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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 4
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 12:16 pm: | 
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I had no idea how important this was... I have over 17 years teaching self defense, disarming and protective tactics to women of all ages. The idea of "hitting" or "smacking" because it was wanted, or needed, seemed contrary to everything I had been taught and belived.
Can anyone please shed light on how it makes you feels to be a spanko?? On the recieving end, the feelings that are released or created? How it helps?? The relationship dynamics, will it make me a "bad person" to do something I spent so much time advocating was wrong?? What is the mindset of the spanko... just so many questions...
You all seem so friendly and helpful to everyone and I will spend my lifetime practicing what makes her happy, for from her happiness, I live free...
Thank you!!! |
Rose
New member
Username: Rose
Post Number: 9
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 01:20 pm: |
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Well, it is different for a lot of people, but for me I think it allows me a way to stop being the responsible one in a way that feels safe for me. I am a VERY responsible person, as well as a perfectionist, which means that I spend a lot of energy making sure that I never screw up. While getting punished makes me a bit anxious only because it forces me to acknowledge mistakes, being spanked by my husband allows me to put myself into his hands. The one thing that the erotic and the punishment spankings have in common is that they are both expressions of love and intimacy between my husband and I. There is NO ONE else in the world who I would trust enough to take control from me, but I am so grateful that my husband loves me and will take it on. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1642
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 03:17 pm: |
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Thread moved to the appropriate discussion area. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1931
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 22, 2007 - 12:08 pm: |
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I can only give you my personal feelings on this so here goes...
I was in a very abusive marriage for years. I lived with black eyes, broken noses, etc...etc...constantly. I got a divorce finally and then I found a man that shares my interests.
And I am a spanko. I love it. Why? Because it is something I consent to. It is not forced on me. We have taken the time to realize what each other wants and needs. I never feel that I am being abused in the least little bit. Other than the spanking life, we are equals. He is kind, gentle and caring. He respects me and protects me. When I'm being spanked, I never feel that I have to be afraid. It is what I want.
Not sure if you get what I'm trying to say other than to repeat...
It is not forced on me...it is consentual. Mutual.
When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1932
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 22, 2007 - 12:12 pm: |
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Oh yeah...bless you for your questions!
It takes a good person to take the time to ask and find out what they need to do to make a relationship work. You keep asking all the questions you want. We all have different perspectives so you will get many different answers. That is the beauty of this forum.
When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 479
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 22, 2007 - 02:25 pm: |
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Hey Cherrybrewer,
Disclaimer: I am still pretty new to this myself, or at least, as a couple we have explored this far less than I would like to.
For me, it is about submission. I am a very strong person, and have a job where I make many important decisions. I am dominant in my life and job and I am responsible for many things; I aim to be a perfectionist, and continuously think I am not doing enough/working hard enough.
When I am spanked, I feel like I am no longer in charge. In a way I feel safe and taken care of because I am not responsible for making someone else safe; I am in no position to take care of anyone else. By feeling powerless, I can let go of my responsibilities and drives, my perfectionism, and my overthinking. I can just be.
I hope that helps, but remember it is just one girl's opinion.
Good luck! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3307
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 22, 2007 - 08:10 pm: |
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Hi Cherrypicker and thanks for the thought provoking question. You are correct that it is totally wrong to smack or hit anyone. Spanking is not actually a form of any type of abuse, and if it is for anyone, than this is the wrong place to be.
Spanking is in fact a very sensual experience for both parties. By that I mean it highens our senses. It can be compared to another person's love of other thrills; roller coasters, scary films et cetera. For the members and readers of this forum, spanking is a thrill. It is a totally consentual activity for two adults who enjoy having a sensual excitment.
Deciding on the level of spanking interaction has to be made on an individual basis taking into account both of your needs and wants. Start slowly and experiment, until you are where both of you are enjoying yourself. When you are ready, move on and try some things that you have read/thought about and keep the ones you both enjoy.
If you compare spanking to why you enjoy martial arts, I think you can better understand why spankos are into spanking. It is a release and exchange of energy and a good work out. Some of us also like the relinquishing of obligations on occasion and being the feel of being "taken care of". Others like the sensation of feeling "powerful" now and again.
The power of touch is extremely important, and stimulating touch is exciting. Spanking is a form of touch that those of us here, and millions of others, enjoy a lot. I have read that spanking is the most common fetish world wide, so we are certainly not alone.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Blushingbride
Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 124
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 04:44 am: |
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For me, spanking is first and formost an erotic activity. When I am spanked I feel sexy, turned on, special and precious. As Fanny said, it is sensual.
I can not explain WHY it makes me feel this way, but it just does.
Life is short. Eat dessert first.
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Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 82
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 01:59 pm: |
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Spanking for me has two very different feels. If it is a playful, foreplay type spanking I become very arroused and very sexual. I arch to him, wiggle and open up to him.
Punishment -- I wiggle - but not in a good way. I am not turned on and it's not meant to turn me on.
Yes, it is wrong on most outer levels to strike another human. But this is a method we have chosen that truly does beter me. I have really learned to curb my attitude and not alienate people with my brash attitude. Plus, I am a spoiled princess. And while he spoils me rotten, gives me most everything I want, he doesn't want me acting like one. So instead of arguing he puts me over his lap. He never strikes me anywhere other than my bottom (well my thighs get it occasionally -- and the back of my hands which sends me straight back to the nursery) and I have consented to this.
We are not a switch couple and never have been so I cannot really give you any feelings other than sub.... |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 6
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 02:20 pm: |
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Thank you all so much for your input. It is helping me learn in ways that I didn’t know was possible. The more I read, the more it helps to understand. There are so many dynamics to this I was unaware of…. It seems a lifetime is still not enough. But, when I focus on something, my drive is relentless and my appetite veracious.
Six months ago, if you would have mentioned to me in conversation, I would be putting my hands on her forcefully (in a way I used to believe was abusive, making me "that" person...), and enjoying it, our friendship would have ended.
Please continue to help me understand how rules play their roles. Why it seems, that many times these rules are set up for failure, in order to get spanked. Is this true? If so, does that make it like a game? Are these stupid questions?? I feel like such an idiot…
Thank all of you again… |
Rose
New member
Username: Rose
Post Number: 12
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 06:13 pm: |
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You're not stupid! It is confusing, even to me, and I am a spanko. Rules can be either real, or a game. For example, my husband and I have a few real rules for which I get punished if I break them. Mostly they involve health and safety things like, I must take regular breaks and drink water when I'm working outside. If I break that rule, I get punished, and it is no fun.
But some couples have rules that are made to be broken, simply because the spankee enjoys the idea of being punished, but doesn't want to have to really misbehave (and risk seriously upsetting the spanker) in order to have this need met.
Basically, it call comes down to communication, communication, communication. Have you been talking to her about her specifc desires? Has she pointed you to specific sites on the internet that she likes? If there are any spanking sites that have intrigued you, then maybe you should send her links, or print things out for her to look at. That could help to start some very useful discussions. |
Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 83
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 06:42 pm: |
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OK first off you are not an idiot and second you do seem genuine in your questions. 
Rules to me are not something that should be a trap. You should not set rules just to see them broken and be able to spank her. If you want to spank her just because you like he way it feels or the way her bottom looks across your lap then you have to be honest and just ask if she wants what in my house we call "good girl" spankings or sometimes he calls them "just because." 
In our home rules are something that should be followed. I do not top him at all but just as I do he adheres to rules. He has morals and values he was raised with that make him who he is and we want our children to have these morals and values as well. My rules are simple really. My Sharon Osborne attitude is to be left at the office. He abhors the words shut up and if I use them to anyone it is an auto 50 licks which can be delivered sometimes almost immediately. I am not allowed to fly the bird either - that’s an auto 50.Talking back to him is strictly forbidden. And I do not mean him suggesting something and I say no. I am human I get a say. I mean if he is correcting me or warning me and I talk back it's a guaranteed spanking - and if time and place allows a nice sit on my mat ( Thanks again Bethie -- grrr ha ha ha) to think about it. Other than that it is just general stuff. Take care of myself, don’t brat, don’t whine, do not lie (this applies to things like “where did that purse come from?” and let me and my sore bottom tell you “A store” is NOT an acceptable answer HA HA HA), and be in bed at a decent hour so I won’t be a total pain in the ass the next day. They sound pretty simple when written down but let me tell you I have a bad habit of shooting my mouth off and it is a wonder I can sit down some days. 
Now there is a “game” we play from time to time. Sometimes he tells me we’re gonna play other he just springs it on me. We jokingly call it Pavlov. See the trick is I was a sub way before we met and a good sub always minds her dom. So if I could bend over in a dungeon at a play party and give respect to a dom why can’t I lie still and take a spanking from My Dom/Master/Top whatever you call him HUSBAND? So anyhow Pavlov began. It’s a time where I never know what he is about to ask. But the key is to do ask told without hesitation. Sometimes if I do not realize what he is doing he will smile and say “ding ding” thus the Pavlov’s dog reference. I never know what to expect. Sometimes it’s a simple task… he might put me over his lap or bend me over a desk just to see if I struggle. If I don’t sometimes he pats me and lets me up. If I argue I may get 5 or 10 then told it would have been nothing. Sometimes he’s been known to make me put my hands on a chair and present myself then just élan down and kiss me for being a good girl. It may sound like a crazy “game” but it can be a bonding thing for us. A) Instilling trust in one another and B) Reminding me I should do this at all times not just during “playtime.” Of course he has been known to punish me during Pavlov just to remind me he is boss. It hurts, spankings do, but I don’t get mad. Besides if he gives me one of those I usually get lots of loving if I make it through it. He’s good like that.
I am sorry I went on so much but I wanted to show you there are so many different angles you can go at with this. I honestly believe every couple have to find what works for them as a couple with it. I know in past relationships I had role play and while I love role play, it is just not something we have ever done – it did not work for us. We do not do parties and munches like I used to. I’m greedy I wouldn’t; want to share him and he would never share me. Just keep working at what works for you guys and you will find you way with this…
All my best
B |
Monkeymomsc1
New member
Username: Monkeymomsc1
Post Number: 23
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, August 11, 2007 - 02:59 pm: |
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i think you are a very smart person for asking such a question. it is complex and shows you are thinking about it. i was an abused child. by a parent. i learned early on that i was not worth very much. i have struggled with that in my adult life. some days i still struggle with it.
i met my husband when i was 15. he was then and still is the most patient, kind, loving person in my life. he would do anything not to hurt my heart. i am so lucky. it has taken many years for me to get to the point where spanking is fun. i dont know of anyone i would trust to do to me the things he does. not only is it erotic, it is a huge trust issue. i trust him to not hurt me like i was hurt as a child. and he is so good at what he does.
what you were teaching is about survival. being able to stand up for yourself when faced with a life or death situation. protection. (i was a policeman's child) you taught people how to get out of situations alive. how to live.
erotic spanking, at least for me is about knowing how much i trust mr. r. our spanking is not for discipline, it is strickly fun. spanking on the front has a way of making everything around me go dark, all sensations are in that one spot. he takes the signs i give him, (too hard, more etc) and reacts accordingly and quickly.
I hope this helps and thanks for not assuming we are being abused. we are not, we are being loved by the person we trust enough to allow them to be open minded with our bodies and hearts. |
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