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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 41
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 02:07 pm: | 
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I know many people use spanking as a stress release.
My spanking relationship is solely an erotic one. While my husband is happy to spank as foreplay, he would never use it as a disciplinary tool (which is fine, because that isn't what I want). We don't do DD or D/s.
We are going through a very stressful reno right now, and I am just about ready to kill somebody. 
I would really love (need!) to get a stress release spanking, but I don't know how to ask for it in a way that he would understand. "Um...honey. I'm in a filthy mood, and so are you, and while I really don't feel like having sex with you, could you please spank me? Hard?"
Um...don't think he'd get that. 
Writing a story wouldn't be helpful. I don't have time to do it, and he'd put it aside until he had time to read in (perhaps in 2013).
I also don't want it to be a burden for this also stressed, overworked man. He has been very accepting and supportive of my desire for erotic spanking, but I'm a bit worried that this might turn him off. He was a vanilla. While he didn't bat an eyelash at me liking spanking (I think he believes that most women do), this is a bit different.
It's a bit hard to explain. "Well...I'd like the feeling I get after a good run, without the effort required. I want YOU to expend the energy instead." Hm...better work on that spin a bit.
Has any one else dealt with this? Any suggestions?
Thanks in advance. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 227
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 03:04 pm: |
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When I'm feeling grumpy and stressed out, Dan's sure to notice and schedules me for a good long spanking asap. He doesn't like the atmosphere those moods create any more than I do so he's always more than willing to help me find some release. Dan's a spanko though so his answer to everything is a good spanking. I can see where this might be not so clear to a non-spanko.
Is there any way you could tell him that a good hard spanking might help you both out? You'd both get a "workout" and it might be just what you both need.
You can tell him I swear by stress release spankings. I hate feeling all prickly and out of sorts. A hard long spanking always does wonders for me. Dan seems to know exactly what I need though and spanks me until I'm spent. That takes awhile and takes some commitment on his part. And I'll cry and carry on pretty good while it's happening. Dan just keeps spanking until I'm done.
I've got a tough bottom so it takes awhile to spank me into releasing. It surprised Dan the first time because I really started crying hard and he kept checking with me to make sure I was really okay. I'd nod, he'd kiss me, and go back to spanking me. I eventually went completely limp and that was his cue to stop and take me into his arms for a cuddle.
It's a little intense but I feel so much better when it's over. He's good about holding me afterwards and depending on my mood, we might make love or I'll give him a bj. Mainly we cuddle and go to sleep. That's why we need to schedule it. We need time for the spanking as well as time to recuperate afterwards.
I don't know if this will help you much. It's what works for us so maybe you can tell husband that. I hope you find a way to get some release soon! |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 42
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 04:50 pm: |
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That's helpful, Bethie, thanks. 
I can't imagine being spanked hard enough to actually cry - and I know he's not capable of administering that anyway. I gave birth to a nine pound son who was in too much of a hurry for the anesthetist, and while I suspect that there are medical personnel whose ears are still ringing from me shrieking the place down, I didn't cry. 
Unlike you, I don't need to actually cry for release - I almost never cry. I don't know why being spanked helps - perhaps it's the endorphin rush?
I do know that it has to be harder than usual though, or it just doesn't work. (Although it might lead to another stress releasing activity).  |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 43
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 04:54 pm: |
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Double post, sorry.
(Message edited by pagan on June 08, 2005) |
Bigfoot1408
New member
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 20
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 07:25 pm: |
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maybe a challenge would work... dare him to spank you... |
Biggirl
New member
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 19
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 10:42 pm: |
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Bigfoot1408: From a new "spanker" point of view how would you feel if your spankee challenged you? My partner is new to being a spanker too & is very worried about spanking me to hard.
BigGirl |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 44
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 08, 2005 - 10:58 pm: |
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Thanks, Bigfoot, but I don't think that would help with him.
He's not an "I dare ya" kind of guy, and besides, I think he'd view it the same way as him daring me to give him a bj.
He's ok with spanking as long as it's for sex/fun, but this is different. Biggirl, he used to worry about hurting me too; he got over that, and I'm sure your partner will too. He probably just needs more time to see that you're not getting hurt.
He's pretty stressed and tired himself, which makes him less likely to either initiate something himself or respond to my gentle attempts to play.
Sigh...I'm not going to increase his stress in order to reduce mine, so I just can't come right out and ask him to spank me right now. It would just be another item on his list, and I don't want that.  |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 230
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 12:22 am: |
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I wish I could think of a good suggestion for you but I can't think of anything good. Is it possible for you to plan a romantic evening even if it's a short one? A little wine, some candles, a massage or foot rub for him, and no mention of the chaos around you? You may not get the spanking you want or you might. If nothing else maybe it'll give you a chance to channel your frustrations into something creative. Wish I could come up with something better. Good luck!
As for my crying thing, I'm afraid I'm one of those people who cry at the drop of a hat. You should see me cry during a Hallmark commercial. It's pretty sad.
Me crying during a release spanking has more to do with my emotional level than the pain. My spanking tolerance level is pretty high and I want a hard spanking when I'm all keyed up. It helps me release all those crazy emotions. It's a good thing for me but I know it's not the answer for everybody. |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 45
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 07:57 am: |
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Thanks, Bethie. 
I know we'll find some alone time on the weekend, if not before, and then we'll have time to play. Getting a spanking then won't be a problem.
I'm sure that will help, but it's a different kind of spanking, if you know what I mean...
I can get him to spank harder too, but I'd need to tone down my reaction, or he'll naturally ease up. I'm not that verbal, but when things start to really sting, it's a little involuntary.
I actually cry at commercials too, just rarely at r/l... Mormon commercials have been known to do me in too, especially the one about the old man moving to be with his family.
I did try to introduce the topic in a roundabout way. There is another spanking conference over the coming weekend. He asked why were weren't going, and I told him where it is.
I said that it's really too bad that I'm not there, because a little time away from our chaos, not to mention a rash of spankings, would be excellent stress release. He just smiled, but didn't say anything.
I don't want to be manipulative, but I find with him that sometimes I need to casually mention something a couple of times, and then give him time to think about it.
Alas, we often can only play on the weekend. The kids don't get too sleep as early now, because it's bright. Obviously, we don't want to be overheard, so we often wait until the weekend, so we know they're asleep, and I can convince myself that they aren't overhearing something they shouldn't. |
Fanny
Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 488
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 09:02 am: |
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I'm right with you on this topic Bethie. The first time I realized my stress level was way out of control, I knew I needed a release. The tone in the house was really tense and I hated it. I could see how my mood/behavior was affecting my husband and there didn't seem to be a way to get past the issue. I am not one who is able to ask for a spanking, but I was pretty sure it could clear the air. I knew that teasing him for a foreplay situation was not going to be enough.
I got up all of my nerve and picked up a hairbrush, walked over to my husband and suggested he sit down. I then handed him the hairbrush (which was behind my back)and told him I needed a stress release. I don't know who was more shocked, him or me!!
He didn't say a word but just waited for me to lie over his lap, and he had me crying within about 15 seconds. I had just needed a reason to cry. Afterwards, my husband told me he didn't realize that this would have been such a tension release for him as well. It wasn't that the spanking was especially hard, that really wasn't necessary. It was the fact that I had initiated it and R had waited until I bent over his lap and bared myself (which is usually his thing to do) After that one time, he has become very good at reading my emotional level and will either come up with a reason to spank me or just plain out tell me that we need to bring the stress level down with a good spanking.
"Queen of Innocence""
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Fanny
Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 489
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 09:05 am: |
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And Pagan, it is a much better alternative to having to kill someone.
"Queen of Innocence""
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 199
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 08:47 pm: |
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Pagan, you are the same person who agonized over letting Squire know you were on an internet spanking site. And wanted to join the conference. And maybe play with others. And what did your vanilla hubby say????
Buy a thong.
I think if you calmly mentioned to him that the ladies had said that a good long spanking will get rid of all those nasty, grumpy, bitchy female tantrums...he may get the hint. Or you may have to screw up your courage and just ask him for it. He seems like a very sweet man to me, I doubt he would say no if you asked him "pretty please"?
That is if you've got the nerve. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 46
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 09:46 pm: |
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Firstly, I DON'T have tantrums. I just get a little more emphatic than usual.
And yes, I did worry about all those things needlessly.
But this is different. This steps out of the erotic spanking realm into a different place - one I don't think he'd understand.
Secondly, he's as stressed and touchy as I am right now, so he's not at his most approachable.
With Squire, you need to plant a seed, water it a bit, and then see what grows.
I'm planning on pouncing him very shortly, so I should at least get a spanking. |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 48
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 08:17 am: |
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Feeling MUCH better today.
Not sure if it's was the spanking, the er...aftercare, or simply being intimate and reconnecting with my partner...
Doesn't really matter though. Oh, and I've decided that I just hate that rubber strap. Not love/hate. Hate. Still have a mark on one hip where it wrapped a bit.
Now, if I ever wanted to be really spanked hard (perhaps even brought to tears) this would definitely be the thing. But it's hard to find pleasurable. 
His comment? "Yes, this one does seem to hurt more than the others..." This learned observation based on what? Him having tested it? Nope. MY REACTION.
I suppose it's my own fault for saying "I'm feeling really stressed. Could you please spank me a little harder than usual?"
His comment? "Sure." Insert rubber @#%$^ strap.
When I sincerely and desperately tried to get away (because that flipping thing actually HURTS), he just held me more securely.
It took desperate struggling and sincere and emphatic demands (actually, if memory serves, I think they were closer to pleas) to convince him that I couldn't take it. Hanging head in shame...I can ALWAYS take it...)
He switched to something else, thankfully. Still hard, but bearable.
Sorry Wolfie, but we still haven't tried your toy out. I'm not sure I would have felt it anyway, at that point. |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 201
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 10:12 am: |
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No, I doubt you would either after that rubber strap. Its a much milder plaything after all.
I'm just glad your feeling better.
I'm not sure I agree that a stress reliever kind of spanking is that far away from the erotic/fun ones you do. They have nothing to do with discipline at all, more of a way to release tension or let off steam. I get as much of a release from the struggling, kicking, trying to get away part as I do the spanking itself. It seems you worked it out to your satisfaction tho. Did he feel better afterwards as well?
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 50
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 12:03 pm: |
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Hm...hard to tell. Since we was asleep within oh...20 minutes or so, he seemed pretty relaxed to me.
It's just a stressful time right now with his job and our reno. We're not upset with each other, thankfully.
There's a huge list of outstanding to do's, the house is covered in drywall dust and other chaos, the kids need us...
It's just important to remember to take time to relax together. There's no way we can carry everything right now if we don't at least have each other as an oasis. |
Nikki
New member
Username: Nikki
Post Number: 22
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 10, 2005 - 11:13 am: |
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Well, my husband called this morning to tell me that he thinks it is time for another spanking to help me release, and since I am off from work today..it is the perfect opportunity. So he says he is going to swing by the house in a little while and help me feel better. He also informed me that I will no longer be curious about a belt spanking. MY o MY! |
Rocco
Advanced Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 501
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 10, 2005 - 12:15 pm: |
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I think this calls for some details later on. You can't leave us hanging like this.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 341
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 10, 2005 - 12:45 pm: |
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C'mon Nikki, do tell all!
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
WHY ISN'T IT OCTOBER YET? *stamp*
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Nikki
New member
Username: Nikki
Post Number: 23
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 03:24 pm: |
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Well due to a family emergency that cropped up, my spanking hasn't happened yet. So WATCH OUT! I am becoming more and more bratty. I will let you know if it ever happens...sniff...sniff |
Nikki
New member
Username: Nikki
Post Number: 24
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 03:26 pm: |
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OOPS sorry
(Message edited by nikki on August 15, 2005) |
Bigfoot1408
Junior Spanko
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 66
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 08:10 pm: |
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Bigfoot1408: From a new "spanker" point of view how would you feel if your spankee challenged you? My partner is new to being a spanker too & is very worried about spanking me to hard.
BigGirl
i would love it if my partner challenged me.. in fact she does... it reassures me that she is willing for me to warm her butt a bit....
i need the reassurance, and i worry about spanking her too hard too so i have told her to use "enough" as a safe word... if she ever does use it i will stop immediately... until she does i swat with gusto and great pleasure....
when i first realized that she was challenging me to spank her i asked her how she wanted it,, her reply was "i aint telling you s**t... find out for yourself... so i am trying anything i think of. hard,,soft,fast,whatever.. i listen to her reactions to each tactic and i am learning to tell when she is nearing her limit.. then comes the razzzzzzzzzzzzzberry.........in the middle of ,,, things....... |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1157
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 08:15 pm: |
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Isn't part of being a spankee to be challenging. I mean what fun is it otherwise?
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bigfoot1408
Junior Spanko
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 67
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 08:19 pm: |
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Thanks, Bigfoot, but I don't think that would help with him.
He's not an "I dare ya" kind of guy, and besides, I think he'd view it the same way as him daring me to give him a bj.
i don't get the connection..... but maybe the best way is to simply tell him.....
"hey, you!!!! the skin on my butt is too tight and needs a good long deep swat massage to loosen it up.." |
Bigfoot1408
Junior Spanko
Username: Bigfoot1408
Post Number: 68
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 08:23 pm: |
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Isn't part of being a spankee to be challenging. I mean what fun is it otherwise?
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i agree,,,,,, |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1161
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 10:13 pm: |
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There is one for the records, Bigfoot!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Babyj4
New member
Username: Babyj4
Post Number: 2
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 10:04 pm: |
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I had the same problem with my husband and it got so bad that I became so stressed out I was such a brat it became almost embarable to be around. I dared him to spank me and he said he would and I said he wouldn't, and then he did. It hurt, and relieved alot of stress for both of us. Now the problem I face is needing a good cry durring a spanking, and not being able to. Good luck with it.}}} |
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