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Tahitigirl
New member
Username: Tahitigirl
Post Number: 6
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 09:46 pm: | 
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I finally got the nerve to tell my husband that I wanted spankings to be a part of our life. At first he was apprehensive about hurting me, but when I showed him some of the posts here, and explained to him how I felt about it, he was willing. In fact, he seems to be very willing. I told him that I was feeling guilty for some things... (I just got back from a trip to Tahiti without him, have been moody and distant since my return,etc.) He seemed to really get it.
So what's the problem? A few smacks, then sexual touching, a few more whacks, and more sexual touching. Not a REAL spanking. I am trying not to tell him what to do, because that takes away from my submission, (which I really want to feel).
Tonight we tried again. This time, before the spanking, I explained to him that I am very independent, strong willed. I have to be in charge every day, all day. I WANT and NEED to turn that control over, I desperately want to feel that submission. I also told him, that I thought that if I felt that submission, it would be more erotic with the sex to follow. To have that connection.. that trust, that emotional release. (When I read the posts, or see pics on other sites, it gets a strong reaction from me). He agreed. Although, he spanked a bit harder... I just didn't feel anything. In fact, I felt a little silly. Well, a lot silly. I almost felt bored with it.
Then.. he REALLY got into the control thing... wanted sex like I was a whore.. (he is never like that before). Like he couldn't distinguish between the submission of the spanking.. and the loving after.
He has read the posts. I have explained to him clearly. But still..
Why would I feel so silly, get bored with it... when pics and discussions get a strong reaction from me? And, how do I somehow get through to him that just because I want to submit to him with spankings, does not mean I want to be treated like a whore in bed? It is like a totally different side to him is coming out...
Any advice would be very much appreciated. |
Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 238
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:02 pm: |
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Oh oh ... a fine Pickle
either the spanking arroused him more then he will let on or ....
Sit him down and tell him .. you want him to be Head of house hold ...like in the 1800 when the man ran the family ...and punished his wife for stepping out of line.. and then LOVELY held her and treated her like china becouse she was the finest tresure he had ...Do not let him treat you like a whore if you are uncomfortable with it ..stop him flat out...keep him respecting you.
hand him a wooden paddle brush or wooden spoon you will hurt a lil ... you felt silly becouse you crossed a boundry ...and emotionally its hard to do ..(at leaste thats how I felt at first)
Was it the act its self you were bored with ..or the spankings (him hitting you)
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Tahitigirl
New member
Username: Tahitigirl
Post Number: 7
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:30 pm: |
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I think I was bored with both. And, as for feeling anything even remotely erotic? I felt nothing. It just felt odd. I mean, I have WANTED this for a long time, but felt nothing. Just silly and bored.
I've always had to wear the pants in the family, but I just don't want to in the bedroom, and frankly, out of the bedroom either. He tried... but it just fell flat somehow. <sigh> |
Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 239
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:45 pm: |
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It could be explained as newbie fears ...
(I find after the fact when the rear is HOT and throbbing ..thats when the erotic kicks in for me ...)
I think the more you do it the less Silly you would feel ..its hard getting over that ..I am the Head of House Hold to please hunny can you take over ..while I get punished like a (Censered).
Just do not give up ..if you read others they had to work at it too ..for many different reasons ..and issues ..it does take time ...
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Obx_peach
New member
Username: Obx_peach
Post Number: 16
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 03:19 am: |
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I see you read my story , What I did was give him a new toy everyday and I would tease him and say "You don't like this " I don't want to make you do anything you are not happy with. I won't let you REALLY hurt me ." Set up a safe word, maybe he is afraid of hurting you this was a big issue with my DH.
As for the sex after it's been much better for us. I explained to DH that I will not do anything different and that the submission changes (somewhat) once the spanking stops . I don't feel confortable being told to "get on my knees " or called any names during sex. I love my husbamd but there are some acts I just don't prefer and I will not be made to do them. These are different for everyone. Side note my sister will not take off all of her clothes at one time .. she said I need a SECURITY blanket , I guess I'm a litthe like that too , I like to leave on my socks lol |
Victoria_wood
Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 227
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 06:30 am: |
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Hey Tahitigirl,
It's hard to get someone not into spanking (not a spankophile or who doesn't have the "fetish") to totally or immeidately understand.
This is what I would do. Collect a few implements, a wooden spoon, a wooden hairbrush, a wooden paddle, a leather strap, a leather paddle, stuff like that, and then have a session where you ask him to hit you hard with one or more of them.
Don't do the whole submissive thing at first. I wouldn't even go over the knee at first, as it might seem silly. Just bend over the bed. Then you and he can get accustomed to the act of spanking.
Definitely set up a safeword -- I use "red" for stop immediately and "yellow" for please lighten up -- and then he will know that you are OK as long as you don't say those words.
Then maybe you can ask for 50 full force swats on the bottom with the leather paddle and see how it goes. You can always safeword if it's too much. He'll get the hang of it.
As far as the sex goes, it seems you are unleashing something in him. You two should probably talk about what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. And it may change over time.
Finally, I'd do some reading about the topic.
Good luck. I was able to get my partner on board with the above strategy, and in fact have "created a monster" -- joking!!
And of course, I am sure that other people have different suggestions about what you should do. I'm just giving my opinion.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 240
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 12:27 pm: |
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you know Victoria makes great points and has good Ideas here ..try them ..
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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