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Lilhotmama
New member
Username: Lilhotmama
Post Number: 3
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 12:48 pm: | 
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Ok so here is what I'm having a little trouble with... my hubby spanks me as part of foreplay, never as punishment. Recently he's informed me that he wants to switch sometimes, that it turns him on too to be spanked. We tried it last week and I had a little trouble with it- in order for me to spank him I had to go to a place in my mind where I was punishing him for something and a dominant side of me began to come out. He didnt seem that suprised but I was shocked. At this point in our lives, a DD lifestyle isnt really what we are looking for, especially with me being pregnant right now. I avoided a repeat of the situation until last night. He asked me to spank him but once in position, I just couldnt follow through with it, not wanting to resort to going to that place in my mind. We both went to sleep frustrated, but had some great love-making this morning. We have great communication and I love him so much, he is so patient with me, and its really important to me that we learn how to broaden our horizons together. So I guess here is my question... why is it so hard for me to just spank for fun(when its so easy for him)? and how do I get over this, without us introducing a DD lifestyle into our marriage at this point? ...any advice would be appreciated.
(Message edited by lilhotmama on March 08, 2007) |
Badgirl
Junior Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 94
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 02:55 pm: |
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You know 'Lil, I can't really offer any advice, but I can offer some empathy. If I were in your shoes, I would feel exactly the same way. Just the idea of having to spank my guy weirds me out. For what it is worth though, I am absolutely certain you two will figure it out. Just keep talking and being honest with each other. Oh, look! I guess I could offer some advice after all.  |
Lexymalfoy
New member
Username: Lexymalfoy
Post Number: 24
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 03:03 pm: |
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What I would recommend you to do is to sit down and talk about it. Because it's very hard, and this is coming from someone who'd the sub in a D/s relationship, to switch just like that. I just couldn't see myself throwing Him over my lap and spanking Him.
Nope! But...talk to him about it and then give it a once shot. You just never know what you might like until you give it a shot!
Hope this helps. 
Sticks and stones may breaks my bones but whips and chains excite me...
...so throw me down, tie me up, and show me that you like me!
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Lilhotmama
New member
Username: Lilhotmama
Post Number: 6
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 03:23 pm: |
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I have narrowed it down to maybe 2 reasons why Im having trouble. First, our age difference, because he is 13yrs older than me, it is so easy to just be the sub. Second, he has a very gentle spirit, and although he has suprised me with his ability to know exactly when I need a spanking to release stress or just to turn me on, and is very good at it, it is hard for me to get past taking this gentle older man over my lap! We have talked about it a few times since last week, and have tried a dif position instead of OTK (with him just laying face down on the bed), and he keeps saying that once I get into it that it will probably be fine, and Im sure hes right. It was hard for him to let me off the hook last night because he was afraid that if I didnt conquer my aprehensions in the moment then it would be harder to later, and Im sure he was right about that too, but I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I will try again, maybe not right away, but will keep talking about it with him. Thanks for listening...
(Message edited by lilhotmama on March 08, 2007) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1301
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 03:37 pm: |
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Since I haven't been in your shoes I can't really speak from first-hand experience, but I have listened to enough kinky relationship problems that I might have some insight.
Have you considered engaging in a little role-play? You could "play" the disciplinarian without actually becoming one. You would just be acting the part and that way, once the spanking was over, you could go back to your regular roles without it becoming a true change in your relationship.
In fact, if you need him to reassert himself with you, you should encourage him to turn the tables and spank you in return.
Unless he wants your relationship to become a DD one, you might be able to make this work for the both of you. Since you were able to get into the right mindset once, maybe you can do that for the occasional role-playing scenario.
Did it bother you that you were able to get into that mindset? Or is it that it's not the role you want to take with your hubby?
You really should discuss this with your husband openly and try to figure out a solution that will work for both of you.
Good luck! |
Zin
New member
Username: Zin
Post Number: 3
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 03:41 am: |
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I'm new to this sort of thing, but I have been (sort of) in the same situation. I too was wierded out by the thought of spanking my fiance, but found that after a while, I liked having that power over him. It certainly gets some frustration out. (let's see if you leave the damn toilet seat up anymore!) I still prefer to be the sub, but don't mind switching roles if he wants me to.
The best thing you can do, and what worked for me, was to be open minded and to talk things out. Nothing is set in stone. |
Rusty
Junior Spanko
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 56
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Friday, March 09, 2007 - 08:09 am: |
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I think it is purely a mind set.
Your hubby likes it as a turn on so why not treat it as if he liked, for example, his elbow to be licked. You would probably do that no worries so just apply the same principal. Just think as spanking him a little light hearted. |
Aka
New member
Username: Aka
Post Number: 18
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 03:03 pm: |
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My advice is to tread lightly here, you don't want to complicate good clean fun, it will ruin what you already have. I would not proceed until you find balance with all this. You might try a mind trick called a vacation day. One day on the calendar that he is not the boss. On that day the rules change, but at midnight, you turn back into a sub again. If both parties agree to abide by these rules, it will give the cross over with out ruining the current good thing you got. If things go bad, oh well, in the morning life is back to normal. Never been in those shoes, had a female friend who offered, but I told her I am strictly a top and so was she, she even offered we take turns, but I am just not turned on by dominate females. Good luck. |
Monkeymomsc1
New member
Username: Monkeymomsc1
Post Number: 12
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, June 17, 2007 - 10:34 am: |
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i know just how you feel. i could never give mr. more than a love swat. he is usually so laid back and calm that i love his more ruthless side. it inspires more respect from me to him. i just dont think i could ever do it to him. i have to 'steer the ship' so much of the time at home, work, with family. i adore his taking controll of me. oh no. no. no. i just couldnt do it to him. |
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