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Babyslilgirl_20
New member
Username: Babyslilgirl_20
Post Number: 1
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 02:08 pm: | 
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ill have to warn you this might be long
I have always been into spanking,
And strangly i think it was my man who got me into it yet hes not into it. Ever since we met its like he has this power over me, i hate when people tell me what to do but i LOVE it when he does. i do anything and everything i can to make him mad and want to spank me. But he never does. And i did just recently reveal to him how much i like it. He has done it a few times but somehow it NEVER turns out how i want it to. for example the first time he ever did it, im not sure what i did to deserve it but i do remember when he finished he said he felt bad about it. like he was really truly hurting me in a bad way. and he didnt want to do that to me. i try explaining to him that i like it and of course im going to scream and wiggle out of it. but he thinks that if i scream and try to get away then i must really not like it. he doesnt understand how i feel. and another example...this one is really bad. sometimes he does actually get really mad at me and i think he only tries to spank me because he knows i want it. but when he yells at me to "get over here now" or "bring me the brush" and i say no and just dont listen. he gets really angry, like we are fighting, then it does turn into a real fight. i mean he never tries to MAKE me 'go over there' he just sits there and wants me to go by myslef and when i say no he continues sitting there yelling at me. its not fun when that happens. only very few times have he had fun doing it. but he also doesnt understand when to do it and when not to. when im being sarcastic or in a bad mood, thats when i expect to get it but i dont. he comes up the most ridiculous excuses i have ever heard and its not very arousing to me its just dumb so i dont want to do it. so when i say no seriously i dont want it he says see you dont like it. its not that, i just want it for the right reasons you know what i mean? for discipline, for being bratty, for talking back.
but he just doesnt understand. what am i supposed to do? i love him more than anything but i dont think i can just forget about this, i need it, i want it, i have to have it. i just need a way to get it through to him. Hes been away for a week on business and will be for the next 2 weeks, so im hoping when he gets back, we can make up for lost time. Any advice?
(Message edited by fanny on May 25, 2006)
Have you had your spanking today?
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Ewsbmad
New member
Username: Ewsbmad
Post Number: 33
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 02:59 pm: |
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You may want to let him read some of the discussions on this site to see that there are many people that feel the way you do.
As for your closing 'Have you had your spanking today?"
Yes I did and also one last night. My wife is a great spanker |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2403
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 03:07 pm: |
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Baby, May I ask how much older this man is than you? You are very young and maybe he just is uncomfortable treating you like a bratty child. You also need to keep in mind that not everyone is into the spanking lifestyle. You can't expect anyone to change just because you want him to. Obviously, you have dropped a ton of hints and your attempts have resulted in what you refer to as real fights. I think there is an issue here that goes beyond the spanking.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Kennysspankee
Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 205
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 05:27 pm: |
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Baby, maybe you don't want REAL discipline only 'funishments' as Victoria W. calls them, role play. If that is so you have to tell him that. |
Sarah_aless
New member
Username: Sarah_aless
Post Number: 9
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 04:17 am: |
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Hi,
I think all the advice given above is very good. Regarding Fanny's post about there maybe being another issue I think that is something you should look closely at. If there is another issue that is causing things to turn into flat out fights then I think nothing will improve until you can deal with that.
If however the fights are happening because you are both coming at this from different angles and are each getting frustrated with the others approach then I'd offer different advice.
In the past when starting a new spanking relationship that didn't feel like it was going how I wanted it to (much in the way that you describe - not getting repsonses for out and out bratting and feeling that reasons for spanking were not doing it for me)I found that giving the other personstuff to read really helped. Personally I wrote a story myself of a possible spanking scenario between us and how it would go, what I would 'get it' for, what would and would not be tolerated. This worked really well. The next session we had he had picked up more than a few pointers from what I had written and the whole situation was much improved. If you don't feel that you could actually write it yourself though there are lots of spanking stories out there - find something that you think shows how you'd like things to go and let him read it.
I also think that Fanny is giving good advice about the fact that he just may not be into it, you do need to bear this in mind. However as he's been willing to try he may appreciate some guidance and pointers from stories or discussion sites like this.
Good luck with it - I hope things work out for you.
Sarah
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Cheekychipmunk
Junior Spanko
Username: Cheekychipmunk
Post Number: 65
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 02:04 pm: |
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Baby,
When I first mentioned spanking to my hubby, he didn't understand it. Finally after showing him stories from spanking sites like this one he began to understand. Hubby really hates to see me cry...so I have never been spanked enough to make me really cry. Squirm and attempt to get away yes, but not cry. He can't stand the thought of hurting me (good thing, cause at times I think I make him mad enough too). If you don't feel like you can explain to him by saying what you need and when you want it to happen, then do it by writing. If he has access to email while away, forward some stories to him or write your own and send to him. Sometimes when something is bothering me and I feel like I can't verbalize my feelings I write hubby a note. Yes, he would rather me talk to him but at times I can't.
I hope things work out for ya'll. Sometimes it just takes time for both sides to know what the other one wants.
Good Luck
"Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence."
Sloan Wilson
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Victoria_wood
Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 149
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 11:11 am: |
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I think everyone has given really good advice.
I don't think you should try to get him to spank you by making him mad. Maybe you and he should just try spanking without the context at first, so he can get used to doing it. And I think you need to be supportive of his efforts -- it's really scarey to Top someone if you are not used to it -- by going to him when he calls, as a contrite girl in need of spanking. Don't fight him because at this point he can only see that as mixed signals.
Also try setting up a safeword, so you can squirm and struggle and cry or whatever, and he'll know that you are really enjoying it b/c you are not using your safeword.
You need to reassure him that you want it and that there is no reason to feel badly afterwards. It's not violence if it's consensual. And you experience spanking differently than most people, as pleasurable not something to avoid.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 18
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 01, 2006 - 02:04 am: |
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I have learned this week,there is spanking and there is lifestyle,and there is a difference. I want to be allowed to be bratty,and kick or yell during a spanking,which dosn't mean I don't want it,I do.Expecting him to take control,exchange of power,not get upset because you moved and were not suppose to,or just to be avaible for excitement for them physically,leaving out Dom sub,power exchange. |
Nghtygirl
New member
Username: Nghtygirl
Post Number: 10
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 01, 2006 - 06:03 am: |
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Hi Baby -
I think Victoria's advice is really good. Don't expect him to fulfill your every fantasy right away. Have fun at first while he is getting comfortable with it, especially if you are frustrated after a spanking I am sure he is confused. Just like when you are in a new relationship there maybe things you enjoy but you would not do because the trust has not yet been built give him time to get comfortable with just spanking you and being able to gage your reactions before taking it further. And a safeword would be a great way for him to feel more comfortable that he is not really hurting you.
Have fun! |
Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 19
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 12:58 am: |
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I don't understand,when you agree to Dom,sub,or Master'ect,it is understood,no means yes,if the sub acts bratty,when he says come here,it should be an automatic kick in,go get her and spank her,the Domination is needed for what ever reason, would satisfy,the power exchange for both,she is just trying to tell him what she needs?When he just backs up,and says forget it all is lost,for both sides,and hurts both,living it now, |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 644
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 07:26 am: |
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Keep us posted on your progress Baby!! |
Victoria_wood
Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 166
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 02:15 pm: |
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Sissy,
"I don't understand,when you agree to Dom,sub,or Master'ect,it is understood,no means yes,if the sub acts bratty,when he says come here,it should be an automatic kick in,go get her and spank her,the Domination is needed for what ever reason, would satisfy,the power exchange for both,she is just trying to tell him what she needs?When he just backs up,and says forget it all is lost,for both sides,and hurts both,living it now,"
You are assuming that everyone has the same knowledge base and the same desires, and that is not true. For example, some people would say that when you agree to sub, you agree to obey. If you don't obey, you should not get what you want, i.e., a spanking, b/c that would be rewarding negative behavior. Instead you should be punished by being denied what you want.
So you can't just assume that every Top is on the same page as every bottom.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Babyslilgirl_20
New member
Username: Babyslilgirl_20
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 03, 2006 - 09:37 pm: |
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wow victoria that makes total sense. Thank you everyone you all are helping me alot.
Well hes still not home yet. 1 week to go, but i have printed out a couple of stories so maybe that will help. I guess we will see. Ill tell you what happens.
Have you had your spanking today?
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 493
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 - 06:11 pm: |
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Victoria - well said and I couldn't agree with you more. Guys, listen to VW: she's pretty spot on about things and has helped me with a lot, even if she doesn't know it.
The Princess of Spanking
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Cricket
New member
Username: Cricket
Post Number: 4
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 03:05 pm: |
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I agree that Victoria's advise is quite right here.
Baby, you also said that it seems like the things you want to get spanked for you don't, and what he spanks you for you don't agree are valid. Perhaps a part of your conversations with each other should include coming to an understanding of what is or isn't a spankable offense. Set clear expectations that you both agree to. It sounds like he is really trying to meet your needs, he just doesn't fully understand them then gets frustrated and confused when he thinks he's doing what you asked but it isn't right. Clear communication might really help. |
Babyslilgirl_20
New member
Username: Babyslilgirl_20
Post Number: 9
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 11:58 am: |
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Thanks guys, you all really helped. I showed him a few stories and he liked them. We went away for a week and....he's getting the hang of it 
Have you had your spanking today?
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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1180
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 01:20 pm: |
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Good for you!!
This Den is a good place to get him going. Keep showing him the stories and posts, he's gona be a bonafide spanko in no time!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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