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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 5
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 04:46 am: | 
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is it cheating if someone other than your hubby spanks you because he won't? Im trying to get my head around this issue. would love your comments |
Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1125
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 07:48 am: |
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I would consider it cheating if I let another man spank me.
For me, spanking is such an intimate thing - can't have anyone else do that to me except my husband.
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 227
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 10:54 am: |
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I think that depends upon a number of factors. One of the more important ones being is it erotic for you? If it is erotic, then how is it different than any other form foreplay? And foreplay with another man would be cheating, wouldn't it?
I think the other important question is would it hurt your husband if he knew? If the answer to that is yes, then, yes I think it is cheating.
Hope that helps. But it's just my opinion. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1885
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 11:07 am: |
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For my husband and me...it would be cheating. We consider spanking VERY intimate like Pink.
Also...as it turns us both on....it would be cheating to let another person do that to me.
Just my two cents worth.... |
D94579
New member
Username: D94579
Post Number: 5
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 02:21 pm: |
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yep I agree it would be difficult to explain it any other way.. |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 7
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 02:47 pm: |
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Well i think thats what I feel too.....thanks for the input........ |
Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 16
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 06:32 pm: |
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Ok, my 10 cents worth - you seem to have 2 threads going that are about the same thing - a problem and a possible solution - one about your not being able to play out your fantasies and the other about whether or not you should play it out with someone else but you worry about being a cheat.Thus far you havnt indicated whether you have tried to entice/seduce/educate/encourage/inform your hubby
as to your prediliction.The lack of sexual activity/intimacy - soul searching question that only you can answer - what is the reason for the lack of sexual activity - is it because he doesnt spank you, are you not "turned on" by him if he doesnt give you what you want or is the shortage of love making just another symptom of a long term relationship that has become "comfortable" without the comforts.I merely question why the sex has gone out the relationship- has it in fact got any bearing on not having had or experienced a spanking relationship - not an answer you need to post here.
Just a few points for you to ponder. |
Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 17
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 06:43 pm: |
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OOps! meant to post previous message on the discussion page - was not intended as a reply to the cheating discussion |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3166
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 02:11 am: |
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BabyCakes, this is a very personal question and what I mean by that is even with everyone's input, all that really matters is what you think.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 8
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 03:54 am: |
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i run this around in my head all day long. it feels like out of control obsession to be wanted again. every effort fails. every look, touch, smile, invitation to play, invitation to watch is rejected.not trying to simplify it but it seems just that simple. im told to stop listening to advise of people on the outside. he says it just fills my head wuth nonsence. so im not giving up just deeply sad and craving him all over again. i swore i would not turn into whimpy whiney wife....maybe too late...... |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 593
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 07:09 am: |
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Has it always been this way Babycakes or this something new in your relationship? |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 238
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 09:40 am: |
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Aw, baby, that's just not right. And I don't mean the no sex, or no spanking part, because that's between the two of you. Rather, how you're feeling.
Seems to me that should be important. Seems to me he should care.
Has it always been like this with him or is it something new? If this is who he has always been, I don't know if things will change. But if it is new, there is hope. Have you thought about couples' counselling? You wouldn't need to get into details about wanting to be spanked, just to talk about the lack of intimacy.
Good luck. And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you know we are here.
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 05:07 pm: |
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thanks |
Tplayer
Spanko
Username: Tplayer
Post Number: 215
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 07:45 pm: |
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Baby_cakes--I have been in your shoes, and even though many did not agree with me, my opinion is it is not cheating. You can arrange it so nothing else happens. I understand what a huge part of you this is.
It's all a matter of perspective
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 12
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 10:45 pm: |
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wow that is different than what others are saying. I am u also understand....thanks |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3168
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 11:58 pm: |
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That is what I was gently trying to say, Baby Cakes. There are plenty of people who engage in party spankings, disciplinary spankings and stress relief spankings with people other than their spouses. I am not going to tell you what is "right" or "wrong" simply that there are as many ways to handle this situation as there are spankos. No one can make that decision but you.
Not every spanking is erotic and many spankos who get aroused actually do take that arousal home to their spouses.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 253
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 11:12 am: |
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Before I mention stepping outside the relationship for satisfaction, I am trying to wrap my own head around staying in a situation that causes such unhappiness! My personal thought patterns are if I was that unhappy in a relationship it would be time to stay or fold and throw down my cards.
What do you envision happening in your marriage to make it better again? Define that, and present it to your husband. Tell him what you feel would make your relationship a happy one, tell him just how much fun he is NOT to live with, and see what happens. Perhaps he is suffering from E.D. and is embarrased beyond belief to admit it? Where is HE coming from in this relationship?
Moving on without someone who drags me down is preferable to watching myself get dragged into their mucky hell with them. That's just me... and my opinion.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Me, I wouldn't step outside the relationship to satisfy my sensual cravings. I would step outside the entire relationship and satisfy my fundamental needs. I'm not saying that would work for you, although it worked for me.
On the other hand, to support the idea of stepping outside of a relationship for sensual satisfaction, you might try asking him if he'd like to watch you getting spanked - some guys get completely hot at that thought.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1127
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 11:24 am: |
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Well said Weasel 
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 594
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 12:32 pm: |
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Yeah Weasel I agree with what you say.Course it isn,t easy to think about pullimg up stakes when you,ve been in a long term relationship BUT do you want the relationship at the cost of your happiness??That,s the thing!!It isn,t only your problem but his too and even if he hides it from himself he has a problem.My advice is for both of you to go to an expert and get some advice. |
I_whisper
New member
Username: I_whisper
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 03:40 pm: |
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I suppose he might consider it a form of cheating,someone else taking his wife to her fantasy world...I have gone outside our relationship with his consent just to explore a fantasy I had about being with a total stranger and I loved the experience, returning home with very red cheeks.Perhaps he would consider a request as mine did to enhance your sex life!
I WHISPER
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Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 19
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 06:00 pm: |
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Must say I'm with T-player and Fanny on this one - but only by virtue of the fact that in this case (Babycakes) there is a breakdown of intimacy - in which event, must one, by necessity, maintain a lifestyle that deprives one of their "basic" needs for the sake of sustaining a relationship? If the relationship is still strong (but certain elements are missing) I see nothing wrong in one of the partners persueing their interests elsewhere - often times it can (not always) lead to the "affection/arousal" being transported back home - (I am not talking about sexual gratification - merely spanking or any other type of fetish play)- not sure if Whispers' suggestion would work in this case (but it might)
At the end of the day you only got so long to live - make every day count - most importantly make it count for YOU!
But, do it because you want to and genuinely need it - not for attention |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 16
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 09:06 am: |
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Every single comment gives me tons to think about..and it all comes down to what i can live with. i dearly love this man even though im starving. i cant be much help if im starving can I |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 251
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 08:20 pm: |
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But baby, if it's the intimacy you're craving, will a stranger really make it better? And if you are hurt because the man you love seems to be withdrawing, will someone else's kiss make it better?
I don't have the answers for you, just questions that I have asked myself. |
Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 18
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 11:50 pm: |
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so badgirl you comment feels judgmental and harsh and seems to fit someone so very young. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1396
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 12:50 am: |
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Baby_cakes, your comment to Badgirl is rather judgemental and harsh itself. Others have offered similar advice and you haven't lashed out at them. Let me caution you now, if you open a discussion like this, you aren't always going to get the advice you want and you're going to have to accept that.
This is a discussions forum and you'll often get many different opinions and you may not agree with all of them, but please don't put down another member for making relevant comments. If you don't agree with what they have said to you, you can say so, but do it with some tact. Respect is something we all deserve and something I insist on here.
You were criticizing her, not replying to her comment and that's the problem.
Now, back to the discussion and please direct further comments about this to me via PM.
(Message edited by bethie on April 18, 2007) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1398
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 01:51 am: |
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Baby_cakes
New member
Username: Baby_cakes
Post Number: 22
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 02:33 am: |
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-----Post edited by Admin-----
Take it to PM, Baby! - Admin |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3173
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 03:00 am: |
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Please re-read what Bethie posted about using this thread to make personal comments to/about one another.
It appears to me that enough points of view have been offered and now things are just getting too personal. Time to move on to other topics.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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