:05 pm: |
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When I work with a woman on a discipline program, it usually takes a few spankings before I have a sense of what is appropriate for her based on her reactions to the spankings, the implements, the lecturing. Also, I know that some days a bottom can take more than on other days, so I pay careful attention to her reactions during the punishment and, if I feel she is suffering inordinately, even if she hasn't said anything, I will end the punishment. |
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