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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1689
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 28, 2007 - 05:02 am: | 
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Is it difficult for you to initiate a spanking session? Do you have any tried and true methods that work for you?
I'm asking because I get this question a lot and I'm never quite sure what to say. It's easy for me to get a spanking since I live with a serious spanko. My love is Dan aka Spankboss of Spanking Blog in case anyone didn't know. Spanks are as abundant as kisses around here. 
That's why I'd like to hear from some of you for more ideas than I have. After all, I can only speak for me and I'm a sub/bottom. Any side of this will be helpful.
I know if I'm in the mood for a serious spanking session, I just have to say so. I may not come right out and say I need a spanking (although I have before) but I'm not subtle either. I usually just say something like "I'd some of your attention tonight" or "Can we plan a fun date or play night?"
For special occasions that I know mean a spanking/lovemaking session will end the evening, I try to set the mood: a nice dinner, a little wine (not too much though!), a special movie, and I might even pick a few toys out of our toy box and arrange them for easy access. Sometimes I even pick out special lingerie. 
If I'm feeling cranky and just need some stress relief, I have to be direct in case he's worried I'm not receptive to a spanking. Honestly, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I just need to go to the gym and work it out.
But there are times when a spanking is just what I need to get me out of a funk. I have to ask for his help at that point. We've realized that is the best approach for us. I can't just stomp around and hope he gets the clue. Dan is aware that if I'm not receptive to a spanking, it could be the wrong move at that point. Going all spanko on me at that point just might piss me off and neither of us want that.
In case this surprises anyone since we're in a dom/sub relationship, being a sub doesn't mean my feelings are ignored or subjugated. Dan's the dominant in this relationship and being sensitive to my feelings are most important to him. He takes very good care of me and that's what being dominant means to him. He's always looking out for me. But it doesn't matter how good a dom he is, I'm still a woman and my moods can be a mystery to any mortal man. He'd rather err on the side of caution and just ask if I need a spanking. But he's a spanko so that's a natural question.
I know that even though I'm in a mood, I have to step past it and be reasonable long enough to ask for what I need. He'll usually ask what he can do but if not, I've found walking up to Dan and announcing "I'm grumpy; do something!" will do the trick.
It usually works anyway, sometimes I have to be a bit more direct. Dan's a spanko; not a mind reader, after all!
To be perfectly honest, sometimes I just have to say "Darn it all, I need a spanking!" That has yet to fail. Directness can be your friend, in life and especially in this lifestyle.
So what works for you? I know we're all different and no one has the "right" answer, but you never know if your approach might work for someone else. |
Blushingbride
Advanced Spanko
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 130
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 28, 2007 - 10:50 pm: |
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For me, how difficult it is, can depend on what sort of spanking I need. I tend to be most comfortable when I don't have to spell everything out verbally. So one thing is if I put on lingere, that is a signal to my hubby that I'm in the mood to play. And increasingly, that means a spanking.
Stress relief is much harder for me to ask for, and often I have trouble stepping past my mood to just say anything. I try to say something, but when I'm not able to, we also use a code. We have a small bell, that I tie to the door of the fridge. I know it's been seen by friends, and they just think it's for the cat to play with.
Or I have walked up and handed hubby a toy and said "I think you need this."
Life is short. Eat dessert first.
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Glory
New member
Username: Glory
Post Number: 19
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Monday, October 01, 2007 - 05:53 pm: |
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I have gotten an email from my husband asking for a spanking. A text message. Every now and then I will go into the bedroom to find the brush on my pillow or the paddle. I know it is hard for him sometimes to ask, but like everything else in a relationship...its about communication. |
Caridee
New member
Username: Caridee
Post Number: 12
Registered: 08-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, October 07, 2007 - 10:09 am: |
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Sometimes I just tell him I'm in a mood for a spanking. Often I just want to cry and I feel very good if being put over his knees while crying.
Other times when I'm in a playful mood I could tell him things like "I did something bad today. If I tell you what I did, Do you promise not to spank me....so hard?"
5 seconds later I'm over his knees with panties down at my knees. |
Curiousdevil
New member
Username: Curiousdevil
Post Number: 3
Registered: 10-2007
| | Posted on Monday, October 08, 2007 - 08:48 am: |
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I had a friend who had the perfect system: she'd place a note on the fridge in the morning, and in the evening it would be up to the boyfriend to spank her. She swore that 'pre-arranged' spankings worked the best. |
Clairebare
New member
Username: Clairebare
Post Number: 26
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Monday, October 08, 2007 - 03:00 pm: |
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I stick out my tongue, and then run. |
Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 47
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Monday, October 08, 2007 - 03:28 pm: |
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"I stick out my tongue, and then run."-LOL ClaireBear.
Haha I do that too as a flirtation. Usually the end result is quite delicious, but if I have recently been disrespectful or broken our agreements I may regret sticking out my tongue.
For my Husband and I, it really depends on the mood and my recent behavior. If I'm in the mood to play I make sure to dress on the sexy side and flirt shamelessly with Him using His favorite asset of mine-my butt. Sometimes I confide my recent erotic dreams. Usually by the end of the day, or at the first moment we have alone I'm over His knees in a second.
If I am receiving a maintenance spanking at His discretion, usually before bed I hear the words, "Kitten it is time for you to get over my knees." Simple as that.
As for the times where my Hubby or myself (or both) are busy & stressed I might have to hint a bit more to get a spanking. Rarely I'll come right out and say it. It makes me feel weak I guess, which I don't like. I hate asking directly for a spanking, but I think He rather likes me to beg and in the end I enjoy the surrender.
There are times I unconsciously act out. As many subs know, we can feel quite "out of control" and lost when going a long time between spankings. At these busy times just when I think He has forgotten our chosen lifestyle I end up very much regretting my acting out. And damn if He doesn't have an impeccable memory!
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
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Otk_brett
New member
Username: Otk_brett
Post Number: 5
Registered: 01-2008
| | Posted on Saturday, January 05, 2008 - 10:14 am: |
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Glory....I do the same. I will leave her a note or send a text message if I feel I need one. Communication is definitely important. |
Michelle
New member
Username: Michelle
Post Number: 2
Registered: 01-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 15, 2008 - 06:03 pm: |
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I write my spanking fiction during one week of the month (since I write so much other stuff, too) So all Hubby needs to know is that this is Spanking Week and I get all the spankings I need. But, I, too, have tried to figure out a way to get a spontaneous spanking without bratting because Hubby is not a spanko. If I'm a brat, he says to punish me he won't spank me! Arrrgghh! I like the note on the fridge idea. Normally, I just have to ask, which takes some of the fun out of it. But like Bethie, sometimes I am NOT into spanking (Menopause is totally screwing with my hormones and I can get EXTRA CRANKY now)and unfortunately, he is not a mind-reader. Maybe I'll ask him how to approach him for a spanking. That might work. I'll let you all know. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3390
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 02:58 pm: |
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I have discovered over the years that all I need to say is "I could use some help". He understands and we both feel better.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkangel
Spanko
Username: Pinkangel
Post Number: 48
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 - 08:31 pm: |
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I stick my tongue out and run as well...it works very well. Sometimes I don't even have to do that, he can tell by the look on my face if I need my bottom taken care of....... |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2481
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 - 12:03 pm: |
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I'm with Fanny on this....
All i have to say is that I'm in need of a little help and he gets it!! |
Tom6789ca
Spanko
Username: Tom6789ca
Post Number: 27
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, February 08, 2008 - 01:46 pm: |
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This is a very interesting thread because, as a top, I have heard more than one sub women say that they lose respect for men if they have to ask for a spanking. Somehow tops, and especially men, ARE expected to be mind-readers, which is a heavy load to bear. So, thanks for your posts, ladies! |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 2071
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 08, 2008 - 03:55 pm: |
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I just stand in front of him with my hands on my hips and give him a look.
He knows he's neglected me.
Paddle Faster!!!! I hear Banjos!!!
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