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Midnytedreams
Junior Spanko
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 66
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 10:42 am: | 
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I know we are all human and make mistakes, but do you think sometimes the spankee, makes them on purpose to show they want disipline or to test the spanker. |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 39
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 11:11 am: |
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I know I test the boundries and act the brat when I want spanked. I get embarassed asking for a spanking when I want one, so I smartoff or something to get a spanking.
I also do it when I want some attention. I want to feel close to him, feel loved, and of course, I want to feel his hand smack across my bottom, for stress relief.
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 67
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 11:29 am: |
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Yes...
But I have a question to add to this....
If you sass or brat to get what you want, does it have and effect on how it is delivered?
I know for me - I hate to have to ask for a spanking, but if I would just ask and not brat, the spanking would be given and his mood would not sour before and during it. By sassing or bratting it places him in a foul mood. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1608
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 06:39 pm: |
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Midnyte, did you mean to ask if anyone here does that or are you talking about your own relationship? I've always worried about people who seriously break rules and brat to get spanked because they're resorting to negative behavior to get what they want. That can be hard on a relationship.
Spanking_deserved, I don't know that much about your relationship but from your comment, I take it that your partner understands your needs and accepts your behavior as a way of asking for a spanking. In that case, you've worked out a way to communicate that doesn't involve asking directly.
Bratattitude, I think what you said is very important to keep in mind when discussing this topic.
I'm going to be speaking in general terms here, this isn't directed at anyone. I'm just asking out loud from my point of view.
If what someone does to get a spanking puts their partner in a foul mood, isn't that a bit unfair? The spankee get what they want but at what cost?
Think of it this way. If your partner wanted you to do something for him, would you rather he ask you for it in a positive way or would you rather he manipulate you into doing it? For example, if he smarted off about the dirty dishes until you went in and did them, how would that make you feel?
When breaking rules or bratting is taken seriously and it sets a negative tone for the spanking, is the spanking still satisfying?
I wonder if your partner won't start to feel resentful after a bit. You get what you want and he knows that. He might even begin to wonder what the point is. After all, if spanking is supposed to be a detterent, how much of a detterent is it really if you go out of your way to get it?
It can become an ugly cycle. He gets tired of spanking when it doesn't seem to matter and you keep ramping up the behavior to get a spanking out of it. Somebody's going to get tired of it.
I know it's not easy to ask for a spanking when you need one, but you may just have to bite the bullet and do something about that. If you can't come right out and say it, then come up with a predetermined sign or phrase that you both understand. Hang a red towel on a doorknob where he won't miss it, tell him you need a "special date night," get a shirt that says "Spank Me" or "I've been naughty" (transfers you can make yourself with your printer are easy btw), put a note on the mirror so he'll see it in the morning, anything will work as long as it's obvious and gets your point across without leaving any doubt as to what you want.
So it's not spontaneous. Is it worth it to make him mad so you get a little spontaneity in your life? Besides, if you make sure you reward him well for his attention and for giving you what you need and make it clear that you appreciate what he's doing for you, you might get more out of it in the long run than you can imagine right now.
Yes, I understand you're frustrated and you want him to be more commanding in this area, but sometimes it just doesn't happen out of the blue. Or even when you've talked yourself blue. You have to work with who've you got, not who you wish he would be.
Life is short, why spend it manipulating your partner when you can figure out a better system?  |
Spanking_deserved
New member
Username: Spanking_deserved
Post Number: 43
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 07:05 pm: |
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Bethie, I completely agree.
My spanko and I have a set way of letting each other know, with out coming out and saying it. When we go to bed at night, we normally talk, or cuddle, or whatever. If I lay on my stomache and smart off to him or brat him just a bit, he knows I want a spanking, and he doesn't get mad about it.
If I have done something to deserve a real spanking, he lets me know, I get lectured and spanked, and that is the end.
We have a child, so my spankings are always at night at bed time. So, this preset way of non verbal communication works for us.
I think it is important that a communication is preset, so that the spanko, doesn't get used, mad, or tired. It took a while to get this started with my fiancee. But, we are very good at reading each others, non verbal communications.
I apologize for not making that clear earlier.
"Teach me a lesson, please..."
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1612
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2007 - 07:12 pm: |
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I wasn't sure, but I thought that was the way it was for you two, Spanking_deserved. I'm glad you've worked it out so well!  |
Midnytedreams
Junior Spanko
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 67
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, June 24, 2007 - 12:28 am: |
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I agree totally Bethie, but with some women it seems they cant come right out and say they need a spanking so they resort to small bits of sass, not enough to put you in a foul mood, just enough that you know what they desire,its almost like a playful game Me and the wife play that lets me know she is desiring a spanking. We dont use maintenance spankings , and she is so well behaved that without her sass there would be no reason to spank her, except for our enjoyment, and spanking_ deserved has the same kind of relationship with hers I see was just wondering if others were. |
Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 68
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 24, 2007 - 01:24 am: |
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Bethie,
You totally nailed it on the head. Bratting for me only made things way worse becasue he came to resent it. He felt like he was alwasy having to discipline me and that was the last thing he wanted.
I still have a hard time asking fro one... so he has a tendency now to just when he knows I am stressed to say "Do we need to have a talk?" He has this certain tone and a cerain look and I know he knows I need it and that he is able to give one without punishing me. AND we both are in good moods afterwards.... |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2184
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 24, 2007 - 07:31 pm: |
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I'm with Bethie on this.
Bratting smarting off....it isn't the way for me at least to get spanked. It really is unfair to my husband.
If I just want a spanking just because....I can just say.."I'm in need of attention". Thats all he needs to hear.
Bratting isn't necessary or wanted in our relationship. |
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