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Becauseliz
New member
Username: Becauseliz
Post Number: 1
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Monday, July 28, 2008 - 11:29 pm: | 
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Hi. I'm new to the idea of domestic discipline and I have a question. I've read many stories about the submissive in the relationship being disciplined for doing something to harm the relationship, like lying. My question is, what is done when the Dominant does something to harm the relationship and therefore break the trust? In all the stories I read, the dominant is perfect and never makes any mistakes. But in real life, dominants are human beings and are bound to make a mistake sometime. What is to be done in that situation? How can the relationship be repaired? How can it be balanced? Just trying to understand this lifestyle and how not to feel betrayed when this happens. |
Ladykayra
Spanko
Username: Ladykayra
Post Number: 16
Registered: 03-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 12:54 am: |
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liz,
It happens all the time. The Dom does something to hurt the relationship, and most will tell you that he can do what he wants. Thats his right, although being in a relationship where my husband hurt our relationship I simply told him that until he fixes it, we dont have that kind of relationship anymore. As hard as it is, I will not allow him to ruin our life by making mistakes he knows is wrong. So for the last 4 months we have simply been husband and wife. Yes we do play once in a while, but the power exchange isnt there anymore. Like anyone else, he has to prove he is willing to be the man he once was,and will be again. I am not sure this will ever happen, although we married cause we love each other, not cause of the lifestyle choice. The Dom will hold the submissive to what he thinks is right, and in a relationship the submissive has to hold him to what she expects from him... Dont let anyone tell you a Dom is able to do as he pleases, we all have expection, and if they arent met in some form or another, then it's time to talk and share what it is that is bothering us.
Good luck
Marie |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1876
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 03:29 am: |
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Marie, thank you for sharing this with us. You've made some great points.
Liz, Doms are human and they will make mistakes. That's just the way it is. I know in all the stories you read, you never get to hear about the imperfect person behind the scenes and I think that is a mistake. It's a dangerous misconception because no one can live up to that level of perfection. Even if it's not a trust-breaking mistake, there will be mistakes on both sides. We're all human so it's only natural.
After any mistake, it's up to the parties involved to work things out one way or another. Marie was gracious enough to share her experiences with us as an example of working it out.
As for your last sentence, "Just trying to understand this lifestyle and how not to feel betrayed when this happens."
I'm not sure all of the information and advice in the world is enough to keep you from feeling betrayed should this happen to you. Nothing can do that, I'm afraid, and I'm not sure it should. Prepared is one thing, but nothing can really protect you that completely. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 2155
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 06:36 pm: |
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Hello Liz
You have asked a very good question and one I'm sure others out there will be interested in seeing the comments made to it.
What I say is my opinion. I never speak for others.
Actually, right now I am trying to help a girl with the same problem. She has been "let down" by the man who was supposed to be the Dom. But as the relationship progressed, he did many things to hurt that relationship. She was betrayed, lied to and he took the stance that he was the Dom and therefore was able to do as he pleased and she was to just accept it.
No. Not gona happen. The relationship was a consenting relationship between two adults. An agreement was made to that relationship. He broke the agreement and she has every right to insist that he stick to that agreement or the relationship would be over.
Thankfully, she did not marry him and is able to sever the ties if she feels it is in her best interests.
I'm just the shoulder to cry on. As I said, she is an adult and therefore must make her own decision on what she must do.
I think the point I'm trying to make is this...
You are both adults. The Dom/sub relationship is a mutual agreement as to what takes place and how. It is NOT (remember...this is MY opinion here) a clear path for him to keep doing as he pleases. If he wants to have a relationship...and agreed to be with her, he is expected to be faithful just as she is.
And that is just how any relationship should be regardless of how the lifestyle is.
So that is my thinking...that is her thinking and I'm afraid that that relationship is pretty much over. I look for her to give him his "walking papers" anytime. That is how that couple went. Not everyone should jump up and boot him out the door. Every relationship is different. It depends on what was agreed on and what is expected of each other. If one can't keep to it...then it's time to move on in my way of thinking.
Over the years I have seen many couples fail in their attempt to have a D/s lifestyle simply because the guy wanted to have his cake and eat it too without consideration to the sub. The sub was supposed to be a meek little mouse and not have a say in what happened. In the real world, it's not like that. We are adults and are therefore responsible for our actions. We have the right to choose what we want and what we expect from each other.
We also have the responsibility to have respect for each other.
A D/s relationship is supposed to be a mutual and consentual understanding to be held in respect for each other.
So now I'll get off my soapbox. My hubby is the dominant in our spanking relationship but in the husband/wife life we are equal partners.
How come you never see the headline "Physic wins lottery"??
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Becauseliz
New member
Username: Becauseliz
Post Number: 2
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 - 01:39 am: |
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Wow. Thanks for all the great responses. I guess before embarking further into this type of relationship we should have some sort of agreement in place so we are both held accountable for our actions, not just me. I can see myself getting very angry if I was the only one held accountable for my actions in this relationship. Thank you for all your input. |
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