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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1369
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 02:39 pm: | 
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I know we all have our limits to how comfortable we are with our spanking desires and those limits vary with every spanko. For me, since spanking is a sexual turn-on, I tend to keep it private despite being comfortable with having this kink. I can discuss it here with you and at home with Dan, but I'd never discuss it with non-spanko friends or any of my family members even if I thought they were a spanko. That's just too much information in my opinion.
I've noticed in other threads that people sometimes live their spanking lives out in the open among their friends and family. I'm curious how that works. I could never tell any of my sisters that Dan spanks me for any reason and I tell them just about everything else that goes on in my life.
I'm especially careful around health workers so I can avoid the dreaded "Do you feel safe in your home" question that they are compelled to ask these days. In some places, they are also compelled to report their suspicions. When I know a doctor's appointment is coming, I warn Dan to take it easy and not leave marks.
As for anyone else who knows me in the real world, I've spent too many years being the boss at work and a leader in so many aspects that I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to explain this. I also feel like it's not any of their business. I don't want to hear what goes on in their bedroom so I figure they don't want to hear what goes on in mine. It's between Dan and myself and that's the way I like it.
But that's just me.
If you're truly out in the real world, I have two questions. Who can you tell and how do you explain to people that you enjoy spanking and not have them call the authorities?
If you haven't told any non-spankos, what is your comfort zone of discussing this? Do you keep it soley to your partner and cyber space? If you don't have a partner or haven't told them, is it soley cyber?
This is a chance for you lurkers to join in. Hint, hint!  |
Ruinae8
New member
Username: Ruinae8
Post Number: 13
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 08:31 pm: |
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Well Bethie, you posed the question and asked for a response - I dont know if I am a lurker (not sure what is meant by that) but anyhow I cant help agreeing with you - how can you explain to a non spanko or any one else that does not have the same interest in spanking and allied "products"? Simply put - you cannot !(well atleast I cant!)- I can if I am involved with someone with the same interests but this is not what the thread is about.
All I can add to this topic is that I once met a lady that shared the same interest as meandwe ad most incredible time together - but I also had to be carefull about "marks" 'cos she suffered from migrains and every now and then would need to go to the clinic and be injected - needless to say (no pun intended!) this would cause a little angst!
Again I digress - Bethie you askthequestion -who can you tell and how do you explain to people that you enjoy spanking?
My answer is - I only talk about it to women that I have dated and have "sussed out" that they have an interest - be it a serious interest or just a curious one.
I would never go out of my way to try and convince anyone that I enjoy spanking someone or like to be spanked (I wouldnt even broach the subject) and if someone did ask me to explain why I enjoyed spanking I would never even attempt to explain 'cos a "spanko" would nevr ask a question like that "up front and in your face"
However, probably still not cut and dried - imagine you are with someone and you suggest a bit of "play" - and you go through with it - next morning you look at your "partner" and see visible marks -"you argue for whatever reason"- next thing said partner is off to the cops, photos are taken - - guess the rest!!!
The spanking/discipline scene has got to be on a trust level (for BOTH partners)
Next part of Bethie's poser - I have never discussed spanking with any non spankos and would feel extremely uncomfortable doing so with known non afficionados - in short I keep to partners and cyber -(must add that Spanking Den has been a revelation) have also been fortunate insofar talking to partners has not been a problem.
Take Care |
Tplayer
Spanko
Username: Tplayer
Post Number: 213
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 08:54 pm: |
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A couple of thoughts on this. First off, I have never discussed it openly with friends, although alot of my friends know I'm a bit kinky. I do have one friend that I suspect is a spanko, and I would love to get the nerve to ask her.
My thought of someone for whom it is not sexual would be it would be difficult to discuss it with anyone. But for you for whom it is sexual, I think it could be like any other aspect of your sex life that you are willing to discuss with someone. For instance, if you would be comfortable telling someone you like oral sex, I would think you could also tell them you like spanking as a part of sex.
But I really don't discuss my sex life in detail with anyone(besides little details), and so I think people would think I was just as kinky if I discussed say anal sex as they would if I discussed spanking.
All of this said, I would love to discuss my spanking kink with others, and have them think it was as cool as I do. I don't feel like I can, so I am really glad that I can go online and discuss it.
Long response with no real answer to your question!!!!!
It's all a matter of perspective
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Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 229
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 10:22 pm: |
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This being a place where the topic IS spanking as well as the "side dishes" that go hand in hand, I am comfortable here, talking with y'all. Here it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight here, into the club scene or in a monogamous relationship. That's beside the point.
The Den gives us a place to talk about the many facets of spanking, DD, bondage, and the myriad of side kinks we divulge, we share our feelings, and give each other validation that it's OK to feel this way. We also guide those who may not realize that there is a line between erotic and abuse, when its called for.
That is a GOOD thing. Everybody has personal issues, they wonder if others struggle with similar stuff, and finding validation is a big stress release. "I'm OK". It IS ok to seek validation on such a subject.
I'm comfortable discussing my preferences here, with people of a like mind because it IS the topic. I am similarly fine and dandy with the people who like other things having a place to share their likes and desires (barring illegal activity).
Having said that, I am turned off by people who have to wave whatever sexual flag they fly up and down main street (and the media) and try to become "liberated" or prove a point. I do not care what you do with your private parts but I really don't want to listen to you yap it up on mainstream media. It's tacky. So is discussing the composite of one's bowel movements.
I am perfectly comfortable with women nursing in public. Go figure. Some people think that's pornographic. It's all a matter of perception.
Short answer? Here with you guys my cyber-compatriots, and my (future) sexual partner, and possibly with a close friend IF the subject were ever to come up.
Broadcast to friends, family, work-mates and the general public? Not this week!
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1108
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 01, 2007 - 02:09 pm: |
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Hubby and I keep our spankings to ourselves. I (nor he) would be comfortable mentioning this to family, friends, co-workers...etc...
He and I can talk about everything (and we do!) -and I have a sister and close friend that I can talk to about sexual things ---- (but I keep the spanking lifestyle out of topic).
The Den is an AWESOME place to speak freely - and like Weasel, I am comfortable talking with anyone here about pretty much any topic. 
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Blushingbride
Junior Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 75
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 02, 2007 - 10:52 pm: |
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Generally hubby and I keep this to ourselves, although obviously I do discuss things here in the den. I love the fact that this is a place where we can go for advice, ideas, and just to vent feelings and opinions. I do feel completely comfortable discussing things here, but otherwise my cyber discussions are pretty limited. I read a couple blogs more or less regularly but don't feel comfortable posting replies to them. No idea why this seems comfortable but that doesn't. But then again it's no secret that I'm just weird. 
As for how open we are in the rest of our lives, we're not, but with one exception. I have one girlfriend that I've been close with since high school, and we've always talked about everything, including our sex lives. Hubby is aware of this habit of ours, and accepts it. A few monts back, while we were in one of our marathon discussions that covered the gambit of our experiences, it came up that we had started experimenting with spanking and that we were finding it a huge benefit to add to our lifestyle. She was surprised, but not alarmed by this, and wasn't in any way questioning my sanity or my safety. Butwe have had various conversations about our sex lives and various relationships for almost as long as weve known each other. As for any other friends or family, we would never have that sort of discussion, and it would be hugely awkward and embarrassing. |
Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1109
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 08:16 am: |
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geeezzz...I really should proof-read!! 
In my first sentence: I (nor he) would be comfortable mentioning this to family, friends, co-workers...etc...this should read would NOT be comfortable
silly me...........
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1110
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 08:19 am: |
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oh my.........I need to go back to English class!!
**I used the word nor......so my FIRST sentence was right!!
ok...enough from me
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1370
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 03:32 pm: |
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 Don't worry, Pinkcheeks, we all have those moments. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without that edit button!
I'll let y'all get back to the discussion now.  |
Monkeymomsc1
New member
Username: Monkeymomsc1
Post Number: 14
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 18, 2007 - 05:47 pm: |
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i have one girl friend that knows about our spanking, and everything else. she is my best friend. I did slip up at work to a co- worker. so now every time he sees me he asks if i got spanked since we last saw each other. my Mother knows our newest implement is missing.we are VERY close. she just asked what it was, and laughed til i thought she had lost her breath.
At the risk of highjacking i would appriciate feedback on how to deal with my oops to the coworker. he's not being judgemental, actually he says hubby is a lucky man, i know the reasons i like it. ive seen a difference in mr's sexual reaction since we started spanking. its all good! point is i can explain why we do it, like it, want it. i am close with this person. he's like a father-brother figure. help please. |
Monkeymomsc1
New member
Username: Monkeymomsc1
Post Number: 15
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 18, 2007 - 05:58 pm: |
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oh i forgot. i have my yearly gyno check up on friday. i dont know why i dont have the baby carriage anymore just the playpen. i have a couple of questions for him and one involves spanking "in the front". i guess i should be very careful how i word that question. hubby is not an abuser. dont want to get the police knocking on the door. hadnt thought of that. thanks bethie for the heads up. |
Tdom
New member
Username: Tdom
Post Number: 18
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 25, 2007 - 01:11 pm: |
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Monkeymomsc1, I'd suggest that you think a lot about discussing your private life and the spanking with a non-spanko in the work place as it may alter your relationship forever.
To stay on topic, I too, mentioned to a co-worker, that I was interested in spanking. This produced an initial shock as to how could I like something like that, followed by lots of questions about what it felt like, what did it do for me, how was it done, and so forth. Then came suggestions, offers to introduce me to someone who practiced spanking, cutsey comments about how I'd look with a red or stripped bottom; the list goes on and on. The point is that sharing my interest caused my friend to re-evaluate me and our relationship, and then to try to 'help' me. I eventually had to tell her that I was sorry I had mentioned it and to please drop it and don't talk to me on the subject any further. We still talk, but it is nowhere near as un-inhibited as it was before. I'm really sorry I did it. Maybe she never was the friend I thought she was, but I did like the way we interacted before I told her about my intrest.
Sorry Bethie, if I altered your topic.
me |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1617
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 25, 2007 - 04:02 pm: |
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Tdom, what you said developed from an on-topic conversation and I feel like it belongs in this discussion. Real-life experiences in this area are valuable and worth sharing. |
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