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Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 192
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 10:23 pm: | 
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Right now I am in one of those moods where I get angry easily. My poor husband has been put through a lot of shit the past couple of days. I had a nervous breakdown the other day, like, 20 minutes before I had to be at work, and ended up skinning my knuckle punching the wall. What do I do??? Help??
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 886
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 03:35 pm: |
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Kryssi, I feel for you, everyday stress piles up and it can be so frustrating. You are a young wife and mother, and those two positions are difficult enough for a woman older than you. You also work "off" hours and that screws up your internal body clock. It is no wonder you feel so emotional.
I will share with you something it took me a long time to figure out...you have to find your own contentness, because no-one can hand it to you. Life can sometimes be one stress after another, and then you melt down. You didn't really have a nervous breakdown, you just went on overload. Coming to this forum is a step, I can attest to the fact that no-one can have enough friends. This is a great group here of similarly minded, passionate people. We will always be here to listen to you.
I think it is important for you to evaluate exactly what is making you so angry, and find a way to deal with it. I am not saying it is easy, because it sure as hell isn't. I'm just saying that you need to discover what you can do to help yourself. Find some positive outlets, find things that make you happy. What makes you smile? What makes you get out of bed? Focus on those things. Make some time for yourself, you are important. Don't let anger take over your life. You are young and have a long life ahead of you, you need to start making steps to please yourself. Don't fall into a life long trap of anger and resentment. Do something for yourself NOW, and continue to do it often. Anger comes from frustration and/or resentment. Find the source and fix it. People in your life are extremely important, but only you can find your happy zone.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 193
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 04:35 pm: |
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Right now, I feel like I am so far down into my hole of anger and resentment, I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I can't see a light at the top of the hole therefor, I don't think I remember what true happiness is. I know what temporarily takes my mind off the world around me and makes me happy for the moment, but not what makes me truly happy. I love my daughter, I love my husband, but sometimes I just need to be away from both of them for a while, but every time I say "I need some time" my husband pokes and prods at "what's wrong" or puts me down for not taking care of my daughter, OR tells me I can go out, but that I can't do certain things, or have to be home by this time. How can I explain to him that I am not happy. I can't find what makes me happy with all these limitations, nor can I explain to him what's wrong. Because it's not that anything's wrong.. it's just that nothing right.. does that make any sense at all???
Please tell me I'm not going crazy..
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 888
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 05:48 pm: |
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Absolutely, I understand 100%. Many of us have been down that hole and things look very bleak. If you can't think right now....don't. You can't control anyone actions, but you can control your reactions. Just try and rest your mind for a while. Don't try so hard. I am going to suggest some writing again. Put your thoughts on paper and maybe reading them can help you sort through. I would also suggest that you and your husband do some serious talking about "alone time". R and I did that with a baby around. When we were both home, we actually took shifts for an hour or two at a time. The person on baby duty had full responsibility and the person off duty had no other explaining to do but to be back at the designated time. I would take a walk, a bath, read, or chat with a friend outside or on the phone. Sometimes I would just drive.
I am also going to tell you two rather opposed thoughts. One is that when you are part of a family especially a parent, you are going to have responsibilities and limitations. It is the beast that goes with the happiness of having a child. If you can't find happiness within limitations, you won't be able to find it at all. On the other hand, your husband needs to understand that he needs to give you a bit more space. If you have a cell phone and he can reach you, and you return at a agreed upon time, there really shouldn't be any reason he needs to monitor you.
Don't look for the big things right now, they are too hidden from you in your darkness. Think of something small. Is there a favorite treat you enjoy eating or drinking? Go somewhere alone (even if it is in another room) and relish it. No guilt, just enjoy. No, the feeling won't last long, but it is a start.
Several years ago I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life. Some are small and some are way big. I keep that list and every few months I look at it then I choose something on it that I am going to try to accomplish. Now when I look at that list I can see the things I have been able to check off. I am looking at my goals and achievements at the same time and it makes me feel good.
In case you haven't realized it yet (sorry guys) but men just in general 'don't get it" We women spend so much energy trying to get them to see what we see and feel what we feel and usually can't. It's a brain wire thing, we think differently. Many men just think "fix it" and walk away. They can turn off the inner brain and let things slide off, most woman can't. We feel things so deeply, it hurts. It is not that they refuse, we need to understand that sometimes they just can't. Find someone who does understand you and vent away. Many times we don't really need to DO something we just have to release the anger in a positive way. Find someone nonjudgemental and someone who can leave what you say at the door.
No, you are not going "crazy", you are going through what most of us have been through at one time or another. (some of us have been there more times than we can count)
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Bendover
Junior Spanko
Username: Bendover
Post Number: 59
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 06:32 pm: |
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Kendra, I wanted to say a few words about your anger, skinning your
knuckles by punching a wall, etc. Of course if a partner of mine were
doing that, she'd get a very different kind of message while over my
knees, but my explanation would be the same.
Anger is not something that happens outside of us, and that we can't
control. When you are angry, you have made a decision to do so, even
if you're not aware of doing it. Being unaware is not an excuse.
The trouble is that our society doesn't seem to recognize this. There
are "crimes of passion" where the punishment is lighter because it was
the anger's fault, not the person doing it. I don't believe in
this. We should be in control of our anger, and use it wisely.
The next time you feel out of control, and that anger is taking you
over, recognise that you are doing this yourself. You are in
control. Anger is a very powerful tool, and it can have great effect
when used wisely. But it is not something that controls you - you
control it.
People become angry because they want something to change. My dear
Kendra, what is it that you want changed?
Your friend,
- Ben
Down with pink panties!
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 890
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 07:52 pm: |
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Ben, you are exactly right, so I am going to repeat this very important statement.
You cannot control how others act, you can ONLY control your own reactions.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Admin
Board Administrator
Username: Admin
Post Number: 12
Registered: 03-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 12:33 am: |
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I moved this out of the play area since it's more of a serious discussion.
Kendra, I wish I could answer your questions but I think Fanny is on the right track. Take care of yourself, okay.  |
Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 899
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 01:22 pm: |
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Kryssi, I am going to suggest something that is going to make you say "What the f***, Fanny?"
You need to feel good about yourself, but you can't do it right now. I'd like to try a different approach. Try doing some random acts of kindness. You will be amazed on how it can help boast your self esteem. Be very random, don't do anything for anyone you expect (or hope) to get something back from. So, I am going to eliminate immediate family members. Start very small, open a door for someone, help an elderly person carry their packages to the car/bus. Call on an old friend you have lost contact with just to say you have been thinking of them. Forgive someone (if only in your mind) for an old hurt. Bake some cookies for a neighbor who is feeling down or lonely. Light a candle and say a prayer for someone you know who is sick. Make a small donation to those kids who stand outside the doors needing money for their sports team. Donate some clothes you never wear. Smile at passers-by. Say thank you to the person who doesn't get recognized. Sent a card to an elderly person who doesn't get mail.
Got it? The list can go on and on. Doing for others in empowering. You will reap the rewards in your heart. It will help you to find what works. In the long run, it makes you feel good about yourself, it makes you know that what you do counts.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Headteddy
Spanko
Username: Headteddy
Post Number: 188
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 06:24 pm: |
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Kryssi:
Fanny is definitely got it nailed. Trying to do something kind and at random with no overt reward will strengthen your heart and build your sense of self. Sometimes we give so much of ourselves to others we don't leave anything for us. Thats a real good way to recharge.
Her love has no strings, No shackles or chains
But I'm holding on for dear life-
She feels like I'm rolling a seven-- Every time I roll the dice
Delbert McClinton
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 917
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 25, 2005 - 10:09 am: |
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I hope you are still with me Kryssi sweetie, cos I am not going to give up on you. This is what I would like you to do. Make a list of all the good things that came your way in the last five days. It doesn't have to be anything directly related to you, it can be as simple as the sun was comfortably warm today, it didn't rain. Focus on the positive things, be grateful for them.
Secondly, think about the people who inspire you, what qualities in them do you see?
Thirdly, every morning before you get out of bed think of two things you are going to do that day. One thing that you don't want to do, but know that needs to be done and one thing that pleases you. You will be relieved at the end of the day that you were able to cross that nagging thing off your list. The pleasing thing may be as simple as listening uninterupted to that one song that touches your heart.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 196
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 25, 2005 - 10:38 pm: |
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Thanks everyone for caring so much about me and taking the time to encourage me.
Ben, you had asked what I wanted to change in my life.. It's not that I want to change anything that isn't already being changed, I just want the change to happen now. Like I said earlier Tyr and I are moving but we can't move until the 10th or so of Aug.
Fanny, all of the things you mentioned ie. opening the door for someone.. doing something for someone that I don't expect to be repayed.. etc. I do that on a daily basis. Montana is an incredibly friendly state in general, I mean we do get the occasional jerks, but for the most part everyone helps out when we can. Not to mention I work in a casino, and it's my job to help people on a daily basis, and I totally agree, it makes me feel better at the end of the day when I know that I made at least one persons day better.
I am not sure why I was so angry.
Thanks again for the encouragement... I gotta get going I have to take Tyr to work
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 929
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 - 05:34 am: |
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Kryssi, It doesn't surprise me that you are a very considerate, caring person. I can read that in you. Keep it up, and be more aware of it. Even you admit it makes you feel better, and better is the way to go. Please try some of the other suggestions I offered to you and if you would like to go to personal email with this discussion, please feel free to contact me.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Papa_spanker
New member
Username: Papa_spanker
Post Number: 11
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 31, 2005 - 06:49 am: |
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I agree with Fanny where she says, "You cannot control how others act, you can ONLY control your own reactions."
Having been a long time member of Recovery, Inc. A self-help group for mental/emotional recovery, Let me throw out a few tools to help cope with every day stressors.
1. I can't control my outer environment. I can only control my inner environment and allow the outer to adjust.
2. Depression is anger turned inward.
3. Feelings are NOT facts. (Emotionally speaking)
4. Endorse yourself for the effort.
I hope this helps any and all readers. |
Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 961
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 31, 2005 - 08:37 am: |
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Thanks Papa. These are facts that we can all use in our lives. I also enjoy seeing the compassionate part of you show through.
(Message edited by fanny on July 31, 2005)
"Queen of Innocence"
Be willing to pass up good, for great!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Papa_spanker
New member
Username: Papa_spanker
Post Number: 12
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 08:14 am: |
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compassionate? VERY, TYVM! But also very resolute and firm when it comes to giving a good HAIRBRUSH spanking!  |
Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 963
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 09:03 am: |
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I think you have made that very obvious, Papa!!
"Queen of Innocence"
Be willing to pass up good, for great!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 320
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 08:17 pm: |
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Kryssi, I hope things are looking up for you. How are you doing? I was just thinking of you and was wondering. ((((HUGS)))) |
Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 213
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, August 05, 2005 - 12:15 am: |
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I am doing alright. I haven't had a major outbreak for a while now (Well up until last night it'd been about a week) but I was suprised that I lasted that long. Life hasn't slowed down, I guess I can just handle it better.. at least for the moment..
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1004
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, August 05, 2005 - 06:01 am: |
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I am so happy to hear you in better spirits, Kyrssi!!! 
"Queen of Innocence"
Be willing to pass up good, for great!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 223
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 09, 2005 - 02:32 am: |
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Thanx Fanny, My mood for the most part has been pretty good. (Although Tyr might say otherwise) I have been exhausted for the last few days only because I am taking Friday-Sun off, and I have been working hellatious shifts. Other then that I have been doing really good.
Thank you guys for caring so much..
Kryssi
May the Spirit of the Elves guide you.
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Kimbers
New member
Username: Kimbers
Post Number: 41
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 11, 2005 - 07:15 am: |
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Kryssi-
I know I haven't been on the board long but I am glad you are doing better. I have been there many times myself. Probably many on this board do really identify with what you were describing. As a fellow mother, I know I certainly can!
Hugs,
Kimbers
"When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before"
- Mae West
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