| Author |
Message |
    
Redroses
New member
Username: Redroses
Post Number: 2
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 05:16 pm: | 
|
Hello Den, I "de-lurked" a couple of years ago, then chickened out. Anyway, you all seem so nice, and I just need some advice. Spanking is something that has always interested me, and I've only recently (as in within the last 3 years) realized this is something that interests my husband, as well. We've toyed with it on and off since then . . . but I just want more. The best I get is a few smacks of varying degrees as foreplay . . . I really want more than that. I'm not entirely sure DD is what I'm wanting, but it's possible. I think I just want, in this one aspect of our lives, for him to be dominant. I need him to take control of me, I need to be submissive, just for awhile, as this is something not in my nature, and, well, it really is superb foreplay for us. I just find that what we do now is not . . . enough. I really want him to spank me, like, for REAL. I'm pregnant with our 2nd child right now, and evidentally pregnancy brings out my inner spanko, as it was during my first pregnancy that we started exploring this.
I'm not sure how to explain this to him. As with many men, I'm sure, the concept of actually HURTING me is a little beyond him . . . and for some reason I'm unable to express to him that this is what I WANT. I'm embarrassed, shy, whatever. Even when we do start playing around, I feel obligated to fight back and struggle because I suppose I'm almost afraid of what he'd think if he knew I WANT it so badly. I'm aware this is probably why he only smacks a few times. Other times he will wrestle me down, to where I really can't get away (which is a relief for me!) but then it's never enough.
I'm just confused, and nowadays, I can't get spanking off of my mind . . . any advice? Please don't be too hard on me . . . |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3611
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 05:45 pm: |
|
Don't worry, Red, we aren't going to be hard on you.
I was the same way during my pregancies. I am not sure if it is a hormonal thing, or just the feeling of wanting to be "taken care of". It is not something one can discuss with your OB!!
My husband like to spank OTK and he was able to spank me during the entire pregnancy by spreading his thighs and placing my belly between them. This way I felt secure in my position and there was no stress placed on the baby. We were just extra careful that there were no marks left because they would be hard to explain.
I think it is time for you to forget about being embarrassed and be upfront about your enjoyment of spanking. It is important for him to know that the spanking is completely consensual. I like to struggle a bit too, it is part of the fun, but my husband knows that I want it.
He may well be confused about your feelings, and when you are in a long term relationship, it is especially important for him to know your likes and dislikes.
My husband was very hesitant when I was pregnant the first time and stopped spanking me. One day out of frustration, I asked him to sit on the bed and I told him we both needed a stress release. (WE DID) Once he realized that he wasn't hurting me, only giving me a good spanking, he felt much more comfortable, and we both felt a lot better afterwards.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Redroses
New member
Username: Redroses
Post Number: 3
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 08:19 pm: |
|
Fanny,
Thank you for addressing the pregnancy aspect of this . . . I had meant to ask in my original post if any other women had felt this way during pregnancy. It's a tad overwhelming!! I'm not very far along at this point, not even 5 months, and as with my first, I'm not very big yet at all, so I'm not too cumbersome yet.
We have a very open and trusting relationship . . . I am typically not afraid to tell him anything about how I am feeling . . . but in this one aspect I find I am totally frozen. I keep trying to hint . . . but either he is too dense or I am too vague, because he's not getting it.
I think the stress release aspect would be especially beneficial to our relationship . . . I am naturally a bit high strung and I tend towards being a stress-case- throw pregnancy hormones in the mix, and I'm a mess, and guess who gets the brunt of it!!
I know I need to just flat out tell him . . . but is there a "delicate" non-shocking way to do it? |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3612
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 09:21 pm: |
|
One possible way is that you can leave him a note telling him that you not only don't mind being spanked, but that you enjoy it. You can add that you have not felt comfortable saying it out loud. By allowing him to read it, it will also give him a chance to decide how to respond without feeling like he is being put on the spot.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2688
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 - 11:16 am: |
|
Red I've been with my husband for over 7 years. We met in a spanking chat room. There was no mistake what we both wanted.
Having said that....there are still times I need and want to tell him things. I'm not always comfortable saying things face to face. I still e-mail him and leave him notes.
It works for us!!
Fanny is right about it not putting the other person on the spot. It also gives the other person time to think things over.
It might be worth a try. |
Otk_brett
Spanko
Username: Otk_brett
Post Number: 29
Registered: 01-2008
| | Posted on Saturday, November 08, 2008 - 07:41 am: |
|
I concur completely with Tammy. I will often leave notes or send e-mails to my wife because it can be embaressing to ask your loved one to punish you when you are a grown adult. |
Houjami
New member
Username: Houjami
Post Number: 9
Registered: 02-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 05:23 pm: |
|
My husband had a very hard time bringing up the subject of me spanking him. It has taken quite a long time for him to be comfortable enough to ask me to spank him, which is unusual because there have been very few things that he has been shy to bring up, especially in the bedroom.
If sending emails or notes work, great as it gets the situation worked out. I would think there is a good chance in time you will be able to talk more openly about it. If not, it's no big deal as through notes you two can communicate what you want. That is a huge step.
I like to be spanked and my husband likes me to spank him. I still get nervous when I ask for a spanking, even though I know hubby will put me over his knee, because spanking is such an intense fantasy for me that I feel that I am baring my soul more than my bottom that I still get nervous.
I know my husband has the same fears but even more so, as he is in a stressful occupation where he has to be in control at all times. I doubt anyone who knows him would ever think that he is frequently over my knee getting a sound spanking. It may be how he copes with the stress of the job, as he tells me after he lets go by having me spank him he feels more in control and confident.
It's funny sometimes how our brain works, the things we are afraid of and how we cope with life. For us spanking is a wonderful diversion, and a terrific spice to our sex life. |
Boomer
New member
Username: Boomer
Post Number: 14
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 07:25 pm: |
|
Houjami - Like your husband, I had to approach the topic of my (now) wife spanking me very gingerly. First, I was in a new relationship and loved her very much - certainly not wanting to shock her and risk losing her (this being ten years ago). I found the appropriate moment to expose her to my interests and she responded favorably, caringly and enthusiastically. She showed little enthusiasm for being on the receiving end but that's all the better for me. Even though I consider myself a switch, I have discovered that I am most fulfilled in the role of a bottom. I too have a good amount of responsibility and stress in the real world and find that having my wife take control of me on occasion fulfills me in more ways than I can count. While for her it was an acquired taste, I love her so much more because of the trust we have established in fulfilling one-another's most intimate needs and I now make every effort to show her how much I value her. Raising a family makes it doubley difficult to get spanked with any frequency, but the anticipation sure builds. I count myself among the lucky men whose significant others indulge them. I have even fantasized about a D/d relationship, but realize that it is not a practical consideration at this point in our lives. I too feel more confident by the experience both in our relationship and professionally. This confidence has allowed me to be up front with my wife about other things I would like to experience without fear of judgement. While I don't contribute often, I am a daily visitor to the Den and feel at home with all of you. Thanks for your willingness to openly share and to be encouraging and non-judgemental. |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 192
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 07:53 pm: |
|
Some intersting ideas as I do want my Wife to give me a good spanking.
Though she does sometimes slap my bottom , a good proper otk spanking is needed and pretty much deserved.
However, I do find it hard to bring the subject up. Even though she has threatened me several times.
I was posting quite often a few years ago(can't believe it's been that long). So much has happened since then.
The reason I'm posting here is that she is pregnant with our second child. (told you a lots happened....lol).
Also I seem to resist when she goes to spank me even though I want it.
Not sure why? Maybe because I'm the one who supports us all everyday and I find it a little hard to give control to someone else.
Something I need to work on, for sure.
So Boomer your statement about raising a family making it doubley difficult is spot on. This was discussed back in my last stint, but I never understood as we didn't have children then.
A small obstacle for us is that my Wife still has a bad knee(since Feb 2005....needs another operation....this time a full-reconstruction) add this to the fact she is pregnant too .
This makes otk spanking a little more difficult even though it's what I would prefer.
Thought about a compromise, but it then feels like I have part control and really I shouldn't have any.
Anyway I think I will try the email way as we both use our laptops a lot. |
Boomer
New member
Username: Boomer
Post Number: 15
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 09:02 pm: |
|
Atomicpuppy - I don't recall the details of my revelation to my wife, but early in of our relationship both of us were pretty open about our sexuality and I probably just told her how I felt. I actually had to teach her how to spank me and we viewed some shadowlane videos together which certainly helped. She got the knack and I had a fun time purchasing the appropriate lingerie and implements. You seem to have the advantage in that your wife seems predisposed to wanting to spank you. I suggest you just let your guard down the next opportunity and invite her to follow-through - she may be trying to tell you something as well. I empathize with the physical challenges you face as there are some physical impediments on our end as well which also affects the frequency. I too prefer OTK but have also laid across the bed and received the strap, paddle and rattan cane (and she can give a good lickin'). I've also collected far more implements than I've been spanked with. I should mention that I didn't think I fit the "mold" of a spankee, but took the time to explain to my wife that it was a craving I have always had and she was very accepting. Believe me, there are benefits for her as well. Like many of our kindred spirits out there, spanking is something that I think about daily and would probably enjoy receiving (and even giving) daily if it were in the cards. Maybe you could cut and paste some of the Den posts for your wife's reading pleasure. |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 195
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, November 13, 2008 - 12:23 pm: |
|
It took me ages to realise that I was into spanking and the fact that it was me who wanted spanking......
I've been hiding the implements for years though every now-and-then she finds one or two of them, but the penny doesn't really drop.
I did explain in a roundabout way. Maybe that's part of the problem, I haven't really shared my full ideas/dreams/fantasies/cravings. Gonna have to change that.
I think the biggest thing is like you said...I need to let my guard down.
I know what I want and how. (well at least to start with). So now I need to let her know / find out and actually go through with it properly.
Maybe getting her to read some Den posts would be a good idea? Thanks. |
Boomer
Spanko
Username: Boomer
Post Number: 21
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, November 13, 2008 - 10:14 pm: |
|
I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with her when the time is right - time's a waistin'. |
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 36
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 - 06:19 am: |
|
Hi Atomic,
I agree with Booomer. A good, honest, from the heart, talk can go a long way toward getting what you want. I did it that way and it worked out very well. It is also a good idea to point out the possible benefits that your wife may get out of it.
As you move forward, maybe we can help you find the right approach and words.
Best regards,
Ed |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 196
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 - 02:35 pm: |
|
Thanks Her Guy (and Boomer).
Looks like I need to take the bull by the horns.
Strange thing is even though I want it and I'm sure she would give it, I feel nervous.
Yet we have been together for 10 years.
Maybe that's excited nervous?
Just a thought that's occurred to me.......It's my Birthday next week 
Though anyother advice you guys/gals have would be appreciated. |
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 38
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 - 09:50 pm: |
|
Hi Atomic and Houjami,
Feeling nervous at first is quite normal and expected. My heart to heart talk with my wife lasted for days, and every time I talked about it, my mouth was dry as a bone and I did a lot of deep breathing. But I had to get through it.
First you have to decide exactly what it is you want. In my case, realism was the key. I had been play spanked for years before meeting my wife and while it was exciting, it always left me wanting something more that I couldn't define. As the desire got stronger, and the internet got more universal, I did some research and found that the DD arrangement was what I really wanted. Then it was just a matter of finding the words, and presenting them in such a way that she would realize the seriousness of my desires and that play spanking was a thing of the past. (Well, not all of it anyway. We still do some of that too).
So if play spanking is what you want, then birthdays are a good reason to start. Just tell her that you want a birthday spanking instead of a present, and how you want it to be.
I probably have more advice but need to know what you want, and how cooperative and open-minded she is.
Houjami,
My guess is that your husband wants a more realistic spanking, as I do. In that case he will be very embarassed asking for it. Probably the same for you. So may I suggest you find a reason of some kind, and give it to him unrequested. I would be very surprised if he didn't like it. And don't hold back. Most of us really want to get it good, even though we may protest. If you would like any further suggestions, I would be happy to help.
Best Regards,
Ed |
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 39
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 - 09:58 pm: |
|
Redroses,
I should add that the above may apply to your situation also. I'm not sure how safe it would be getting spanked during pregnancy, but it sounds like you are like the rest of us. We crave a good bottom blistering and don't quite know how to get it.
The only way I know is through serious, heart to heart talking. It has worked well for me. And that was after joking and playing with it for years trying to get her to "take the hint". Hinting never worked here.
If you need any suggestions for conversation material, I am always available.
Best regards,
Ed |
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 40
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008 - 10:22 pm: |
|
Redroses,
I should add that the above may apply to your situation also. I'm not sure how safe it would be getting spanked during pregnancy, but it sounds like you are like the rest of us. We crave a good bottom blistering and don't quite know how to get it.
The only way I know is through serious, heart to heart talking. It has worked well for me. And that was after joking and playing with it for years trying to get her to "take the hint". Hinting never worked here.
If you need any suggestions for conversation material, I am always available.
Best regards,
Ed |
|
Spanking Discussion Area