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Aka
New member
Username: Aka
Post Number: 19
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 07:51 pm: | 
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I got a good question. When I was younger (20s) my friends knew and comfortably talked about DD and this was the bunch I went to church with, but now in my dreaded 30's, every one is all like prim and proper and uncomfortable about it. Many of these enjoyed it, but now live in denial. It is like a part of their lives they want to forget. I live in the all to hypocritical south, where prudishness is expected. My last DD relationship (My wife) lasted 9 years before her family drove wedges and destroyed it and it is a lot different in the singles game now! It seems so prudish. So I want to know is it like that for you all too? Or can you talk openly with your friends about it? Before I would simply mention some little hint of spanking in front of a girl I was interested in and she would perk up and her eyes would brighten and I new the light was green. Looks like things will be a little more complicated this go around. |
Tplayer
Spanko
Username: Tplayer
Post Number: 206
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 08:26 pm: |
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It could be that in your twenties, people were being more experimental, and they are more situated now, and might not have spanking as a real kink. I don't know how early on in a relationship, you let your fetish out of the bag, but if someone is not into it, it may not be because they are prudish, but because it is not their thing. I do not discuss my spanking kink wiht my friends, but my friends know I am somewhat kinky, so I don't think it would surprise them. I am also from the south. I've lived here my entire life, and I'm not sure I view it as prudish although I do view some people as such. Just keep looking!!
It's all a matter of perspective
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Aka
New member
Username: Aka
Post Number: 22
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 09:06 pm: |
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Yeah, guess I just have to get used to a new crowd. I dated older girls in my teens, younger grils afterward and I married a girl younger, so every GF I have ever had has been in the young experiemental catagory you mentioned. Oldest GF I ever had was 24. (Other than my wife who was 27 when we split) That group is still interested, I have had offers, but the best one so far is like 22, but I am getting too old for that group now. I saw a woman I know today and her husband was with her, she looked good for 50, he looked like Moses on a bad day! =) I thought at one point he passed away chewing his McGriddle sandwhich! I don't want that big of an age break.
As far as how early in the relationship I throw the hints out, right away, but subtle. Never had a GF not up for it yet, but as far as girls I never went after, well the hint went right over their heads. The ones into it keep the topic going or grin. The ladies my age none of them seem to catch the hint at all, most the young ones do. Oh well, I have found good bottoms before and know a good one is worth waiting for. Just gotten a little rusty at the chase part of the game. |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 157
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 11:42 pm: |
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Well, aka, forgive me for sounding like a girl, but...
Maybe you should put the kinks aside and get to know some girls. After all there's more to us than the desire to be bottoms.
Most girls I know would be prepared to try most stuff with a guy with whom they are already comfortable. So try getting to a third or fifth date before raising the issue -- or the brush... |
Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 45
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 01:09 am: |
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I was a lot more loud about it before I had children. My close friends know. Some accept it - some think I am weird. To each his own. Our closest friends know... some of our family knows... it is just a comfort thing. If I think it will offend someone then no - they have no clue 
I wouldnt bring it up on the first date -- but like someone said once you start to get to know someone you can feel it out... |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1320
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 01:26 am: |
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I was about to suggest the same thing, Badgirl!
Aka, you have to understand, when a woman is in the early stages, if a man tries to become intimate too early, we shut down. Talking about something as sexually charged as spanking may just be too intimate to be discussed that early in the dating stages. I know when I was dating that if a guy started talking about sex or spanking too early in the relationship, then I felt like he was only in it for one thing. I also felt like he must be either awfully full of himself or think I was awfully easy to think that was an appropriate topic so early in the dating game. I'd write him off as a jerk and he'd get a serious cold shoulder after that.
You need to get to know the lady first. Think of it like this, if you think discussing sex is appropriate, then that is the time to begin dropping the spanking hints.
I think as people mature, they begin taking life and their relationships a little more seriously and that may be what you're picking up on. I've lived most of my life in the Bible Belt and I have plenty of kinky friends.
Sometimes it's just harder to find them as you get older because they tend to be more cautious. It's one thing to be kinky when you're in your 20's and you've got nothing to loose. It's harder when you're older and have a career and a reputation that you have to protect.
Don't give up though! Try to find a spanking group in your area if you can.
Good luck! |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1704
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 05:32 am: |
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I agree with all that is said here. We females do tend to shut down when a new relationship starts out. We get cautious.
I feel that with the issues of domestic abuse being more openly talked about, it's harder for us spankos to be able to discuss our lifestyle freely. It has to be done very carefully. We have several spanko friends and a couple that are not spankos but know and don't judge. It was several months before they knew. Had to make sure they would understand first.
Take your time. Like you said, there is one out there for you.
Patience is a virtue. OMG...did I say that outloud???
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Aka
New member
Username: Aka
Post Number: 28
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Monday, March 12, 2007 - 11:31 am: |
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I gave the wrong idea to you all. I Never sought a girl just because of spanking, I do VERY indirectly touch on the topic so as to see if there is interest on her part. I try hard to only date those I think I would want to stick with, I really hate breaking up with girls, don't like to hurt their feeling. My friends say I am way too tenderhearted, that is just me. I have been giving spankings my whole life, but because I am a committed person, I have had only 3 real GFs in my adult life, all long term (I have spanked female friends for mutual fun, bets, and games). Hard to believe I can be so experience spanking and so inexperienced picking up girls! But that is the fact.
I will give you an example of what I am talking about: On the first date with my wife in our original small talk of basic questions, I told her I bet she was like the good little girl who never got into trouble while growing up. (I always go for church girls and they always turn out to be spankos, why I do not know, sadly most church girls marry pretty young) She defended herself by telling me a few things (Can't say what, Bethie's rules!) But I guess I can say, she had got blistered a few times and was proud of it. I let her do the talking and just threw a few words in about guess that is what takes to keep her a good girl. Soon she was flat giddy telling me about her punishments with wide eyes and she not I was keeping that conversation going.
On our 3rd date she confess she had attitude and did not want to scare me off with it, now that she grew up and had no one to discipline her. About date 5 (church) ATTITUDE happened. In the pew I said "What's your problem!?", she said you don't like it? "So spank me". After church I took a back road home, went 1/2 mile, pulled over and tanned her with out saying a word. That was her first one from a BF. Guess that got me spoiled, too easy.
Did not want you all to think I was over simplifying women. I know ya'll are not simple! =) Thanks for all the advice, I can use it, a lot has changed in 9 years. It just seems like females are a little more readable in the lower 20s than in the low 30s. Hope you all don't find that insulting. My apologies if so. Also, I am just plain rusty. |
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