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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 198
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 10, 2007 - 10:57 pm: | 
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Hey gang,
I'm looking for a little encouragement, or advice. Or both. Or maybe just a rant. <shrug>
It happens regularly, where I volunteer or sign up to take care of one too many things. And I do fine for a while until I fall behind on one too many things, and then I just lose it. Ok, not psychotic-like, but I start crying, for no good reason, I lose my focus, and I just stop being functional.
Like right now, I am so far behind on so many projects, I just can't deal with it. I have things to write, things to organize, people to deal with ... for G-d's sake, I have yet to file my taxes from last year! (Thankfully the gov't owes me and not vice versa)
And the worst of it is that I LIKE being busy. I'm not happy unless I am near my limits, I just seem to exceed them too often.
And it's not all my fault. The job I am in, and working towards requires excellence and exceeding all expectations. sigh. It's part of why I love it.
When I can meet expectations it delights me. But when I feel like I'm failing I just don't cope.
Anyone out there sympathize?
<sigh> |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1391
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 01:10 am: |
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Take if from an ex-workaholic and people pleaser; life's too short. I woke up one day and realized I was missing a couple of years. I don't know where they went either. I remember thinking, "What the hell? Just the other day I was walking in the door of this place and now it's three years later..." That's when I knew it was time to slow down because I knew I didn't want to wake up in ten years and wonder where those years went as well.
Badgirl, maybe you should consider not taking on so much. I know it's hard because I used to have the same problem. I worked like a fiend and volunteered for every project that came my way. Eventually I had to force myself to pull back. Even now, I have to decide which projects I want to take on and which I will have to turn down. That's the really hard part actually, but it gets better. 
The way I keep from doing too much now is to remind myself that taking on too many projects might mean that I may not be able to give all those projects the level of excellence they deserve. I might be able to, but at what cost to myself? It's just not worth it to me.
For now, all I can suggest is to take a deep breath, give yourself a pep talk, and come up with some kind of strategy for completing your projects.
Good luck! |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1766
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 09:37 am: |
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ok...this is what I do....
make a list of everything that you need to get done
put the things that will take the least amount of time at the top and then progress them down in order of how long to get it done and when needs to be done before the other one
then start at the top of the list and just do one thing at a time...going down the list
before you know it...it's all done!!!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3154
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 10:11 am: |
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I am like Bethie, but she is many steps ahead of me. I love to do it all and actually seem to believe I can. In the past, I gave up sleeping, meals and anytime for myself in order to get it all done and then some. I didn't fall behind, I just never had time to enjoy anything because every day was 20 hours long and I used every moment of it to work on something.
Two things then happened. 1) I fell into depression after realizing that my life was just one list of things to do after another 2) I became very ill and realized that I would probably never get to the list of things I really wanted to do.
I am still not great with turning things down. I am a mother of six kids, I work and keep up the household mostly on my own as my husband travels at least one week a month.
Now I prioritize, I label things as A, B or C. The A list are things that I absolutely have to get done that day and I keep it realistic. The next day the B list moves up to A etc. I also make time for myself to unwind at the end of the day, even if that just means spending a half hour reading in the bath in the evening. After my bath, I make an extreme effort not to start something new.
I am continuing on with the projects I enjoy and the ones that have to be done. The other tasks I have pulled out on and I have not taken on any more new projects for the last year.
Now when I finish something, I take a moment to enjoy my accomplishment and I feel good about it.
Truthfully, it is not easy as I appear to be wired to want to do it all, but I am beginning to realize that the concept is an impossibility and as you stated I began to feel as if I was failing. Life is always a work in progress, there is always going to be a million things to do, but for my own physical and mental health, I am learning to be more picky when I chose what I am going to take on.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 209
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 10:41 am: |
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Thanks guys.
It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.
Fanny, I know what you mean about giving up sleeping. I tell myself I don't need it, that I am used to going without. But I get sick a lot. And even I know they have to be related. 
Bethie, you sound like a mentor of mine. Conceptually I know not to sign up for so much, but the problem is... I can't! A lot of these things get assigned to me, and there really is nothing I can do about it. (I can't say no, just trust me on this, it's more complicated than I can get into online) The only extra things I do are things I REALLY want to do -- or think so.
Sometimes I just think I am not organized enough and if I could just get more organized.... But I think that might be my self-esteem talking louder than my logic.
Shylah, what happens when your to do list has become a book, and now spans, no kidding 4 pages! And I have yet to add things like going to the grocery store or showering. Yesterday a friend told me that I should randomly put in things like breathe, and pee, so that when I get to them I would have the satisfaction of crossing them off. Not to mention actually doing them.
I guess the key for right now is to just keep my nose to the grindstone. Maybe when I next come up for air it will all be done?
A girl can dream, can't she? |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1858
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 10:45 am: |
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Just remember Badgirl...one thing at a time
one day at a time. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1769
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 12:19 pm: |
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badgirl...my list right now is over 4 pages long. You just need to decide which ones are more important.
And don't forget to put in time for yourself! THAT IS IMPORTANT!
Besides all the daily routine things that need to be done...there are several things that need to be done. Lord knows there aren't enough hours in the day!
BUT!!!...
when it gets to the point that I'm stressing myself out...I have to step back and take a long look at the situation.
A few days ago, I was really having a bad time mentally. Just seemed like everything was going wrong. I am lucky to have Bethie, Fanny and Tammy to cry on their shoulders. Seems like all you have to do sometimes is put things down...write them out and then it doesn't seem so bad.
Kinda like a reality check
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3157
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 12:56 pm: |
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I am going to add to my original post as I can really see our similarities.
I understand your not being able to say no to many things. With my kids and job requirements, I cannot just say "see ya".
I can't tell you what will work with you, only what has worked with me. As you probably know from reading previous posts of mine, I was diagnosed with a very difficult form of cancer. Things took on an entirely different form from working with the flu, bronchitis etc. This is where DD really came into play within our household. If I skip too many meals or am caught still awake at 3:00 a.m., or generally try to over-do, I will find myself OTK. It aggrevates me, but it works for me. I can't answer for you on this matter.
I suggest you start first with the projects (taxes) that you are way behind on. When you get these out of the way, you will feel extremely better. Give yourself a time limit of getting them done and force yourself to meet that time limit. After that, break up projects into bite size pieces and do a bit of them each day so you don't get behind.
The really obvious thing is to get your work spaces organized. I have wasted hours a day just looking for the material I need to get something done. Get rid of everything that is a duplicate or not used. Organize and keep everything else in easy to find places where they stay when not in use. I have spent so much time looking for a hammer and nail to put up a frame, when it should have taken me only five minutes. Or looking for the proper size envelope to post a letter that I spent time looking for the paper to write on and a pen that worked.
This may all sound so simplified and dare I say childish, but I had to admit I needed help and took every opportunity to find it. You will initially find yourself busier than ever, but once you get caught up and organized you should find your days a lot less stressful.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 584
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 - 03:46 pm: |
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Badgirl one of the hardest things to learn is how to say no.For your mental and physical health it,s probably the most important thing to learn.Do as Shylah says and write it down but as she says write down how long it has to take to do it.As Bethie Fanny and Shylah say write down the time that,s just for you.Smell the roses baby before you know it you,re at the end of the line and didn,nt spend nearly enough time on you. |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 213
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 12, 2007 - 01:24 am: |
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Thanks all, for your advice and encouragement. I am going to sleep (for 4.5 hours), and will respond more fully tomorrow. |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 219
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 02:15 am: |
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As promised, a slightly longer reply. It's 2am and I was up at 6 am this morning. I am exhausted, mildly bitchy and I have a migraine. BUT, I am delighted to report that I was able to cross 5 things off my to do list, and make a dent in a huge project I have been fighting with for months. My reward is coming online and posting this!
Sadly, I added 9 things to the list today. But two of them fall under the "for me" category (hair apt, etc). So I think that's improvement. Maybe.
It's funny, one of my mentors, the one Bethie reminds me of, offered to help me with something today. And I couldn't say yes! What is wrong with me? I just felt like it was my responsibility, and she shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. She paid her dues already, you know? The worst part is she offered because she knew I would never ask. Oh boy.
Shylah, you're right about the list it does help. I tend to update mine daily, but I only seem to cross enough off to warrant starting over, about once a month. I feel like a snail.
Fanny, I don't know if the DD would help me. It might just take up more time! :D Jokes aside, I would be willing to try it, but I don't think the bf is ready for that. <shrug> I guess I will have to find another way. The organization is good advice. I organize in spurts, say every 3 months or so, and then fall off the wagon. And I never thought of it before, but I tend to fall behind in stuff around the same times. Any advice on how to STAY organized? 
BV, whether it's my age, or my upbringing or my personality, I don't know. But I can only say no when I think something is wrong. for example, I will defend myself or others, without flinching. But like I said before, I really can't say no in my job. The cost would be too great. I think I will have to smell the roses later, but I do try to take some time for myself each day. Even if it's 5 minutes alone in the bathroom just breathing. At least I am trying to plant seeds now, so that I have the roses to smell later?
Again everyone, thanks for caring enough to respond. Some days, I just don't know who to turn to. It's reassuring to know you guys are here. After all, it would be rude to call my friends at 2am, right?
Well, it's bedtime for me. 4.5 hours before I have to wake up, and tomorrow I have a meeting with one of my bosses/supervisors. How do I already know that this isn't going to be pleasant? |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1772
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 07:33 am: |
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You've made a good start.
Now then...as for refusing the help...don't feel like you have to be Superwoman and do it all yourself! I was like that. Felt like if I didn't do it all myself it wouldn't be done right. And I was so used to having to fend for myself it was hard to start saying yes. But I did start giving in and letting people help me. Things got easier and things got done! You need to let people help you. If they have experience that will benefit you and offer it then by all means give yourself the chance to gain from that. It's not like someday they are going to need you and would you turn them down? No you wouldn't. So swallow that pride and let them help. We are only human and we need to learn to let others in that little protective shield we have built up around ourselves.
I had a job once that was very demanding. I also felt that I didn't have the option of saying "no" and was so overwhelmed I wound up making bad decisions and bad mistakes and eventually lost the job over it. If I had any sense then, I would have talked to my boss and told him that I know he depended on me and I wanted him to think of me as a valuable employee but he needed to let me get some of the things done before he put more on me. I wanted to be a "team player" but the cost was my job. I thought that if I didn't take on everything he put on me he wouldn't see my worth. I was wrong. As much as the money was needed I should have backed off on saying yes so much.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 589
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 11:06 am: |
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Then too people further up the ladder call it delegating. |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 222
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 12:03 pm: |
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So right you are BV. For the moment I am the delegee.
But one day, I will rise above it all.
And by then, hopefully, I will have learnt how to tell, I mean ask, other people to do things! |
Blushingbride
Junior Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 81
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 04:16 pm: |
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You did make a great start.
What I have found that helps me stay organized is to spend a few minutes tidying up the workspace before starting. That way I am not waisting time later searching for things. At home I do that while the coffee is brewing and if it's not perfectly done oh well, it's better than it was before. Over time it keeps improving. At work,I have a shared workspace so that when I come in it's in whatever state the leaving person left it in. So the first thing I do is take a bit of time to set it up the way I like it so that I have everything I need at hand.
I know that in the beginning it seems impossible to find those few minutes in the business of the day, but I have found that for me it saves hours of wasted time later.
That and lists. Lots of lists. And specific lists. Not clean the house but each small task and who is to do it and when it should be done. Some call it micro-managing but it's what whork for hubby and I so that I am not left with everything.
Good luck! |
Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 250
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 16, 2007 - 10:41 am: |
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I do sympathize with you badgirl, I've done that, where you just take on more than really "works" for you. The feeling of not being able to give every project the full attention it deserves isn't nice.
What worked for me was learning when to say "no" to "just" one more project. Recognizing that the plate's full was what really helped me. I became able to complete projects without getting overwhelmed, and I feel like the projects I did devote my time to turned out much better.
It was hard learning to say no to people who wanted my help and even harder to not stick my nose in and say "let me do that". I would suggest someone else who might be able to help them (if I knew of someone), or offer advice to get them going. That part feels good too though, sharing the information so they can succeed.
Meybe some of what worked for me can help you.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 256
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 08:40 pm: |
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Thanks again all. Blushing, weasel you make excellent points.
I thought I was doing so well! I was catching up on stuff -- espescially some of the things that have been on my list a long time. I was working 18-19 hour days, but I was getting 5-6 hours sleep a night.
Now I am feeling icky again. I have a migraine (x3 days), my asthma is acting up (I know it's stress related, but it's acting up anyways!) and my back is killing me from sitting for too long.
But I was so proud of the getting stuff done part.
Now if I could just learn that two-letter word. Instead of "of course I can, what else can I do to make your day easier?"
Argh. I just really want to help. It's hard to say no, and even harder to let others help me. After all they have their own problems. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 598
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 08:35 am: |
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Kind of a pardox isn,t it?You want to help everybody but find it hard to accept help.When I offer to help somebody with something if they refuse it makes me feel either they don,t think I can or they don,t need it.Either way I won,t usually offer that person my help again. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1909
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 08:49 am: |
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Maybe take a few days off from the computer stuff and you could get some more things done on your list Badgirl??
Just a thought... |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 258
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 09:46 am: |
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LOL Tammy.... I was wondering when someone would call me on that! (Mostly I was hoping it would be my bf with a well-deserved spanking!) I spend less than an hour on here/day, and it's usually a reward for having accomplished something. It's why I don't always respond to everything right away.
Besides, right now, this is my social life, until I catch up. And it's open at all hours!
BV, on behalf of over-achievers everywhere, please keep offering! You're right that sometime i just think I will do a better job. But most of the time I don;t want to impose. If you offer often enough, I will eventually accept. And it will be appreciated.
Alright, back to work. My 10 minutes are up. |
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