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Quirk
New member
Username: Quirk
Post Number: 4
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Saturday, August 30, 2008 - 04:58 pm: | 
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(I am self policing here I think I put this topic in the wrong place. Sorry again.)
My current gf "lets" me spank her but she is not really into it. So I don't do it too much and it's a shame. I have lots of lovely implements, floggers, paddle, crop, and of course my hand. About two swats and she's had enough. The sex is great and she does enjoy being bound but dang it I want to thrash her bottom thoroughly but she just doesn't dig it. I've tried to make sure that each time I do spank her she gets an extra good orgasm and usually I succeed but still she's not really into it. Any ideas? |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3554
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, August 30, 2008 - 06:47 pm: |
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Well Quirk, all I can really say is that you are not alone with this problem. There has been a lot of discussion here and elsewhere about what to do when your partner does not share your enthusiasm. Some people believe that either you are into it or not, and that preference is not going to change. Others have had success with partners having a change of attitude.
Read and listen to others stories and I wish you well getting things to work the way you would like.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Quirk
New member
Username: Quirk
Post Number: 5
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 31, 2008 - 04:31 am: |
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I hope I'm not overstepping some boundary, but is there such a thing as a pain slut or masochist? I mean someone who gets more aroused the more painful the punishment. This would be good to know. I hope my nomenclature isn't considered offensive. If it is please let me know. (I have a feeling this group doesn't hold back.) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1884
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 31, 2008 - 07:04 am: |
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Quirk, yes, there are people who are masochists just as there are sadists. How masochistic a person is can vary widely from one individual to another.
As for your original topic, that's a tough situation. I've noticed that although some people are successful at getting their partner involved in spanking, it happens more frequently if the non-spanko is learning to be a spanker. When you convince someone to try giving a spanking, that person might have hurdles to get over but those hurdles don't involve direct physical pain. If someone doesn't have the mindset of a bottom, it can be a tough sell.
The truth is, spanking hurts and not everyone is capable of ever becoming comfortable with it emotionally or physically. If your girlfriend finds spanking too uncomfortable for her, I'm afraid that you may not be able to get her past that. You might though but it's going to take a lot of understanding and cooperation on her part.
It may not even be just the physical pain that's the problem either, it could also be the emotional side of spanking. She might not be able to get her head wrapped around the idea for a variety of reasons. Some people just aren't comfortable with the dynamic involved in spanking.
Btw, not everyone who is a bottom is a masochist, some bottoms don't enjoy the immediate pain of a spanking at all. So what do they enjoy about spanking? It's complicated and there's a lot of variety among us. That's one reason why it's so difficult to explain to non-spankos why we enjoy it.
No matter what though, explain how you feel to your girlfriend as best you can, let her know how much you appreciate her efforts to satisfy this desire of yours, and hope for the best. Good luck! |
Maren_s
Spanko
Username: Maren_s
Post Number: 21
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 31, 2008 - 10:17 am: |
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You might also want to try very light and gentle spankings while you do your convincing. You said you want to 'thrash her bottom thoroughly'. You could be going at it too hard, too fast for someone who truly isn't into this. |
Quirk
New member
Username: Quirk
Post Number: 6
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 31, 2008 - 12:42 pm: |
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Good advice all and thank you. I'm going to keep trying but what do I do if this never works out? Move on? Give up? Take what I can get? I know I know, you don't know the answer I'm just thinking out loud. But I do appreciate the advice and I'll have to figure this out on my own. I'll keep ya posted. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1885
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 31, 2008 - 07:09 pm: |
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Maren_s has made a good point. Quirk, when you give her those two swats, are they hard or gentle swats?
It is your relationship so all we can do is give you our opinions. Some spankos can carry on relationships that don't involve spanking and others can't. It depends on you and how you feel about your girlfriend.
I've been thinking about my relationships with non-spankos before I met Dan and how I handled the situation. More than once, I had a guy who didn't want anything to do with it (which was often the deal-breaker for me). But the ones who were willing to try, I brought them along very slowly.
I'd approach the situation as a sort of seduction. I'd pick my times carefully because I didn't want to overwhelm them. When the time was right, I'd explain that my bottom was an erogenous zone for me, how any attention to that area aroused me, and that a spanking really turned me on sexually. I'd find a way to explain he'd enjoy the results. Surprise, surprise, that approach worked wonders.
Once we were moving in that direction, I was careful to make it just an extension of what we were already doing. If we were making out, I'd find a way to find out if he was receptive. I didn't want to make it into a big production because I didn't want to make him nervous by thinking about it too much. Easing a newbie into this can be tricky.
I had some good and bad results in my dating efforts. I found out that even if it worked early on and the guy liked the results of spanking play, that it wasn't a done deal. I even had one ask if I "was over it yet." Needless to say, he didn't get it. I didn't fall in love with any of those guys though so walking away was an option.
Now for your sort of situation I'd like to make a few suggestions. You might have already tried them and if so, just ignore these suggestions but maybe it will help someone else instead. Like many other sexual moves, starting a spanking slowly with lots of caressing and appreciative comments does wonders. However you get to that moment, once you have a bottom in front of you ready for spanking don't rush in. I'd suggest lots of caressing, a light spank or two, more rubbing and verbal encouragement or compliments, followed by more light spanking. No sense in rushing things in this situation.
If you can include the use of vibrators during the spanking to increase the reward for her, you might be able to make it a more positive experience for her. If you don't have much experience in that area, do some practicing with her first. Btw, one good orgasm afterwards may not be enough positive reinforcement. Sorry, but "usually" giving her one really good orgasm may not be enough. Seriously, the better you can make the experience for her, the better for the both of you in the long run.
Also, if you plan to move up to implements eventually, talk it over a lot first and then start with something like the flogger that can be used for a variety of sensations. The tails of the flogger can be used to tickle or lightly caress. It's a great implement that can give lightly stingy to seriously stingy strokes. Remember to practice first though if you don't have experience.
Hey, I didn't say this was going to be easy, ya know! It might just be worth it though. Remember I'm talking mainly from the perspective of a woman who likes erotic spankings. I also believe a little seduction and the use of positive reinforcement (before, during, and after) can go a long way.  |
Quirk
New member
Username: Quirk
Post Number: 7
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 12:24 am: |
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I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Maybe I have unreal expectations. I've subscribed to a few spanking sites and perhaps like pornography can do these spanking sites are so unreal they've warped me some. I know what you're thinking with a moniker like Quirk it's gotta be true.
I hope I'm not doing anything forbidden here but lately my favorite site is ***Edit***. They whack pretty hard there, at least it looks pretty hard. From the spankee's perspective is this totally unreal? Maybe it's the implements they use as well. Anyone here familiar with this sort of site (*edited*) that can shine some light on the realism of their clips? I have more questions but I'll save those for a later date. Thanks in advance
(Message edited by bethie on September 02, 2008) |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1887
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 01:47 am: |
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Quirk, we don't allow members to name specific commercial sites here. We have a few sites we do business with and it's not fair to them to give sites we're not affiliated with free advertising. Sorry!
As for your question, I don't think you've been warped, but you might have to adjust your expectations to accomodate your girlfriend.
Some of us spankees like to be spanked hard with implements and some don't like hard spankings or the use of implements at all. It just depends on the spankee's personal preferences. |
Quirk
New member
Username: Quirk
Post Number: 9
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 10:29 am: |
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Well it's your site so I have to abide by your rules. But that shoots down my next question. |
Darkdruid
New member
Username: Darkdruid
Post Number: 2
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2008 - 03:51 pm: |
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My wife accepts that it is part of me and although she does not enjoy it as much as I do, she does enjoy making me happy. However we did go through a phase when all our sex play involved spanking first. Bliss for me, but not for her and so I reduced the amount of spanking. It is hard to find a happy medium in these situations. |
Hubbyspanksnaughtywife
New member
Username: Hubbyspanksnaughtywife
Post Number: 8
Registered: 08-2010
| | Posted on Sunday, August 29, 2010 - 11:35 am: |
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Darkdruid,
Hi...I think im kind of in a similar situation as you...my wife is vanilla, and not really into it, and in the beginning...she participated because she enjoys making me happy. But over time, and more recently...I actually think that she has grown to like it more.
I think because its not just about spanking her, Its about the emotional bond between us, the closeness, and the care and affection that comes after. I really believe that it has brought us so much closer together...even after 22 years of marriage.
and as far as Quirk goes....15+ years ago I started spanking my wife playfully, and got a similar response. But I didnt rush things, and spanked very gently, and playfully.....incorporating it in with foreplay. And over time....she got used to it, and it was totally acceptable. Gradually it became more frequent, but never pushing to the point where she was uncomfortable with anything that I was doing. Just very recently...we moved towards exploring dd together, and its been an amazing experience ...so far. But also...I am progressing very slowly with it, making sure that I dont push her too much, and she is responding, even better than I imagined. One other big thing that works for us...is plenty of communication, and open conversation. Ask her if shes ok with things....if theres things she likes and doesnt....tell her your feelings also. Just try not to rush. It has worked wonders for us. |
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